adoption

My friends were unable to have a baby and they decided to adopt. When they discovered that the process of adopting a new born was so long, cumbersome and expensive they looked into adopting an older child. In no time at all their home was one member larger. A little boy named Jerry was placed with them in foster care. Jerry’s mother was recently divorced, his father was no longer in the picture. Jerry was the oldest of several children and had gotten into a bit of trouble since the divorce. His mother was encouraged by social services to place Jerry with another family. They told her that he needed a lot more attention. They told her that he would be better off.

At first Jerry went back to his biological mother’s home every weekend to visit her and his siblings. But, as time went by the visits became less frequent, until they disappeared all together. At this point my friends enquired about adopting Jerry. He had lived with them for years, his biological mother no longer had any contact with him and they simply wanted to legally formalize their family. However, when Jerry’s biological mother was asked to sign the papers she freaked out. She immediately took Jerry back to her home and forbad any more contact with my friends. This was completely within her rights as she was the mother and had placed him in foster care voluntarily.

My friends were devastated and decided that they were not intended to be parents. They instead went about living their lives as a childless couple. They got together with several of their friends and planned a two week vacation. They all pitched in and rented a house boat on Lake Shasta. Two weeks of sailing, water skiing and sunbathing.

A new social worker was looking for an emergency placement for a little girl. She called my friends and begged them to take the little girl, just for a night. My friends were not sure. But, the social worker was in tears. She didn’t want this little girl to have to go to a state facility, even for one night. My friends agreed, one night.

The little girl arrived and she was a tiny thing, dirty blond hair (both in color and condition) ratty ill-fitting clothes and dark circles under her eyes. Introductions were made and the wife asked if the little girl was hungry, if she perhaps wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The six year old little girl not wanting to be a burden, but very hungry offered to make the sandwich for herself. My friends fell in love with that little girl, in that moment and told the social worker that she didn’t need to find another foster home they would keep her. My friend’s mother stayed with the little girl on their vacation and soon after their return they found the little girl’s big brother. He had been in one foster home after another for five years. The children were reunited and adopted. The day they signed the papers on the adoption my mom found out she was pregnant with my little brother, Jerry. I am that little girl.

That day, I first met my parents as a frightened little girl happened over 30 years ago. It took me all that time to see that day with clarity. I had viewed that day, plus the sum total of my childhood as tradgic instead of beautiful. I saw myself as rejected instead of embraced. Weird how you can be right and justified in your view of a situation but at the same time be completely wrong and missing the truth.