I thought that tarot card thing in the last post was freakishly correct. That sums me up with a tidy little bow. I am always falling in love with something or someone. Could be anything but I get all excited like a new love. Oh well, I may be a dork but I am LOVING life.
Lily woke up this morning around 5AM. Her usual time is 6AM. Last night she fell asleep around 5PM. I couldn't wake her up. She missed dinner and her bath. She really didn't eat as much this morning as I expected having missed dinner.
We normally spend 40 minutes getting ready. There is actually only about 10 or 15 minutes of getting ready and the rest of the time is spent meandering. Lily is not a rushing type of person. She gets crazy if we have to hurry. So, I get her up probably earlier than most parents and we have a silly time together in the morning.
Today we added an hour to our morning ritual that is already stretched out pretty far for what we have to accomplish. We ate two breakfasts. We read a book. We cut the box tops and glued them to a sheet. It was weird to have all that time together in the morning. Weird but nice.
I have to admit that I miss the girls during the day so much. It is still feeling like someone ripped off my left arm. A hole in my heart. I am such a baby. I love, having a job and doing volunteer work. I love how I spend my day. I enjoy the fact that our time together is spent in a routine and we don't fight or have very many discipline problems anymore.
It must be some instinctual Mama Bear thing. Because I love the way our life is set up right now. Lily is thriving in her school environment and we still have tons of time for just us. I now have more time for me and to make friends and accomplish things outside of cooking, cleaning, discipling, etc. But, that tug is sometimes painful still.
The funny thing is that while I volunteer at the school a lot, Lily doesn't like me to visit her. So I stay away from her class. I help in other classes and I help in ways that don't put me in contact with Lily. All of Lily's life she has been a not so very affectionate person. As a baby she wanted to be put down so she could see the world and figure out how to climb on top of my dinning room table etc. All her life hugs and kisses have been quick and cuddling has been rare. Now, she comes home from school and she lets me love her just a little bit more. I think she must miss me a bit too. She will willingly climb into my lap and just be. I have always been more affectionate than my children can stand. I think it is a good thing when they are the ones to say enough already mom.
Today the kindergarten is having the first field trip. I always went on all of Mandy's field trips. Lily doesn't want me to come, so I am not going to be there. Somehow that really hurts my feelings. I usually don't have my feelings hurt at all when she says, enough already mom. Even though I want to go, I am staying home. I am not even going to go and volunteer doing my normal Wednesday stuff at the school. I guess I am pouting. Maybe she will see all the other moms there and next time she will want to include me. Or maybe not. I think that for Lily school is something that is all hers and she likes it that way.
However, I am very lucky that Mandy is getting out of school early today and we are spending the morning together. She will most likely want to go to her room and nap. Hopefully she will want to eat lunch with me and go shopping. Kids!
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I Think I May Have A Screw Loose
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I saw my podiatrist yesterday. One part of my foot is still hurting (it's
been almost two months since the surgery). He thinks it may be one of the
screws ...
7 comments:
My parents raised us to be very independent. Then when I was about 17 my mom had this huge fight with me, about the fact that I was so independent and never need to rely on her for anything. It was hard for me to understand that feeling until I had my own kids. You know that they will be kids for such a short time and that you want to do things for them, and as a reward they tell you to leave them alone they can do it, they're not babies anymore. Aah the joy of kids. I guess what I'm trying to say it, it's good to have independent kids cause you know that they will have the confidence to go out into the world and succeed. No matter how hard it is for us as parents to have to stand on the edge looking in. The good thing is that they do still need us and when we get to have special rituals with them it makes them extra special. Good luck with the loosening of the "mommy strings" and enjoy your new found freedom.
It's such a fine line. You want them to both need you and be independent. Another contradiction when raising kids.
My younger son didn't want me around much either when I volunteered. And field trips were awful for him.
When I was Mandy's age I lived for the spare time to nap. Come to think of it, I still do.
I bet she opted for shopping! ?
THis is the natural progression of things.
I remember the first time that Elle said it would be fine if I didn't go on a field trip with her...I felt like cr*p. The second time was easier. Hang in there.
Such bitter sweet times. I don't look forward to that age, yet at the same time I know it's an inevitable part of growth.
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