Merry Christmas

Jeff and the girls have been off this week and it has been non-stop fun. This morning we woke up with a sick little girl and a thrown out back momma. Guess we will slow it down a bit. I am also trying to keep up with my job and Christmas. Sounds stressful but it really isn't. Plenty of hours in the day, it is all good.

Driving down the road to Mobile on Monday we got a phone call. We were on our way to tour the USS Alabama. The call was from Jeff's work. Remember how I told you that if a woman he works with gets pregnant he will be deployed? Well she got pregnant. However, the person on the phone said Jeff has to volunteer to go or they will send someone else. One person said Jeff is going whether he wants to or not, another says Jeff has to volunteer. Currently we are under the impression that he will not be going.

It is my understanding that speaking of troop movements, telling exactly when and where military members are going is frowned upon. The when is soon. The where is far away, use your imagination.

I pretty much had a panic attack in the car. And then it was over and he is not going. I am having trouble knowing what to feel. Jeff says that his time is currently scheduled to be this time next year. He also says that if he goes this time he will have to go next time too. I guess that makes up for sixteen years in the military with no deployments. I don't understand any of it at all.

I was a single mother for 10 years before I married Jeff. I know I am able to handle the family on my own for six months. This time I would also be financially secure as well. The problem is my mental well being. I am a different person with a husband. Jeff gives me the ability to let go of the stress and drama of life and just be. I am not sure I can do that without him. Somehow his presence keeps me even. Is life good or bad. If you look at all the crap in your life you feel like you life is all bad all the time and you never get a break. If you focus on all the good in your life all the time you feel like you have it pretty good. I don't naturally have the ability to see the good and ignore and not focus on the bad. I do better with a little redirection. See I am freaking out about the fact that Jeff might have had to go, but is most likely not going instead of thinking of Christmas. I need some chocolate.