Mandy's 18th Birthday

My sweet little baby turned 18 last week. We had a week long celebration. As luck would have it the Mardi Gras celebrations coincided perfectly with her birthday. The kids were on holiday from school Monday thru Wednesday. The universe was telling us to PARTY.

Mandy had some friends over on Tuesday. They brought all their video game stuff. We rented a volleyball net for the yard. I bought all the decoration that Mandy requested. I cooked all the food (sushi) Mandy requested. Other than that I took a backseat. Mandy decorated and greeted guests. As soon as all the food was done and out, Lily and I disappeared into the bedroom.

Lily was completely beside herself that Mandy's friends were not at all interested in Lily or anything she said or did. Poor girl. She spent the entire party trying to win over Mandy's friends, when I let her out of my room that is. She even invited many of Mandy's guests to her birthday party on July 14th as they were leaving. It cracked me up.

Lily and I were hiding in the bedroom. Watching cartoons and spilling chocolate milk all over the carpet. The party was scheduled to last from 12 until 5. At 5 we came out of the room and I started to clean up some of the empty food trays and empty glasses. The kids were outside playing volleyball. They hit the ball over the fence for the second time and they all went around the block to ask for the ball back. The behind us neighbor was not at home and as they all came back to the house many of them started to go home. We still had about 5 kids and they were playing video games. They had the rock star one, with drums, guitars, microphones. It was a game that a large group of people could play together.

The kids, Mandy included invited me to play with them. I said no a few times but they kept asking and finally I gave it a try. I had always wanted to play those games and I had so much fun. I never won at all not even close but I had a blast. It got to be 5:30 and none of the kids looked like they were leaving, I called Jeff and asked him to pick up some pizza on his way home. We fed them again. They all stayed until after 9. Jeff refused to play any of the games. What a poor sport. Can you imagine coming home from 12 hours of work, having to stop to get pizza and then having 6 teenage kids loudly playing video games in the living room. Poor Jeff. He and Lily hung out in the bedroom, me I was addicted to the games.

The kids were so nice. I have never in my life been included in one of Mandy's birthday parties. She not only invited me but she interacted with me as did all the kids. They made me feel really welcome and we all had a really fun time. They are really nice kids. They thanked me for the food, talked about their future plans, even asked for advice.

That day or maybe later something inside of me shifted. Mandy is an adult. I was able to keep her alive from birth to adulthood. Really nothing is changing at our house having arrived at this milestone. But, in a weird way it feels as if it has all changed. I am proud of myself, raising Mandy has been the single biggest accomplishment of my life. I feel that I did a good job, a great job. All that work, all that sacrifice and worry and the insurmountable vastness of it all - in the end we made it through with flying colors. Mandy is an amazing woman. She is the kindest person I have ever met, with more empathy than seems humanly possible, yet she manages to balance that with self esteem. She is able to feel compassion while putting herself first, giving without being depleted. She is one tough cookie that sweat heart. I thoroughly enjoy the role of parent of an adult, where I advise but ultimately I am no longer in control, I like the feeling of handing over the reins. I am a total control freak and I usually get frustrated when things are not just so, but less than a week into 18 I am liking being support staff and not the CEO of Mandy's life.

Of course she still doesn't know what she will do with her life, nursing is starting to seem like it will not be for her because of the blood and dying. Marine biology is seeming maybe not for her because of all the science. Even changing jobs this summer from the grocery store cashier job she hates to something full time that is less back breaking labor being spit on by customers and more sit at a desk and gossip type work - is feeling like too much for her to think about right now. I suggest she ignores. I think, well if she wants to cashier all summer, then that is what she will do. Last week her ambivalence was grating on my nerves something fierce, this week I am empathising with the whole she feels overwhelmed thing. Her dad is still completely frustrated with her, so at least she will be nagged by someone.

Life continues on even if it is always changing.

By the way friends, I am trying to raise some money for the American Cancer Society, I sent out emails to everyone in my address book, but if I somehow missed you... I am the team captain for a Relay for Life team called Pac Man (Parents Against Cancer -Man) the theme of our relay is the 80's. If you are interested in making a donation Click Here.