Day One of 190 (approx): New Year's Resolutions

Jeff is on his way, deployed for six months. It really hasn't sunk in yet.

I have been having a really hard time the last few months dealing with his impending departure. I am hoping that I will deal with the actual departure a little better. He hasn't been home much these past few months due to training and such. Whenever I missed him I would go there, and think about the fact that this is only just the beginning. How will I ever make it. I really am not usually such a wimp. I think that marriage has changed me.

I asked Jeff on the drive to the airport if he thought it was harder to be single and alone or married and alone. I was thinking that being single is harder because at least when you are married you know someone out there loves you and that you will be together again in due course. Jeff didn't agree he thinks that you get used to being single and being away from your family is harder. I don't know what do you think?

I was a single mother for nine years. I would always get mad at people whose husband was away on a business trip or what not and that person would proclaim themselves to be a single parent for the next week or month or whatever. I thought that was a bunch of crap. I mean you are married for heaven's sake you are not single. You have his paycheck, you live in a nice house, you don't have to date, you don't get looked down upon as a poor pathetic single mother. I think that being a married woman with my husband away is different than being a single mother. I am not entirely sure which is harder. I am still leaning toward being single, but I guess since this is day one of Jeff's deployment I may change my mind. I do love his paycheck, my lovely home, and the fact that people treat me with dignity and respect. But, people - "friends" tend to stay away when the husband is away. Isn't that weird? My phone rings all day usually but lately no one calls and when I call everyone is busy. Coincidence? I am thinking my company is not what it used to be.

I have a plan for this deployment. My plan is to go on a diet and exercise plan. My thinking is that I will have something to focus on while Jeff is away. I am thinking that having goals and earning accomplishments will give me a bit of happiness. I am thinking that eating properly and exercising will also help keep the sad funkiness away. Plus it would be really fun to be thinner and sexier when Jeff steps off the plane and we reunite in six short months. Too bad I have a killer flu bug that wont go away. It is in my chest, I get all wheezy and have a coughing fit when I check the mail. Imagine if I tried to jog. I guess I will start with stretches or something. I hope I kick this bug soon. Now I am feeling the beginnings of an ear infection too. whaa poor Marsha.

I was also going to try to blog more. To try to look at the good and write about it to feel a bit better about my life. It really helped me when I was in Japan and a stay at home mom with a terror of a little one. I am hoping that I can get back in the swing of things. I know it isn't really all that interesting to read someone who is trying to always look on the bright side. I am sure a bit of the bitch will slip here and there.

Today Lily and I went through some boxes of photos from before I had a digital camera. She has always wanted a "photo book of Lily" I am terrible and have years and years of pictures from our travels all over the world in a huge box. Some of them aren't even in envelopes anymore. We went through the box and found enough photos of Lily through the years to fill her new photo album. Now she has a photo book of herself. She is so happy. We looked at a lot of pictures of a lot of really good memories. It was very nice. We have a really good life. I noticed and pointed out to Lily how much she is loved, you can really see it in the pictures. She agreed. I especially pointed out in how many pictures her dad is holding her and carrying her and they are both looking so very happy together. That really made her smile.

I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and a great New Year. I look forward to reading all about your new year's resolutions too!