Do you borrow trouble?
I have noticed lately that I get very upset over other people's troubles. When I see a child missing I am as upset as if it were mine. Even fictional characters and their fictional troubles can cause me to become overwrought with panic and basic upsetidness. Today is made up word day, didn't you know?
While I do believe that my ability to empathies is one of my best qualities, I also believe that it is not doing me any good to borrow the troubles of others. I am in the process of trying to learn how to separate your problems from my problems. Just saying that makes me feel bad, like I am being selfish not feeling badly enough for you and your problems.
Seems I have a bit of work left to do. I have no idea what the reason for this crazy borrowing trouble comes from. A) I suppose it could be that I am familiar with this feeling of panic and while I don't have it in my daily life anymore, there is a sense of home in that feeling and I am drawn to it. or B) My self esteem is so bad I feel like I don't deserve to be happy if someone else is not.
I don't think it matters the why? Just the knowledge that it is not a good idea and trying to let it go. This is my pre-new years resolution to try to only get upset over actual real life problems that effect me and to learn how to empathies without taking on the sorrows of others.
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6 comments:
understandable. sometimes i think i emphasize so much that i am unable to function in my own life.
I think that is just normal. I tend to worry too much about things or situations I have no control over!!! I just love your blog!!! I am going to link you on my site!!!
I have to be careful not to dwell on certain things so that i don't get too upset. There isn't enough time in the day to feel bad about all the things there are to feel bad about and i CAN'T spend all the time feeling bad.
And i feel bad about that too.
I think this is a brilliant insight and a fine pre-new year's resolution. Misery does not necessarily need more company, you know?
Help! I was contacted by Laura Capello telling me you might be able to offer some guidance with my lost blog...
Can you?
I've already tried to email thur your email, and I'm resending partly to see if my blogger/google account is working.
Warmly,
Patrice
Marsha, I agree that it's great to decide to let go ... but do not minimize how important it is that you do already know why. Maybe you only know why at a surface level but, frankly, that's enough to help you begin to sort your thoughts.
... like this: "Oh this is an extreme reaction because I'm use to situations that demand an extreme response." or "Oh, this over-response is because I've been trained to feel bad just because someone else feels bad."
i firmly believe that our emotions are reflectors of patterns of thought. If you can continue to logically realize that your over-empathizing is because of past manipulations of your thoughts and behavior, you will develop new thought patterns and more the more appropriate responses you want.
mmm while you're at it, also think long and hard about how the person/event is not part of your life now and practice feeling relief and joy over that.
This is a very admirable thing you have chosen to do. It will take time but it does work. I can vouch for it personally :~)
see the joy
in your day
have fun
pamElise
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