sleepless in Misawa

I got all of about two hours of sleep last night. I stayed up late trying to catch up on homework, didn’t, catch up, but tried. Lily woke up and had to pee, then I let her sleep with us. I haven’t really done that much before, but she has become very difficult to put down and I was tired. Boy, was that a big mistake. She was like the Tasmanian Devil, rolling around kicking me everywhere. She never went back to sleep and neither did I. We then drove Mandy and Jeff to the tour bus. They are off on an adventure to Tokyo this week. Going to see Sumo Wrestling in person. It was the crack of dawn, a thick layer of wet snow covering everything. A gray dingy sky, the world appeared as if it were a black and white picture, very mesmerizing to me who has not slept. Now Lily is sleeping peacefully, and me, I laid in my bed for an hour and a half, my mind racing and no sleep. Boy will it suck when she wakes up all refreshed and I am still beat. I guess I will sleep well tonight.

For the last couple of weeks I have been going through a pretty bad spell. Do you have those days (weeks)? I am starting to feel like myself again. During that time, I would drift off in my mind to other times in my life when I was depressed. Remembering times of sorrow, times of humiliation, times of loss. I would feel all those moments again as if I was there, take on all that grief. Why do I do that? Today it seems silly, last week it was all I could think about. When I should have been focusing on my homework and all the work of moving. My mind would just drift off to sorrow.

I composed dozens of blog posts in my mind. Posts about how much I hate this or that, it was terrible. Luckily I didn’t ever write them, just in my head. Now I am cleaning out my head and working on looking at the life I have today, full of people who adore me and depend on me, so I better not let them down.