147/190 Getting There

Wow, hey...

I thought I would have time to blog while Jeff was away. Then I decided to pack our lives full of so much stuff that I wouldn't have time to miss Jeff. That was not a lot of fun. Every single day from first thing in the morning until the wee hours at night I have been busy. This leaves very little time for contemplation, reflection, creativity or whatever it is that drives me to want to blog. If I ever have to do it again, I think I am going to perhaps take a different approach to dealing with the deployment. But, I haven't fallen into a depression or stayed in bed all day, perhaps the busy thing worked.

Lily played t-ball. That was so much fun. However, she did cry after every game for one reason or another. I think it built character. I can see a big difference in her personality. Perhaps it was from t-ball or perhaps it was from getting older who knows. But, we successfully navigated her first sport. Next year is machine pitch softball and hopefully when daddy comes home the two of them can work on that together.

Mandy completed her first year of college with excellent grades and an induction into an honor society. Which I had to miss due to it being after Lily's bed time, which caused some friction. Mandy's car has also had quite a few trips to the shop. Character building for Mandy, right. I helped her out this last time when the bill was $1000. She had paid out over $300 just the week before. She went and paid for her summer semester and books out of her own money that same day so it will all even out in the end. I am approaching this she is an adult with a job who is going to pay for what with a teamwork kind of mentality. I guess there should be rules and boundaries but we end up just muddling through. I guess you could say that I am not ready for her to be completely independent and I am not sure if that is good for her showing my love or bad for her and holding her back and making it seem like I don't have faith in her.

I have been very busy with Lily's school's PTO this year. I took on a lot of responsibility and ended up feeling very disgruntled by the end of the year. I knew at the beginning of the year I shouldn't have made so many commitments but I did and I saw them through. Now people are very sarcastically calling me out for not making the same commitments next year. Most of those folks are themselves unwilling to make commitments themselves. If that makes any sense. I have been very angry about all this. I know that if Jeff was here I would have just laughed it off and said something back but I have been so furious at my so called friends for months that is has just been eating me alive. I just cannot believe the things that have been said to me by people who come to functions late or not at all. Me I kept my commitments and then clearly said I would not do it again. Instead of saying I would do stuff and then just not showing up. I guess I have found out who my friends are and who was being nice to me in order for me to do more work. Maybe someday I will write out the whole story but for now I will just say that I did not have a positive experience volunteering this year.

Jeff and I have actually gotten closer while he has been away. I think that sometimes in the day to day stuff that we take each other for granted or get annoyed with one another more than we feel that I can't live without you kind of way. I have been feeling that I can't live without you kind of way or remembering that feeling while he has been away. We also talk on skype and email and chat a lot. I realize that I need to work on being a little more present in my marriage. I realize that life isn't really about impressing stupid people. Life can be about having fun with the people I love. Everyone in my family is really a lot of fun to be around and I need to stop being a humbug and start being more of the life of the party kind of girl. That is my thoughts as my 41st birthday approaches. For one year I am going to try and really just enjoy my life. To love myself and my family and have fun.

Well that in a nutshell is what is up with me. What is up with you?