Complaining about Lily's allergies

Yesterday, I took Lily to her first ever birthday party (outside of the family). I have been avoiding them due to the cake issues. I have actually had nightmares, real nightmares. All the kids sit at the table and get a piece of cake. I tell Lily she can't have any cake due to her food allergies. She screams and all the moms tell me how evil I am not letting my baby have cake.

I spent the weekend trying to bake a cake without eggs or flour. The first one tasted great but was the texture of a gummy bear. The second one had a perfect cake texture but tasted like saw dust. I eventually got something decent, not great but decent and I brought a piece of cake to the party. When we got to the part where kids were getting cake, I slipped Lily's cake on a party plate and handed it to her. She did not notice the difference. She didn't eat it, but she didn't scream. She went about playing and having a great time. Poor girl thinks cake is gross.

It was a big hurdle for me, to let Lily go to a party. Doesn’t that sound weird? She had such a great time, I am so glad we went. I still haven't found the courage to do preschool or even a playgroup because they both have snacks. I just don't understand why a three hour long preschool or an hour long playgroup has to have a snack. I would have never even thought it was out of the ordinary if it were for Lily's allergies. I guess no one else thinks about those things either. I guess I could make a special treat for Lily, try to coordinate what I make for her with what will be served so she doesn't see the difference? Or I can just get her used to the idea that she eats differently? I am putting these decisions off for another year.

When I called to make Lily's doctor appointment for her three year old check up I was told they don't do well baby checks for three year olds. So I have to decide if I want to force the issue. I would like for Lily to have a check up. There really isn't a clear reason except that she has food allergies. I want to tell the doctor she still gets sick if she eats those foods. I am not really sure why, or what telling the doctor will accomplish. So far, we have been sent to Hawaii for extensive testing and they couldn't find the reason for her adverse reaction to eating those foods. They told me just don't give her the foods that make her sick. At every appointment there after I remind the doctor of her issues and they tell me she looks fine, just don’t feed her foods that make her sick. So, do I really need to go back and be told again not to feed her the foods that make her sick? On the other hand, shouldn’t her progress and growth be at least noted by the doctor? It is weird being in a military community, we get free health care, but we have to make a case for ourselves in order to get an appointment. Even if you do get an appointment and get to see the doctor you have to convince the doctor to take the time to give you their best efforts. More often than not people just dismiss you as abusing your free health care and they do their best to usher you out the door. I have found that the only way to get a doctor to listen to me is to bring Jeff. I took Lily to the doctor five times with her food allergies alone and was dismissed, I brought Jeff and we were sent to Hawaii. However, I have to convince Jeff that we need to see the doctor and that I am not over reacting. A part of me isn't sure, I mean what is the point?