Do you wipe the snot off of their faces?

I guess my big declaration that I would be blogging was a bit premature. Turns out there was a ton of stuff I still needed to get done around here. Who knew?

Yesterday, while I was wiping the snot from Miss Lily's nose for the 150th time. I made sure that every last trace of snot was gone from her face, even got a wipey(diaper wipe) to make sure I got every last trace of snot. Then I washed my hands thoroughly. Isn't this the most exciting post you have ever read? I haven't caught her cold yet, I leave for Mississippi in a week so I suppose that the germs are waiting for to get me while I travel. The point is the snot removal...

Back a few years ago when I first married Jeff, I found myself working at a daycare center in the pre-school (3-5 year old) room. I prided myself on my level of knowledge and work ethic at that center. We had a room full of very difficult children. There were 24 children and 2 adults in our classroom. One of the kids, his nose was runny just about everyday and his mother was always complaining that I didn't wipe his nose enough. I wiped it every five minutes, then washed my hands to not spread it to the other kids, but this just wasn't good enough for this mother. She could not bear to see her precious with a snotty dirty face.

To top it off this was the most difficult child in the class. If he wasn't getting a caregivers undivided attention at all times, he would become very disruptive. On the day I quit the center I remember looking around the table at lunch time and noticing that more than half of all the kids in the class had evidence of this disruptive behavior on their faces, including me. The evidence came in the form of bruises, which came usually from a kick to the head, at least in my case it did. Therefore the majority of my day had been spent caring for this boy, keeping him (not always successfully) away from the other kids, protecting my head, etc. Now his mother comes to pick him up and screams at me that there is a bit of dried snot on his "precious" little face. Drove me crazy those parents did.

As I said, I worked very hard at being the best caregiver I could be. I really bought into the Montessori teaching method of the preschool and I worked it to the best of my ability. As did all the other teachers. But, we just couldn't get this boy and a handful of other boys who would follow his lead, we couldn't get them to cooperate. As time went by I really did not enjoy the company of this little boy anymore, nor did I enjoy my job, and I quit.

I have been noticing that Lily's gymnastics teacher feels that way about Lily. She is good at her job, she does the best she can, but Lily is the bane of her existence. Last week she (the teacher) went off on Lily and it was for me the final straw. I don't pay all that money to have my child screamed at and humiliated, ya know? I feel for the teacher, Lily is hard. She isn't mean like that little boy, but she prefers giggling to sitting quietly, and she prefers running around to sitting quietly. There seems to be a whole lot of sitting quietly in this class. All the other children sit quietly, they do it so well. Not Lily, she loves to make her friends laugh and to laugh herself, she could care less about gymnastics, just wants to have a good time.

This has been coming on for awhile. I never said anything to the teacher and I realize in hindsight this was a mistake. At the time I felt bad that Lily is so hard for the teacher who seems like such a sweet girl and is trying so hard. I get pretty frustrated by Lily myself, sometimes. I felt bad that all the other little children sit quietly and listen while Lily is not interested at all in being compliant. No amount of screaming her name in loud and angry tones will rectify her desire to have fun. I should have been an advocate for Lily instead of feeling bad for the teacher. I need to get me some of that fearless grit that Lily has so much of and speak my mind. I believe that over the years I will have to have many chats with teachers and my job is not to feel for the teacher but to be Lily's strongest champion. To point out to the teacher she is so sweet and she just needs to be asked in a nice voice, yelling seems to make her more obstinate, and doesn't she (a three year old) deserve to be spoken to in an appropriate voice. I guess I will have to work on my methods and empathy for the teacher might help me in getting them to see my point. Maybe presents?

This all occurred the day before my first final. I was very stressed. I left gymnastics, screaming child in tow. She had been screamed at, given a time out during playtime, and didn't get her sticker. The whole thing was done with a lot of malice. For instance, when Lily was given a time out during playtime, all the other little children wanted to sit with their best friend Lily and instead the teacher started to play with different things and tell them how good they all are to try and make Lily's timeout more painful for her. Then at sticker time, she invited Lily to the sticker receiving area, gave everyone a sticker and then told Lily, No Sticker For You. Plus, all the screaming at her the entire hour. I feel so bad for not stopping it. I need to stop judging myself for having an ornery kid and start being Lily's biggest advocate.

Anyways, I went to talk to Jeff, I was very upset by the whole thing. And it is a situation that has been escalating for months. Jeff was in a meeting so I went home. On the way home I drove past the youth center, and I decided to stop and withdrawal Lily from gymnastics. I went in and tried to do this nicely, but they kept asking me questions, why, why, why? I started to cry and cry, (I am so embarrassed) it took me a 1/2 an hour and a bucket of tears, but I got it all explained and gave my two week notice. I have to pay for two more classes, can you believe that? I should show up and force that B*tch to be nice to my baby for two more weeks. Wouldn't that be fun? OH, yeah Lily is sick this week.

I now see the point of the mother whose brat I used to care for, why she was upset about the snot. I think it has to do with dignity. You can follow all the rules while caring for a child but still not give them their dignity. You really have to see a child as a person to care about the snot on their face.