I am trying to decide if we should eliminate rough housing from our daily diet until Lily gets over her current hitting phase. Looking for some input...
We rough house quite a bit at our house. We always have. Perhaps it is our way of showing affection. Lily knows the proper way to wrestle and fight, the way where you don't really hurt anyone, you pretend. We pretend to beat each other to a pulp. No one is hurt during the beat down. Except that one time my arms were pinned to my side and I was pushed off the bed onto the ceramic tile floor and I sustained a really bad head ache. But, that was Jeff not Lily. And an accident or so I am told.
The problem is that Lily is hitting while not wrestling. She has chosen this method of venting her anger and frustration at life in general. Lily gets frustrated a lot. Especially with me. For instance I tend to say, "shoes and socks". As in, "please put on your shoes and socks." Lily feels that since one puts on her socks first, the phrase ought to be, "socks and shoes." I am supposed to remember that and when I forget she has a melt down. Melt downs include hitting of either herself or me. Good thing she hits nicely like we do in wrestling or we would be quite bruised.
Lily has always been difficult to convince to change her behavior. We have found ways to convince her but it takes time. We use a combination of punishment and reward to change bad behaviors. She has a history of taking an extraordinarily long time to change a bad behavior. But, she does eventually relent and then she doesn't regress. It took me 3 months before she could even walk to get her to stop climbing on top of the tables. It took me 6 months of walking to the playground everyday to teach her not to run into the street. All kinds of examples, eating at the table, using silverware, potty training, picking up her toys, so many battles. It all used to make me so mad. I used to lose my temper with Lily a lot. The last couple of months I have been getting better. Losing my temper doesn't help any. She is a good kid, I adore her just the way she is.
So we are working on not hitting when she is frustrated. It is not going so well. That is to be expected, she is Lily. Still I wonder if we completely eliminate all hitting and rough housing from our day to day life if that might help her to get over her inappropriate hitting sooner. Or if the rough housing is separate and a good way for her to have a great time interacting with her Mom, Dad and sister. What do you all think? Do you rough house? Do your kids hit?
Some of my other posts about my difficulties raising Lily:
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I Think I May Have A Screw Loose
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8 comments:
yes, rough housing can cause hitting. so can spankings.
basically, it's the thought that if you get hit/get pushed around then it's okay for your to hit others and push them around.
little minds.
At her age, yes. But, if you continue to teach her that it's wrong, you'll be okay. Our son used to end up hitting as a result of wrestling matches with his dad. It took a good 12 months of work (we wouldn't tickle, wrestle, play rough if he ended up hitting) but he ended up getting over it. That's not to say he doesn't still want to haul off and hit his sister, but that's more of a sibling rivalry thing, I think.
It can get out of hand but do you cut it out all together? I don't know but one son once gave dad a black eye during a bout. I wonder if a good game of tag might release some of the same energy without escalating.
I think rough housing can cause hitting...it would be so easy for a little one to lose control and hit. I agree with capello.
I had girls; we just didn't wrestle, etc. It's a different story with boys, I think, it seems natural for them to wrestle. I'm looking forward to the differences with my first grandson!
Hey, I had to come back here and say, your gal really pulled it out. When I'm wrong, I'm wrong. Way to go Hillary! Don't tell Barack, but I'm kinda rootin' for her...
I think hitting is a phase. We had a LOT of rough-housing when DS was little. He went through a hitting phase, but it worked its way through and he stopped eventually. I think rough-housing is a good way to get out aggression, personally. I'm not sure that one has anything to do with the other.
You can't expect her not to hit if everyone continues to hit. It is possible to wrestle playfully without hitting.
How old is Lily again?
We've never rough-housed, so I don't feel I have any thing worth while to say here.
All I know is that I have a lot of friends with little ones who bite and hit and kick even though their parents don't. One girl is my best friend and I remember going to the park with her son was a nightmare because he would bite any other child that came near him on the playground. Another boy tried repeatedly to hit and step on my daughter when she was a baby. Those kids outgrew those behaviors.
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