Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Cell Phone Wars

Raising a kid on a military installation overseas has its advantages. While I am glad to be back in America there is an adjustment period going on. The best way to describe living in another country on a military base is like living in a small town in the 1950's. While we had access to the Internet and DVDs etc, there wasn't a lot of access to much of the American culture. Good or bad, we were far removed from America.

Our family had no cell phone for instance. We didn't really need a cell phone, every building on the base had a phone and they were all free. We didn't have to worry about letting our kids play outside unsupervised. The streets were crawling with unsupervised kids.

Most of the Americans who live overseas with the military do not learn the language. We know that we are only going to be in that country for a short time. Learning a language is hard. And we all have serious entitlement issues. Not knowing the local language in some ways isolates us all to the other Americans living there on the military installation with us. We are all far away from everyone we have ever known in our entire lives, all there are only so many other people who speak the same language as you. So you get to know your neighbor, your co-workers, everyone you encounter, you get to know them.

Moving back to America, the people here don't really need me. They all have their families. They all have friends. They have ties to this community and unlike living overseas I am an outsider. Isn't that weird. Living back in America I am more of an outsider than I was living in other countries?

Since we don't know anyone, when we got here we were wondering why in the world we would need, a phone line, and three cell phones. We did get two cell phones and thought that would be more than sufficient. Who are we going to call? Who is going to call us? Jeff hates cell phones. Therefore, Mandy usually carried one and I carried the other. Mandy would call and tell me to pick her up, to drop her off etc.

Mandy entered all her friend's phone numbers into the phone she used. She called it her phone. Jeff was upset, because he felt like it was his phone. He paid for it. But, he doesn't want to use it. As time goes by things change. We are making friends, we are getting calls, and Jeff needs a phone because of work. Poor guy.

What to do? Take away Mandy's phone that was never hers in the first place? What about if she needs to call me? Or if I need to call her? As her chafer we tend to need to keep in contact. Since Mandy has a JOB and earns money we decided to make her pay for the phone and get another one for Jeff. Mandy agreed, and we even got her unlimited text messaging on her phone. She has agreed to pay the cost of up keeping that phone, the monthly fee for that phone. So our little girl has her own cell phone. I never thought I would see the day.

I know that sound very quaint, every sixteen year old girl in America has her own cell phone, but we are still adjusting to being back in America. So it took us awhile. Here is the problem. There was a set up fee for the new phone, about 40 dollars, and I forgot to tell Mandy about all the user fees and taxes on the phone. The price I quoted to her was less than the actual price and I never mentioned the set up fee. Jeff things she should have to pay both the set up fee and the extra costs. That this is a life lesson, when the cell phone company says 9.99 per month plus 7.99 per month for unlimited text messaging, what they really mean is 40 dollars up front and 25 per month after all the extra charges. I think that Mandy is paying enough. I feel like I lied if I go back to her and tell her, it is actually going to cost... when I said it would cost... I am not the real world I am her mom and I don't feel comfortable being deceptive. What do you all think? Isn't it enough that she has to pay out monthly for her right to use a cell phone? Do I really need to get all technical on her? Not that I will listen to you or Jeff, just wondering.

Mandy is such a superstar. She did great at volleyball. Poor girl has a back to school cold. Every day she is out until at least 9PM due to volleyball and her job. Did I mention she is president of the Japanese club and after playing volleyball until 9PM she had to make fliers for tomorrows club fair at school. She is so busy and doing so well, I really want to reward her, but I also don't want her to leave home with too much entitlement. It is a fine line, or is it just me?

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

I would leave the phone situation as it is because basically it all falls into Jeffs lap since he did not want to use the phone in the first place and Mandy is using it and needs it for practical reasons. However, I would show her the difference and tell her as long as she continues on the great track record of being a good kid and good student, then the rate will stay the same, but if she goofs up, she will become responsible for the entire amount plus owe you the 40 bucks for the set up fee. I think you should listen to me! I am always right!
As for your talk about living overseas and bonding with other Americans, you said it perfectly, we are not needed here like we were over there. It is sad that we do not make those kind of relationships, like we made overseas, but what is sadder is that so many people have missed out on having such a relationship with other people. Let us know what you decide to do on the cell phone situation. By the way you have been tagged...go see my site and see what it is all about!

meno said...

I would tell her about the extra charges, just so she knows, and then i would pay them for her.

That way she knows what it really costs, and you get to do her a little favor.

But when/if she gets a new cell phone, and she will, it's all hers.

sari said...

I agree with Meno - since you researched it and missed that, I would pay it if I were you.

If she had done all the researching on the phone and neglected to tell you all about that, that is different.

And I understand about wanting to reward her for doing well. If she is using the phone and paying the charges you set up for her, than that is fine. If not, the phone goes back to you.

But it's easy for me to say, my oldest is only 9 and no way getting a phone yet! ha ha

I will also say that many people feel like they just don't fit in, even always living here. I think now that my kids are in school, I've actually found more friends than I've had in twenty years. It's hard to get out and meet people and forge friendships. You're not alone!

Kathy said...

I would agree with Jeff IF Mandy knew about all those setup fees up front but she didn't. So I'd leave as it is and pay the extra fees myself.

Lorelei said...

I think you should tell her what the actual cost is and tell her that since she didn't know, you aren't going to hold her responsible for the extra charges, but that if she *wants* to help a little bit to split the costs or something that would be nice (but not required). You weren't being deceptive in the first place because you didn't know the full costs. It wasn't like you knew and then just didn't tell her.

Lynn said...

Like Meno, I would tell her about the extra charges and then just pay them for her. Will she still be able to work once school starts? If not, how will she pay the monthly access fee for her phone?

As far as feeling 'disconnected' here, is it because you lived on the base in Japan while here you live off base? I'm thinking that with time, you will feel more of a connection.

Marshamlow said...

Kimberly: LOL, all Jeff's fault. I like that. I also believe that living overseas is great for the marriage too, made us best friends. Thanks for the advice.

Meno: Your right I will tell her about it.

Sari: I agree with Meno too. I am thinking she should have been the one to research the phone. Having kids in school is great for making friends in your community, I agree.

Katya: It is my fault, I forget about all the hidden charges.

Lorelei: Your right I need to tell her.

Lynn: Mandy started back to school at the beginning of Aug. She is currently going to school all day and after school she has volleyball practices and games, Japanese club and a job. She had to make arrangements with her work to only work weekends during volleyball season. So she does have an income, although it is a bit less now than it was before school started. I know it is a lot. I am hoping she is learning how to balance many things and not just burning herself out. We shall see.

sari said...

How would any of those companies survive without the "hidden charges"?

Stupid hidden charges.

luckyzmom said...

Sounds like you have it all worked out. Mandy sounds like a great kid who deserves the small reward of the "hidden charges".

You beautifully described what it is like living overseas in the military, and sadly what it is like returning stateside. It is even worse when you retire and enter civilian life.

mamadaisy said...

keeping legos out of my toddler's mouth is so much easier than all this...

i have no good advice, but i wish you luck.

Anonymous said...

It is a fine line, to be sure. And I imagine an even harder one to identify given that you've been outside of this particular culture for so long. But I have no doubt you all will find your way and figure it out before you know it.