Permit

Yesterday I spent four hours in the car driving my kids to their various activities. It is driving me crazy. This is the last week of swim lessons and the last week of Mandy's summer vacation. Things may slow down a bit soon.

Mandy got her driving permit, finally. Jeff and Mandy have been working all summer toward getting her a permit. He says that he did all the ground work, but I ended up having to take Mandy to get her permit.

Mandy, Lily, and I arrived at the DMV first thing in the morning. We acquired number 45, there is only enough space for 5 people to stand in line. Everyone else is instructed (screamed at) to wait in the waiting room (capacity of 20 people tops) or go outside. We went for a drive. Browsed the local Lowes. When we returned they were on number 39.

We found a seat in the waiting room and Lily and I began to read Richard Scary's Cars and Trucks and Things That Go. This particular book first belonged to my little brother, then to Mandy and now to Lily, it is a very raggedy book, well loved. They finally called our number and we were then to stand in the line, the line that only allows for five people.

I got screamed at because I was there to change my Indiana license to a Mississippi license and we only had one number. In fact I was screamed at about this about 6 times. But, I was able to get my Mississippi license and Mandy was able to get her permit. And Lily was a complete angel the entire 3 hours. Yeah, Lily!

Mandy has not been very cooperative about getting her permit, says she doesn't want to drive. She has not been cooperative about getting a job. She has not been cooperative about going out for the volleyball team. My interaction with Mandy this summer has been difficult to say the least. I often am waiting for 5, 10, or even 15 minutes in the car, waiting for her to come out of the house to go to work, or volleyball. All we seem to do is fight.

I am not one of those women who wants to buy beer for her kid so she will like me, but I wish she would like me. I have worked for 16 years to give this child a good life, and she acts like being in the same room with me causes her skin to crawl. She makes me so mad. But, getting her permit seems to have moved things in a better direction. She is very proud and happy to have her permit. She has been driving around the neighborhood, getting a feel for things.

The other day we were driving, me driving, to volleyball and Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen came on the radio and we sang together. It was so lovely. I know this post is disjointed and my point is lost even to me. Spending the summer with Mandy has been a roller coaster of emotions and keeping her on the path I think she needs to be on has been one of the most difficult things of my life. It is hard not to back down and just let her be, let her make her own choices and have some peace. But, her choices are wrong and she needs to learn to drive, have a job, and interact with others.

I keep hoping that by the time Lily is this age I will be too old to get this frustrated. But, on the other hand, Mandy is the best kid ever. She doesn't get into trouble or do drugs or sneak out or any of those things that other teen moms are so worried about. She just wants to be left alone so she can read.