I just checked our credit scores, mine is 6 points ahead of Jeff. I don't earn any money, haven't in years. Credit scores are curious. But, we both scored excellent with higher scores than 98.2% of the country. See you should listen to my money advise.
I just finished the federal taxes, not fun. My head is spinning. I still have to do state. Yucky. I keep telling Jeff we should pay someone to do this. Does anyone else do their own taxes?
The other day, Jeff and a co-worker were discussing having strong willed children.
The co-worker asked which parent Lily's willfulness comes from Jeff or me.
Jeff said both of us are very strong willed and Lily must have gotten a double dose.
The co-worker remarked that Jeff and I must have some knock down drag out fights, being that we are both strong willed.
Jeff responded, not really. We don't really fight.
I thought that was curious, Jeff and I really don't fight. Even though we are both incredibly stubborn. I think we are stubborn but not controlling. For the most part I think we accept one another for who we are and that is that. We don't really agree on a whole lot. We don't like the same tv shows, movies, or books. We don't want to go on vacation to the same location. He got his way, we are going to Disney World. We certainly don't agree on politics. He is dumb and votes based on the media induced perception he has on a candidate, oh no, I forgot, he doesn't vote. He is willing to die for his country but not willing to vote. They are all corrupt and it doesn't make any difference he says. Drives me crazy, but we don't fight about it.
We are however having a huge fight. It has been quietly going on for months. You see Jeff invited his best friend to stay with us and said friend drives me crazy. Jeff believes I should tell said friend why I am upset, I believe this is Jeff's responsibility. So no one tells friend he is a disrespectful jerk of a house guest and I am furious every moment he is in our home. I take it out on Jeff by criticizing everything he says and does. Jeff says nothing because he, "feels bad that I am upset". This is how I have spent every weekend for months. I have a knot in my stomach and I am so very mean to my entire family. But, never to the friend.
This weekend I just hid in my room and tried to avoid contact. The friend noticed and asked Jeff if I was upset with him for some reason. Jeff said, "I don't know." So the friend cut his weekend visit short and I am supposed to decide what to do.
I guess I could give him a list of my grievances and explain that if he wants to be a guest in my home he needs to be more respectful. But, then I would still spend every weekend for the next few months being upset in my own home. The only time I get to spend with my husband I have a knot in my stomach and just want to punch someone. I don't know that I am a big enough person to just let it all drop, forgive and move on. Have you ever just hated someone? And not wanted to make amends?
I could tell Jeff that he is no longer welcome here. But, the guilt. I don't think I have cried this much since I was in high school I just don't know how to get over it. But, I don't want to tell my husband's best friend he is no longer welcome at our house. I am not allowed to write about this on my blog, because Jeff reads it and gives it out to all his friends and family. But, oh well, he is already mad at me, even though he says he isn't. If that makes any sense at all.
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I Think I May Have A Screw Loose
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I saw my podiatrist yesterday. One part of my foot is still hurting (it's
been almost two months since the surgery). He thinks it may be one of the
screws ...
9 comments:
Wow! What a bombshell to drop on us. You have done a great job hiding your true feelings about this issue on your blog. Since none of us have very many examples as to why you are upset with him, it may be hard to give you our opinions (if that's even what you want!). Even though he's here for an admirable reason, if his being there makes you uncomfortable it is YOUR house afterall and I think this is Jeff's responsibility, as his friend, to ask him to find a different place to stay. It shouldn't be your responsibility.
Obviously whatever is bothering you is enough that it now is affecting the way you treat others. That means it is time for you AND JEFF to have a civil discussion with your house guest. He has been there long enough that he feels he is fine, because nothing has been said. It is time to have a "talk". Be prepared and make a list of what you want to talk about. He is like a tenant, so treat him that way. Your the landlord. Shame on Jeff for not saying anything when he had a great opportunity to do so. I was going to say stuff about what you started writing about at first, but I have forgotten what I wanted to say since I got so worked up over this! LOL. Talk or at least share with us what it is that is bothering you. Maybe we can help???
Oh boy, what a mess.
Kimberly is right, you and Jeff need to do this together, after you agree on what you are going to tell the houseguest.
Although no one should remain a guest after being at your house this long, he should be a contributing cooperative member of the family.
Girl, having a house guest that long would drive me crazy, even if I liked him! The fact that he's taking advantage of you burns me up. Does Jeff really understand how strongly you feel? Does he read this? If so, now he does! :-)
Hey, I tagged you over at my place. Let me know if you play along!
I think that you need to let the house guest know what it is that he does...or doesn't do...that bothers you. Otherwise you will just continue to be more and more upset, and eventually it will make you sick. If you and Jeff could do this together in a calm way, I think that would be best. If Jeff won't do it with you, then you are going to have to do it yourself...just remember to be calm.
oy vey! i have lots of stuff i can't write about on my blog either -- it's stressful not to have a place to vent!
i agree with the others, you have to talk to him about it and jeff needs to participate in the discussion. the two of you need to be a united front. make a list of what bothers you and how it needs to change if he is going to continue to stay at your house. it is YOUR house, too, so you need to speak up when things are bothering you. you don't deserve an ulcer, and your husband deserves to visit with his best friend. i'm sure you'll find a way to compromise.
Oh, I really don't know what to say. I can be like poison sometimes in the comments section. My thought is that this arrangement is placing undo strain upon your family life. And it is time to talk to your husband and together talk to Jeff's friend. I found out the hard way that regrets, even the smallest, can wound. Big hugs to you.
Lorelei: I think I have mentioned this a few times, like when he wrote an email to everyone saying Jeff does not know Jesus, or when I mentioned that he does not advise us of his comings and goings or even when he plans to invite people to our home from out of town for the weekend. And I wrote about how he came down to build houses for people who were effected by Katrina, but upon arriving he has decided they are all crooks and he finds it difficult to find people deserving of his help. I wish he wouldn't have given us his help when he told us he knew how to fix brakes but didn't and my brakes went out on me on a busy road. Or when he just decided to add heat and a/c to our garage, didn't tell us we found out when we heard a chain saw in our garage and went out there to investigate. Now I have a heated and cooled garage and a double electric bill, joy. He comes here only for weekends, because he doesn't care for the other people he is staying with and likes having a place to get away.
Kimberly: Jeff feels that my feelings toward his friend are very personal. While I can give you dozens of reasons he bothers me Jeff feels that if I didn't dislike him those things would not bother me, and the fact that I do dislike him means that everything bothers me. I don't know if I am able to sit down and discuss this without being mean and it becoming a personal attack. Jeff feels that this all stems from his friends email saying that Jeff doesn't know Jesus and that his, I am better than you, attitude rubs me the wrong way. Jeff is upset that this made me so mad and feels that he should have never told me. Now Jeff feels like he can't tell me things because I get too upset. If I wasn't so upset I might think it funny that he comes to my heathen house to escape the Christian family he stays with during the week because they fight all the time. I feel judged every moment he is in my home. And that is especially hard during this time of Lily's defiance.
Meno: I am not especially fond of his method of contribution. I think the majority of the problem for me was the fact that Jeff was not listening to me. He knew I was upset for months and he didn't know what to do about it and he would say things like, I am sorry you are upset. Now that we have had a chance to air this out between the two of us I do feel better, or maybe I just feel better because the house guest is not here during the week. I am upset with him for being judgmental of my husband and the victims of Katrina, on the other hand I am being quite judgmental of him and his over the top conservative religious opinions. I know this but somehow cannot stop. I guess in a way if I kick him out I let him and his kind win.
Sniz, I don't think men truly understand how a woman feels about her home. I do think he understands my level of frustration now and yes he reads my blog. Thanks for the tag, I need to catch up on my memes.
Lynn, I know that you all gave me this great advice but...It is a hard thing you are advising me to do. Even if I were to give him a list of my grievances, I think I would still be upset because he hurt my husband's feelings. Jeff and his friend both grew up southern baptist. Jeff no longer goes to church for a variety of reasons. After having traveled the world and living amongst people of all faiths Jeff and I feel that it is impossible to believe the only people who are going to heaven or who are right are southern baptists. We believe it is the content of ones heart and not the specifics of their style of worship that is important. After explaining this to his friend who criticizes Jeff for not going to church, his friend wrote an email telling all his friends and family that Jeff doesn't know Jesus and that he would work on changing that. Of course his friend believes that the man of the house and his opinion are the only ones who count. How can I sit down at the kitchen table and say, I just hate everything you stand for in this world and don't wish to have your type of hate in my home.
Mamadaisy: thanks I hope so.
Laura: I always appreciate your advice and NEVER feel like you are toxic to comments. I appreciate that you are in a different place than me and you bring me back out of the moment and into the lifetime scope of things. I don't want to take away my husband's best friend. If Jeff can live with the fact that his friend is who he is, perhaps I need to learn to let it go for the good of our marriage. I know I am being petty and mean. I have all this righteous indignation but really I am only hurting myself. Thank you Laura.
Hey girl! I am just catching up on my favorite blogs and I was reading your posts. Boy, do I ever know how you feel about "not allowed to say certain things on your blog" because my husband constantly reads mine and critiques/criticizes everything he doesn't like on there. I have so much I want to say sometimes and I can't. I finally went and created another blog (under a false name!! LOL) without pictures or anything just so I can have a place to vent! Isn't that crazy?!
Anyway, back to your issue...I think you definitely need to have a talk with the house guest if your husband won't. Things like this left unresolved will only continue to fester and blow up eventually.
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