I recently decided that it might be a good idea for me to begin working again sooner rather than later. I took stock of the jobs I am qualified to perform and this really depressed me. Not having worked in a very long time and not having finished my degree, there really isn't a lot job options available to me. I am also the primary care giver of Lily and Mandy and any job I find I will have to find care for Lily and transportation for Mandy. I did apply for a few freelance jobs and a few local jobs. Then no one wanted me, not even for the peon jobs that I applied for.
Jeff talks non-stop about the fact that as soon as Lily starts school, I am going back to work and we will have more money. He is counting the days. I feel like such a failure, because, other than lunch lady (Jeff's suggestion) or Wal-Mart Associate what can I do? I would have to be available for Lily before and after school, so a full time job is not an option.
That lunch lady job really hurt my feelings. Someone is going to have to break it to Jeff who has taken the time to get his bachelors and now he is one class away from his masters, someone is going to have to break it to him that I am not going back to work until I finish my degree. And he is going to have to pay for my degree. I have been having a major pity party lately. Feeling like a big failure.
The weather here is quite lovely and we have been going for some great morning walks. Today I put Lily in the stroller and even brought the dog along. We walked for about an hour. We stopped at the beach and made a castle. We spotted a woodpecker, several squirrels, and a flock of those white long necked birds you see near the water? We got home, and Lily said, "oh, I am so tired". I guess being pushed in a stroller is exhausting.
I continuously struggle to figure out what is in the best interest of me versus what is in the best interest of the family. I have to tell you that I don't even know who I am or what I want anymore.
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I Think I May Have A Screw Loose
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I saw my podiatrist yesterday. One part of my foot is still hurting (it's
been almost two months since the surgery). He thinks it may be one of the
screws ...
12 comments:
oh, honey, i'm so sorry you're having this struggle. it is very common, though. I have never figured out a way for a woman to have kids, get an education, and have a career and keep everything in balance. but if the mom isn't happy, the family won't be either.
one job i was looking at when i started back to work was being a peak-time bank teller. it pays better than folding clothes at the gap, and you can work every day from 9-2. perfect for a school schedule. then maybe you could take classes at night?
good luck. i know it's hard.
Have you considered online school? There are so many options available now - you could be working on this now before your daughter starts school. I haven't worked in a long time either and when I did quit working I left a good paying job but I had to work my way up the ladder to get that job. To start over now would be the pits!
i thought you were close to being done with school? any why not work full time if that's what you want, that's why schools offer before and after care.
you just need to pick something you like and run with it!
Mamadaisy: I wish I could be a bank teller but I am a bit dyslectic, when I was a cashier I would always give the wrong change because I would transpose the numbers a bit. I take online classes, it just is hard for me to balance the cooking, cleaning, and keeping Lily out of trouble along with school. And the money - it costs too damn much.
Eally: I have been doing it online, I am on hiatus currently due to it being so darn expensive and us only having one income. It all just frustrates me sometimes like a catch 22.
Capello: I still have 10 classes or 10 grand worth of classes left, depending on how you look at it. I am thinking of just going full time when Lily starts school. Even if I have to get a student loan at least it will be done. But, I don't want to work full time. So is it really a good idea to spend 10 grand and then not work? Even after I finish school I have a ton of learning and experience to gain before I can be a web developer. It is all so confusing. I have too many options or something and none of my options make me happy.
I'm with mamadaisy here. You're not alone in this struggle. It passes from woman to woman, in various stages of life, and nobody ever knows the answer until their own answer shows itself.
Be patient. And be kind to yourself. It will all happen, just as it's meant to. Or at least as we mean it to.
I'm answering these thoughts without reading anyone else's response first. My personal opinion is that while your children are young, making sacrifices for the family seems the right thing to do. Once they get to be Mandy's age, it's time to put yourself first again. That's how I felt anyway, and that's what I did. What's right for one is not necessarily right for another, of course. If you want to try to make some extra cash from home, I will send you an email with an idea I'm working on too.
First of all, don't beat yourself up about not being qualified. Have confidence in yourself! Think about any hobbies, interests or talents you have. If you don't like Wal-Mart, how about a craft/book/movie/etc store? Or, instead of lunch lady, how about library/teacher/office assistant? School hours are pretty great, especially when it comes to summer vacation.
Most jobs that require a degree have high stress and longer hours. Even if you work part-time you often have to prove that you are just as capable as someone working full-time (or they see you as a slacker). It's hard to take time off for sick kids and vacations and not feel guilty.
Personally, my ideal part-time job would be at T.arget. Not a cashier because the register terrifies me. I would happily put clothes back on racks or straighten boxes. Mundane? So is reading "goodnight moon" or playing candyland for the millionth time. Motherhood has prepared me well for mundane.
Are you still chuckling at my desire to work at Target? How about if I told you that I have a collection of degrees, the highest of which ends in a "D"? When it comes to your family, a degree is meaningless. My kids don't care if I have a title in front of my name. It doesn't make me a better mother and it certainly doesn't make me a better person.
I echo the others. If you want to finish your degree and taking classes again is exciting for you then you should go for it! Don't feel its something you HAVE to do. Be proud of your accomplishments and skills!
I am in this same place in my life. I can completely relate to you. My kids are in school and husband is ready for me to return to work (truthfully, so am I). I have a couple of academic degrees and a past profession, but that career does not fit my life at all at this point. Looking for a job where you can be home to send kids to school, be home when they are done and have flexibility to manage when they are sick or off is very tough.
I have been trying my hand at substitute teaching this school year. Lots of flexibility, terrible pay but surprisingly satisfying. I only sub at my kids' school so I don't have any issues with p/u and drop off. Bonus is I am very well versed on school life, kids, teachers, etc. Work when I want, with classes that I like and am off w/ no hassle when needed. Not ideal, but good for this season of "young elementary school aged kids" in my life. Plus- never, ever dull!
I've been looking for a job since October. My first interview I was offered a job paying so little for the level of responsibility (working with families and kids) that I turned it down. It is hard. I have started leaving off one of my degrees to broaden my chances.
There is one job I've seen advertised in our area and I'm sure there are similar jobs in your area that I might suggest. Here there are home health care agencies/companies who need non-medical caregivers to shop, run errands and do light meal prep and household stuff for their older clients in order to keep these folks in their homes. They advertise flexible schedules. Just a thought.
Good luck. I went back to work when my older son was in high school and the younger one started pre-school. The older one was driving and could pick up his brother after school. It worked out great. Don't know if Mandy is driving yet.
Also, consider going to a temp agency. This was recommended to me but I haven't done it yet.
The lunch lady comment would have hurt my feelings too. Was he really serious when he said it?
I know a lot of women going through the same thing, and I will be going through it myself in a few years (homeschooling gives me a purpose and pushes that time back - :-)) It's hard when you've been a stay-at-home mommy to figure out where you fit in.
i read through the other comments and remembered a job my friend got when she went back to work. she became a data entry clerk at her kids' elementary school. i don't think she had finished her degree either. same hours as the kids, just typing at the computer, and you get all the school gossip.
good luck. and definitely be kind to yourself. you are good and worthy and valuable.
Good luck Marsha. It's so difficult getting jobs with hours that fit around the children. It's the same here in England. I know what some of my friends tell me. Don't know if you've considered a job working in a school or nursery, looking after children Marsha. Being a parent, you certainly have lots of experience and the hours and school holidays would be good. Maybe you could go to evening classes to finish your degree. Just a thought. Another idea is to finish your degree and maybe consider going into teaching. Again good child friendly hours.
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