Don't be a hater

Thanks for all your kind words and support. Lily actually went to the dentist yesterday, first thing in the morning. And the hygienist was so patient and sweet that Lily did great. At the end of the appointment she said it was no wonder Lily had tarter on the insides of her back teeth, that Lily really fights you when you try to clean them. But, during the visit she was sweet as pie to Lily and that really put her at ease.

Later in the day we were picking up a couple of things at the grocery store and the cashier started a conversation with Lily. So, Lily proceeded to tell the cashier a lot. Her whole day, her whole life, in a long fast sentence. Lily has a lot of words. I heard the cashier remark to the next customer when we left that Lily is hyper.

It really struck me cause it was like a light bulb moment. I was thinking up until then that Lily is not hyper at all. Especially as I was reading the ADHD paperwork. But. it isn't all the time. I have the ability to get her out of a hyperactive episode and I worry that her hyperactivity will frustrate another care giver. I guess now I have some better terminology to take with me.

When I was reading the ADHD paperwork I noticed many of the questions had a lot to do with is your kid mean? Like do they hit when they are frustrated, do they get revenge, do they set fires? Etc. I was thinking then that Lily is never mean. I have never seen her be mean to anyone. She is a very sweet person. I also notice that the majority of the people who get frustrated by her hyperactivity which sometimes occurs at the most inconvenient times, that many people feel that she is in need of punishment. That she needs to be "taught" a lesson. They get an overwhelming desire to hurt and cow her into better behavior. They assume that my parenting skills are lacking and that this child just needs them to force her into submission. This is what scares me. This reaction I see in people, this anger and hate that emanates from people toward, this sweet little girl. I cannot help but wonder if this is why so many ADHD kids are angry and violent kids. Because of societies reaction to them.

Not saying Lily had ADHD. We are going to be evaluated for ADHD by a specialist, and then by a neurologist and then by a behaviorist. For the record, I taught preschool for about 15 years. I took many child development courses at college, and then I was previously on a path to become a high school math teacher and took foundations of education. I also worked at a Montessori pre-school and went through there intensive on the job training program and became a certified Montessori Pre-school teacher. I have been around pre-school kids a lot in my life and much of what I am saying comes from what I have personally witnessed in caring for pre-school children with behavior problems. Plus, I was not really treated well as a child at that age and I know a lot of my trust issues comes from that.

Lily behaves well at home because we are on a schedule and over the years I have worked very hard to get her past a lot of her issues. But, out in public in situations where she is uncomfortable, we have not gotten her to handle those situations yet. So, yeah I guess I do feel judged. I guess we all do. I work hard at being a good mom. Harder than I have worked on anything in my life, a good mom to both my kids, and to have so much judgement come my way every time I leave my house, has been incredibly hard on my spirit. I think MammaArcher up there summed it up when she said that even though she doesn't know me, Jeff and I need to do a better job of disciplining our child. You would not believe how many people make similar comments on a day to day bases to me, strangers.