Last night as I was driving Mandy, my 16 year old daughter, home from work at 10PM, I asked her if she had done her homework yet or if she had put it off until the last minute. She said, she had put it off. I asked her if she needed the computer, we only have one, because I had also put off my homework. She said, no - that she did not need the computer for her homework.
We then proceeded to have a debate our DNA. Mandy believes that her procrastination was inherited and is therefore just who she is, out of her control. I told her that all things are within her control it is all about choices. When she puts things off she has made a choice. When I put things off, I have made a choice. We are both capable of choosing to do our homework early. Mandy does not believe she is capable of doing her homework early, she says she tries but just cannot. This is who she is and I should just accept that and move on.
What do you think? Is our tendency toward procrastination a flaw in our DNA or are Mandy and I just making bad choices with the ability to change? We debate this topic all the time, she chooses to be so incredibly stubborn, just like her dad and her sister.
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9 comments:
We have a choice. We can also choose to blame external factors, but it's all bull.
This said from a proffesional procrastinator.
I say it's DNA. I do stuff early, my sister does stuff late. There's no way I could force myself to wait until the last minute any more than she could force herself to do it early.
When it comes to flaws, the mother is ALWAYS to blame.
Or at least in the eyes of a teenager.
But yes, I agree with meno. :)
i think it's more what you're taught and what you see than actually in your dna. of course, some of it could come from there but nothing is 100%.
My 13 year old son, when asked to do his chores, said, "Chores just aren't my thing." Then he shrugged as if there was no way on earth for me to expect him to do his chores because that's just the way he is.
Umm, no.
I don't buy any of it. It's just another way to avoid responsibility. We all have a choice. Many time I choose not to do the things I should, but I have only myself to blame.
Nature or nurture? "I can't help it....it's not my fault....you don't understand...." =s typical teen. Listen and tell her that you understand how she could feel that way (because she is a teenager and her mind isn't fully developed!).
Interesting question. When it comes to life choices, be it procrastination or something else, I am nothing like anyone else in my famly. So, either DNA has nothing to do with it, or my sister was right and I was adopted...
I alway put things off until the last minute...So do Twelve and Ten...is it DNA, or learned behavior? I think what matters is that is just is...Mandy can work to change it, if she wants to. She probably just doesn't want to. What she is doing must work for her.
Meno: perhaps I am projecting my frustration with myself onto her.
Lorelei: I do everything late, but I have forced myself to do it early and really enjoyed the stress free aspect, yet I keep procrastinating.
Lynanne: Yes, Mandy thinks everything is my fault, I suppose it is true that I felt that way at that age too.
Capello: Howdy stranger, my fault either way, that my daughter procrastinates. I prefer to think it is her fault due to her poor choices, cause she is not so good at accountability.
Sniz: Yes, why is everything a battle with the teens?
Luckzmom: Thanks that is really great advice, I do forget to listen to her, and I know she feels she is not heard. I get something in my head and just keep trying to win the argument, she does too.
Joe: Hi, thanks for stopping by. LOL. Thanks for the chuckle.
Lynn: Your right if it ain't broke don't fix it. I am frustrated because she currently has a lot on her plate and her procrastination is causing her to not get enough sleep. I think sleep is important for teens. A part of me feels like this is a learning experience for her, a part of me thinks it is my job to keep her on the right path.
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