Femme-Nazi

Remember back in the early 90's when Rush Limbaugh would call women femme-Nazis. I would hear that and want very much to be a femme-Nazi. I asked you all how you define feminism, so I will tell you what I think. Thanks by the way, you are all awesome and gave me a lot to think about.

Here in Misawa Jeff and I are great friends with another couple. They are about our age and they are both going to school, like us. I met them in a creative writing class. The husband is taking a math class and his professor was fired two weeks into the class, but kept to finish the term. This professor was horrid and my friend was very frustrated. I have always been great with math. I got 100% of all the points possible in all three semesters of Calculus, and I have tutored in math for more than 20 years. So I helped my friend out and he ended up getting a B. We were going for an A, but a B will do. Back in the day when I was taking math courses in college, I was almost always the only female in the class. It really upset the boys that I would get 100% on the tests because the teacher graded on a curve. My point is that to me math is not a gender specific skill, some people can do it and other cannot.

Back when I was a single mother I had to earn a living for my little family. When Jeff retires from his military career in 6 years I plan on starting a career of my own. The career of my choice is computers. I will have a degree and I expect to start at the bottom and work my way up the ladder. But, I expect to be treated fairly. I expect that my degree, my knowledge will be assessed fairly along with men. I believe that my degree and my experience is equal to the same degree and experience of a man. But, I know that I wont be paid as much or have as many job offers as I would if I were a man. I know this is true and I think it is unfair. I want to do my part to change that fact.

I do not think that men and women are the same. We are different in many ways. But, there are things that are the same to all people and things that are gender specific.

I also believe that women are much stronger and more competent than men, in general. Maybe that is why my friend things I am an extremist. When I got pregnant with Mandy I stepped up to the plate, I raised her, with no help from the father. It is culturally acceptable for men to walk away from kids, but not culturally acceptable for women to walk away from kids. Why is that? Because we all expect women to be able to handle it, but we don't expect men to be able to handle it. If a man does step up and is a great dad, we are impressed. Women we expect it, we find fault. I believe that taking care of a child is not gender specific and that men can be just as nurturing and great with kids as women and we should expect the same out of fathers as we expect out of mothers.

I don't think that men and women are the same. Just that there are things, we all do and can be accomplished with equal skill by either sex. Like jobs and child care.

Have you ever been at a meeting with both men and women, have you ever had an idea that was ignored because you don't have a penis? It is annoying.

History shows that women who try to change the social norms of their society face a lot of resentment and hate. That their lives are made very difficult. So being a feminist even today is hard. People say hateful things and try to make your life difficult, it is hard to be a revolutionary. Even when you are right. This is why being called a feminist is derogatory even though that is exactly what I am, what we all are.

Feminist

Are you a feminist? And what exactly does that mean to you?

I have always considered myself a feminist. The other day a good friend, called me a feminist and made it sound dirty. I was offended. But, I don't really know why, because I am a feminist.

She told me some of the things I say are extreme. I don't know what that means. I am racking my brain to think of what I have said that might be extreme. Is being a feminist mean that you are extreme? Extremely what? Can a stay at home housewife and mother be a feminist? I guess so. Does that make me less of a wife, less of a mother?

Where are you going now?

The next list of jobs available come out Aug 1. We will see if there is anything available for Jeff on the list. If there is we will apply and find out by mid Sept if we are picked up. So next week, the list.

There is a special duty working at the embassy in New Delhi, India available. The deadline for application is mid Aug. The plan is that if there is an overseas assignment on the "list" Jeff wont apply for the job in India. If there is no overseas jobs available Jeff might apply for the job in India, however it is very unlikely that he would get it even if he applied. But, you never know.

There is a part of me that is hoping for the States. Isn't that weird. A part of me that is ready to settle down. August marks Jeff's 14th year in the Air Force. Only six more and he will be retiring. The plan is to travel the world as much as we can up until that retirement. But, if they send us back to the US, well I won't be distraught. I guess I just don't know what I am hoping for. Which may not be such a bad thing since hoping doesn't make it so. I will just concentrate on the things I can control.

Another Day

This has been hell week for me. Yesterday, Jeff called to ask about my day, because he is just like that, and I said, “today is the worst day of my life and I have had a really horrid life.” I do tend to be a tad over dramatic, but still.

Sunday I took Lily shopping, we went to several Japanese stores to get everything we would need to kick potty training in the ass. Our American potty chair was not working, it is terribly uncomfortable. So we got a Hello Kitty Japanese potty chair, it is the bomb. It cost $30 or $35 I forget, blocked it out. That may be a lot of money, but it is so cute and it is so comfortable that Lily will actually sit on it. Score. Sunday and Monday Lily sat on the potty and got familiar with it. We wore panties while at home. She no longer has accidents she just waits for the diaper, that eventually will come at naps, outings or bedtime. The girl can hold it for many hours.

Tuesday morning she woke up with a dry diaper, as she does almost every morning for the last year. I decided – if she can sleep through the night, and she can hold it, and she can take off her own panties, etc. It was time to at least try going for gold. Now I ask you, my dear friends, is a child potty trained when they stop wearing diapers or when they stop having accidents. Because Lily has stopped wearing diapers, as of Tuesday.

Turns out Lily only pees 3-4 times per day. But when she goes, she goes, and goes. We had a lot of accidents on Tuesday as we expected, its all good, part of life. I was terribly frustrated. Not so much at the accidents as with not knowing if I was doing the right thing. I didn’t want to traumatize the poor girl but I did think that perhaps it was time to put a little pressure on her. To take away the diapers.

When Mandy came home from work, I was busy cleaning the house. I tend to go crazy with the cleaning when I am frustrated. Concentrate on what I know I can control, the eliminations of all dirt. Mandy asked if we were having company. Ha, like that is the only time I clean the house. I told her what was going on and she retreated to her room for her afternoon nap. I continued to clean. At about 7PM I convinced Lily to sit on her potty while we put together puzzles on the coffee table. This went on for almost an hour. It was almost time to put her to bed. I wasn’t really sure what to do. Give her the diaper for bed, let her wet the bed, let her stay up until she peed? I am staring off into space trying to figure out what we should do while Lily put together a puzzle.

Just as she was about to insert the last piece of the puzzle into place, she turned the piece around and faced it in the wrong direction, and asked me: “does this go here”. I laughed and said, “no”. In my funny growly voice that she loves. And she laughed and we did that for awhile. She thought it was so funny, but my throat starts to get sore after awhile and I started saying no in a regular voice and then she took over the growly voice. It was so funny. She is a hoot. She may never get the hang of potty training but she sure is cute. She could see that I was having a bad day and made me feel better with her little joke. It was sweet, just like her dad, he does that all the time too. I just noticed sitting there that Lily is amazing. I just love her so much. I love summer time seeing the chubby little legs and feet. Cuddling skin to skin. It is lovely. I love being able to stay home with her everyday and have all those silly in-jokes that we have just between the two of us. We laugh together so much. She is a nut and loves to make up stuff that will get me laughing. Who could ask for more. So she doesn’t go potty in the potty chair, if you said that not wearing diapers makes you potty trained, well then she is potty trained. See.

The very next moment, Lily walked over to her potty sat down and peed. It was about six cups worth of pee, because she had been holding it since about 1pm that afternoon. She looked me in the eye and said, I peed in the potty. She got a sticker on the had and went to bed in her panties. Today is Friday and we are doing pretty good. Yesterday, was a bad day, but after I told Jeff it was the worst day of my life, she actually pooped in the potty. She does great at night and does great during the day, if I stay home until she chooses to go. Sometimes she holds it until 11 and she gets up at 5:30. What a nut. She is so out of sorts with the worry of it all and the change, but she is still my angel and takes the time to make me laugh. Another day in the life of a stay at home mom in Japan.

Moderation

This morning at the gym I was thinking about moderation. I can remember as a child that my parents told me,

all things in moderation

However, they also told me,

if you aren't going to do it right, don't do it at all.

I have tended for most of my life to be a all or nothing kind of person.

When I began my quest for fitness, my first few weeks of exercise were very painful. I could barely make it through 15 minutes on the elliptical trainer. I would be breathing heavily, sweating profusely, seeing stars, etc. And this was going slowly on the lowest setting. Every trip to the gym, was painful. Yet, I perservered. I kept going. After awhile the pain, sweating, heavy breathing, seeing stars began to subside. Now, I can workout for thirty minutes without all the drama.

I find that on the days that I exercise with moderation I go home feeling great. I get that exercise high. I enjoy my time at the gym. But, I don't increase my level of fitness. When I work out to excess, past the point of comfort, I go home feeling like crap, but the next day - I am stronger. Pushing myself past the limits of a moderate session of exercise hurting, sweating, seeing stars, falling to the floor in exhaustion, causes my body to overcome and adapt. Pushing myself just to the point of raising my heart rate to the aerobic levels, where I can still hold a conversation and where I can get that exercise high, go home and feel great - at this rate my level of fitness remains steady.

I do wish to increase my level of fitness, to be able to run faster, harder, longer. So for me I feel that a combination of moderate exercise and super exercise sessions is the right fit.

I think the rest of my life like how I approach parenting, school, housework, cooking - is a lot like how I approach exercise. Sometimes I just do what I have to do to get by at a moderate pace. At those times, I am not perfect or a superstar, but I am happy and my days holds very little stress. On the other hand there are times when I want to really give something my all and to feel a real sense of accomplishment, to be great. Being great causes a lot of stress, turmoil and pain - but ain't it great? Greatness in moderation.

Guilt

Mandy was born when I was 21, a very immature 21, single and working as a cashier. I got a lot of grief, but ultimately I decided to be the best mother I could be. For the first 9 and a ½ years of her life it was just the two of us. Us against the world. We did live with my parents for a little over a year when she was about 5. This gave me the opportunity to get on my feet, which was awesome. But, other than that Mandy and I were pretty isolated. Most of her life everyone told me we were too close. And then, I married Jeff.

We moved to Italy where he was stationed and that was that. It came about quickly. We didn’t take very many of our possessions with us. To recap when Mandy was almost 10 I took her out of her home, left behind most of her things, and moved to Italy with some guy she barely knew. It freaked her out a bit. But, the story gets better. About a year later Jeff and I decided we were ready to expand our family. And we got pregnant.

I was already worried about Mandy, she hadn’t recovered from being uprooted yet. Jeff and Mandy at that time could barley stand to be in the same room together. When I found out I was pregnant the first thing I did was tell Mandy. We went out and bought books about the babies development, you know the ones that say: today the eye lashes are growing. Then we bought the baby an outfit to wear home from the hospital. I wanted to make sure Mandy felt a part of the growing family. And then… I had a miscarriage. I felt horrid for involving Mandy. And that miscarriage was very hard on both me and Mandy. She fell apart and that made it worse for me, knowing I had hurt her so badly. I went on to have a couple more miscarriages before we got Little Miss Lily but those I did not share with Mandy.

Even being pregnant with Lily was difficult for me, I was so scared of loosing her that I didn’t want to allow myself to be happy about the pregnancy and consequently I was the most horrid person. Most days I didn’t even get out of bed, except to throw up. During the pregnancy we moved from Italy to Japan. What I am trying to say here is that the first few years of my marriage were difficult, both for me and for Mandy. Of course Jeff is amazing and we made it to a place where we are all close, Jeff adopted Mandy and those two get along great. For the longest time I felt very awful for doing all this to Mandy. I felt guilty for being happily married at her expense. All of the crap I put her through so I could be with Jeff. I told myself it was good for her, but I didn’t really completely believe that. I have always believed that parents should put their kids first, and being selfish made me feel so bad.

This last week has been very difficult for me. Mandy is working at the hospital for her summer job. She is working in labor and delivery where the babies are born. There was a baby who didn’t make it this week. Mandy told me about it. It brought back to me how badly I felt for putting her through the miscarriage after moving her away from everything she ever knew to Italy. The next day I made sure I was there to pick her up from work, in case she needed me. She didn’t. This whole week I have been on the verge of tears, worried about Mandy, remember our loss. But, Mandy is alright. This incident didn’t devastate her. I notice how different she is today than she was back then. Mandy is confident, outgoing, funny. She no longer clings to me, she actually barley acknowledges my existence most of the time.

Over these last few years I have learned that taking care of momma is taking care of Mandy. The fact that I am happy and we have a great home is important. So we had to go through so crap, everyone goes through crap. I made a lot of mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. I think that I have learned that either, kids will be who they are going to be no matter what we do – or it isn’t just one decision that makes or breaks the kids it is the sum of everything, everyday that makes the difference. I am going to have to pull myself together, it is almost the weekend.

Happy Birthday Lily

I will be your hero baby!

Driving home from the grocery store this morning I couldn't help but remember those old commercials,

"We do more by 9 a.m. than most people do all day"

That is how I am feeling. Not overwhelmed so much as just busy. Yesterday, overwhelmed today busy.

On the radio came Enrique Iglesias with "Hero".

I will be your hero baby.
I will kiss away the pain.

I know I am a dork, but I just love Enrique Iglesias. So that was a nice surprise. It is rare here with one radio station that I hear a song I love, especially since I am old and a dork and the station is geared toward the younger cooler male crowd. Bonus. I cranked the radio.

As I listened to Enrique it reminded me of young love. Remember back in junior high or high school when you would fall in such deep mad love with a boy, perhaps a boy you didn't even ever speak to. So lovely. Here in my old age I dismiss the idea of this kind of love. The all consuming I would die for you kind of love. The type of love in the movies and in romance novels. I poo poo it all.

The other day after camping I was so exhausted that I laid down and took a nap with Lily. I woke up about four hours later, and had no idea what in the world I was going to do about dinner. Just before the panic set in Jeff told me how he took care of it all. He went to the Japanese grocery store while I slept and bought us an array of lovely Japanese food to feast upon. That is love. Someone who takes care of you, who is always there, who has your back.

But, then as I listened to Enrique I remember that young love feeling blind passion, maybe it isn't to be poo pooed. Maybe one needs both. -which I have by the way, I just don't really think about and nurture the, I would die for you part of love as much as the I've got your back type of love. If that makes any sense. I will go back to trying to figure out computer programming.

Summer

Summer finally found us here in Misawa. With no A/C it is hot, humid, and lovely everywhere we go. I am loving it. Just when I get so hot I think I will die, summer will be over. I enjoy the slow progression of the four seasons. We have four very distinct very intense seasons here and for me variety is the spice of life.

I have been enjoying this summer weather so much I have been neglecting my blog and interacting with all my blogging buddies. When I am at the gym I inevitable compose a wonderful little post in my head. Perfect grammar and spelling, a compelling introduction, a little humor, it is such a lovely post. Yet, by the time I get home, showered, a trip to the playground, lunch, coloring. . . The other day with my feet soaking in the cool water of Lily's new swimming pool, the light breeze tickling the leaves of the shade providing trees, I thought of the perfect post, but it too was lost in the hustle of the day. I can't seem to sit at the computer for long enough to blog these days. I am having too much fun. Hopefully my addled brain will remember all these lovely posts when I get the chance to sit still again.

Lily turned three, it was wonderful. Potty training is progressing slowly, but it is all good, no worries. Our camping trip was a blast. School is good, I am getting "it" - so far so good. I have a lot to say, but I am sure you are all too busy to read it all anyways, best left for the cool days of winter???

Sad News

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast
infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly.

He was 71.Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly dad, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

*sorry I couldn't help myself.

Fireworks

We tried very hard to see fourth of July fireworks here in Japan. Of course you know that Japan doesn't celebrate the 4th of July right?

Every year it has rained and the American military base fireworks have been canceled. The first year they went ahead and did the fireworks on the 7th of July when the weather cleared. After that they moved the fireworks to Labor day, it rained on labor day and they were postponed again. After two years of that nonsense they moved the fireworks back to the fourth of July this year. We had already assumed there would be no fireworks and scheduled our trip to Tokyo. This year our fourth summer in Japan we planned on going to see the fireworks at Disneyland on the fourth. After the entire day we all agreed we would rather go back to the hotel. So at 6 p.m. well before dark we headed out, getting back to our room with some Mickey D's (McDonald's) take out by 7 p.m.

This weekend we are going to see us some fireworks. We can all pretend it is the fourth of July. We are going to go camping with several friends, near the campground is a lake and at this lake their is a huge festival, culminating with fireworks over the lake. Fireworks we can see from our campground. It is supposed to be very crowded etc. So I hope it is ok.

Instead of trying to cook something impressive I am bringing hamburgers & hotdogs. I am just going to try to have a good time with as little effort as possible. I am cautiously optimistic about this weekend. If I could only finish my homework all would be good. I am having a bit of trouble sitting still long enough to absorb the basics of programming. I know that I am able, it just takes sitting still long enough. I find sitting still very hard lately. To do homework I usually have to be a little tired, like in the middle of the night or in the early morning. That way my brain isn't going 90 miles an hour in every direction and I can sit still and learn. This current class, Java programming is a bit different. I find that when I am tired enough to sit still I am too addled to learn these analytical concepts. So trying to sit still when I am fresh and concentrate instead of allowing my brain to wander is a challenge. Challenges are good, I know this, but in reality I am frustrated.

Lily and I have been on a killer schedule this week trying to get everything in. I am trying to re-incorporate the gym into our daily schedule plus a lot of other crap. So I made this schedule to get it all in. It sucks. I hate being on a schedule. I am a free spirit. I like to go with the rhythm of the day and not be bound to the clock. I don't even wear a watch. Three days of this schedule and I have gone to the gym everyday. I have accomplished a lot around the house and with Lily but I am about to murder someone. This morning I made her some gluten-free pancakes and we ended up playing in the "flour" and giggling. Totally lost my schedule. Yeah! Missed the gym, more time to blog. Hope your day is carefree and blissful, I know mine will be. Perhaps I will grow up someday, but I really don't think so.

This and That

I have officially finished my desktop publishing class. I got an A. I learned a lot, but mostly I learned how much I have to learn. I am currently taking introduction to Java Programming. So far I am loving it, but it is only week five. Next term I am thinking about taking two classes instead of just the one. The second in the series of Java programming and the first in the series of website making. I already know a little about html so I thought this might be a breeze. However, the scholarship I use only covers one course per semester and so this would come out of pocket, and two classes is a lot. But, all my classes will be out of pocket at our next base so who it is either now or then. Unless of course by some miracle we get another overseas assignment and that base offers a 50% scholarship as well. Everyone says oodles of money is coming our way now that Jeff has made Master sergeant, we will see.

Lily turns three this week on Friday. We have decided to have a little party just the family. I bought several pre-made cake mixes that are free from wheat, egg, and corn. They are most definitely the most awful thing you have ever tasted but at least we will have a place to stick the candles.

We are currently working on potty training. Working hard, not making any progress. Lily is so sweet, but she will not go in the potty. Never has, never will. We tried naked, but she just cries and cries, I feel bad making her be naked when she is so uncomfortable. So we are doing the underwear and pants. She keeps looking for places to go - so she doesn't go on the carpet and make a mess. Behind the curtains, in the bathroom next to the potty, on the exercise bike in the guest bedroom. She can hold it for more than four hours. She can pull down her pants and sit on the potty all by herself. She wont actually go in the potty. I have even tried bribes. Well we are keeping on keeping on. My thinking is that if I keep trying all day everyday and if I am nice about it she will eventually relent. Or not. She loves having all her babies go potty. I don't know if she doesn't understand the concept yet or if she is being stubborn or if she is uncomfortable with the concept.

Next weekend we are hopefully going to a huge festival with a bunch of friends and then camping in the area. This is at a big lake, with fireworks and sounds very fun. Very excited we are.

And finally. During the six weeks of the Biggest Loser contest I lost 15 pounds, I worked very hard at it everyday. Since the contest I have been a complete slacker. I haven't been going to the gym more than a little bit here and there. I have been eating too much etc. So today begins my new resolve to get back on track and hopefully loose another 15 pounds in the next 6 weeks. For me a 6 week push seems easier than the concept of a year on the diet. So back to the gym, back to only eating what I need and not eating for fun or pleasure. I told my family, and said I was sorry if I was going to be grouchy while I get used to being without sugar again and they all said, what - you are always grouchy I am sure we wont even notice the difference. And they wonder why their dinner was burnt.

High heels

In my closet you will find dozens of pairs of high heel shoes. Yet, I cannot even remember the last time I actually wore a pair. I love them, but at the last moment cannot imagine spending time in them.

I am always facinated by the women who wear them. I wonder if their feet hurt as much as mine do when they stand there in those shoes. I wonder if there is some sort of secret way of standing/walking that they know and I don't know. Or are they just grinning and bearing it for the beauty?

The other day I was watching The View and Elisabeth said that she can tell if a woman is a democrat or republican by her shoes. I once told a very good friend of mine how much I dislike the opinions Elisabeth puts forth on that show and my friend accused me of being jealous because Elisabeth is so young, skinny, pretty and rich. My friend is very upset that I called Elisabeth hateful. To me it seems like she sizes up people. Are they protestant? Are they Republican? Are their shoes cute? And based on those things decides if she likes their opinions. If someone is in the club, anything they say or do is right. If someone is not in the club anything they say or do is wrong. I think this is hateful. Shouldn't it be the opinion that is weighed and measured? Not the shoes? Now I understand why when I was working that when I expressed an opinion and gave a valid reasoning people just stared and my shoes and said, no I don't agree.

In Tokyo I noticed that most of the women on the train/subway were wearing high heels. The really uncomfortable strappy/open toed kind. In Italy I don't believe I ever saw a single Italian woman, young or old, who wasn't wearing some sort of heel. Here in Misawa the only women I have ever seen wear heels are Americans. It is sometimes shocking to me to see a woman who by day wears a military uniform, with combat boots (literally) and by night wears strappy heels.

Is the difference that women who are on their feet for long periods of time, wear something comfortable? Women who only have to be on their feet for short periods of time, have a sit down job or don't work, wear heels? Is it a personality thing? Like if you are the type of person who wants to make a certain impression you wear heels no matter how much standing you do in the day? Is the difference that if you like yourself you wear something comfortable but if you are insecure and feel like you need to be uncomfortable for people to hear you, you wear a heel?

I have fell for the pressure to look good to the extent that I buy a lot of really cute shoes, but I don't tend to wear them very often. I wonder what political party that makes me? I will have to ask the all knowing Elisabeth from The View. Lord knows I wouldn't want my vote to be inconsistent with my foot wear.

Tokyo

We are all home safe and sound, back in the real world after a wonderful little jaunt to Tokyo Disney Sea. I safely and successfully navigated us from our home to our hotel, and back without a single mistake. Once there we opted for the trains instead of the car.

Tokyo Disney Sea is wonderful, Mandy and Jeff did Disneyland a couple of years ago. We had never heard of or been to Disney Sea and we were pleasantly surprised. It was so wonderful and no crowds. Right on to every ride, lots of room for Lily to run and play. Lily by the way was so sweet the entire trip. I did take a picture of her screaming her head off in the car on the way home, but she was an angel the whole trip.

On our second day we had planned to do some sight seeing, it rained, and rained. So we took advantage of all our hotel had to offer. Swimming and eating, Mandy had a facial. We took turns with Lily, during my down time I read my text book in the lobby of the hotel.

So we are home and much poorer for the journey. I got to see Tokyo. I used to think I don't like cities, but now that I have been to a few I have to say I love big cities. I love everything about them. Tokyo, Beijing, Paris, London, Milano, Cairo - I have really loved each and everyone of them. There is such an energy.

Tokyo is my favorite so far. I wish I could live there for about a year. I noticed that on the toll road, we had to merge on and off of seven different free-way type roads in order to get to our hotel, lots of lane changes. We were always having to make the last minute lane change being tourists and I noticed that as soon as you put on your blinker the other drivers made room for you. Same with getting on and off of subways, people were so incredibly accommodating and polite. I love polite. I didn't see a single aggressive driver in Tokyo, not a single aggressive person on the subway. I have noticed that during my time in Japan I have become a more relaxed go with the flow type of person. I will try to take this with me, where ever it is we are going next.

I wish I had taken more pictures. We were on this one bridge, Rainbow Bridge, right in the heart of Tokyo, you have this incredible view. I was so busy navigating I didn't think of taking a picture. The enormous buildings are all lined up right at the edge of the water. There is a little island in the middle of all those buildings, that is all green, a garden, with grass and trees, a walkway and a bench. It was so lovely there in the middle of all that steel and concrete. I will look for something on the Internet to show you what I mean.




All those streets, all those buildings, we made it there and back. I wish I had so more time, but I am glad I got to go.

My overall observation of life from this trip is that people everywhere who are in their 20's are the same. They dress the same, wear their hair the same, act the same, here in rural Japan, down in Tokyo, over in Beijing, in the U.S., in London, Paris, Cairo, Milano, I think this generation is international in its style. Fifty years from now the world is going to be a very different place.

Guardian Angel

I spent over a week getting ready for Jeff's promotion ceremony. Picking out a dress for me, taking Mandy shopping for her, getting Lily used to wearing a dress and sandals.

I spent the entire morning getting ready for Jeff's promotion ceremony. Running Jeff and Mandy around in our one vehicle. Taking Lily outside to play for two solid hours. A wonderful big meal for Lily and I. A long and splashy bath for Lily. A three hour nap for Lily.

All for nothing. She was unable to sit still and not scream for a simple 30 minute ceremony. So I was outside with a very stubborn Miss Lily.

Jeff's turn to go up on stage, shake the General's hand and have his family come up for a formal picture of us punching him in the arm, didn't come until close to the end of the ceremony. Lily was so loud and obnoxious that someone closed the door to the room where the ceremony was being held and me in the lobby could not hear if it was Jeff's turn or not. I tried to pick up Lily and stand in the back of the crowd, but she would have none of that.

So many people brought their little ones. We just wanted this special day to be for the whole family. I should have known better than to bring Lily. Anyways I am just about to cry. I did not know what to do. I didn't want to leave Jeff hanging. Up on the stage standing at attention and they announce my name and no one comes up to punch him. If you are not in the military just go with it, when you get a promotion there is a big fancy all dressed up ceremony where you stand at attention and people beat you. They just give you a little punch in the arm where your stripes are.

What is worse having a very loud child ruin the ceremony for everyone or leaving Jeff up there hanging. I couldn't breath. I was so distraught. I don't know what I was thinking, thinking that Lily would cooperate. I tried talking to her, every time I said the word quiet she started to have a bit fat fit. I think that the fact that this was a very crowded room, everyone in their uniform, mashed together like sardines was a bit overwhelming for her. Whatever, no sympathy for the screamer!

Just at that moment when I was about to cry some friends walked through the door of the club. They had thought the ceremony stared at 3:30 instead of 3. What a miracle. The husband went into the ceremony room and came out to get me when Jeff's turn was next. The wife sat with Lily in the lobby while I went in and with Mandy we punched Jeff. Lily wasn't in the picture, but Jeff wasn't left hanging. I also want to point out that Jeff's entire office took the day off to watch the ceremony, they all heard Lily and no one offered to help us, no one bothered to stay and shake Jeff's hand, no one came out for a drink later. This base sucks! Except for my dear friend's none of whom work with Jeff. Every single on of those bastards in his office, I have cooked them dinner, I have babysat their kids, I go to their dumb parties. At one of those parties they spent over an hour telling me how much they hate people with their spoiled little kids on this base. How they think all the bad kids should not be allowed in the grocery store, they should be kept outside in a cage. Because a bunch a loud children running around a store is driving these nice people crazy.

That night after I took Lily and Mandy home, Jeff and I went out with our friends, the ones who helped us. We went out to the club and drank, then stayed out late and saw the worst comedy show ever. But, it was fun. Of course I was the designate driver and did not drink at all. I still had fun, drinking my water.

The next morning I was reading blogs getting ready to jump into my homework and I discovered about 10 other mothers of little girls who felt what I felt at that moment. Why me? It made me feel so much better. I was at the time of the ceremony shattered, why me? Why does everyone else's kids behave? Why not mine? I try so hard, I do everything I can think of and she refuses to behave. And then just when I needed it some friends magically walked through the door, the next day I read all about how so many other mothers of young ones feel the same way. I had felt so alone, and now I feel like a part of the fray, and it is nice. I do believe in guardian angels, mine deserves a raise.