A Call to All Women - Please Vote

I am having such a hard time deciding who to vote for in the upcoming presidential election. Is anyone else having trouble deciding? Seems like most other people have made up their minds. Must be nice. Trying to keep up with it all is giving me a headache.

We are having a local vote here next month. I am voting to increase my property tax by about $20 per month. It is for the schools. I believe it is important to put money in schools and I am being given the opportunity to do so. I am grateful to live in a community where others feel the same way. I hope it passes.

I like that the local politics is something I can understand. I know exactly what I am voting for. A simple question: am I willing to pay out $20 per month more than I currently pay in order to build a new high school and revamp the other schools in our district.

In national politics I have no idea how voting for McCain or Obama is going to impact me, my city, my state, or my country. I am spending as much time as I can afford researching the two candidates. Yet, I am at an impass. Another part of me feels like just not voting. I don't feel strongly about either candidate so what does it matter.

Today happens to be the 88th anniversary of women getting the right to vote in this country. I am so very grateful to all those who worked so hard and sacrificed so much for me. Did you know that by enlarge the women in America do not vote? Many people theorize that politicians do not feel that issues which affect women and the causes women hold most dear - are properly addressed by government because we do not vote. By not voting we are not holding our politicians accountable to us and our causes. Perhaps the candidates we are being offered this election are nothing to get excited about. At least that is how I feel. However, if we vote, either way, we will send a message that our voices need to be heard. If the majority of women vote our issues and our voices will become important in the minds of those wanting to be elected. I hope you will make the decision to register and to vote this year. Even if you don't feel passionately about the issues, follow your gut if that is what you need to do. Just vote.

My Inner Feminist

My husband is driving home as we speak. I can remember as a child how upset I always was that I was continuously being fed the message that women are inferior to men. Women's brains don't work as well because we are ruled by emotion and not reason. Our opinions are not valid because we just don't understand the way the world works. We are to be tolerated. We get all riled up over silly little things and therefore our being upset is not worthy of acknowledgment. I guess this is why I was upset that Lily said that boys mow the lawn and not girls.

In the ninth grade we were given a comprehensive test which had to be passed before we could graduate from high school. One component of the test was we had to write a proper paragraph. I of course failed because my topic sentence was about one thing and my paragraph was about another, see above paragraph. It makes sense to me. Hopefully it will make sense to you too. I am sure they would fail me on my paragraph writing skills again if they had a chance to read my blog. The following year I purposely conformed and passed the test, since then I have been completely off topic. I am sorry to all my literary friends.

The very next day, after Lily told me that boys mow lawns, we were at the store and happened upon a toy lawn mower. She begged me to buy it for her, I never buy her toys at the store, to avoid the whole fit in stores thing, anyways this time I gave in and bought her a toy lawn mower. She has been mowing ever since. I guess I should someday realize that the world my girls inhabit is very different than the one that I grew up in. It was only an observation. I have indeed mowed the lawn, twice in Lily's lifetime, once when she was probably too small to remember. Perhaps she was saying that girls are too important to soil themselves with men's work? I don't know it just rubbed me the wrong way, but now she seems to have forgotten about the boys mow because she is mowing herself everyday. Or maybe she thinks she is a boy?

So here I sit, the hardened feminist that I am, I sit and wait for my husband to finally come home. Life without the man around the house is not at all fun. Perhaps I will wear pearls like June Cleaver in honor of his arrival. In many ways the person that I was is still inside of me, like the way I react to perceived anti-woman sentiment, and in many ways I am everything that I never wanted to be, yet I love who I am. I can't seem to wrap my mind around the feminist stay at home mother who profoundly depends on her husband.

My Little Feminist /sarcasm

After driving Mandy to work this morning, and getting Lily settled down with some cartoons, I decided I should mow the lawn. I have a very brown thumb but I still am determined to have a nice yard. I told Lily I was going out to the back yard to mow and
she told me,

"girls don't mow, only boys mow"

Lily out-climbs, out-runs, out-jumps, every boy on the playground. She may like to wear pink but she is a rough little girl. Where have I gone wrong, how have I failed? Where is my little feminist? I was so upset.

I spent 45 minutes trying to get the mower to start, now I am blogging. Where are all the boys?

Jeff is off at the Bataan Memorial Death March this weekend. Have fun baby, don't worry I will find a way to mow even if I have to go and buy an electric lawn mower. Why don't they just have a key starter like the car?

Confusing

The more I think about this the more confused I become. -Luckzmom

Wow, that is deep. I couldn't have said it better myself. I sometimes have trouble expressing what I think, I know what I think, but explaining it, I cannot find the words. Sometimes when I discuss it with others I think, yes that is it, or no that isn't what I was thinking, but it helps me find my words.

If we made a scale from one to ten, private to intimate. One being the loneliest number and representing a person who does not enjoy sharing themselves with others, someone who is very private, someone who does not especially like to be around other people. Ten being a person who holds nothing back, will tell perfect strangers at the grocery store the most embarrassing and humiliating details of their lives. Most people fall somewhere in between those two extremes.

I know that when I was a child I was much closer to a one than I am now. I didn't trust anyone. In fact as a child, teen, even in my twenties, I tended to lie more than not. Not because I wanted to trick people for personal gain, but because I really didn't like to let people really see me at all. I dated a lot of guys who were pretty close to the one on this scale. Guys who didn't call when they said they would call, they wouldn't say for sure if they were coming over on a specific night, wouldn't say for sure if you were boyfriend/girlfriend or not. They kept themselves separate, I kept myself separate.

I feel that this keeping oneself separate is different than making sure to take some time out for oneself. Like having a job, friends, interests outside of the family - I don't think it is the same as keeping oneself separate. I am not sure if these things are just different numbers on the same scale or if these things are different scales all together.

Little Bits of Separation

When Lily was only a few months old I decided to go back and try to do this college thing again. Being a stay at home mom, this was my first time out of the house in months. I just loved the opportunity to be Marsha. Not Jeff's wife, not Mandy's mom, not Lily's mom - Marsha.

We read and discussed a lot of interesting material. My professor was the best professor ever, he knew how to get a good argument going. Turns out that most of the time I disagreed with everyone in the class (I know you are all shocked). Still I had a great time debating all kinds of things. One of the other students was a Japanese national, she was not married and nearly 40. This is very uncommon in in the rural northern part of Japan where we lived. Living near the military base gave her the opportunity to have a job, on the American military base, and support herself.

She asked me about marriage, she had noticed throughout the class that I am very outspoken and basically a hard core feminist. She was baffled about how I could be married. I am pretty sure all the small minded young soldiers in our class were thinking the same thing. She asked me some hard questions that I still think about sometimes. And I still do not know how to answer those questions. Having Chad, a single guy around has brought these thoughts to me again.

She wonders if I had to give up a part of myself to my husband. If it was hard to have to share my whole self with him. If I sometimes wished I could keep a part of me separate from husband and children and just be me. At first I say no. But, then I remember how much I enjoyed going to school away from the family and just having some people know me for me. But, I enjoy being married. That is the understatement of a lifetime. I am so much happier, so much more peaceful, so much more of myself, being married.

I notice that Chad doesn't tell us when he is coming or going. He doesn't tell us when to expect him for meals or what time he needs the shower or anything. There is no communication. If we ask questions his posture suggests we are encroaching on his privacy. Which totally cracks me up because Jeff and I discuss EVERYTHING. We are all on the same page here, there are no hurt feelings or misunderstandings. No one tries to mislead or get away with anything. I don't feel like this is giving up my privacy. Perhaps it is because I don't feel like anyone here is judging me. I lay it all out there and I know they are going to love me.

I wonder if this means that Jeff and I are the type of people that are made for marriage. And other people are just not the type of people who are made for marriage. Or does this mean that we are married so we have changed? I do need to get out into the world away from the family a bit more. I enjoy it when I do, but I fear it too.

Do you keep a bit of yourself, or do you wish you could keep a bit of yourself, separate from your husband/wife?

Custody: Women Rule, men drool

The other day Jeff made a comment about the Britney Spears - Keven Federline custody battle, at the time he was under the impression that Britney had gotten custody of their kids. Now I think she lost custody? I don't really pay attention to these things but Jeff feels that men tend to get the short end of the stick in custody battles, and I agree. I however, think this is a good thing, he thinks this is wrong.

All things being equal, meaning both parents are stable honorable people, women tend to be the care givers, they tend to put the kid's before their own. Isn't that the most sexist comment I have ever made? In our family, I am the primary care giver. I gave up working, to care for the kids and Jeff. Before that I always put the family before my jobs. I would only apply for jobs that fit into my role as parent, meaning good hours, health insurance, and ability to call in sick for kids. Which meant crappy, low wages, no advancement opportunity, doing things I hated. I always put the kids before the job, and my promotions would be affected by that. If I had an important career changing project and a sick kid, I would stay home with the sick kid and get screamed at by the boss.

Jeff on the other hand puts his career first. He is ensuring that we are fed, clothed, and have a roof over our head. If someone is sick, if someone misses their daddy, well they need to suck it up because his primary mission is to ensure our survival, not to hold his children's hands. He is damn good at ensuring our survival. He is a great father, very loving, very hard working, he gives our family everything he has. But, he takes care of himself first, his job second, and his family third.

Which means I do pretty much all the caring. From my perspective raising kids involves a great deal of grunt work. I do the majority of the grunt work. That doesn't make me a better parent or more important, it just means that if we were to split up -I would be the obvious choice to continue to do that grunt work. That is what custody is, the person who does the cooking, the laundry, the bathing, teaches kids manners, enforces rules, keeps their home clean, helps with homework, takes them to dr appts, makes sure they brush their teeth, make sure they get enough fresh air and sunshine, make sure they are learning all the things they need to learn to eventually leave home, telling them no... It isn't a contest of who the kids love best, or who is morally superior. Women almost always end up doing the grunt work. This is why women get custody.

I remember reading about New York city going after dead beat dads, some of these dad owed many thousands of dollars in child support. One of the dads in question, said that he had lost his job and was currently working for a lower wage. That paying the child support would cause him to be homeless. He could no longer afford to pay both the child support and his rent. So he chose his rent. I don't think a mother would do that, I am pretty sure a mother would chose to be homeless before she would allow her kid to be homeless. Because let's face it if the dad doesn't pay the child support how is the mom supposed to pay for the roof over the kid's head?

On an airplane, when I am told to put the oxygen mask on myself before my kids, I know that there is no way, I could do that. I don't care how many times they tell me or how logical their argument, my kid is getting the oxygen first. I know that a man came up with that rule. I know that my husband would put on his mask first, he would want to be prepared to take care of the family so he takes care of himself first. My brain just doesn't work that way. Which makes us a good team. But, if we were separated, I think kids need someone who would always put them first, make sure that they survive, that is a biological instinct in a mother. I think a father's biological instinct is for his survival first.

Jeff says I am sexist. What do you think? Is our current system of prejudice toward women in custody cases a good thing or a bad thing? Should more care be taken by the courts to spread custody more evenly between mothers and fathers? Are women biologically predisposed to be better parents?

bikini

I recently discovered the Perez Hilton blog, I was having so much guilty pleasure reading. It is like the National Enquirer on steroids. Until one day last week when Perez put up a picture of Lindsay Lohan's 13-year-old little sister in a bikini and called her a whore, or ho or something I forget. Now I had to delete the feed from my reader and I no longer read. So sad, it was fun laughing with Perez as he poked fun at celebrities.

I wore a tiny tiny itsy bitsy bikini when I was 13, so did Mandy. I am thinking this was the only time in my life that I actually looked good in a bikini. Just at the onset of puberty. I could slip into the bikini without having to spend 2 hours shaving. I had just begun to gain some curves, not too many curves like now, but that just right amount of curves that only exist when one is 13, or on a starvation diet. It is funny how I have tried for the rest of my life to recapture that look I had at 13.

I felt really beautiful in my tiny bikini. Never again did I ever have so much male attention. Everyone talked to me, sought out my attention, listened to what I had to say. It was so much fun. I would go to the community pool in my bikini. I would wear it camping at the lake. I would wear it in the front yard to get a tan or run through the sprinklers. I wore it to neighbors houses. I never again felt so beautiful. And by the thirteen year old standard of beauty I never again was so beautiful.

Things happened. I was groped. Boys made fun of the size of my breasts. I gained a few more curves. Soon the bikini was put away. When I read the comment that Perez made about a 13 year old girl being a whore for wearing a bikini it brought back memories of what it is like to be 13 and to be beautiful and to want to wear a bikini. What the reaction of men is to that bikini. I can still remember having grown men, make disparaging comments about the size of my breasts or the size of my butt or thighs. My first experience of being objectified.

When I was 13 my purpose in wearing a bikini was not to sexually stimulate the males. It was to feel pretty. To this day I don't wear makeup or pick my clothes based on trying to excite boys. Wanting to feel pretty really isn't about sex. Did you wear a bikini at 13? Do you object to 13-year-old's wearing bikinis? Is it in your opinion slutty to dress that way?

Party Girl

I have been trying to come up with the words for the post for awhile. Don't seem to have enough hours in the day to come up with thoughtful words. So here I am going to try to express myself off the cuff and most likely I will end up sounding like a big idiot. The thing is I am really interested in having the conversation with all of my blogging buddies, to wrap my mind around what you smart people think.

When I found out that Paris Hilton was going to have to go to jail, I have to admit I thought it was great. She has come to epitomize all the things that bug me about America, the entitlement, the celeb worship, the rich getting richer while the poor get poorer, the newsworthiness of Paris VS politics. It all really bugs me and taking her down a peg or two seemed like a great idea. Now I am not so sure. She is a young woman. Is she personally responsible for all the ails of America?

When I was that age if someone wanted to pay me 100k to go to a party, I know I would have taken the money gladly. And I am so grateful that all my thoughts and mistakes from my twenties have not been put out there for the whole world to laugh about. Yikes would I be embarrassed. Who wouldn't be?

Everyday on TV I see a lot of men, gleefully cheering about the suffering of Paris, and it is really making me feel icky. It is like the beheading of Marie Antoinette. What do you all think? Is she a scapegoat for a all the things wrong with America? Or is she an evil bitch who deserves what she gets?

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Book Club
We are waiting on a couple of people, including me, to have our discussion about Last Girls. At the end of Last Girls there are many discussion questions right there in the book.

Do we want to discuss all the questions? I kinda do, but I love discussions and I understand that might be too much.

Or do we want to each of us pick our favorite question or two?

Are there any volunteers on hosting the July book club discussion of The Memory Keeper's Daughter? I am happy to continue hosting the book club here, but perfectly happy to pass the duties around.

I want to nominate the next Harry Potter book for our August read, it comes out at the end of July. Are there any other suggestions for the August book?

My Gilded Cage

Little Lily likes to dress herself. If I dress her she has a meltdown of vast proportions. While there are many things in our day that I have had to stand up to Lily about, that she had horrendous screaming fits about, and I had to stand my ground, dressing herself is not one of those things. However, she knows that I know that if I help her she will have an enormous fit. Therefore she revels in the power she believes she holds in her tiny little hands when she is dressing herself. She will chat with me. She will sing songs, or whatever. She will take her time, while I sit next to her. She gets that little smile on her face, like, I have all the power, hee--hee-hee.

Even if we are getting dressed to go to the playground or the cookie store, Lily will take her time. I will remind her that we are off on a grand adventure and she will still take her time. Because she can. I imagine if I was in a hurry we wouldn’t have this moment. This moment that comes about everyday that gives Lily her power trip and seems to settle her in regards to fits and being contrary. It is also a moment of many laughs. This is the reason I like to be a stay at home mom. I feel our home is running smoothly at an unhurried pace. That everyone is getting the moments that they need.

On the other hand, everyday is a struggle for me as a stay at home mom. I have a lot of trouble pulling myself up out of the murky depth of one day after another. It is a vast gulf of repetition everyday. Endless dishes, laundry, vacuuming, scrubbing, cooking, more dishes. There are days, weeks even that I don’t have the will power to pick myself up and do all that crap one more day. I have to struggle against the lethargy of sitting on the couch and watching TV or reading blogs. If I am really good. If I make us a schedule and get outside, do crafts, keep the house clean, cook fabulous dinners; if I do my job with the vigor of a thousand women, life is exactly the same as if I spend the day watching soaps and eating cookies. I feel like the concept of accomplishment is abstract and hard to wrap my mind around. For me being a stay at home mom is hard.

For me the decision to stay home was not one made with absolute certainty, it was the lesser of two evils. In a way I am marking time until I get my degree, until Lily is in school, until Jeff retires from the military, until Mandy graduates from high school. Then I will be a working mom. Then the circumstances will finally be aligned in such a way that working will be the decision which will make a bit more sense. I imagine I will miss sitting on the floor and discussing the meaning of life with a three year old, while I patiently wait for her to put on her clothes so we can actually leave the house, my gilded cage.

Not Calm dot com

What I was trying to say about feminism, I think that Jen at Not Calm dot com did much better than I ever could. I think that different women feel very differently about feminism. That even women who have the same goals and beliefs in changes they would like to see effected in America disagree about the means by which those changes should occur. That we as women tend to feel that women who chose to live their lives differently are disrespecting our own values and these women upset us so much we cannot see past their lifestyle choices and find commonality.

Undermining a woman's self image is quite prevelent in our society. How many women do you know that are happy with themselves? We don't think we are good enough as mothers. We don't think we are pretty enough. We don't think that we are practical enough for politics or business. So we attack each other. Women in the work force tell the stay at home moms that they are boring loosers causing men to look down on women. Women who stay at home look at working women and say they are destroying the fabric of America by abandoning their children or by undermining the value of family.

I believe that there exists women in the majority who do not fall into either catagory, who are the women who have the most power. Women who understand the necessity for women to have equality in the work place and in politics and also understand the necessity of family.

We the boring unsensational women who can see both sides of the issue of what it means to be a woman have the ability to be heard by even the most extremist of feminists and traditionalists. Because we can if we try see their perspective. I can listen to my working childless friends and see their perspective. I can listen to my traditional stay at home friends and see their perspective. Because I can hear and speak either language I have more of an opportunity to reach common ground.

I believe that we are in need of better education and healthcare for the poor in America. I believe that these two issues are primarily women's issues. That if we, the women of America, could come together on these issues, we could effect change, make America better. Instead we are trowing stones and the issues fall to the wayside. Sorry I will get off my soap box.

Femme-Nazi

Remember back in the early 90's when Rush Limbaugh would call women femme-Nazis. I would hear that and want very much to be a femme-Nazi. I asked you all how you define feminism, so I will tell you what I think. Thanks by the way, you are all awesome and gave me a lot to think about.

Here in Misawa Jeff and I are great friends with another couple. They are about our age and they are both going to school, like us. I met them in a creative writing class. The husband is taking a math class and his professor was fired two weeks into the class, but kept to finish the term. This professor was horrid and my friend was very frustrated. I have always been great with math. I got 100% of all the points possible in all three semesters of Calculus, and I have tutored in math for more than 20 years. So I helped my friend out and he ended up getting a B. We were going for an A, but a B will do. Back in the day when I was taking math courses in college, I was almost always the only female in the class. It really upset the boys that I would get 100% on the tests because the teacher graded on a curve. My point is that to me math is not a gender specific skill, some people can do it and other cannot.

Back when I was a single mother I had to earn a living for my little family. When Jeff retires from his military career in 6 years I plan on starting a career of my own. The career of my choice is computers. I will have a degree and I expect to start at the bottom and work my way up the ladder. But, I expect to be treated fairly. I expect that my degree, my knowledge will be assessed fairly along with men. I believe that my degree and my experience is equal to the same degree and experience of a man. But, I know that I wont be paid as much or have as many job offers as I would if I were a man. I know this is true and I think it is unfair. I want to do my part to change that fact.

I do not think that men and women are the same. We are different in many ways. But, there are things that are the same to all people and things that are gender specific.

I also believe that women are much stronger and more competent than men, in general. Maybe that is why my friend things I am an extremist. When I got pregnant with Mandy I stepped up to the plate, I raised her, with no help from the father. It is culturally acceptable for men to walk away from kids, but not culturally acceptable for women to walk away from kids. Why is that? Because we all expect women to be able to handle it, but we don't expect men to be able to handle it. If a man does step up and is a great dad, we are impressed. Women we expect it, we find fault. I believe that taking care of a child is not gender specific and that men can be just as nurturing and great with kids as women and we should expect the same out of fathers as we expect out of mothers.

I don't think that men and women are the same. Just that there are things, we all do and can be accomplished with equal skill by either sex. Like jobs and child care.

Have you ever been at a meeting with both men and women, have you ever had an idea that was ignored because you don't have a penis? It is annoying.

History shows that women who try to change the social norms of their society face a lot of resentment and hate. That their lives are made very difficult. So being a feminist even today is hard. People say hateful things and try to make your life difficult, it is hard to be a revolutionary. Even when you are right. This is why being called a feminist is derogatory even though that is exactly what I am, what we all are.

Feminist

Are you a feminist? And what exactly does that mean to you?

I have always considered myself a feminist. The other day a good friend, called me a feminist and made it sound dirty. I was offended. But, I don't really know why, because I am a feminist.

She told me some of the things I say are extreme. I don't know what that means. I am racking my brain to think of what I have said that might be extreme. Is being a feminist mean that you are extreme? Extremely what? Can a stay at home housewife and mother be a feminist? I guess so. Does that make me less of a wife, less of a mother?

High heels

In my closet you will find dozens of pairs of high heel shoes. Yet, I cannot even remember the last time I actually wore a pair. I love them, but at the last moment cannot imagine spending time in them.

I am always facinated by the women who wear them. I wonder if their feet hurt as much as mine do when they stand there in those shoes. I wonder if there is some sort of secret way of standing/walking that they know and I don't know. Or are they just grinning and bearing it for the beauty?

The other day I was watching The View and Elisabeth said that she can tell if a woman is a democrat or republican by her shoes. I once told a very good friend of mine how much I dislike the opinions Elisabeth puts forth on that show and my friend accused me of being jealous because Elisabeth is so young, skinny, pretty and rich. My friend is very upset that I called Elisabeth hateful. To me it seems like she sizes up people. Are they protestant? Are they Republican? Are their shoes cute? And based on those things decides if she likes their opinions. If someone is in the club, anything they say or do is right. If someone is not in the club anything they say or do is wrong. I think this is hateful. Shouldn't it be the opinion that is weighed and measured? Not the shoes? Now I understand why when I was working that when I expressed an opinion and gave a valid reasoning people just stared and my shoes and said, no I don't agree.

In Tokyo I noticed that most of the women on the train/subway were wearing high heels. The really uncomfortable strappy/open toed kind. In Italy I don't believe I ever saw a single Italian woman, young or old, who wasn't wearing some sort of heel. Here in Misawa the only women I have ever seen wear heels are Americans. It is sometimes shocking to me to see a woman who by day wears a military uniform, with combat boots (literally) and by night wears strappy heels.

Is the difference that women who are on their feet for long periods of time, wear something comfortable? Women who only have to be on their feet for short periods of time, have a sit down job or don't work, wear heels? Is it a personality thing? Like if you are the type of person who wants to make a certain impression you wear heels no matter how much standing you do in the day? Is the difference that if you like yourself you wear something comfortable but if you are insecure and feel like you need to be uncomfortable for people to hear you, you wear a heel?

I have fell for the pressure to look good to the extent that I buy a lot of really cute shoes, but I don't tend to wear them very often. I wonder what political party that makes me? I will have to ask the all knowing Elisabeth from The View. Lord knows I wouldn't want my vote to be inconsistent with my foot wear.

I wish it were my Birthday

Because I really want this shirt.

Today Jeff sews on Master sergeant. Mandy, Lily and I will be dressed in pretty dresses. During the ceremony we get to go up on the stage and "tack" his new rank on him. This means we get to punch him in the arm very hard. Or we can be like Angel and kiss it on.

Mandy is working at the base hospital for the summer hire program this year. Last year she worked at the Post Office. At the post office there is no air conditioning and the job was very physical. Hard work builds character and all. This year her job is in the air conditioned hospital answering phones and running errand. Perhaps this will illustrate to her the difference between college and no college. Not that she needs the illustration she is a good student, just nice for her to know. She got the opportunity to watch a circumcision the other day. She was very excited. She thought it was the coolest thing she ever saw. I am so squeamish about blood and pain, but Mandy appears to the type to enjoy that type of thing. I am very grateful for all the opportunities she has been exposed to her at Misawa.

Next week our family is driving down to Tokyo. We are driving ourselves to a hotel in the middle of Tokyo. We got the directions and there is a map of the general area where we are going, there were so many lines on the maps, you know those pesky roads, that the print was so small it was very overwhelming to think I have to navigate us to a specific location in the middle of all that. Good luck. And then we have to find Disneyland from our hotel. I am having a little bit of a panic attack about this. I guess it doesn't really matter that the streets don't have names and aren't marked because there are so many and they are in a different language that even with names and street signs it wouldn't help.

I guess Tokyo is divided into areas, I cannot remember how many I think it was a forty? You follow the signs to your area. Within each area is neighborhoods, so once you are in your area you find your neighborhood. Then within a neighborhood there is 10 sections, label 0-9 you find your section. Then in your section is 10 blocks each block is labeled 0-9, you find your block. Once you have found your block you find the building with in your block each building is labeled with a number 0-9. I don't know what happens if there is more than 10 buildings on a block. So an address looks like this,

123 neighborhood, area

1 - being the building number
2 - being the block number
3 - being the section number

I also read that in Japan if you ask for directions, good luck Marsha does not speak Japanese, they will give you directions even if they don't know the way. It is a social taboo to say, "I don't know". People will make something up rather than say, "I don't know". Hopefully my blond baby will come in handy, for more than just candy this time.

How do I get myself into these things? Ok, panic attack is over. We will be fine. No worries. We have people to help us if we get lost we can call the hotel and they speak English. No worries. Just me having a panic attack.

Depression

Last night I went out for drinks with a friend at an Irish Pub. An Irish Pub in the middle of nowhere Japan you say, yes an Irish Pub. Owned and operated by an actual Irish man, with imported Irish drinks and food. It being a Wednesday evening, we are a day ahead of you, the Pub was nearly deserted. We sat together in a dark corner, sipping one cider after another for hours. It was lovely. Have you ever had Irish Cider? It is an apple cider, a dry apple cider with alcohol. It was wonderful, we also had fish and chips with malted vinegar.

There in the Irish Pub my friend and I discussed the meaning of life. We have concluded that (1) watching the news depresses us and (2)many of the women we know and love are depressed and feel guilty for being depressed. Why is that?

Is depression a sin? Does feeling run down and having a lack of zeal for life mean that a person is ungrateful and spoiled? Is it just women who feel this way?

It was lovely to get out. To sit and shoot the breeze with no worries for an entire evening.

Gabrielle

I was watching Desperate Housewives the other day, we are a few weeks behind y'all, this was the episode where Carlos and Gabrielle were debating the merits of having a nanny. Gabby said something like, "I will be a better mother if I have a good night sleep." I couldn't help but think, Amen.

This week Jeff has been out of town, so I haven't had much of a chance to be selfish. I have found that I am not as good at being a mom when he is away. It is the little things, like how much I smile, or how much patience I have.

With my sweet Lily, queen of defiance, we have developed a relationship of give and take. I have found ways to coerce her into behaving with my charm. I make doing what I want seem like it is way more fun than acting like a lunatic. But, not this week. I just want her to listen to me.

We were carrying the groceries from the car to the house. Lily wanted proceed up the path to our house, not by walking, but by hopping, not even by hopping regular, no she wanted us to hop backward. Arms full of groceries, Lily insisted we hop backwards. Of course, she wanted me to participate, she is the queen. When I refused, she threw herself to the ground and had an enormous melt down. When I walked away, she got up and ran away screaming.

This would never have happened if Jeff was home. See if Jeff was home, I would have smiled and agreed to hopping backward. I would have laughed and said, "I love hopping, good job Lily." It is not that he would have been there at that moment, he would have been off at work. But, everyday he spoils and pampers me just a little. It is so nice to be spoiled and pampered that I go through my day with a zest for life. No spoiling = no zest.

Gabrielle is my favorite Desperate Housewife. I think she may be my exact opposite, but I am working on being a bit more selfish and pampering myself a bit more. My grass does need cutting too.

Femme-Nazi

Mandy loves the TV show Smallville, have you seen it? A young Superman, with a really hot actor. So the other day when the movie Superman with Christopher Reeves came on we watched. Mandy had never seen it, weird the events of my life that are not a part of Mandy's life. Watching I noticed how Lois acted the whole movie and it reminded me of how most women were portrayed in TV and film back in those days. Annoying, dumb, weak and in desperate need of a savior. Pretty annoying.

Many of the TV shows popular today are the same, women are portrayed as being the stereotypical annoying bitch. Like Deborah in Everybody Love Raymond. I really hate her. How she is such a spoil sport, no fun, a real bitch. My family, I try to explain to them why there are shows I won't watch, Like Raymond. I don't care if it is funny or not, it just really makes me mad so I don't watch.

I remember back in the mid 90's, listening to Rush Limbaugh for the first and only time on the radio. I remember him referring to women like me as femme-Nazis. That's me a rabid femme-Nazi. I get really upset about these seemingly small details.

Mandy is taking an etiquette course at school right now. They believe it is important for our future kids to be aware of proper etiquette. This will help them in their business life. One aspect was that Mandy had to go to a formal dinner with her dad, all dressed up. And Mandy had to properly introduce him to her friends, teacher and to a high ranking base official ( in years past it was a general, but not this year). The next day she had to perform various tasks, and I had to sign a paper saying that she had done the tasks. Tasks like setting the table.

The thing that bothered me was that in this etiquette course they gave specific instructions as to how girls should act and how boys should act. It really bothered me. Would it be ok for them to say, all the black children your etiquette is this, and all the white children your etiquette is this... Then on this worksheet where I have to initial that Mandy did her tasks they asked me to give comments. It was actually worth 4 points for me to give comments. I really wanted to give some femme-Nazi comments. How dare they teach my daughter her proper place. How dare they suggest that in a business setting she should behave differently than the men because, what she doesn't have a penis. So mad.

Mandy told me to get over it. She said that it is important for her to know this crap. What if she is on a job interview and she started going off about feminism crap, would she get the job? So I wrote in the comments section

Mandy appears to know more about etiquette than me.

To be honest, the reason I don't work is by enlarge due to the fact that all of my working experience has been up until this point so completely nerve grating due to sexism that I cannot function in my role as wife and mother. I come home so pissed off that I just don't shift well into being a nurturing type person. Now, not working being a wife I am treated so well by everyone. I love it. I know that it is in and of itself disrespectful to be nice to me the non-working Marsha and be mean to the working Marsha, but I like the nice. Someday I will re-enter the work force and be treated again like a dog. My ideas will be dismissed while penis boy will be treated with respect. I will do my best to change the hearts and minds of the penis boys about how smart and competent women are, and hopefully improve the quality of work place treatment so that when my girls enter the work force they will be treated better. But, for now I am enjoying the break from the battle of the sexes.

Mandy's etiquette lessons only show how far we still have to go. So mad.

Remembrance of Betty Friedan (1921-2006)

Even as a stay at home mom, I am proud to be a feminist. I am in awe of the sacrifices that so many women, most especially Betty Friedan, made which changed our country forever.

Volleyball

The weird thing is that my finger is growing back. It was like a scoop had been taken out of it but now, a bubble is forming. Amazing, I am growing a new finger tip.

Mandy has been playing on the girls volleyball team this year. She is great and I can see a real difference in her self confidence. She walks taller, her head held a bit higher. Those girls really work hard.

I went to a game a few Saturday's back and I noticed that all of the girls were confident. I got to thinking that I don't think I have ever had the pleasure of seeing a room full of high school girls who possesed such amazing self esteem.

I have never really been a sports fan at all, now I get it. It is amazing how much of the world I was missing out on.