Sleep

Last night I actually slept through the night. It was the first time in ages. Since before my trip to America I think. I feel like a bit of the fog that has been around my brain has lifted.

The home buying process is very frustration right now, from Japan it is very difficult to get people to respond in a timely manner. We have been staying up late and getting up early to call and they are still not returning calls or answering emails. Very frustrating.

I am back in the grind of my daily life. I have been hugging the girls a little extra and sitting down with them for long chats and fun. The hours of the day slip between my fingers. I feel like I am spending every moment in pursuit of some goal and yet no goals are accomplished. I guess this is my comfort zone and where I am happy, but not sure the house is going to get cleaned by me.

The weather here has been delightful. Except today it is raining. Lily and I have been at the playground and off on walks for hours everyday. Trying to get over my jetlag and to get her tired enough to nap. Nothing really exciting going on just life in general. I have to tell you I have no idea what day of the week it is today. I am going to have to sit down and make a schedule now that my brain is cleared from the time travel fog.

Jet Lag

Boy have I got it bad. I wake up at about midnight full of energy. I poop out about 3 p.m. so tired I can't see straight. All of my known jet lag remedies are not currently working. I guess I am going to have to break down and go to the gym today.

home

I made it home safe and sound. It was a long trip, but I got here. I came home to happy, healthy, clean children, and a clean house.

I spent all morning with Lily. I gave her 100% of my undivided attention. She was a little bent out of shape, understandably but in the end she hugged me and said Mommy's home!

I spent the evening chaperoning Mandy's Sweet Sixteen birthday party. Jeff and Mandy made all the arrangements. We went bowling with some of her friends. Turns out if you go bowling from 7-9pm on a Saturday on a military base you are surrounded by cute young men. Mandy and her friends had a blast, my eyes were really opened to the fact that Mandy is (or will be) 16 on Monday. Having cute young men fall all over themselves to flirt with you really does make a birthday party sizzle. She invited me to bowl with her and her friends. I thought I was going to have to wait in the car or something, but she is a very delightful young woman and all the girls were very respectful and sweet. So that was fun.

My trip home was a whopping 28 hours, and the night before the trip home I only got 3 hours sleep (I was excited and worried). Still, I had trouble sleeping last night. Partly because I kept waking up with charlie horse cramps in my legs. That happened when I first arrived in America. I think it is all the hours in cramped spaces with no moving? Even though I am so tired I feel like I am in another dimension, I still am having trouble settling down enough to sleep. Hopefully tonight will be better.

One more flight and I am done with it. I have a month to prepare for the final journey out of here. I am thinking I am going to work on exercising a little more to improve my circulation. I so wish I could take a boat back. It would probably get me there faster. The flight from Atlanta to Tokyo was only 14 1/2 hours, the other 14 hours of the trip is crap. I had to take three trains. I had a reserved seat on each of the trains, but that would have meant waiting at the train station/airport for two hours before starting my journey. They will allow you to use your pre-bought ticket on an earlier train, but you don't get a seat. I chose the earlier train which meant I got home an 1 1/2 earlier but it also meant I had to stand up for 1 hour on the first train, and 4 hours on the second train, and 30 minutes on the last train. I was thinking it wouldn't be so bad since I had spent the past 20 hours sitting on airplanes and in waiting rooms, but it was not a lot of fun. But, I am home safe and sound with my dear family. They appear to have survived very nicely without me. Yet, they are all very happy to see me and I guess at the end of the day, I need them more than they need me. Except 10 days isn't years and years of doing it, but still they are all very competent. Jeff even says it was relaxing to not have to deal with work crap, I guess Lily and her issues is not as upsetting for Jeff as work crap.

MishMash

I think the decision to be a stay at home mother was a decision I made with my gut more than with my head. I have noticed over the last few years that in Misawa, Japan (the Americans living there) there are more women who choose to stay at home with the kids than there typically are in the US. I think that there are not really a lot of jobs available. Of those women who choose to be stay at home moms, some of us clean our own homes and some of us hire a Mama-San (cleaning woman). I have continuously noticed that the women who choose to hire a Mama-San are thin, with great hair, makeup, clothes... They look great, they appear happy, their kids appear happy, I am so jealous. No matter how I try I never seem able to "pull it all off". Something is always let to slip. Those of us who do not hire help and clean our own homes we all look pretty dumpy. Nice that it is not just me. I usually feel like I have not accomplished a single thing in an entire day, or week, or month. The hours drag on and I feel left behind and of little or no value.

I thought this trip would be so great. A chance to not have to do all that mundane work all day long. A chance to relax and re-group. A chance to think my own thoughts and do my own thing. A chance to ... The thing is that it is so different being away from my family. I guess it is a gut level thing or something. My job no longer seems hard, from far away. I guess I didn't realize how happy I am all the time. How much I laugh and smile and sing.

I have gotten the chance to watch as much tv as I want, watch the whole show without someone talking to me. I have gotten the chance to eat anything I want, as much as I want. I have gotten the chance to sleep as late as I want or to stay up as late as I want. It is all about me here. And it is no fun at all. While cooking, and cleaning, and shopping, and disciplining the girls is really no fun at all either it is much better than being on my own.

A co-worker many years ago, I remember that she was feeling a bit over whelmed and she went on a trip by herself, left her husband with the three kids. She came home from the trip and was so disconnected from her family she ended up moving out and leaving him and the three small children. After about a month she got over what ever was bugging her and missed her old life. I think that the damage had already been done by then, but I moved away so I am not really sure if they got back together or not. I don't feel like that at all, like I need more of a break. Like the other side is calling me, I feel like I chose the life I have and it is just right for me. Isn't that boring.

I really miss how it feels to have Lily say, "Good Morning, Mommy". Of course this is usually followed by a fit because of some thing that has frustrated her in some way, but that initial good morning is wonderful. And Mandy, she is always reading something philosophically interesting and just lights up when she tells me all about it. And Jeff who is just always so steady. How romantic a description. The girls and I are so all over the place emotional and Jeff is always happy and it is nice to be able to depend on that to be able to approach him at any time and be certain that the response will be easy and good. He is also a nut and ruggedly handsome. There is that a better description?

Sorry I am sure you are all sick of hearing me miss my family....

We have to clean our house before moving out. We have a big check list and the house is enormous. We have to clean all the appliances like new, washer, dryer, dishwasher, oven, stove, refrigerator... We have to clean all the windows and blinds. Plus the carpets, floors have to be waxed, bathroom tiles like new, cupboards wiped down inside and out. We have about a month to get it all done and most of our stuff is gone so while it will be a lot of work I am thinking we should go ahead and do it. What I mean to say is that I will end up doing it all. Jeff wants to hire a cleaning company to do it, which costs abut $500. I am thinking it would be better to spend that money on our new house. You know those people don't have to clean it as good as we are going to be cleaning our house, hell it is sold, what do they care. So anyways, what should I do, save the money and work my ass off or hire the help and have less stress during the move?

I am so not looking forward to the flight home tomorrow, I have more than 30 hours of travel time going in this direction due to the fact that my plane gets into Tokyo so late I will have to take trains up to Misawa, lost of planes, lots of trains.

I guess I should have used some bullets as this was a very disorganized mishmash of everything in my head. I guess I am not able to organize my thoughts so well without the steadying influence of the family.

home inspection

There is a lot to this buying a house thing. I had the home inspection yesterday and it went well. The inspector said that ours is a very nice, well maintained home in good condition. This being the second time I visited the house and spending two and a half hours there I was able to really see many details that I had missed before. Like a lemon tree in the back yard, or the ceramic tile floors. I swear I love the house more now than even before. We walked down the street and around the neighborhood a bit and it is lovely. There are many old oak trees in our yard and in all the neighbors yards. It felt right and tranquil and like home. So, I am so excited to come back and show it to the family. I think they will be extremely pleased.

I am not really looking forward to the flight home, and the trains, it will be a very long trip, but worth it, I do so miss the family. I think the flight home is quicker if I remember correctly the wind is at our back on the way home?? Maybe not, one of the flights is longer than the other, can't remember which. Either way it is a long journey.

a fish out of water

I sure do miss my family. I am such a wimp.

we got it!

We went back and forth on the price, but finally came to an agreement. Stayed where we needed to stay, but just barely, went right up to the very edge of what we decided we can afford. The pics are in a weird order but you can get an idea, the first ones are of what will be Mandy's room.


Next is what will be Lily's room.



Next is the main bathroom.

more of Mandy's room.
kitchen


The table is in the kitchen area, I am standing in the kitchen looking at the table, under the arch is the living room, to the left is the open door to the laundry room, the closed door is a pantry. There is a window to the right that is not pictured and one behind me above the sink.
Lily's room again. master bathroom sink
master bedroom closet, there are two identical little walk in closets.
this view is from the living room, the front door is right behind me, kitchen is to the right, bedrooms are to the left, windows look out to the back yard
kitchen
laundry room, which is off the kitchen, the door leads to the garage
backyard and deck, which leads to an above ground pool we will have to buy.
back door
living room, you can see the open front door, the archway going to the girls room and main bath
view from mather bedroom looking toward the master bathroom
master bedroom looking toward the living room

back of the house
front of the house

To answer some questions

I should be hearing about the house any moment now... In the meantime I thought I would answer some of your questions.

Can we rent? Yes, we can rent. We can also live on the base for no rent, no utilities. We have a lot of options. This means unless I find the house of our dreams, at a price we can afford, we will not buy. This house I am waiting on is the house of my dreams and I believe it has a good resale value, so if we get moved again, we wont lose money. In the military I you choose to live off base (rent or own) they increase your pay by a little bit. So living on base we would have a smaller paycheck with fewer bills and off base a bigger paycheck with more bills. But, with a home you can hopefully build equity and when it sells have a tiny bit of a down payment for the next house? The VA guarantees loans for military families so we don't have to make a down payment. That make bigger monthly payments, and all this is why we can only afford a reasonably priced house. Don't want to become house poor.

Why is the time stamp on my posts weird? We live in Japan and the time stamp is in the Japanese time zone 15 hours ahead of Central Time Zone, where I am right now. While I am in America right now I still have the blogger time stamp set to Japan time, I guess when I move I will change it to be Central Time Zone.

I think that was all the questions? Keep wishing me luck

We found it

I found our dream house! Actually I found 4, but one in particular. It is so wonderful. What a difference a day makes. I think my realator did it on purpose, took me to all the overpriced crap houses on day one so I would be more reasonable on day two. I've been played. I didn't go up in price! The house is listed at about $9,000 more than the maximum amount we want to pay. We bid 10k less and asked for $2,000 in closing costs, a 1 year warranty. So cross your fingers. Ask for the world right. It is so lovely! But, I have 3 others that will do. Thanks for all the support! Keep your fingers crossed for me! What a day!

House hunting sucks

So far nothing good. What we are willing to pay is about enough to buy a cardboard box, with a leaky roof in the middle of a swamp. Hopefully I will find something today, but yesterday was so sad. I guess it is true what they say about a two income family, you need to be one to buy a home in America. Yesterday, I was so happy to be in America, now I miss Japan. Today is another day.

Mandy and I were watching Gone with the Wind the other day, one of my all time favorite movies. Read the book many times too. She came into the movie almost at the end and was asking me all kinds of questions, so I did a quick synopsis of the movie for her, and so I say to you, "I will think about that later, Tomorrow is another day". I probably got that quote all wrong, does anyone know the actual quote. I will be Scarlett today dammit and find me a house. Everyone keeps telling me to just go up in price and pay more, but we can't afford more. What is the use of living in a nice house if you can't afford to eat? Anyways, best go find me a house. Good thoughts.

Hello America

I made it here to Mississippi safely. I am about to start my adventure looking for a new home in about a 1/2 an hour. yeah, I am so excited. America is just how I left it, wonderful, marvelous. You should have seen the smile on my face, hearing all the lovely English and such. I can't put my finger on what it is, but so glad to be here!

travel time

I did some calculating and it turns out that from the time the plane wheels leave the ground here in Misawa, until another plane's wheels touch the ground in Mississippi will take 22 hours. There will be a lot of landing and taking off, riding busses, and being frisked in between. The flight from Tokyo to Atlanta lands two hours before it left. (15 hour time zone difference with a 13 hour flight). I love time travel.

I was remember when I brought Lily home from the hospital. I had an easy delivery and the next day I was feeling pretty good. I decided to cook dinner for the family. Something easy, mac n cheese, the kraft type. I boiled the water, added the noodles, and the yellow powder. Yes, I poured the yellow powder right into the boiling water with the noodles. This is when I realized, I may not have bounced by all the way from having Lily quite yet.

I have read that women loose 20% of their brain function after giving birth. Perhaps, who can argue with science? I think it has more to do with all the extra stuff that gets crammed into your brain after the baby is born. Like every ounce of formula or breast milk, every diaper change and what it looked like, how much they have slept, rashes, how many diapers are left, what are the hours the store that sells diapers is open, do I have enough money for diapers, how many hairs on their head, how they like to be held..... you get the idea. I think that after about 24 hours your brain starts leaking all the information you have acumulated your entire life, just because it gets over filled. Or maybe I just have a small brain.

I am used to multitasking, thinking of three things at once etc, but when the babies are little I loose that ability because I am already multi-tasking to the limit. Anyways, I am looking forward to a bit of a break. To be able to turn it all off for a few days. Just to think about me, myself, and I. And I get to buy a house!

Do you wipe the snot off of their faces?

I guess my big declaration that I would be blogging was a bit premature. Turns out there was a ton of stuff I still needed to get done around here. Who knew?

Yesterday, while I was wiping the snot from Miss Lily's nose for the 150th time. I made sure that every last trace of snot was gone from her face, even got a wipey(diaper wipe) to make sure I got every last trace of snot. Then I washed my hands thoroughly. Isn't this the most exciting post you have ever read? I haven't caught her cold yet, I leave for Mississippi in a week so I suppose that the germs are waiting for to get me while I travel. The point is the snot removal...

Back a few years ago when I first married Jeff, I found myself working at a daycare center in the pre-school (3-5 year old) room. I prided myself on my level of knowledge and work ethic at that center. We had a room full of very difficult children. There were 24 children and 2 adults in our classroom. One of the kids, his nose was runny just about everyday and his mother was always complaining that I didn't wipe his nose enough. I wiped it every five minutes, then washed my hands to not spread it to the other kids, but this just wasn't good enough for this mother. She could not bear to see her precious with a snotty dirty face.

To top it off this was the most difficult child in the class. If he wasn't getting a caregivers undivided attention at all times, he would become very disruptive. On the day I quit the center I remember looking around the table at lunch time and noticing that more than half of all the kids in the class had evidence of this disruptive behavior on their faces, including me. The evidence came in the form of bruises, which came usually from a kick to the head, at least in my case it did. Therefore the majority of my day had been spent caring for this boy, keeping him (not always successfully) away from the other kids, protecting my head, etc. Now his mother comes to pick him up and screams at me that there is a bit of dried snot on his "precious" little face. Drove me crazy those parents did.

As I said, I worked very hard at being the best caregiver I could be. I really bought into the Montessori teaching method of the preschool and I worked it to the best of my ability. As did all the other teachers. But, we just couldn't get this boy and a handful of other boys who would follow his lead, we couldn't get them to cooperate. As time went by I really did not enjoy the company of this little boy anymore, nor did I enjoy my job, and I quit.

I have been noticing that Lily's gymnastics teacher feels that way about Lily. She is good at her job, she does the best she can, but Lily is the bane of her existence. Last week she (the teacher) went off on Lily and it was for me the final straw. I don't pay all that money to have my child screamed at and humiliated, ya know? I feel for the teacher, Lily is hard. She isn't mean like that little boy, but she prefers giggling to sitting quietly, and she prefers running around to sitting quietly. There seems to be a whole lot of sitting quietly in this class. All the other children sit quietly, they do it so well. Not Lily, she loves to make her friends laugh and to laugh herself, she could care less about gymnastics, just wants to have a good time.

This has been coming on for awhile. I never said anything to the teacher and I realize in hindsight this was a mistake. At the time I felt bad that Lily is so hard for the teacher who seems like such a sweet girl and is trying so hard. I get pretty frustrated by Lily myself, sometimes. I felt bad that all the other little children sit quietly and listen while Lily is not interested at all in being compliant. No amount of screaming her name in loud and angry tones will rectify her desire to have fun. I should have been an advocate for Lily instead of feeling bad for the teacher. I need to get me some of that fearless grit that Lily has so much of and speak my mind. I believe that over the years I will have to have many chats with teachers and my job is not to feel for the teacher but to be Lily's strongest champion. To point out to the teacher she is so sweet and she just needs to be asked in a nice voice, yelling seems to make her more obstinate, and doesn't she (a three year old) deserve to be spoken to in an appropriate voice. I guess I will have to work on my methods and empathy for the teacher might help me in getting them to see my point. Maybe presents?

This all occurred the day before my first final. I was very stressed. I left gymnastics, screaming child in tow. She had been screamed at, given a time out during playtime, and didn't get her sticker. The whole thing was done with a lot of malice. For instance, when Lily was given a time out during playtime, all the other little children wanted to sit with their best friend Lily and instead the teacher started to play with different things and tell them how good they all are to try and make Lily's timeout more painful for her. Then at sticker time, she invited Lily to the sticker receiving area, gave everyone a sticker and then told Lily, No Sticker For You. Plus, all the screaming at her the entire hour. I feel so bad for not stopping it. I need to stop judging myself for having an ornery kid and start being Lily's biggest advocate.

Anyways, I went to talk to Jeff, I was very upset by the whole thing. And it is a situation that has been escalating for months. Jeff was in a meeting so I went home. On the way home I drove past the youth center, and I decided to stop and withdrawal Lily from gymnastics. I went in and tried to do this nicely, but they kept asking me questions, why, why, why? I started to cry and cry, (I am so embarrassed) it took me a 1/2 an hour and a bucket of tears, but I got it all explained and gave my two week notice. I have to pay for two more classes, can you believe that? I should show up and force that B*tch to be nice to my baby for two more weeks. Wouldn't that be fun? OH, yeah Lily is sick this week.

I now see the point of the mother whose brat I used to care for, why she was upset about the snot. I think it has to do with dignity. You can follow all the rules while caring for a child but still not give them their dignity. You really have to see a child as a person to care about the snot on their face.

funny

Here is a funny to make up for my lack of blogging. I hope you enjoy it, there is audio.

http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnd.com/

Finally

Finally my classes are done, the last final has been taken and I am on vacation. What a relief. The last few days have been crazy. I haven't been able to sleep my mind has been ready to explode.

I started school to get a degree, but also as a way to have something in my daily life which is all for me. I get to be Marsha instead of Jeff's wife, or Mandy's mom, or Lily's mom, just me. People I interact with who only know me for me. And an opportunity to complete tasks. Not so much of that sense of completion in the stay at home mommy business. School was something special I was doing for me. In the last year, with all the moving stress, and taking too many classes all at once, it has become a burden. So I am glad for the break from my special time? Somehow it makes sense.

I am actually looking forward to cooking real meals, getting the house REALLY clean, reading a book, and going off to Mississippi all on my own. And blogging, I am excited that I have all the time in the world to read everyone's blogs and leave comments.

So hello everybody, Marsha is back.