Univ. Dorms or Community College

That is the question which is currently plaguing Mandy's life.

Turns out we did our best but we were only able to save enough money for about one semester of tuition for Mandy at a University. Which means if she goes away to college it will be with loans. I actually applied for financial aide in order that I could finish my degree this year and I was denied. We make even more money this year and I am pretty certain we will not be able to get any grants. Mandy will apply for some scholarships but we are doubtful in that area as well. She got good enough grades to get into the college of her choice but beyond that scholarships are not likely.

Mandy could save $24,0000 dollars if she went the community college route instead of the living in the dorms at the university route. I crunched the numbers and living at home all four years, going to the local community college the first two years and then going to her university of choice from home via a satellite campus just down the road would give her the opportunity to receive the exact same degree at a savings of $24,0000. That is a lot of money in our family.

I haven't even gotten one degree yet. I think of college as something I wanted to give my daughter more than anything. I am so upset that over the last eighteen years I did not save more and I am not able to give her this free and clear. Feeling like a failure. I know that my decision to be a stay at home mom for the last seven years is the major reason we do not have the money saved to send her away free and clear. I am feeling pretty low. I have to admit here that my decision to be a stay at home mom was mostly for me. I love this job. These years have been the best of my life. I feel like staying home with my kids is the one thing in this world that I was born to do. It is my favorite thing, my passion.

I know that my being home has been beneficial to Amanda. Mandy was in daycare from four until eleven, before and after school. I couldn't afford world class care and so she got the other kind of care. She hated it. Mandy's personality is the type that she likes coming home and being with mom. I have also been able to drive her to work everyday. Drive her to volleyball everyday. She was able to do a lot of things that she wouldn't have been able to do because I was always able to drop everything and give her what she needed. But, for the most part being a stay at home mom has made my job as mom easier and given me the chance to do the mom thing without the added stress of a job. I am not the type of person who does stress well. I like this laid back life. I gave up having extra stuff so that I could really enjoy the years my kids are young. But, I also gave up the ability for the rest of the family to have a lot of cool stuff that extra cash can give. They all agree that my being home adds to the quality of their lives in non-monetary ways. But, I still feel bad that my decision has cost Amanda the chance to go away to college free and clear of any financial concerns.

If Mandy chooses to go away to school. We have told her that we are prepared to take on as much of the financial burden as possible to limit the amount of money borrowed. We will help her pay back whatever money she does end up having to borrow. We have above 800 credit scores and will be able to get her the best interest available. She can live at home after college while she is getting her loan paid off and working her way up the corporate ladder. But, at the end of the day she will be responsible for paying off a large portion of her college tuition.

Currently Mandy has no idea what she wants to pick as her major, what she wants to do for a living etc. Which means she most likely will end up on the five year college plan. Which will add even more debt to her student loan if she chooses the university route. Mandy is also worried about being around a bunch of people whose morality is not like her own. She is very much against drinking, drugs and sex. She didn't get those ideals from me but that is how she feels and she is worried that living in the dorms she will be a fish out of water.

I put this forth because I know that most of my readers are products of the college dorm and have university degrees. So enlighten me folks. What am I missing. Why should I encourage my reluctant to go away to college daughter to actually go away to college. After taking into consideration the money and lack of direction, what are the advantages of going away to college? Also take into consideration the fact that Mandy has traveled the world: Europe, Africa, Asia. The choice is hers, we often discuss the pros and cons of each side and the pros for going away to college I don't have anything to add to that list. I say something like: experience of a lifetime and she says something like, quit saying that mom. So give me some reasons for going away to college or tell me that community college and living at home are not the worst thing in the world.

Entitlement Anyone - Who Me?

A few days ago Jeff was off from work on a school day. We had the opportunity to have the house to ourselves. Which is not something that happens very often. We decided to get some lunch to go from one of our favorite spots and then watch a movie at home. Jeff called in the order while I drove the 20 minutes to pick it up. This spot is a bit of a drive from our house and it is a little more expensive than our normal fare.

I ended up getting bad service and the food ended up being edible but not as spectacular as usual. We are currently having to tighten the belt with our finances quite a bit. I was extremely disappointed that I had spent so much money and time to get this special lunch and then it was not a pleasant experience. I told Jeff that I was over that restaurant and I had no plans to ever go back. He agreed.

Later I was driving Mandy to work and told her about the experience. When I got to the part about never wanting to go back, she got very upset with me. For the record there isn't a single thing Mandy would eat at the restaurant, but still it is the principle of the thing. She told me that customers where she works (cashier at a grocery store) are always acting like that (like me?). She tells me that sometimes people have bad days, no one is perfect, that I need to lighten up. It got me to thinking that perhaps I am being a tad judgmental. Especially since I have received excellent service and food at that restaurant on at least a dozen occasions.

I have always been under the mistaken impression that Mandy has some entitlement issues. Perhaps that particular issue is more mine than hers.

Recptive and Expressive Language Delay

Many of you have been urging me to speak to Lily's teacher. I have been putting it off. I am a wuss when it comes to confrontations. To recap, Lily's teacher tested her ability to read and recognize letters etc - Lily did poorly on the test. This came as a shock to me because she if very good at doing these types of things at home.

We had another incident. The kids started coming home with books to read. They are cute little books containing three letter words the kids can sound out based on the letters they have learned so far this year. Lily read the book and had so much fun she has read it to me more than 100 times. The first time you read a book on your own its a little magical. Once the child could read the book we are supposed to send it back in so they can be tested. Lily did not do well on the test.

Another book comes home. This one I am supposed to read to Lily because it is supposedly beyond her reading level. She read it to me no problem. I was a little amazed. Seems she understands how to sound out words. She read the book to me several times. We talked about the story over and over. I was absolutely certain that she understood how to read each word in the book and also understood what the teachers call fluency (meaning she knows what the words mean). I signed the paper and sent the book back to school and Lily came home with a note saying her score was 0% and that I need to make sure she understands the book before I sign the paper.

I didn't know what to do. I was very upset. Jeff happened to be home from work that day and told me to write an email to the teacher. I didn't want to. I didn't know what to say. So Jeff wrote the email. The teacher called us back immediately and I got the phone. I was hoping he would.

I talked to the teacher for almost an hour. Turns out that she knows Lily is an excellent reader. She knows that Lily is very bright. She knows that I work with her and she appreciates all I do. She says Lily is very well behaved too. But... She believes that Lily is having a problem with her ability to understand and communicate language. The fancy words are expressive and receptive language. while Lily is doing well in class even better than most, it takes her a long time to understand directions etc.

This conversation was like a light bulb moment for me. The teacher had literally explained my child to me. I have always known that she is not exactly the same as everyone else. I mean she is very smart, so it is hard to explain what is different. She has an excellent vocabulary and speaks well, but her ability to have a conversation is limited. Meaning she often doesn't answer questions. I will be talking about one thing and she will be talking about something else. Getting a connection with Lily is a challenge. I often times have to repeat things or demonstrate things in a demonstrative manner before she knows what I mean. I guess I have been doing this intuitively. I love Lily's teacher. I can't believe how many times I have taken her to the doctor or written on my blog about something and not been able to figure it out.

Right now we are in the process of going through paperwork and talking to the speech teacher and head teacher to see if we need to come up with a program. We will at some point have a meeting all together. I don't know that there is any intervention needed because she is doing quite well in school. It is just nice that the teacher and I both understand that she isn't always able to understand directions right off the bat. It isn't that she isn't listening or paying attention, she isn't being bad. It may be something she will just grow out of and catch up with her peers or it may just be the way she is.

I read that all children with Autism have this problem too. The thing is that Lily's isn't that severe. I think the biggest problem is that she is ahead of her peers cognitively and behind in her language skills. It must be hard to not have the language ability to express all that goes on in her head. It is not for a lack of trying because she talks pretty much every waking moment. I guess she is working on things.

That is what is up with the Lily bug, she learned how to read - she is reading whole actual books it makes me want to sing and dance. And her teacher figured out what it is about Lily that is just a little bit different than other kids. She has a little bit of trouble processing language.

My Independent Kids are Annoying Me

I thought that tarot card thing in the last post was freakishly correct. That sums me up with a tidy little bow. I am always falling in love with something or someone. Could be anything but I get all excited like a new love. Oh well, I may be a dork but I am LOVING life.

Lily woke up this morning around 5AM. Her usual time is 6AM. Last night she fell asleep around 5PM. I couldn't wake her up. She missed dinner and her bath. She really didn't eat as much this morning as I expected having missed dinner.

We normally spend 40 minutes getting ready. There is actually only about 10 or 15 minutes of getting ready and the rest of the time is spent meandering. Lily is not a rushing type of person. She gets crazy if we have to hurry. So, I get her up probably earlier than most parents and we have a silly time together in the morning.

Today we added an hour to our morning ritual that is already stretched out pretty far for what we have to accomplish. We ate two breakfasts. We read a book. We cut the box tops and glued them to a sheet. It was weird to have all that time together in the morning. Weird but nice.

I have to admit that I miss the girls during the day so much. It is still feeling like someone ripped off my left arm. A hole in my heart. I am such a baby. I love, having a job and doing volunteer work. I love how I spend my day. I enjoy the fact that our time together is spent in a routine and we don't fight or have very many discipline problems anymore.

It must be some instinctual Mama Bear thing. Because I love the way our life is set up right now. Lily is thriving in her school environment and we still have tons of time for just us. I now have more time for me and to make friends and accomplish things outside of cooking, cleaning, discipling, etc. But, that tug is sometimes painful still.

The funny thing is that while I volunteer at the school a lot, Lily doesn't like me to visit her. So I stay away from her class. I help in other classes and I help in ways that don't put me in contact with Lily. All of Lily's life she has been a not so very affectionate person. As a baby she wanted to be put down so she could see the world and figure out how to climb on top of my dinning room table etc. All her life hugs and kisses have been quick and cuddling has been rare. Now, she comes home from school and she lets me love her just a little bit more. I think she must miss me a bit too. She will willingly climb into my lap and just be. I have always been more affectionate than my children can stand. I think it is a good thing when they are the ones to say enough already mom.

Today the kindergarten is having the first field trip. I always went on all of Mandy's field trips. Lily doesn't want me to come, so I am not going to be there. Somehow that really hurts my feelings. I usually don't have my feelings hurt at all when she says, enough already mom. Even though I want to go, I am staying home. I am not even going to go and volunteer doing my normal Wednesday stuff at the school. I guess I am pouting. Maybe she will see all the other moms there and next time she will want to include me. Or maybe not. I think that for Lily school is something that is all hers and she likes it that way.

However, I am very lucky that Mandy is getting out of school early today and we are spending the morning together. She will most likely want to go to her room and nap. Hopefully she will want to eat lunch with me and go shopping. Kids!

The Lover

You are The Lovers

Motive, power, and action, arising from Inspiration and Impulse.

The Lovers represents intuition and inspiration. Very often a choice needs to be made.

Originally, this card was called just LOVE. And that's actually more apt than "Lovers." Love follows in this sequence of growth and maturity. And, coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can't understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. And that is what this card is all about. Finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. This card indicates that the you have or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing that you will fall in love with. You will know instinctively that you must have this, even if it means diverging from your chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it you will never be complete.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Stolen from Jennifer

The $50 Book

Last week I got a letter from the library telling me that we had two overdue books. They were both books I had checked out for Lily. I searched the house and didn't find them. I felt sure that I must have returned the books and the library must have made a mistake.

Sunday, Lily woke up with three large bites on her legs. This has been happening a lot lately. It has really been driving me crazy because here in Mississippi, in my county, we have cases of West Nile and malaria. Every bite concerns me to no end. I check the animals for bites and fleas daily. I had the yard professional sprayed, etc. Lily is the only one in the family who gets bites. I keep the house clean, I keep the porch etc swept, there is no standing water. I just don't know why she keeps getting bites. I decided there must be something in her room.

I spent the entire day Sunday cleaning her room. We, Lily and I, took every item out of her room including her bed, mattress, and headboard. This is when I discovered that she had been sliding things like her library book between the mattress and her headboard into a secret little cave behind her headboard. I only found one of the overdue library books. We threw away three large bags of old toys, we gave some of the nicer things away, we sorted the rest and put it all away nicely. It was a miracle since Lily and I have trouble working together, each of us is bossy and likes her own way. I went into tell Jeff how frustrated I was about 20 times. Then, I discovered that actually talking to Lily and explaining why I wanted to do this or that worked really well. She is really enjoying her very organized room. We even got new curtains. We did not however find the missing library book or any bugs at all.

Today I went to the library to return the overdue book and pay for the lost book. They asked me if I was really sure it was lost. They told me it would cost me, $25 transaction fee, plus the $12.95 replacement fee, and the $2.70 late fee. They told me this was non-refundable. The nice lady asked me again if I wanted to wait a little while and see if the book turned up. I told her I was sure I wanted to pay for it now. She asked me to wait a minute while she checked the shelf just to be sure. I waited, she did not find the book. I paid, a total of $43.95 when you add on the other $2.70 for the other late book. OK, that totally might be off it was near to $50 and I don't have mad adding skills.

I went to the store and picked up a few things. I came home and while unloading the car I walked past the bookcase in the garage. I walk past this book case several times per day. Anyways this is when I remember I put the missing library book there when I was in a hurry one day. I told myself at the time, this is a bad idea, you are going to forget it is there. I told myself to remember, to make a mental note. Guess I forgot. Now I have a beat up $50 kids book that Lily never even liked in the first place.

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