Are Your Buns Warm and Buttery?

The first time I met Jeff's family was shortly after we were married. Jeff has two sisters and a brother, they are all married with kids and this makes for a big family. A big loud family. When we got into town we immediately hooked up with Jeff's older sister and her husband at a restaurant for lunch. It was one of those steak restaurants with a salad bar and the all you can eat, 'hot and buttery buns' on the table. Jeff was so happy, 'hot and buttery buns' are his thing.

Later, we met up with Jeff's older brother, his older brother's family, and his younger sister, and her family; at another restaurant for dinner. This restaurant was a buffet that came with an unlimited supply of 'hot and buttery buns' brought to your table. Jeff was so happy. We all had a lovely evening.

Let me back up here for a minute. Jeff was stationed in Italy, he had not been home or seen his family in a couple of years. So they were not only meeting me, his new wife, and Mandy his new daughter, but they were getting the chance to see Jeff. It was also Christmas week, so his whole family was in the same town and we were getting together for various meals and activities.

The next day, we went to visit Jeff's Momma for lunch and then the entire family was supposed to get together for dinner. Jeff's older sister picked the restaurant. She didn't ask anyone's opinion, she just called and told us when and where to be. When we showed up, Jeff's sibling rivalry was showing a bit. He kept complaining that this restaurant did not have his 'warm and buttery buns'. He was upset that he came all this way to hook up with the family and for the most part except for meals they were too busy to spend time with us. He was upset that they never call him, he had been overseas for almost 10 years and none of his family called, wrote, emailed, or visited. Before he married me he had not spoken to his family in over a year and they didn't even notice. All that, so he was disgruntled not to have been consulted about the restaurant, and the lack of 'warm and buttery buns'. He was being a bit of a pest.

We all sat down at a very long table in the middle of this lovely restaurant. Jeff loudly exclaiming this and that about the buns. I noticed that on the menu was a side order of rolls and suggested that we try them. Jeff complained we would have to pay for those rolls. He complained that rolls are not buns. He said they probably aren't even buttery rolls. Just then the very young and obviously shy waitress made an appearance at our table. We were a very loud table. Several very loud conversations going on all at once. Jeff looks up from his menu and asks the waitress in a very loud and very accusatory voice,

Are your buns warm and buttery?

Dead silence. Everyone at our table was instantly quiet. Eyes wide. The poor waitress did not know what to say and started to turn bright red. Jeff took a second or two to "get" what he had said. He then proceeded to turn bright red. He apologized, tried to explain. He ordered a drink. The rest of us started to laugh and laugh. It was hilarious. We still ask Jeff if his buns are warm and buttery, whenever we get together with his family.

How I lost my BFF

In the early 1980's my family moved from Mays Pond in Bothell, Washington to Elk Grove, California. It was mid January and on myu first day of school I remember walking around with a map trying to find my classes and having a group of kids point to my lazy eye and chase me around saying, look she is stoned, look at her eyes this girl is stoned. Fun.

Later that day I met Danel in my science class. We sat next to each other. She was nice. Turns out we had a lot in common, like both of us were taken from our bio moms at the age of five and both of us were placed in foster care. We were both the same height and weight too. We became best friends and remained so for over 20 years.

Taking Different Paths

In our early 20's both Danel and I found ourselves pregnant. She had been dating a boy for more than two years. They decided to keep the baby and get married.On the way to the chapel he changed his mind. She was three months preganant and chose to go to San Francisco to get an abortion. In those days San Francisco was the closest location that was willing to perform an abortion after 12 weeks. She had to actually go into labor and give birth to the dead baby. It was very hard on her and effected her for the rest of the time I knew her. After that she joined the Air Force and moved away. We kept in touch via letters and phone calls, this was before email. I didn't keep a journal but I wrote long letters to Danel telling her everything. She was my sounding board for every decision and I was hers. Even though we lived far apart we were incredible close.

I subsequently got pregnant and chose to keep the baby. This decision took me down a very different path than Danel. Like, I got fat and really poor. She remained slender and beautiful, she was able to continue on in her Air Force career, she dated really great guys-while I stayed home with a baby. I think in hind sight my tragic circumstances helped her to feel better about her decision. But, I was happy with the choices that I made, and she was happy with the choices she made.

Jeff

Over the years, we remained close, especially so after email, we emailed each other several times per day. One day she sent me an email, saying that she had this male friend and he was really nice and really great but just not her type. She knew that I hadn't dated anyone in more than five years and so she recommended that the two of us hook up. Of course he lived in Italy, where she was living, both of them being in the Air Force. So we took her advice and started an email conversation. One thing led to another and we got married and I moved to Italy. Which I thought was the greatest thing ever because not only did I marry Jeff, I was going to be living near Danel.

But, Danel refused to have any contact with me. She moved away and changed her email and we no longer have any contact. I would occasionally see her while we were both living in Italy, but she would be in a hurry and blow me off. I still miss her so much. I wonder if it is the fact that I got my happily ever after and she didn't. I wonder if the fact that I chose to keep the baby and eventually after 10 years the consequences of that chose started to subside? Or maybe I did something to make her mad? She never spoke to Jeff again either. It still makes me mad/sad/frustrated. I don't even know where she lives. I guess that is what she wants, but it sucks just the same. I was dumped by my best friend after 20 years.