HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS (HPV)

We recently got a letter in the mail from our health provider saying that they recommend Mandy get the new HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS (HPV) shot. HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS (HPV)causes 70% of cervical cancer and 90% of genital warts. The new vaccine prevents a person from getting HPV. Only this shot is only being given to girls. Why not boys too? Both sexes get this virus, but having the virus does not cause any harm to a boy, no cervix no cervical cancer. But if everyone were vaccinated wouldn't it help to prevent the spread of this disease more than if only young women are vaccinated. Does this bother anyone else?

The Birthday Party

My mom passed down a birthday tradition to me that I continue in our family. On your birthday you get to pick your dinner and we as a family sit down and eat your favorite meal together. Mandy picked pasta carbinara this year, with warm and buttery buns, she wanted a white cake, with vanilla ice cream & chocolate sauce, and sprite. Lily and I decorated the house with black and white balloons and crept paper. It was a nice dinner, cake and presents.

Later, Mandy got the remote control and we all watched American Idol. Haven't seen it in many years. We had a blast. Loved the 70's theme. We all sang along and then between performances we somehow started singing other songs that get stuck in our head. We are all awful singers so it is funny for us to belt it all out. I had a really great time.

Mandy works most evenings, so all of us spending an evening together is rare. The last young man to sing was singing John Lennon's Imagine and it brought a tear to my eye. What in the world happened to Simon, is he not mean anymore? I kept waiting for a smarmy comments. I think that American Idol is like Survivor, a show that is so bad if you watch it alone, but so good if you watch it with fun people. They are shows that need smarmy comments and laughter. Now I am really looking forward to our summer trips. Too bad we didn't buy a mini van and we are going to all be crammed into our little Nissan Sentra. At least we will get good gas millage.

Happy Birthday Mandy

Today my oldest daughter turns 17. What a journey we have had. She was born when I was 21 years old and probably about 14 in maturity. Having a baby changed me forever. Everyone told me I should have an abortion or give her up for adoption because I was unmarried and extremely poor. Having been adopted I knew that was not the right path for Amanda and I. The nay sayers got up my dander and I worked very hard to be the best mom I could be.

During Mandy's early years most people would tell me that she and I were too close. It is funny how perfect strangers and acquaintances, family and friends feel the need to advise a young mother on exactly how close she should be with her daughter. I wish that I could gather them all up in a room, introduce them to my 17 year old daughter and stick out my tongue at each and every person whose personal commentary about my ability to be a mother and my ability to make decisions hurt me deeply over the years. Perhaps I should be satisfied to know that none of their children turned out half as good.

Over the years I have discovered that Mandy is Mandy, not because of my parenting choices but because of her choices. I hope that I have given her the opportunity to feel loved. To build up her confidence when she was feeling low. To redirect her when she got of course. But, it wasn't really me and my choices it was her. She is successful and happy because she has worked hard in school, said no to bad ideas, and been good to herself. But, being too close with her all these years has thus far not harmed her. (still wanting to stick out my tongue).

I have also learned over the years that it is only in America that mothers are berated for their choices. It is our culture to spew hate toward mothers. Even in China and Japan mothers are not blamed or hated berated or criticized for their every choice. Here I swear every person you encounter feels it is important to point out the potential pitfalls in the choices a mother makes regarding her children. I think it is the fact that we have so many choices, or it seems we have choices, but really if you think about it we have fewer choices. In other countries of one religion and one parenting philosophy no one feels the need to pick apart mothers and bully them into raising kids the way they feel the mother should. Because everyone does it basically the same, the need to bully moms does not exist. Because mothers have choices here the need to force mothers into making the choices you feel are important in raising kids becomes the national pastime. Or is it just me, do you all get commentary from family and friends, strangers and acquaintances about your parenting choices?

Back to Mandy, over the last few months we have become close again. Our time in Japan Mandy was 12-16 and Lily was born. While we lived in the same house we were not always a real part of each others lives. A new baby, teenage angst, there were reasons but for the first time Mandy and I were not close. Now I can say that our closeness has returned finally. I feel like jumping for joy. Anyone who has a preteen or early teen take heart. Perhaps it is a momentary lapse in her disdain for me, but I will take what I can get. Mandy has been incredibly sweet and supportive of me of late. She goes out of her way to be thoughtful to all of us. I do not know where she finds the time.

I actually named her Mandy because of the Barry Manillow song. I was vacuuming and listening to my Barry Manillow greatest hits cassette tape and thought, hey that is a great name. At the time I did not know anyone else named Amanda. Imagine my surprise her first day of kindergarten when half of the class was name Amanda. I never actually called her Mandy until we moved to Italy and she requested that we start calling her Mandy. That was a difficult thing for me to wrap my head around. I took Amanda to her first concert when she was 9 years old, Barry Manillow of course. We had a blast. I felt bad subjecting her to my dorkiness and promptly took her to a Ricky Martin concert to make up for getting her so excited about Barry. It was at the height of the Ricky Martin phenomena and boy was that a blast. Now I am not sure which concert was more dorky?

Happy Birthday Amanda, I hope we are always this close.

Passive Agressive

I just checked our credit scores, mine is 6 points ahead of Jeff. I don't earn any money, haven't in years. Credit scores are curious. But, we both scored excellent with higher scores than 98.2% of the country. See you should listen to my money advise.

I just finished the federal taxes, not fun. My head is spinning. I still have to do state. Yucky. I keep telling Jeff we should pay someone to do this. Does anyone else do their own taxes?

The other day, Jeff and a co-worker were discussing having strong willed children.

The co-worker asked which parent Lily's willfulness comes from Jeff or me.

Jeff said both of us are very strong willed and Lily must have gotten a double dose.

The co-worker remarked that Jeff and I must have some knock down drag out fights, being that we are both strong willed.

Jeff responded, not really. We don't really fight.

I thought that was curious, Jeff and I really don't fight. Even though we are both incredibly stubborn. I think we are stubborn but not controlling. For the most part I think we accept one another for who we are and that is that. We don't really agree on a whole lot. We don't like the same tv shows, movies, or books. We don't want to go on vacation to the same location. He got his way, we are going to Disney World. We certainly don't agree on politics. He is dumb and votes based on the media induced perception he has on a candidate, oh no, I forgot, he doesn't vote. He is willing to die for his country but not willing to vote. They are all corrupt and it doesn't make any difference he says. Drives me crazy, but we don't fight about it.

We are however having a huge fight. It has been quietly going on for months. You see Jeff invited his best friend to stay with us and said friend drives me crazy. Jeff believes I should tell said friend why I am upset, I believe this is Jeff's responsibility. So no one tells friend he is a disrespectful jerk of a house guest and I am furious every moment he is in our home. I take it out on Jeff by criticizing everything he says and does. Jeff says nothing because he, "feels bad that I am upset". This is how I have spent every weekend for months. I have a knot in my stomach and I am so very mean to my entire family. But, never to the friend.

This weekend I just hid in my room and tried to avoid contact. The friend noticed and asked Jeff if I was upset with him for some reason. Jeff said, "I don't know." So the friend cut his weekend visit short and I am supposed to decide what to do.

I guess I could give him a list of my grievances and explain that if he wants to be a guest in my home he needs to be more respectful. But, then I would still spend every weekend for the next few months being upset in my own home. The only time I get to spend with my husband I have a knot in my stomach and just want to punch someone. I don't know that I am a big enough person to just let it all drop, forgive and move on. Have you ever just hated someone? And not wanted to make amends?

I could tell Jeff that he is no longer welcome here. But, the guilt. I don't think I have cried this much since I was in high school I just don't know how to get over it. But, I don't want to tell my husband's best friend he is no longer welcome at our house. I am not allowed to write about this on my blog, because Jeff reads it and gives it out to all his friends and family. But, oh well, he is already mad at me, even though he says he isn't. If that makes any sense at all.

How far would you drive for Target?

Jeff had the day off from work yesterday, Mandy had to go to school. We never seem to have time together as a family anymore. Mandy works weekends, she will be seventeen at the end of this month. Gasp.

Jeff, Lily and I went over to Mobile yesterday to the Target. Jeff was embarrassed that we would drive an hour to go to Target. He did not understand that there is a difference between Target and Walmart. It was fun. The Target we visited was in a Mall, much larger than the malls we have over here. We all had a great time. Would you drive an hour for Target?

We are still discussing vacation ideas. I am more of an explorer. I want to go and see some of the pre-civil war mansions and some of the battle sites from the civil war. Or I would like to go and see the Mississippi river, maybe take a cruise. Jeff wants to go to Disney, or Jackson to see our capital, or to the Smokey Mountains for hiking and Dollywood. I am thinking we should take separate vacations. Just kidding, I am going to have to amp up my powers of persuasion. I cannot believe that no one in my family wants to look at old mansions with me. We went to endless castles in Europe, many of which were built around the same time as these mansions wouldn't it be fun to compare. I guess my family feels if it ain't overseas it is just a house.

I am having very little success with Lily and her behavior modification. She is slowly coming around. I would say that she is still hitting as a habit but she is not losing her temper quite as much or for as long. I feel that being able to put a lid on a temper tantrum is a big step and I am proud of her. Now we just have to break the bad habit of hitting me or herself when she is frustrated. I am starting this week with some hope for improvement. Hope is good.

Adventures

I am really itching to go on an adventure. We haven't been on a trip in a very long time. Last year, we moved from Japan to Mississippi and we went to Virginia to visit Jeff's family. That was it. In previous years we did things like go to China, Egypt, Kenya, Alaska, Hawaii, France, Italy, Germany, Austria, Switzerland ...

I mentioned this to Jeff, he suggested we go to Disney World.

Frozen

If You Don't Have Something Nice To Say

I have been in a bit of a funk lately. Well, whatever...

I started this blog when I was in a bit of a funk, my intention was to write something nice and good about my life everyday in order to feel a bit better. Lately I haven't really been writing about anything but what is bothering me. Something nice to say about my life . . . do you hear the crickets.

Just kidding. I have a great life. I have been in pursuit of a photo of a great sunset over the Gulf. Several months ago, Jeff and I went for an evening walk. We arrived down at the pier by our house right at sunset. It was the most amazing sunset of my life. I wished I had my camera. I thought that a photo of that sunset would make the most beautiful blog header in the world. all those lovely horizontal layers. The sky, the water, the grass, the sand. I have been trying to re-capture that sunset every night since that night and it has never occurred again.

We really don't live on the Gulf of Mexico, we live on the Mississippi Sound. It is my understanding that there is a chain of island right in front of us, the water here in the Mississippi sound is very shallow and it is a fertile ground for shrimp and crabs. All the shrimping in the shallow water makes it all very muddy. When you go swimming or just look out on the water it is muddy brown and not blue. But, on that one day the way the sun hit the water it appeared very blue, Caribbean blue, it was amazing.

During that sunset the sky was also the most amazing orange, contrasting perfectly with the blue water. I have never seen the sky that exact color of orange before or again. It was orange all the way across the horizon, not just around the setting sun. Every time I have looked at it since it has been just a small snippet of orange around the sun, not the whole horizon turning bright orange. I think it was due to the fact that there was not a single bit of cloud or haze in the sky over the water and it was fall.

Last evening I went down to the pier with my camera to try yet again and there were dozens of people there with their cameras. I thought it was only a mediocre sunset but they all seemed to think it was something special. I guess it all depends on whether or not you saw the best sunset or not?

My camera has a sunset setting, but it made the photos really orange. When I correct the color I don't like it that way either. It is like when you see the world's most perfect dress and decide to think about it. Then every time you go shopping all you want is that dress and no matter how nice the others are they just aren't the dress you want. Not very uplifting am I? Here are some of my sunset shots...

A Battle of Wills

Shouldn't have waited until the last day to try and find heart shaped cookie cutters. Might have to just cut them out freestyle. Lily and I are making heart cookies for dad and Mandy today. We got the idea from a magazine my parents got for Lily. We have been talking about this for weeks and she is so excited. Counting the days to Valentine's day. Too bad I didn't think to get all the stuff until the last moment.

Lily and I have been having a battle of wills. Pretty much since she was born. Now she has gained the ability to manipulate me. It is no longer just that she refuses to do things she doesn't want to do. Now she pushes my buttons just to watch me squirm. She can make me go from happy to crazy insane mad in less than 30 seconds. She is very good at manipulating me.

I have always tried to be very protective of the girls' feelings. I want them to grow up feeling that they are worthy of being treated well. I may go a bit overboard, but my husband constantly reminds me to enforce boundaries etc. Yesterday was the last straw for me. Lily just pushed me too far too many days in a row. I decided to start a new discipline technique since none of the ones I have been using have worked. I tried taking things away from her.

First I took away cartoons. Jeff had a function and Mandy worked. So Lily got me all to herself with no cartoons last night. Not that she watches cartoons at night but we missed our afternoon spongebob, she was not impressed.

Next I took away her babies. She loves her babies. She sleeps with her babies. She has tea parties with her babies. She tells them stories. They go with us everywhere we go. I felt very bad taking away her babies, but she needs to stop hitting me and herself. She hits 100 times a day and it is just so frustrating. She never hits other kids or even her sister. Mostly just me and herself, she knows that irks me more than anything. She doesn't hit hard. She isn't mean, she just gets frustrated by everything I say and do, or she just wants to control everything I say and do. So she hits.

The babies worked for a little while. We had to go and pick up Mandy from school. Lily hit me while we were getting ready to leave the house and I told her we would have to put her babies in my closet when we got home. We had to leave the house immediately or I would have done it right away. Lily was so very nice the whole time we picked up Mandy from school, waited while she changed into her work clothes, drove Mandy to get some food, and drove her to work, and drove home. Lily is usually not an angel in the car. I was very proud of my awesome parenting skills.

We got home and I was still feeling bad about the babies. I told Lily she was so good in the car that I would give her another chance and not take away the babies. Lily said, no that the babies needed to go into my closet, and so they did. The hitting resumed again and this time I took away her baseball bat, we always hit a few balls in the afternoon. She got pretty mad. Next, I told her I would be taking away her favorite pajamas.

I bought them a size too big and they have lasted two winterer's. She loves her pajamas so very much. They are in tatters. She has dozens of newer non tattered pajamas, but these are the pajamas she loves. We were hit free for the rest of the night. We even went to pick up Mandy from work. She was a half and hour late getting off from work. A couple of times when I said something Lily did not approve of she would raise her hand and I would remind her of her pajamas.

This morning she gets back all her stuff and we start over. I hope this will help her to break this horrid habit. But, I am afraid she will just find another way to upset me.

One time when we were using the star chart reward system to break the hitting habit. She did a great job of going to the playground. Usually when I say it is time to go she hits me or herself and screams. We talked about it first. We set a time we would be leaving. She checked the time the whole time we were there. When it was time to go she did a great job. No fits no hitting. When we got to the car, I told her what a great job she did, how very proud I was of her,... She looked me right in my eyes and hit my leg and told me I don't want a star. So no star. Usually the star chart works with her, but not enough to give up hitting her mom.

Who Am I?

I recently decided that it might be a good idea for me to begin working again sooner rather than later. I took stock of the jobs I am qualified to perform and this really depressed me. Not having worked in a very long time and not having finished my degree, there really isn't a lot job options available to me. I am also the primary care giver of Lily and Mandy and any job I find I will have to find care for Lily and transportation for Mandy. I did apply for a few freelance jobs and a few local jobs. Then no one wanted me, not even for the peon jobs that I applied for.

Jeff talks non-stop about the fact that as soon as Lily starts school, I am going back to work and we will have more money. He is counting the days. I feel like such a failure, because, other than lunch lady (Jeff's suggestion) or Wal-Mart Associate what can I do? I would have to be available for Lily before and after school, so a full time job is not an option.

That lunch lady job really hurt my feelings. Someone is going to have to break it to Jeff who has taken the time to get his bachelors and now he is one class away from his masters, someone is going to have to break it to him that I am not going back to work until I finish my degree. And he is going to have to pay for my degree. I have been having a major pity party lately. Feeling like a big failure.

The weather here is quite lovely and we have been going for some great morning walks. Today I put Lily in the stroller and even brought the dog along. We walked for about an hour. We stopped at the beach and made a castle. We spotted a woodpecker, several squirrels, and a flock of those white long necked birds you see near the water? We got home, and Lily said, "oh, I am so tired". I guess being pushed in a stroller is exhausting.

I continuously struggle to figure out what is in the best interest of me versus what is in the best interest of the family. I have to tell you that I don't even know who I am or what I want anymore.

Golden Corral

Some of you may remember the story of Jeff's warm and buttery buns. If not and you want a good laugh at my husband's expense go and read it now. I'll wait...

This seems to be pick on Jeff week. Of course you all realize he was kidding about the streaking through the neighborhood, right? Sometimes you don't know how sarcasm plays via the written word.

I have just received my first BlogHer paycheck, $30. I have had the ads on the blog since August 28, 2007. Which for me is pretty good. I had google ads on my blog for 2 years and never earned more than a nickel. Which I am still waiting to be sent. As soon as I received the check Jeff started getting ideas of how to spend the money.

He was able to find a Golden Corral - his all time favorite restaurant only an hour and a half from our house. So guess where we are going to dinner tonight? For those of you not familar with the GC (Jeff speak for Golden Corral) it is an all you can eat buffet with all the free hot and buttery buns you can eat. In my opinion the food is similar to a TV dinner but to Jeff it is great. He likes my cooking, hmm, I wonder if that means anything.

The funny thing is that here close to our house we have some of the best restaurant in the world. Emeril Lagasse just opened a new restaurant here, etc. It is because of the casinos that we have these fine establishments. But, we are not going to a world renowned local restaurant to spend the $30 I earned on my blog, no we are going an hour and a half away to eat at the GC. Don't tell anyone but I am a little excited too. We happen to have a family of four and we are driving 3 hours round trip, do you think my $30 is going to cover it?

Super Fat Tuesday

I was up all night with a sick kid, Mandy throwing up until 3AM. So tired.

We don't get to vote today, our vote isn't until March 28th, talk about being snubbed.

Mandy, called in sick to work and they told her she had to have a doctor's note because it is Mardi Gras and they are busy. Jerks. Trying to intimidate a sick kid into coming into work. That is how I see it, too bad Jeff works at the hospital and knows people who know people. We were luckily able to get a doctor's note with a phone consult.

I am so tired and would feel bad leaving Mandy who still hasn't kept anything down, so we are having a private home Mardi Gras, with cartoons and cookies. At least we got to go to our local parade. I was looking forward to going to the downtown Biloxi parades this afternoon. I guess it wasn't meant to be.

So, how is your Super Fat Tuesday?

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In other news...

I was trying to convince Mandy and Jeff that we should make homemade gifts for Valentine's Day this year instead of buying each other store bought things. I told them for example that Lily was planning on making them heart shaped cookies. I thought that would be a fun project for Lily and I. I still don't know what I am going to do for anyone. As we were brainstorming ideas, Jeff said he would take off all his clothes, streak through the neighborhood, yelling at the top of his lungs, I LOVE MARSHA. Gotta love that guy. Don't know what he is getting the girls.

Saturday Night Fun

Thanks for all your advice about buying a new car. If we ever change our mind and decide to try it again I will be sure to follow all of your sage advice. On Saturday evening after the minivan saga and then a good nap, we decided to go to Chuck E Cheese. A Saturday night at Chuck E Cheese, am I not the coolest person you know?

There happens to be a Barnes and Noble next to the Chuck E Cheese and Mandy still has quite a bit of Christmas Barnes and Noble gift certificate money. A quick stop was made at Barnes and Noble. Lily had not taken a nap and promptly fell to sleep on the 45 minute drive from our house to the Chuck E Cheese / Barnes and Noble. I don't know why we don't have anything closer to us, oh yeah we chose to live in the quiet neighborhood instead of the convenient one. I sat in the car with Lily, she slept I day dreamed. Jeff and Mandy did the book store and then it was off to Chuck E Cheese.

We just love going there. We are all so competitive that we just have a blast playing video games and shooting hoops. Lily loves the kids and the climbing and sliding things.

As we got closer to the Chuck E Cheese we noticed the very full parking lot. Then we noticed a line out the door. I could not believe that there was so many people standing in line waiting to get into Chuck E Cheese. Guess I am not the only Chuck E Cheese fan town. Lily was still asleep and we drove home. She woke up on the road going toward our house and told her dad he was going the wrong way.

Luckily the day before I had bought $475 worth of frozen meat from a door to door salesman. We have plenty to eat. While I may be so far gone into the Mommy thing that I believe Chuck E Cheese is a fun way to spend a Saturday night, I am not so far gone as to be willing to stand in that long of a line for Chuck E Cheese. I keep telling Jeff if we open a book store, movie theater, or Chuck E Cheese here locally we will be millionaires. I guess that would mean an end to our quiet neighborhood. Anyone want to lend me some start up cash?

Mandy gets her braces today. Luckily it is Mardi Gras tomorrow and the kids have today thru Wednesday off from school.

Buying a New Minivan

Jeff and I decided to go ahead and buy a new mini-van. A big purchase to be sure, but we figure that he has four years until retirement, and we could have it paid off by then. We figured we travel a lot and this would make traveling more comfortable. So why not? We did a lot of shuffling but we thought to find the money we would take a bit from here and there, various savings plans, and tighten up our extra spending.

I did a great deal of Internet research about which is the best minivan and how much they cost. We decided that Saturday we would look at our top ten choices, see what they have on the lots and narrow down our options to maybe one or two. OK, so you all see the humor there right.

I have never bought a new car before. Jeff has. He kept telling me that we don't want to get out of our vehicle that we should just drive by slowly and see what they have and hope we can see the sticker price from our car. I was thinking, why not just ask someone? So we got to the first dealer, Lily in tow. We get out of the car and tell the gentleman who was on top of us before we even shut our doors that we were interested in a minivan. We specifically asked if they had the make, model, year we were wanting in stock. He took us in his office and started asking us questions. A half an hour later, we still didn't know what was in stock, he went to talk to his manager. He comes back and tells us he has a van to show us that he will go and get the keys. Finally he comes around and shows us a van. It is a 2007 model with 36,000 miles on it.

He kept asking us how much we wanted to spend per month on the vehicle. We would have to calculate in our heads, how much the Manufacturer's suggested price for the vehicle was, minus our down payment, minus what we wanted for trading in our little car, divided by how many months we wanted the loan to be... Then he would do the same calculations with his calculator to determine how much we wanted to spend on a car. I was getting confused. Wish I had brought a calculator or that they guy could have spoke to us in English, this is how much the car costs...And the 0% interest, I asked how much would it be if we got the money from our bank and paid him cash. I mean obviously a bank wont give you money for no interest so the interest had to be put into the price of the car, so why not give me that discount and I would see if I got a better deal based on the interest rate the bank quoted me. No they wouldn't tell us anything.

We test drive this car and he wont tell us the price. We notice a lot of stains and dings in the vehicle, but ever the bargain hunter we think, I wonder how much of a discount for this dinged up vehicle. He offers us a bumper to bumper lifetime warranty and 0% interest, but will not tell us a price. He takes Jeff back to the office to discuss price. Lily and I wonder around the lot. I notice quite a few minivans, they are cute. Not like the one he showed us. I am getting pretty upset by now. I go into the office where he and Jeff are discussing price. The guy is typing numbers in the calculator. I ask what the price is?? They inform me that they are still working on that.

Jeff gives me the keys to our car. I take Lily and we go to the car. We wait and wait. Jeff comes out to the car, and asks me what I think. I tell him there is no way I am paying a new car price for that piece of crap we test drove. That I didn't really like it very much and having a monthly car payment for a car I don't really like, doesn't seem like a good idea. By the way, what is the price? Still no clue, we have been at the place for over an hour being dicked around with no clue what they have or how much it costs. So we leave. I don't think we have the proper car buying skills, are you supposed to yell at them or punch them in the face?

Jeff and I decide that we are too exhausted to look at other minivans today. We go to lunch. We have a long chat and we decide that we would rather not buy a new car. Dealing with the salesman is too much. I don't really like to parted from my money and having somebody be so rude and then giving them a commission? Makes my blood boil. Besides it is nice to have the extra money for fun and being safe. So life will continue with our 10 year old vehicles at least for now.