A New Quilt

For Mandy's 18th birthday present I thought long and hard about what to get for her. I wanted it to be something she could keep forever and mean something to her but not cost a lot of money. She told Jeff that she wanted a new bread spread for her birthday present. I thought that was boring. Jeff is the type of person who gives me a list of what he wants for a present for birthdays and Christmas, I would rather be surprised. I would rather buy from the heart and get you the most wonderful and perfect present you didn't even know you wanted. More often than not people don't like my crazy gifts, but every once in a lifetime I will find the perfect gift for someone.

I happened to be on the website Brad's Deals while I was thinking about Mandy's gift and came across a special at Overstock.com on Egyptian Cotton Sheets. I asked Mandy if that was something she would like and she was overjoyed. She picked the black ones and they arrived and weeks later are still in the package unwrapped. Mandy loves Egypt more than any other place she has ever been and she loves to sleep. That may have been a miss. I am thinking of going in her room (something that is forbidden) and putting those damn sheets on her bed!

Mandy also wanted a new bedspread, too. We took her out shopping to all the stores and she found nothing she liked. Nothing. We talked and I offered to make her a quilt like I made for her sister. She wanted me to make a dragon in the middle of her quilt. I have trouble sewing a straight line if someone else threads the machine. I did some research and discovered that at Art.com they sell something called a fabric poster. We found the most perfect one, it is of two dragons around a yin/yang symbol. When it arrived in the mail we discovered that a fabric poster is a very fine delicate material like a silk handkerchief. We then went to the fabric store and picked out some fabric for the rest of the quilt. We discussed and I drew several designs until we found a design that Mandy liked. Then I put it on the computer to show her what the final quilt would look like and she was not happy so we re-made the design again. Now all we have to do is buy the fabric and make the quilt. I have to do the measuring again with the new design first and figure out how much fabric and how big to cut the pieces.

I have only ever made on quilt before and I had all that stuff figured out for me. It is very difficult to design a quilt from scratch with absolutely no experience. I miss my Grandma who passed away from Cancer last year. She was the one who quilted and got me to do my first quilt. She taught quilting classes. I would visit her sometimes as a little girl and she would teach me to crochet, knit, sew and we even made homemade pasta one time. We had it strung all over the house to dry, enormous 6 foot or longer strings of pasta hanging everywhere, such a vivid memory. I hope that this all works out and the quilt is lovely. I think it will be memorable something to last a lifetime? I it doesn't end up at the bottom of her closet like the one I made for Lily. I keep telling myself that someday that quilt will mean something to her. So far not so much.

I promise to someday take pictures and show you all the stuff, for now you will have to use your imagination.

Good Luck

I have been feeling a bit sorry for myself this year. I have never been this sick in my life. I am getting better now. Just building up my strength. On top of that I have felt like I have been having a string of bad luck a mile long. Nothing major just a frustrating couple of months. Poor Marsha.

Last night I called my parents to check in and say hello. They told me that my brother's house burned down, and on the way to the hospital to visit his father in law who was hurt in the fire their van was totaled by someone who ran a red light.

My understanding is that they are all battered and bruised but will be OK. I am no longer feeling sorry for myself.

I hope everyone can send your good thoughts and/or prayers to my brother and his family.

Questions

Lily is going through another one of her asking questions phases. I have been trying to keep track of some of the best questions to share. I always try to answer her questions using language she can understand. Every single questions, Jeff usually says, "I don't know".

I can remember when we first got married, Jeff was often bothered by all the questions I asked him. I guess Lily comes by it naturally. I have to say that I enjoy our philisophical discussions, perhaps that says something about me - my favorite person to philosophy with is a five year old. Perhaps because she almost always takes my word for everything.

On to the questions...

• What is the last number?


• Where does the sky stop?


• Where does outerspace stop?


• What happens if I don't stop growing, will my head bonk the sky when I am 1000 years old?


• How old will you be when I am 100?


• What is 19 thousand plus 19 thousand?


• Where was I when you were a baby?


• Why do people die?


• How old will I be when I die?


• What would happen if the earth turned upside down, would we walk on the sky?


• Will I be taller than you?


• When will I be taller than you?


• When will I no longer be your daughter?


• What happens if I don't get married?


• Why are there so many cities and states?


• Is Japan in the world?

Isn't she fun?

Credit Crunch: Credit score is over 800 still I was denied $300 credit

What? Here is the story.

My 18 year old daughter and I spent the day at the community college she plans to attend in the fall, because we are good with money and know we cannot afford a four year college. This is why my FICO score and my husband's FICO score are both above 800. Our only debt is our house and our new car. Nothing else, no student loans, no medical bills, no credit cards, etc. We do have several credit cards in our wallets with nice limits, but we pay them off every month. We like to use them as much as possible and collect points for free stuff. We are currently saving points for airline tickets to Lake Tahoe in 2011.

Mandy and I stopped by the bank on our way home from the college day. Her bank where she has several thousand dollars saved and where I also have an account and have several thousand dollars saved, they do not allow kids under the age of 18 to have a debit card or checking account. Now that she has turned 18 I wanted her to get a checking account, a debit card and a credit card. I want her to start to build credit and learn to pay bills. It is hard to figure out money and no matter how many things people tell you, the skills come from handling money.

I was planning to co-sign for Mandy's credit card. We asked what was the smallest limit they offered and it was $300. We filled out all of Mandy's information, she earns more than a thousand dollars per month at her job and has a savings account with several thousand dollars, a history with this bank but no credit. We filled out my information, I make a little under a thousand dollars per month at my part time job. They looked us up and said that I cannot co-sign a loan for Mandy because my house payment plus my car payment each month add up to more than what I earn each month. Even though both of those items the house and car are in both my husband and my name, they will not let me co-sign for a $300 credit card for my daughter because I don't personally earn enough money, my husband has to sign for the credit card. So if he were deployed right now we would not be able to borrow any money. They cannot look and see how much my husband makes even though we are both liable for the payments.

Does that make sense?

I just wanted to point out to the universe how the credit crisis is effecting women. All women who have chosen to be the primary care giver of the family, if you chose to put your family first and career second, you are no longer able to borrow money based on yours and your husband's finances you have to have his permission to borrow money. No matter if you have been with a bank for year and paid every bill on time for years, no matter if you have a credit card in your purse from that bank allowing you to borrow thousands of dollars. Two of my friends with older kids who do not work said that they were able to co-sign for their kids credit cards w/o their husband's signature last year or in years previously. Another one of my friends who does not work told me that last year she borrowed money and bought her husband a car as a birthday present w/o his signature. Now, I was not allowed to co-sign for $300.

It feels so scary. What if I wanted to divorce my husband? What if he didn't want to help me? Would I be able to get an apartment? Would I be able to get utilities in my name? It is very scary. I was so proud of my credit score too.

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I am trying to raise money for the American Cancer Society by walking in the Relay for Life on April 24th. Our team will walk for 12 hours in a relay, if you would like to sponsor me Click Here. They money goes to fund research, pays for cancer prevention education, and helps people who have been diagnosed with cancer in programs that help with things like reimbursing gas money or buying wigs etc. Hope you can help!

Mandy's 18th Birthday

My sweet little baby turned 18 last week. We had a week long celebration. As luck would have it the Mardi Gras celebrations coincided perfectly with her birthday. The kids were on holiday from school Monday thru Wednesday. The universe was telling us to PARTY.

Mandy had some friends over on Tuesday. They brought all their video game stuff. We rented a volleyball net for the yard. I bought all the decoration that Mandy requested. I cooked all the food (sushi) Mandy requested. Other than that I took a backseat. Mandy decorated and greeted guests. As soon as all the food was done and out, Lily and I disappeared into the bedroom.

Lily was completely beside herself that Mandy's friends were not at all interested in Lily or anything she said or did. Poor girl. She spent the entire party trying to win over Mandy's friends, when I let her out of my room that is. She even invited many of Mandy's guests to her birthday party on July 14th as they were leaving. It cracked me up.

Lily and I were hiding in the bedroom. Watching cartoons and spilling chocolate milk all over the carpet. The party was scheduled to last from 12 until 5. At 5 we came out of the room and I started to clean up some of the empty food trays and empty glasses. The kids were outside playing volleyball. They hit the ball over the fence for the second time and they all went around the block to ask for the ball back. The behind us neighbor was not at home and as they all came back to the house many of them started to go home. We still had about 5 kids and they were playing video games. They had the rock star one, with drums, guitars, microphones. It was a game that a large group of people could play together.

The kids, Mandy included invited me to play with them. I said no a few times but they kept asking and finally I gave it a try. I had always wanted to play those games and I had so much fun. I never won at all not even close but I had a blast. It got to be 5:30 and none of the kids looked like they were leaving, I called Jeff and asked him to pick up some pizza on his way home. We fed them again. They all stayed until after 9. Jeff refused to play any of the games. What a poor sport. Can you imagine coming home from 12 hours of work, having to stop to get pizza and then having 6 teenage kids loudly playing video games in the living room. Poor Jeff. He and Lily hung out in the bedroom, me I was addicted to the games.

The kids were so nice. I have never in my life been included in one of Mandy's birthday parties. She not only invited me but she interacted with me as did all the kids. They made me feel really welcome and we all had a really fun time. They are really nice kids. They thanked me for the food, talked about their future plans, even asked for advice.

That day or maybe later something inside of me shifted. Mandy is an adult. I was able to keep her alive from birth to adulthood. Really nothing is changing at our house having arrived at this milestone. But, in a weird way it feels as if it has all changed. I am proud of myself, raising Mandy has been the single biggest accomplishment of my life. I feel that I did a good job, a great job. All that work, all that sacrifice and worry and the insurmountable vastness of it all - in the end we made it through with flying colors. Mandy is an amazing woman. She is the kindest person I have ever met, with more empathy than seems humanly possible, yet she manages to balance that with self esteem. She is able to feel compassion while putting herself first, giving without being depleted. She is one tough cookie that sweat heart. I thoroughly enjoy the role of parent of an adult, where I advise but ultimately I am no longer in control, I like the feeling of handing over the reins. I am a total control freak and I usually get frustrated when things are not just so, but less than a week into 18 I am liking being support staff and not the CEO of Mandy's life.

Of course she still doesn't know what she will do with her life, nursing is starting to seem like it will not be for her because of the blood and dying. Marine biology is seeming maybe not for her because of all the science. Even changing jobs this summer from the grocery store cashier job she hates to something full time that is less back breaking labor being spit on by customers and more sit at a desk and gossip type work - is feeling like too much for her to think about right now. I suggest she ignores. I think, well if she wants to cashier all summer, then that is what she will do. Last week her ambivalence was grating on my nerves something fierce, this week I am empathising with the whole she feels overwhelmed thing. Her dad is still completely frustrated with her, so at least she will be nagged by someone.

Life continues on even if it is always changing.

By the way friends, I am trying to raise some money for the American Cancer Society, I sent out emails to everyone in my address book, but if I somehow missed you... I am the team captain for a Relay for Life team called Pac Man (Parents Against Cancer -Man) the theme of our relay is the 80's. If you are interested in making a donation Click Here.