Etiquette

Jeff and I were invited to a birthday party at the beach. This is a surprise party thrown by a husband for a wife. When we were invited Jeff asked what we could bring in the way of food, and was told we do not need to bring anything. Jeff told me all this and I was not going to bring any food to the party. About an hour before we were set to leave, Jeff asks me what I am planning to bring. I said, nothing, you told me we don't need to bring anything. Jeff feels that it is rude to show up without something. We are bringing a present.

I feel that when I throw a party and tell people they don't need to bring any food, I mean what I say. Jeff feels that is just something people say and you should bring food anyways. So what do you all think? Tell the truth would you bring a covered dish, a salad, some soda, or just the gift? We got a nice gift.

The librarian

Today is Thursday. On Thursdays Lily and I like to go to story time at the library. Last week, we ended up staying too long at the playground and missed story time. I took Lily to the library anyways to get a new book and I read to her myself in the story area. When we went up to the counter to check out her book, the librarian said we had an overdue book and we would have to return that book before we could check out a new one. So I left without the book.

I got home and by then Lily was asleep. The overdue book was one of Mandy's so I asked her to locate this book. She told me that she had given me that book to return two weeks ago, in a bag with about 20 other books. She asked if I had returned all the books in that bag, and I said yes. She check the car, her room and said that she is certain that the book had been returned. Mandy usually checks out and reads a bag full of books every week. She has never lost a book, never. Mandy has never lied to me, I have known her for 15 years and she has never misled me, so I believe her when she tells me she returned the book.

Mandy, Lily and I returned to the library. On the drive there Mandy was very upset, she doesn't like confrontations and fears this is not going to go well. I told her I would speak to the librarian if it made her feel so uncomfortable. I told the librarian that we had returned the book two weeks ago. Mandy had checked the shelf and the book wasn't there. I told him we were sure that we returned the book, but since it wasn't on the shelf, I was willing to pay for the book, just to clear up our library account. Our family, we utilize the library so much I cannot imagine going without, I would be willing to pay a whole lot to make this all go away. The librarian first told me that he had to check the shelf himself, he was beginning to get a little hot under the collar. I don't know why he was mad, I assume this is due to the fact that I have impugned him in some way saying I returned the book, which I had. I was being very polite, I didn't throw a fit or make demands, I just wanted to pay for the book.

I had a very unhappy three year old with me and I knew that we would not be able to be nice library patrons for more than a minute or two longer. He went to check the shelf, he was gone for about twenty minutes. This is a very small library, I am pretty sure I could have checked the entire library in those twenty minutes, maybe he is a slow reader. He returned and said the book was not on the shelf. Dude, I told you that twenty minutes ago. By this time I am holding a very loud and very obnoxious Lily. I opened my wallet and adked, how much?

He said: Did you lose the book?

I said: No, I returned the book two weeks ago,but I am willing to pay for it because I don't want to lose my library privileges.

He repeated: Did you lose the book?

I repeated: No
.
He said: If you lose or damaged a book we do not accept cash. If you lose or damage a book, we do not accept credit.

Lily is really squirming to get down and being very loud and I am trying not to reach across the counter to grab this little Japanese man by his purple spikey hair and scream, How much?

He says: If you lose or damage a book we do not accept checks.

Long pause.

If you lost or damaged a book you have to buy the book online and replace the book. Once you give us a receipt showing you have purchased the book, we will clear your account.

I started to leave.

He said: Tell you daughter to look for the book again.

And I walked away.

In the exchang above, I was being very generous in regards to his ability to communicate in the English language, very generous.

On the drive home, Mandy was livid. She was so mad she wanted to kill that man. I tried to explain to her that I believed her, but there is nothing we can do, we have to replace the book. I said that we can scream and yell and make a huge scene but in the end we will have to replace the book. This is the military after all. I said that he made a mistake, however, we should be the bigger person. There is no way we can win in this situation and there is no use in pursuing a course of action which will do nothing more than frustrate and anger us ever more. Someday, when one of us makes a mistake, that the person we inconvenience with our mistake will be as kind to us as we are being to that jerk at the library. Mandy said, she just wanted to pull his purple spikey hair right out of his head. I told her, me too.

On Sunday Mandy and I went through her room, we cleaned every inch, and I did make sure to look at every one of her five million books, just to be sure. This made Mandy a bit upset, like I don't trust her. When Jeff asked if we looked for the book, she really got upset, saying we don't trust her. I looked at every piece of everything she owned. In fact we actually took everything out of the room and cleaned it and put everything back in, so I guarantee you that we do not have that book.

The next day, I went online and ordered the book. I gave Jeff the receipt and asked him to go to the library and show it to the smarmy librarian so we can clear up our account. I told Jeff I was too mad. I asked him to be sure to make smarmy remarks to that purple spikey haired jerk. Like: We replaced the book, because you gave us no choice, but you need to figure out what happened to this book, so you don't inconvenience more people with your shoddy work ethic. I am not good at smarmy even in hindsight. Jeff asked me to write it down for him, because he isn't used to making smarmy remarks, so I punched him. Just kidding, but I really did want to punch him. Jeff took the receipt to the library and a different nicer librarian told him that book had been returned on Sunday. Sunday is the day we cleaned Mandy's room all day and never left the house. So according to the library we returned the book on Sunday. They will not acknowledge that they checked the book out to another person and that person returned the book on Sunday. So we have a book coming in the mail that the library doesn't want.

I am off to the library for story time today with Lily. I will be checking out the book Lily wanted last week. I hope I have the grace not to punch the purple spikey haired smarmy ass librarian, if not I hope they let me blog from the Japanese jail.

Just to be clear, this library is on-base filled with American books written in English, I don't speak or read Japanese. However, much to the chigrin of the American spouses on the base, most of the jobs go to Japanese nationals. So the librarians are all Japanese people who live in our local community working at the American library.

Progress

It never ceases to surprise me how often I have to tell total strangers about Lily's allergies. I wrote all about it here if you are interested, otherwise just know she is allergic to wheat, corn, egg, oat, apple and tomato. People often offer her a cracker, cookie, or candy. Sometimes we are invited to play at McDonald's play land (lots of crumbs) or whatever. It seems that these conversations go pretty much the same way. First people ask me what in the world she eats, and second people tell me that back when they were kids, no one had food allergies and now it seems every has them. They usually go on to say that ADD, asthma, autism, and a whole host of other childhood diseases are more prevalent today than they were when they were growing up. They tell me that they believe that this is due to either baby formula, immunizations, pesticides, or preservatives.

I usually smile and nod, I have tried to argue but their eyes glaze over when I start to quote statistics, so I am making an attempt here to say that I don't think that the very things that separate the industrialized countries, that progress and science are causing kids who would otherwise be healthy to become sick. I don't think that progress makes kids sick. I think that due to progress sick kids are living full lives, with a few health complications and before when you were growing up and there weren't any kids with asthma or food allergies it was because they died before they ever made it to their first birthday.

I think that we are forgetting about the fact that in non-industrialized countries, the majority of kids who are born do not live to see their first birthday. Kids who do live to see their first birthday generally don't live to see their fortieth. Countries that don't have immunizations or a stable food supply have citizens who don't have asthma or food allergies, but that doesn't mean that immunizations, pesticides and preservatives cause those diseases. It is within the realm of possibility that children born with health problems are the children who die before their first birthday, both in our country before progress and in other countries which have not yet sustained progress, sick kids die. So we live in a country where the sick kids live.

I believe that pointing fingers at the progress which allows almost every child that is born in America to live to see their 70th birthday, and calling that progress detrimental to the health and well being of our children is frustrating. I do believe that our immunizations, pesticides, and preservatives need to be improved, we are not at a place of Utopia. Saying that they are evil in my opinion causes most of the scientists to shake their heads and walk away in disgust, thinking that the finger pointers need an education. We need to ask for and improvements in a way that is not a condemnation of all the progress we have made. I am so very grateful that Lily has a chance at a full and healthy life. I am grateful that even though America suffered a severe heat wave this summer, our grocery store shelves are filled with food. I am grateful for progress and I don't look back at the past thinking those were the days, I am grateful to be in the present and grateful my children will be there for the future.

First Day of School

Today is Mandy's first day of school, the 10th grade. I can still remember the first day of 10th grade. Over the weekend Mandy and I gave her room a makeover. We spent eight straight hours going through everything and re-arranging, re-organizing, re-decorating. It was nice. Now she has all her beautiful things displayed and organized. Everything is clean. All her new clothes are neatly folded in her drawers and hung in neat little rows in her closet. All her school supplies are organized on her desk. And there is plently of room for homework to be done on the desk. Today I have to get her some new pillows and we will be set. It was nice to spend so much time with her, just the two of us, working toward a common goal. Of course we didn't agree on anything, but we managed to make it through without any blood shed.

I finally got around to reading Mandy's favorite book, Eragon by Christopher Paolini. Mandy has been after me to read it for a couple of years. We used to read books together all the time, but with Lily being born and Mandy growing up we seldom read the same books anymore. So this was long overdue. The book is 656 pages long. It took me a week to read. I spent every spare moment reading it, I read it at the playground, during Lily's nap, after she went to bed, every spare moment. I finally finished the book only to discover it is just part one. Mandy handed me the second one this morning, it appears to be even longer. I enjoyed spending time with Mandy, the two of us have had moments of connection that have been missing for ages.

Lily and I are off to gymnastics, she is already screaming at me, this doesn't look like it is going to go well.

*updated to add: It seems that the at home screaming must have purged Lily, she did great at gymnastics. Back to reading for me.

**There is still time to join our online bookclub. We only have a handful of participants, we are picking our first book soon. So if you have ever wanted to join a bookclub, this is a great opportunity, you can even help us pick the books. Even though it will be online it will still be fun, we will find a way to incorporate drinking.

Hostage

I have been reading Hostage: The Jill Carroll Story at the Christian Science Monitor. Jill Carrol is the American journalist who was kidnapped and later released in Iraq. This story is the most compelling story I have ever read. It is well told and layered with so much interesting information. This story is written in a ten part series. It takes a while to get through it all, but it is worth the time.

Gymnastics and fits

Yesterday, Lily started her new gymnastics class. In this class she goes to the same place, with the same teacher, and does many of the same things, but in this class she does it without her mom. I sat in the mommy area, while she did her gymnastics. The first 1/2 hour of the class went well. They did all the same things that she has been doing for a year now in her toddler gymnastics class and she was very willing to cooperate. Then, they moved on to some new and different things and she went ballistic. She screamed and cried and called for her, "Momma". An entire 1/2 hour of crying.

Her teacher said, she thought Lily did very well, so did all the other moms. I guess everyone freaks out a bit at their first class without mommy.

Lily has never been the type of baby, toddler, kid who calls for her Momma. She doesn't really like to be held. She likes to go-go-go. I am thinking that maybe the fact that I am always there for her is part of the reason she is so independent, you know you don't cry for the things you already have. Anyways, I feel bad, but I felt a little bit of happiness that she wanted me. It feels like the first time she ever really wanted me. That is so petty.

Later Mandy and I went back to school shopping, and after it was all said and done, she said she had fun. Both my girls were nice to me on the same day. That was weird.

Lily is having a bit of an allergic reaction, now for a couple of weeks. So she is out of sorts and not at all fun. That coupled with the gymnastics class, caused her to be quite a handful yesterday afternoon. I decided that even though she is having a reaction and even though she isn't feeling her best, I still needed to enforce the rules. She was having screaming fits about everything. So I gave her a time out. First I put her in her chair and asked her to sit there until Mommy came to get her. She picked up her metal chair and threw it across the room. That chair went about 3 feet up and about 8 feet across. The girl has a future, in either wrestling or on a Jerry Springer show. So I decided to make her time out place a pillow. She settled down and then she sat on my lap with her arms around me holding me fiercely for a 1/2 hour. She wouldn't let go. Again, this is not a typical behavior of Lily. I did the horse whisperer stuff, well that is what I call it. I talked to her about things. I talked about the hard part of gymnastics, I told her that I understood she was scared. I put into words the reasons she was upset as best I could, so that she would know, I know, and she could quit screaming and crying trying to express herself. I get it Lily let's move on. Then I started to talk about some things she likes, got her laughing and our day went on. No more fits. I think that if I didn't stand up to her she would have continued to go on and on with her fits for the rest of the day.

When Lily is having an allergic reaction she is worse than all the kids I have ever seen on the Supernanny combined. But, on the days, which is most of the time, when she is not having an allergic reaction she is a sweet independent easy child. I sometimes feel bad about having to be strict with her, because I know the bad behavior is due to her discomfort and I also think that the chemistry of her body is affected by the reaction. I also think though that allowing bad behavior only makes it worse. It is a difficult position for me. Very frustrating. Mostly I am not completely sure that what I do is the right thing, mostly I feel like I wish I had definitive answers.

MT FUJI

Hi Y'all, This is Jeff not Marsha. I figure I would write about my third Mt Fuji Trip. A lot of people think I am crazy for hiking Mt Fuji three times, but I enjoy hiking. Many people who hike Mt Fuji are not hikers, they just do it to say they have done it. The trip went well! The bus ride was long as usual, but we got down there in around 9 hours. I had my standard pre-trip meal, McDonalds. This had worked for me in the past so I figure I would eat the same stuff as the previous two trips. I was up around 0230 in the Morning because we were leaving at 0330. We got there around 0600. I made good time, the best for me so far. I got up in 4 hours 11 minutes and back down in 1 hour 53 minutes. The first year I went up it took me 5 hours 30 minutes up and 2 hour 45 minutes down. The second year was 4 hours 45 minutes up and 2 hours 8 minutes down. You can see I did a lot better. I started out at a good pace but once I reached that high altitude I started to slow down. Many people think that going down is the worst but I think it is better because I can breath better, I don't sweat as much, and it is faster. One thing about getting done quickly you have to sit around and wait for everyone else to get done. The bus did not leave until around 1900 and I was done about 1230. Therefore, I had a lot of time to kill. My legs and butt muscles are still feeling it two days later. I did not have my hiking legs ready like I did last year. What I mean by this is last year I was not as sore as this year and I contribute that to hiking the mountains around here before I did Mt. Fuji. This year was different because I have not had the time to go hiking around here yet and Mt. Fuji was my first hike of this year (outside that snowshoeing trip I took back in March). Hiking works different muscles and you can tell by your first one that you have not hiked for awhile. But I love Mt Fuji and if I had a chance I would do it again.

School is out

I just finished my last assignment for my summer class, Introduction to Programming in Java. I have two weeks until the next semester begins. I will be taking two courses, yikes. But, I am excited about the break. What a relief.

Jeff is off climbing Mt. Fuji for the last time.

On Thursday it was 96 degrees, 67 percent humidity and no air conditioning.

On Friday morning we got up early to make sure all the flowers got a good drink of water. Thinking they would be thirsty after all that heat. About an hour later, the skyies filled with clouds and it rained all day, Friday and Saturday. Ha, ha very funny.

I am hoping to create an interesting post sometime soon.

Margaritas

Last night Jeff and I went to a going away party at a Mexican Restaurant here on the base. This restaurant is only about a half a mile from our house so we decided to walk. That way we could both have Margaritas. It was a blast. We sat in the middle of a long table, great conversation all around. I got to hear some of Jeff's best stories. Am I the only one, sometimes I really enjoy hearing my husband tell his stories, especially while sipping a Margarita. Those were the best Margaritas I have ever had the pleasure of drinking.

I had a terrible day. Mandy and Lily are driving me nuts. Lily is having an allergic reaction and the screaming about everything all day is driving me mad. Mandy is a fifteen year old girl, need I say more? So it was nice to have a night out. We stayed later than everyone else, having one last drink before walking home.

The walk home took forever. We were quite a bit more inebriated than we thought. Have you ever tried to walk home in the dark, half drunk? Every step seemed to make the distance increase instead of decrease. I was having to concentrate to keep my feet working one in front of the other. Jeff kept saying things that would cause me to laugh so hard, I could no longer keep track of my feet. I haven't had this type of feeling in ages.

As we exchanged stories of previous drinking adventures. Stories we had shared countless times, I noticed that all these stories take place before we met. Jeff's drunken escapades and mine were before we even knew of the others existence. We were both in a grown up phase of our lives when we met, fell in love and married. It is fun to act like a kid with him.

When I tell my stories to Jeff, I leave out some of the details. Not those details. But, it seems to me, back in the day, I was really very insecure and really very focused on finding a husband. How pathetic. It seems that my every thought was, does he like me? I would obsess about the boy who got away or the one I wanted to catch. As I tell the stories those details, which seemed of utmost importance at the time are inconsequential, the real details are the funny bits that seem extraneous at the time. As I retell the stories of my misbegotten youth I realize that I had a lot of fun. I had always remembered it as being painful and lonely. But truthfully I had a lot of friends, and a lot of fun.

I pray for some kind of wisdom to impart to my daughter how to see past all the crap we tend to focus on and see the fun. The crap is always there but so is the fun. It is weird how I can relieve a painful portion of my life with new eyes, it is somehow freeing. The teenager is put back away and mommy is back, dishes to wash, laundry to fold, flowers to water, hope you have a great day.

Momma Mia

I read Marian's blog Kirala this morning as I do most mornings. Today Marian wrote about that article, written by a British woman, Helen Kirwan-Taylor who is speaking out about how boring it is to be a mother. Later I went to the playground with Lily.

Today Lily learned how to climb the hardest part of the jungle gym at our favorite playground. We have been frequenting this playground since Lily was crawling. Each stage of her development has opened up new and exciting parts of the jungle gym to her. Today it was the final one. The twelve foot high rope ladder. She was so proud. So proud we had to stay and play there for two solid hours. I was relegated to the bench because Lily doesn't like her Mommy to play with her anymore at the playground, just her friends.

Lily said, "Mommy, go sit down"

So I sit there most days for an hour, today for two. Sometimes I bring some stationary and write letters to my friends and family who are e-mail impaired. Sometimes I will bring my school books. Sometimes I will sit quietly and think about my homework, or just daydream. Sometimes there are other moms at the playground and I get to visit. Helen Kirwan-Taylor would have been bored to tears with my morning.

As I read the article I was actually thinking of Friday night. I went to a formal dinner with my husband. He wore his new Mess Dress, which is the Air Force Uniform equivalent of a tuxedo, and I wore a floor length formal gown. Sorry the pictures didn't turn out. I spent the day getting ready. I spent the week before helping Jeff organize the event. There we were for several hours, all dressed up, talking to adults, drinking lovely wine, eating fabulous food. And I was a bit bored. It was not really my cup of tea. I don't think I acted rudely showing my boredom. I tried to be a stimulating conversationalist. I tried to remember to sit up straight, to take small bites, to look comfortable in my high heels. But, my mind tended to wander to finger painting and felt boards.

Helen Kirwan-Taylor and I are different. Her mind wanders to what skirt and shoes she will wear as soon as she gets away from the kiddies and my mind wanders to what fun activities we will be doing tomorrow as soon as I get away from the adults. As Americans don't we embrace diversity? Isn't it ok that we are different. I feel very frustrated with attempts to say that all moms should be one way.

Jen says "it takes a village"

She didn't say, it takes a village in regards to this article, just in general. I love Jen's attitude toward necessity of community in raising children. I believe that it is a good thing that different women have different approaches to raising children. Not only different approaches but different likes and dislikes, different personalities in general.

Joy says, "that different Mothers are good at different portions of their child's life."

Some, like me, are good at the little kid stuff, some are good at the teenager stuff, and some are good at being a parent to an adult child. I think that my teenager would tell you I am not at all good at the teenage portion of being a mom. What she wouldn't give to have a mother like the British woman. Someone who knew the right place to get highlights, how to pluck eyebrows, how to dress right, be cool. That is not me at all. My teenager would love to have a sophisticated mother instead of a mother who like finger paints. I have to work harder at being a mom to my teenager, just like Helen has to work harder at being a mom to her younger children.

Rodney King says, "Why can't we all just get along".

Whenever I get up on my soapbox about everyone should just be nice and accepting of other people. There is a little piece of my brain that remembers Rodney King. And I remember that the, let's just get along philosophy is incredibly simplistic.

I'll tell you why we can't just all get along, Columbine. It does matter to me if you are a bad mom. My kid has to go to school with your kids. Even if I home school or send my kid to a private school at some point they will meet. We live in the same village and I can't abide by children who are not raised with discipline, self respect, morality. So I judge you at the playground with your horrid parenting. I fear what your kid is going to turn into. That fear has made me judgmental and isolated.

A big part of me doesn't like to be judged. I don't like other mothers to be judged. I don't believe that any one style of parenting is ideal. I believe that most styles of parenting, flaws and all, will turn out children who end up being fine citizens. I want to let others live their own lives and make their own choices. I certainly don't want to hear what everyone thinks of my style of parenting, but I fear what will happen if we just leave everyone to their own devices. Helen Kirwan-Taylor has a different approach to parenting than I do. I don't think her style is harmful to her children or society. Which makes me glad I read the article and learned another perspective.

More pictures

Here are a few shots from our most recent camping trip here in Japan. Looks pretty much like camping in the States.


lily camping 


Our camp site 

This is a picture of our fire pit. Notice how the bundle of wood has not been separated, the guys spent about an hour trying to light this bundle of wood.


fire pit 

See the fire, that is not from our campsite.


fire 

Enough of the camping, actually I wish I had taken more photos, this was a lovely camping trip. We were having so much fun we forgot to snap pictures. On to Lily's birthday party. Daddy and Mandy felt Lily did not open her gifts quickly enough. Each time she opened a present she would want to play with the toy or book instead of immediately going on to the next present. So Daddy and Mandy were there to keep her on track.


birthday presents 


Daddy and Lily 


A Bob the Builder Tool box, Bob is our friend. 


There she is opening a gift 

Lily enjoyed her gluten-Free, Egg-Free, Corn-Free - birthday cake.


cake 


Mandy and Lily and the cake 

I know how jealous you all are reading this and looking at all my white walls. I know how much you wished you could live in military housing. That wraps up the birthday party, now on to the Disney photos. I have another roll of Disney photos, I just don't know where it is. You see the roll of film I thought was the Disney photos, that I took to be developed, happened to be a roll of film from February 2003, while we were moving from Italy to Japan and visiting our families in the States along the way. Maybe I will find the Disney photos in a couple of years? Until the here are the few photos I do have of our trip to Disney Sea in Tokyo.


With Mickey Mouse 


with Minnie Mouse 

Tokyo Disney Sea is very much like Disneyland with a European backdrop. It is not a water park. The rides are very similar, just a bit different. There are boat rides, like the Pirates of the Caribbean, that instead have a Middle Eastern Aladdin type theme. There are fast rides, like space mountain, with a Indiana Jones type theme. It was a blast and while Tokyo Disneyland which is right next door, was incredibly crowded Disney Sea was not at all crowded and we enjoyed the leisurely pace of the day.


Mandy 


Fountain 


Rest Stop on the way to Tokyo 


Rest Stop 


Lily wants to get out of her car seat right now, she is putting on her shoes and ready to go. 


Lily enjoying the ride to Tokyo 


Daddy enjoying the ride to Tokyo 

Summer

This summer we have had only a handful of days where the temperature has gotten above 80 degrees. I savor those days. The warmth against my skin, the sunshine, the breeze. I let myself breath in the summer. One such day happened on Lily's birthday.




On a hot summer's day we like to avoid cooking as we have no a/c, we invariably find ourselves at the Japanese grocery store, Universe, buying cool cocoa drinks.




We like to buy the already prepared ready to eat food at Universe. A great inexpensive way to try a little bit of a big variety of Japanese foods.




Universe is always very crowded, but especially on a hot Sunday afternoon.




Mandy's favorite Chicken.




My favorite Sushi.




Lily's favorite Tofu.




Jeff's favorite fish. Ha! Just kidding. I just think this fish is funny looking so I snapped a picture. Boy did I look silly walking around a crowded grocery store with a camera. But, I always wanted to blog pictures of Universe. I will always and forever love, love, love - Universe.




Some more interesting stuff in the fish section. We live three miles from the Pacific Ocean and only about 15 minutes from a major fishing port, so we have tons of fish. Someday I will take pictures of the Hachinohe Fish Market, that is a site, including a lot of live things I have never seen before. Too bad we do not have smell-o-vision for the fish market.




The produce section, aren't those carrots fat? They are really good too. Funny thing is that in an American produce section one must find the perfect piece of fruit or veggies, in a Japanese produce section everything on the shelf is perfectly ripe, nothing is moldy, mushy or not quite rip, it is all perfect. I love that, because I am horrid at taking the time to find the right produce and always end up with moldy grapes.




Next time you come to visit me in Japan look for the big orange U. U is for Universe, my favorite store. I wish they would pay me some money for this endorsement. Really I am just thankful for the experience. Mmm.




Can't forget the liquor isle.




Or the magazines.




More photos later. Lily is waking up from her nap. I hope you enjoyed the tour of a summer day in Misawa Japan. Swimming pool - grocery store - and lots of napping.