What is Wrong with Foster Care in America

My biological mother is mentally handicapped and it was determined that she not able to provide for herself and therefore received/ receives social security checks. Her parents were planning to keep her at home with them throughout her life. But, she got pregnant with my older brother.

My grandparents chose to buy her and her now husband a home, furnish the home etc, so they could raise their baby. The baby was born into the toilet because my mother did not know she was in labor. So begun her journey into motherhood. Three and a half years later I was born, in a bed, she still didn’t get the concept of going to the hospital but at least this time she stayed in the bed.

My brother was taken away from my parents when he was five after a few weeks of kindergarten the neglect was so apparent that the state intervened. They left the baby, me, because there wasn’t proof of neglect.

My parents chose to sell the house and move into a two bedroom apartment. They rented out my bedroom and I shared that room with two men, both of whom had recently returned from Vietnam. One of the men, John, started paying a lot of attention to me. This was the first person in my entire life that had paid attention to me and I loved the attention. So what if he would ask me to take off all my clothes when we talked or that he would touch me in weird places. I adored his attention

Later my father took all the money from the sale of the house, he took the car too and he left me and my mom. She promptly married John and we all lived off the welfare and social security that came from having a kid and not being mentally fit enough to hold a job. Eventually John made a mistake and turned his attention toward a neighbor kid and he went to jail. My mother was so distraught. She said she didn’t know what he had been doing to me; I reminded her that he had forced me to watch the two of them having sex, but I never told on her for that. The social worker still didn’t have enough of a reason to take me away from my mother so they let John out of jail and the fact that my mother picked him up and drove him back to our home was enough to take me away from her finally. I was five.

I was placed in foster care. My foster parents raised me and adopted my older brother and myself and we all lived happily ever after, but not really.

My social worker took me to the doctor for an examination. I remember every minute of that examination as if it were yesterday. I was told to take off all my clothes. I had to get on the table and have my privates inspected. There were five adults in the room, none of whom I knew. They were all asking me questions, grilling me, did he touch you here – and the doctor would touch me there… I refused to speak to these people. The social worker was furious and told me that I had to tell the truth now or … I forget what she threatened me with. That was a moment that changed my life forever. From that moment on I decided to never tell the truth again. I was about thirty before I finally got over that. I just never allowed anyone to know me. I would lie about my favorite food, or if I like a TV show, or anything, I just never wanted to let anyone see me after what that room full of strangers did to me.

From that came my family, not having to be raised in extreme poverty, being severely neglected, and sexually abused. At the time I would have rather gone back to my family. I now realize that I am better off, I am able to be a great mom, a fabulous wife, I am able to communicate my thoughts to you here and now due to the fact that I was taken away and raised by such a good family. Yet, it seems that it could have been done better, that it really wasn’t necessary to be so cruel to me in the process. I still don’t trust doctors or teachers, foster parents or social workers, police or really anyone in a position of power.

I am telling you this now, because I wonder if all you lovely people who have never been abused or neglected, never been taken from your parents and stripped naked in front of a room full of people having your privates examined and being questioned about what you have been doing with those privates, I wonder if you understand what it is that is happening to all those children who were removed from the Yearning for Zion ranch in Eldorado, Texas.

I also worry that not all foster care families are wonderful like mine. Hi dad. The foster care system today is so overwhelmed and under funded that there is not enough social workers to oversee the foster families and many children in the foster care program are abused and neglected by the foster families. How many of those children are being fed dinner tonight, and how many are being locked in the closet? How many are being hit or molested by the foster care system? Did we rescue those kids or are we torturing them? Did we wait too long, how many years have we as a country known about this and other polygamist sects? How long have we waited for enough proof before rescuing these children? This issue along with all the children in America who are abused and neglected is complex, very complex.

This is really the main reason I want Hillary Clinton to be our next president. She has devoted her life to advocating and improving the system to help abused and neglected children. No matter her job, no matter if she joined a committee, formed a committee, and gave abused children legal council, worked to improve the foster care program, worked with head start, worked with PBS. She has been embroiled in this fight for her entire adult life and understands the complexities. I have faith that she will continue to fight for these children as president because she always has, now matter what life throws at her, she always has found a way to improve the conditions for kids. One at a time or a nation at a time Hillary Clinton always finds a way. I think she gets it and to me helping the abused and neglected children of our country is priority number one, to me kids come first.

Thanks for hearing me dear

Yesterday, Jeff took care of Lily for me all day long. It was a nice break for me. She has been very diffiucult since I registered her for Kindergarten.

Lily is not a person who enjoys change and the anticipation of this change is causing her to act horribly. The entire week was filled with screaming crying fits. Sunday was no different, she was horrid to her dad all day. He was so furious.

My sweet husband almost never loses his cool but yesterday he was more frustrated than I have ever seen him. I couldn't help but think, yeah. I am so glad that he gets what I am going through on a daily basis. When he comes home from work and asks how was your day, now he understands when I tell him it was a bad, very bad day. That is all that matters, that I feel understood.

Now I am back in the trenches getting Lily through this difficult time. My theory is patience, routine, firm boundaries, and so much fun she forgets to be bad. It is a lot easier for me to go through the daily grind knowing that my dear Jeff understand and appreciates me.

Relay For Life

Last night was the Relay for Life, thank you very much for all your contributions. We were able to exceed our goal. Jeff volunteered me as the online chair yet didn't tell me what to do. Then I was sent a 80+ page manual on how to run the website. What I didn't know was that I was supposed to solicited information out of the teams and email and post that information. Now I know. I was invited to do the job again next year, even though this year I only did my job for a week. I guess that is the great thing about being a volunteer.

Jeff won the spirit award for his team. He has a lot of spirit and this year he used a bull horn.

This was my first year attending the event. If you have never attended a relay for life event, you should find one near you and check it out. We had a blast.

It all starts with the introduction of the cancer survivors in our area. Some speeches are made by some of the survivors. Thanks are given. And then the relay begins. The object of the relay is for each team to keep at least one person on the track the entire night, from 6pm until 6am. The first lap around the track is done by the survivors in their purple shirts. Next lap is done with survivors and their caregivers. I cried. It is very moving to see all the people in your area, your neighbors and to see those who have fought and won and those who are fighting, young and old. Last year a young girl came with all of the hospital bracelets she had accumulated throughout her entire life, a mountain of them. She wanted to keep those bracelets on the track all night and Jeff offered to help out, he was proud to carry her bracelets.

Next the teams all come onto the track with their banners. There is a contest for best banner. And then at least one team member is to be on the track for the entire night, each team has a baton and that baton must stay on the track. There is a baton contest too. They had some pretty terrificly creative batons last night. Jeff was in charge of pictures so there are none.

The next part of the relay for life is to remember those we have lost. This is done during the luminaries portion of the evening. After the sun sets bags with the names of those to be remembered written on them are lit with a candle inside. There is a ceremony. I wasn't able to make it to the ceremony as it was way past Lily's bed time, but Jeff lit one for his dad and Mandy lit one for her great-grandma.

Finally the last purpose of the relay for life is to fight. We fight against cancer in two ways, one is in coming together and two is in raising money for the American Cancer Society. Each team gathered donations, and I thank everyone who donated, we also had fund raisers before the event and then the actual event is a big fund raiser. It was a carnival. Each team set up a booth selling something fun to do or something good to eat. One of my favorites was throwing a wet ball at someone's face, they stick their face through the hole and you get four chances to nail them right in the kisser for a dollar. Lily tried a bunch of times. There was also a dunk tank and face painting, all kinds of great food. We ended up spending more than $100 just goofing off. And all that money goes to the American Cancer Society.

I had never been to a relay for life event before so I thought I would do a little recap for you. I hope that you take some time to check out the relay in your area, they should be going on pretty soon. Having a great time, eating great food, and having that money go toward curing cancer what could be better. Check out the website to find a relay near you.

Why Won't My Teen Clean Her Room: and other parenting fun

I have been having the hardest time getting Mandy (17) to clean her room. I don't think she has cleaned it properly since we moved in a year ago. She still has unpacked boxes in the middle of her room. I have bought her shelves and assembled them. I have grounded her from the computer and TV. Nothing seems to work. I have begged and pleaded, threatened and yelled. I am tempted to go in there with a garbage bag and be done with it.

Mandy is a good kid. She does well in school. She has a job. She is very busy and for the most part she is kind and respectful toward me and the rest of the family. She just refuses to comply in this one area. I think she is doing it because she can. To prove a point. The point being that I am not the boss of her anymore. I cannot tell you how much this is driving Jeff and I crazy. But, it is only a room and while I nag her endlessly and haven't let her use my computer in months, I haven't really pushed the issue. It is only a room.

I have noticed that a page has been turned in our relationship and that I am now more of an adviser than anything else. When she was younger she always listened. Now, it seems she only listens to me when it suits her. She seems to have the same morals as I do, so this is really not a source of conflict between us, except when it comes to cleaning her room. I look at her and think that I really don't have all that much control over her anymore. I am just glad we are not fighting about drugs or sex because I don't know that I would win an argument in those areas either.

I have always looked down on parents who say that they no longer control the situation. That their teens are making their own decisions. I thought the parents were being lazy. I didn't realize that teens have an enormously strong will. That as a parent you really cannot duck tape them and leave them in the closet. I guess this is why 18 year olds make the best soldiers. When they get something in their head they really don't think of consequences they just go forward and go forward, no matter what. Really and truly no matter what. It is an amazing thing to see. Speaking of solders, Mandy informs me that she wants to join the Air Force. Last night she also informed us she wants to date a 23 year old. Now I am looking back at last week, when all we disagreed about was her room, and I am thinking, what in the world was I so upset about.

Now my job isn't so much that of an enforcer, I think I have become a diplomat or a negotiator of sorts. It isn't so much about forbidding her to not do the things that I don't want her to do, but about convincing her that I am right.

Kindergarten Registration

Tomorrow I register Lily for kindergarten. She doesn't start until early August. I feel like I have been kicked in the gut. I sure am going to miss that little girl when she is off spreading her sunshine at school.

Friday I was able to go to a luncheon for the base spouses group. I was lucky enough to be seated next to two ladies who currently have kindergarteners at the school Lily will attend. I got the scoop. Lots of volunteer opportunities. Both moms were very pleased with the school.

Lily has been doing great at our playgroups. They are designed like a pre-school program where mom stays but the teacher conducts stories, songs, crafts, etc. At first listening to another adult was a new concept for Lily to say the least. Now she is understanding what is expected of her and able to participate. I am able to sit in the back and visit with the other moms while Lily does her thing with the kids and teacher. I hope that will translate to a good kindergarten experience, having never been to pre-school. I signed Lily up for swim lessons this summer and we will not be able to attend the playgroups in June or July. I wonder if this is going to be a good idea or if it will cause her to lose some of her progress in the sitting and listening department? Hopefully swim lessons will be an opportunity to listen as well. Once she learns to swim I am hoping to talk Jeff into a pool. Cross your fingers. I guess I am just worrying too much after all it is only kindergarten.

The moms I spoke with were telling me about how advanced the curriculum is this year for kindergarten. The things they are learning are the same as kids used to learn in first grade just a few short years ago. The moms said the kids were learning to spell words like truck and learning to add 7 + 8. I was thinking Lily is already at that level. Perhaps that is a good thing. I sometimes get concerned that she will be bored in school because I have worked with her at home so much. But, now I am thinking that she will have the opportunity to develop some maturity, some social skills, some listening and cooperating skills. It might have been too much to expect her to learn the curriculum and the social all at once.

Having a child who will be a senior in high school next year I shouldn't be so worried about kindergarten. I do realize that it is not really going to effect her entire life. I just hope that Lily will have a positive experience because she is such a happy lovely girl and I hate to see her be miserable. I really need to quit borrowing trouble, over thinking everything and worrying. It is just so hard to think about taking this next step. Wasn't she just born?

Relay for Life

Howdy Y'all,
I am the husband Marsha talks crap about all the time. I am participating in relay for life this year and I wanted to blog all of Marsha's blogging buddies to ask for support. Relay for Life is an all night walk to raise funds for cancer. A person gets a team together and ensures someone is walking on the track for the entire 12 hours. This might sound rough, but it is not because if you have 12 people on the team it only comes out to be an hour per person. Well if you would like to donate please go to this link Once you go to this link you can go to donate and look under individual for my name Jeffery Green. I hope y'all are able to donate to this worthy cause! The event is next Friday night, 25 April so I only have less than two weeks to raise somemore donations. Thanks! Take Care!

Jeff

Across the Bridge

Yesterday we were feeling very fine and had cooperative weather. Jeff, Lily and I decided to walk across the Biloxi Bay Bridge. This bridge was destroyed by Katrina and was finally fully functioning again last week, or the week before who knows for sure I was sick and haven't crossed the bridge in awhile. Now that it is complete, it is approx. 2 miles across acording to the odemeter on my car. There is a lovely biking or walking lane. This lane is on the side that allows bicyclists and pedestraians to see out to the open sea. It is a lovely walk. There were a lot of people out yesterday morning and we had a lot of fun.

Jeff was concerned that Lily would not be able to walk that far and had me bring the stroller. The two of them then ran off without me, while I plowed along pushing the only stroller we still have which happens to be enormous. I could see the two of them running off in the distance, I guess I am a pretty slow walker. Lily and her dad run the exact same way, it cracked me up.

So I had a peaceful walk across the bridge and back. The two of them stopped every now and then, a couple of time Lily would run all the way back to me so she could ride in her stroller for awhile. I haven't been walking much, as my shins are sore today.

After the excurtion we came home and Lily at two lunches and fell asleep. I am so excited to see her feeling better. To see her run and eat is amazing. She lost some weight and I am hoping to see it all come back soon. We have only one more day without milk and then our lives go back to normal. My not listening to the doctor and giving her milk anyways did not work out so well. Jeff and I were only sick for a day and Lily's illness went on and on. Jeff ratted me out to the doctor about the milk and sure enough she got better immediately when I stopped giving it to her. But, she cried for hours and then she would sleep and wake up and cry some more. She told me if she can't have milk she wouldn't drink water. She kept telling me that the doctor did not say she couldn't have milk, the doctor said she couldn't have water. Finally she got over it and we are counting the hours until we can have: milk, cheese, chocolate milk, ice cream, pudding...

It does feel like she has regressed several months in her behavior issues. Today was hell. I am hoping she will snap out of it soon. Lately we have been doing so well with her behavior and then after her illness she seems to have saved up all the bad and is just letting it out. Or she is still mad about the milk and finding ways to get even with me. Today she screamed and cried for a half an hour because I said that she had peanut butter on her mouth. Lily wanted me to say she had peanut butter on her face. Lily believes that the mouth is only the part inside of her mouth and anything on the outside is either lips or face and to say she had peanut butter on her mouth was WRONG. I am trying to teach her to STOP telling me I am wrong all the time already. She was furious that I would not appologize and tell her that she had peanut butter on her face. Her bad behavior escalated and escalated and it was more than thirty minutes before she was able to get a grip. I thought we were past this stage. We worked so hard to get past this stage, yet somehow here we are again.

The Pink Dress

How would you feel if you called a reputable plumber and the person who showed up to fix the pipes under your sink was a female in a pink spring halter dress. Imagine your discomfort as she tries to get herself under the sink, all the while her breast are popping out as she bends, her bottom as she squats and scoots. How much respect would you have for her ability to perform the job at hand? How much respect for her profession is she showing by trying to do a job that requires getting on the floor in a cute little pink sundress?

This is exactly how I feel about all the moms who come to the library story time in their cute little pink dresses or their skin tight jeans. Ladies, you have to sit on the floor, you have to crawl around on your hands and knees to coral your 1 1/2 year old. Have some respect for the job, have some respect for the fact that you are a mom and your job requires you to get down and dirty. Screw Oprah, put your kids needs above looking cute. Cause honey, you look anything but cute crawling around on the floor with your t and a hanging out in the middle of the library story time.

And then there were three

Thanks for all your good wishes. Lily did pass her sickness on to Jeff and myself. So far Mandy is ok. Lily is not completely better yet but she is slowly making a comeback. She didn't get dehydrated the whole time, but she did lose some weight, not eating for five days will do that to a person. I should say she ate very little. The doctor tells us not to give her milk but that is all she wants. She keeps it down and it has calories and fat. Just don't tell on me.

What is worse than taking care of a sick little one. Trying to take care of a sick little one while you are sick yourself. Jeff was so sick he stayed home from work yesterday. He was laying on the couch with Lily watching cartoons and I went into the bedroom to lay down for a minute. Woke up about 7 hours later. Only woke up because I was gagging on my own puke. Sorry TMI?

After my little nap, I was feeling a bit better. I was able to take Mandy to work, pick up a few things at the store, clean up a little and then pick Mandy back up from work. Jeff seemed to be getting worse. He went to work today. Bet that was fun.

I know this stuff happens to everyone and I am a big baby. Tomorrow maybe I will tell you all about my flowers and how they were killed this year.

A Sickly Weekend

I heard a strange noise from Lily's room on Friday night, I was sound asleep and not sure what I had heard. I went to her room just to check. She seemed to be sleeping peacefully, I covered her with a blanket and left. I was a bit thirsty so I got a drink of water. Not really all the way awake. When I made it back to my bed, Jeff asked if I was ok and I said yes. Just as I laid my head back down on the pillow I heard the noise from Lily's room again. This time I was fully awake and this time I knew what it was.

Lily was getting sick. I rushed to her room. Her bed was covered in it, she had been laying in it. Poor girl. I scooped her up and gave her a bath. Jeff went to work cleaning her bed. I got her all cleaned up and was ready to put her back to bed when it started again. This time I got her a bowl and we avoided having to have another bath. Lily and I were up all night Friday, she didn't stop throwing up until after 7AM. We spent the night together in the living room. Me holding her upright in a chair. Finally we got a couple hours of sleep.

Saturday, she ate a cracker and drank some water and threw it up. We spent the day cuddled up together on the couch, she threw up a couple of times the last time being around 2:30 PM. I put her to bed that night exhasted and ready for a good night's sleep. Mandy was at the prom. Not long after I got settled in bed she started to throw up again. We didn't make it to her room on time again a bath was necessary. Jeff suggested that Lily come and sleep with me in my bed and he would sleep on the couch. We have a small bed. I had trouble going back to sleep. Mandy wasn't home yet and hadn't called as she was supposed to call and tell me where she was going after the dance and what time she would be home. She didn't answer her phone either. Plus I was worried Lily would throw up in my bed and I would sleep right threw it. The adreneline was flowing so much I could feel my heart beating. Mandy finally answered her phone and came home all safe and sound. I guess I slept a bit, no more throwing up.

Sunday Lily didn't throw up at all. She didn't eat or move much either. I got her to drink some water but not much. When she fell asleep on the couch I went to put her in her bed for the night and she was afraid. Afraid of throwing up again I suppose. I didn't think letting her cry was a good idea. So Lily and I slept on the couch. Today she doesn't want to eat or drink. I guess we are working on recovery a little at a time. I am going to try to get her about 5 minutes of sunshine this afternoon. Hopefully it might stimulate some hunger or thirst.

Lily is not a cuddle baby. She only really likes to be held for more than a quick hug and kiss, when she is sick. It is weird to have been cuddling her 24 hours a day for three days now. She doesn't like for me to be away from her at all, as in I have to be physically touching her or she gets upset. Poor girl. I hope she feels better soon. I am not sure what it is she has, a bug, food poison???

My Little Helper

Today was a floor scrubbing day, we have some ceramic tile floors and while it is lovely the grout is darker in some areas than others. In the kitchen I was able to get the floor swept before Lily found out I was doing floors. Lily is my helper in all things. I began to scrub the floor with the scrubbing brush to really clean out the edges and the grout. I gave Lily a swifter mop so she could "help". It was all going pretty well.

When I had finished scrubbing, I had to mop up all the water I had spread around the floor. I put the bucket of soapy water in the entry way, where there is another tile floor and began to mop up all the soapy water from the floor of the kitchen. Lily found my scrubbing brush and the bucket of soapy water and started to scrub the entry way floor. Too bad I hadn't swept it yet. In fact we have been working in the yard so much that our entry way floor is a disaster, full of sand and leaves.

Can someone please tell me why my trees shed their leaves in the spring instead of the fall. I keep raking and raking and they keep falling and falling.

Lily had added water and stirred up all the dirt, sand, and leaves on our entry way floor. I had such a hard time cleaning it all up. Just when I had it all in a pile, Lily took the scrubbing brush and "helped" spread the pile around some more. I might have snapped at her and made her a bit upset. She then told me she would never "help" me with the floors again, ever! Isn't that a shame!

Jeff has today off from work and spent the entire time napping. Is this what I was missing so much. At least I have someone other than Lily to snap at when they drive me insane. Off to rake some more. Seriously, none of the leaves came off in the fall from my oak trees. Now in the spring they are falling in buckets. The trees did stay green all winter. Are my trees retarded? They sure are pretty, but dang they are a lot of work.

My Inner Feminist

My husband is driving home as we speak. I can remember as a child how upset I always was that I was continuously being fed the message that women are inferior to men. Women's brains don't work as well because we are ruled by emotion and not reason. Our opinions are not valid because we just don't understand the way the world works. We are to be tolerated. We get all riled up over silly little things and therefore our being upset is not worthy of acknowledgment. I guess this is why I was upset that Lily said that boys mow the lawn and not girls.

In the ninth grade we were given a comprehensive test which had to be passed before we could graduate from high school. One component of the test was we had to write a proper paragraph. I of course failed because my topic sentence was about one thing and my paragraph was about another, see above paragraph. It makes sense to me. Hopefully it will make sense to you too. I am sure they would fail me on my paragraph writing skills again if they had a chance to read my blog. The following year I purposely conformed and passed the test, since then I have been completely off topic. I am sorry to all my literary friends.

The very next day, after Lily told me that boys mow lawns, we were at the store and happened upon a toy lawn mower. She begged me to buy it for her, I never buy her toys at the store, to avoid the whole fit in stores thing, anyways this time I gave in and bought her a toy lawn mower. She has been mowing ever since. I guess I should someday realize that the world my girls inhabit is very different than the one that I grew up in. It was only an observation. I have indeed mowed the lawn, twice in Lily's lifetime, once when she was probably too small to remember. Perhaps she was saying that girls are too important to soil themselves with men's work? I don't know it just rubbed me the wrong way, but now she seems to have forgotten about the boys mow because she is mowing herself everyday. Or maybe she thinks she is a boy?

So here I sit, the hardened feminist that I am, I sit and wait for my husband to finally come home. Life without the man around the house is not at all fun. Perhaps I will wear pearls like June Cleaver in honor of his arrival. In many ways the person that I was is still inside of me, like the way I react to perceived anti-woman sentiment, and in many ways I am everything that I never wanted to be, yet I love who I am. I can't seem to wrap my mind around the feminist stay at home mother who profoundly depends on her husband.