Receptive and Expressive Language Delay

I wrote here back in the fall that Lily's kindergarten teacher believed that she had something called a receptive and expressive language delay. I agreed with that assessment and was happy to have a name for what I had noticed about Lily. I feel that I have a similar way of perceiving the world and that I completely understand. My perception is that for Lily and sometimes for me the world of language is difficult. For example depending on your skills I would ask, Have you ever listened to a poem and known every word spoken individually but had no idea what was said? But, listened a few more times took some time to concentrate and finally started to understand what the poem was saying. Or the same can be asked about an algebra problem or geometry. Right we have all been in situations where we had to really focus to understand the concepts being told. Where any noise in the room or stray thought could distract us and make the comprehension diminish. This is how Lily feels all the time. While she is capable of hearing and understanding every word spoken to her is difficult to get into her brain, it takes a lot of effort on her part.

The plan was for Lily's teacher to have the speech therapist evaluate Lily. Which happened and the speech therapist said she completely agreed with the teacher because Lily was asked questions and her answers did not match what was being asked. Like she would be asked what she was doing and she would answer about the weather. The teacher said that this would be passed on to the lead teacher who would schedule an appointment for the teacher, parent, speech therapist, and lead teacher to get together and map out a plan.

I never heard back. Finally when I got the first report card after half the year was over I scheduled a conference with the teacher. Meanwhile, Lily was doing great in school and on the standardized tests. I talked to the teacher and she said that Lily is not eligible to meet with the speech therapist or head teacher or to get a plan because her receptive language delay is not interfering with her academically. She then went on to tell me all kinds of things that have happened that indicate to her that Lily is still having the same difficulties in class.

I was upset to say the least. I feel like my kid is being punished because I am an involved parent who works with her at home. I feel that she should be allowed to have the highly paid, highly educated experts take a look at her situation and give us some guidance. I am doing my best but some expertise might make a huge difference in Lily's development. I am not asking for her to be pulled out of class on a daily basis and privately tutored, I am asking for a meeting, for some input. But, no at Lily's school you have to be failing to be eligible for help. Even if you have a learning disability and there are people in the building specially trained in this stuff they wont even speak to me unless she is failing. Am I the only one who thinks this is a bunch of crap?

Lily's teacher is great, most of the time. She tells me when Lily is struggling with something and I work with her at home. She often times doesn't understand the instructions and I have to explain it at home. I guess I am finding a way to get into her head because so far I have been able to help her understand things that she fails to understand at school. One time her teacher pulled her ear and told her to use her ears and listen. Which upsets me because that seems unfair when it is so much harder for Lily to listen than it is for the other children. I called her and spoke to her about the ear thing, Lily says her ear was pulled the teacher said it was touched, either way I didn't like it. I didn't say that but having made the phone call meant it didn't happen again.

Lily's school work often comes home with the words, follow directions or listen to your directions written on the paper. Lily asked me one time if it was ok if she tears up those papers and throws them away. I said yes. We go over the directions and recreate the page and she does it the way the teacher wanted but the paper with the mean words Lily tears it up. She then wads it up and then we take turns stomping on the paper and throw it away. Lily likes that. She hates being corrected. She gets corrected all the time because she mostly doesn't hear the instructions. So, I let her take out her frustrations at home.

So, why is Lily doing so well academically and on the standardized tests if she has a receptive and expressive language delay? Because she is brilliant? Just kidding. She really has a strong desire to do well. She is very motivated. I am not really sure that I instilled that motivation in her. I encourage that motivation and reward that motivation with a lot of praise but she has that in her. IF a child doesn't have the internal motivation to want to do well in school I don't know how you would put it there.

Working with her I try to be there for her, to encourage and to explain things in non-verbal ways as much as possible. I let her explain it back to me. I take the time to listen to her. I think that hearing how her mind is working helps me to be able to fit the missing pieces into her head in a way that she can understand. I have her draw me pictures of the classroom or playground when she is trying to explain things to me.

The number one most important piece of advice I can give is to focus on the strengths. If a child loves something and is interested in something focus almost all the attention on that and just do enough to get by on the areas where they are struggling. I know that sounds exactly the opposite but it facilitates the love of learning and their interests change. It also helps to not build up a hate or frustration.

Any receptive and expressive language advice out there?

Relay for Life

We all had a great time at the relay.

I baked, and baked for the bake sale, so did all my friends. There wasn't the turn out we expected and we ended up with a lot of left over goodies. Which was a disappointment.

The relay was supposed to go from 5pm until 5am on Friday. Jeff arrived at the venue around 8am. He called me around 10:30am to join him for lunch. I ended up getting a lot of phone calls, I tried to get the last sheet of cookies baked from the batch I was working on, I took a shower and I didn't end up getting to the field until after 11am. Not bad I thought. By then Jeff was busy with other things and instead of going to grab a quick lunch he put me to work. I was kneeling in the field putting up the cancer eduction signs and ended up getting a stinging rash on my legs from something I knelt in, I also got a sunburn. Then we got lunch. I didn't get home until almost two and therefore didn't end up baking any more cookies. Which is good since I didn't sell half of what I had already baked.

I then drove around delivering t-shirts to my team. Got home just in time to get Lily from the bus. She had spent the day outside for field day. She was covered in bug spray, sun tan lotion, sweat and a sunburn. I decided what she needed was a bath. I felt it would be more comfortable for her to spend the night outside if she wasn't all itchy and gross the whole time. She was not amused. This was not a part of the plan. We had discussed the plan for weeks and she was furious with me that I was giving her an unscheduled bath and we were leaving an hour late. I also made her eat a good meal. We made it to the relay by 4pm. Lily was clean, re-sprayed with bug spray and had a belly full of nutritious food. She spent the rest of the night eating pizza, hot dogs, cookies, brownies, cupcakes and I don't even know what else.

My friends came out and stayed for hours and hours. Everyone put an enormous amount of effort into the event. We had so much fun together. It was a swirl of activity and it was 5am before I had a chance to blink.

Lily slept from around 9:30 until 11 or so, and then she was up for the rest of the night. She must have ran 10 miles. She just kept running and having a blast. She won a whistle at one of the game booths and blew that thing all night. Drove loads of people mad, they complained about the whistle a lot. She would get upset when I asked her to stop. Mostly I thought that with the loud music and general loudness of the event that a whistle added to the overall party atmosphere and mostly I let her blow it to her hearts content. There were other types of noise makers as well.

At the end the three of us, Jeff, Lily and I carried our baton and our sign around the track together. It was fun.

I saw girls there who were not much bigger than our Lily and they were wearing the purple t-shirt indicating that they were cancer survivors. Lily was walking and talking with the girls, I was behind them a bit. I just tear up at the moment to see Lily so full of health and life running around a track until 5am. I cannot imagine how it would be to endure having a child sick with cancer. So glad to see those two girls full of health and vigor at the event. This is why I relay - I love to see so many survivors and I want to contribute to more people having a good outcome.

During this journey to the relay, the months of meetings and emails that brought us to the night, I met so many wonderful people. Cancer survivors and others like me who have been touched by cancer via family members. So many of these folks work so hard and with such grace. There are the frustrations and the complainers but overall I witnessed the most amazing bits of human spirit during this journey. I hope to learn to be less of a complainer and more of a -I don't know what to call it - a person who works hard toward a goal and lets it all just roll off their back with a great attitude and never sweats the small stuff.

If you ever are lonely I recommend volunteering, you meet the best people and your outlook on the world is forever changed.

Relay for Life

It is finally here tonight is the relay. Thanks to everyone who sponsored me. I hope I will be able to entertain you with great stories when it is all done. I am currently baking oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for our team's bake sale. Baking all day, walking all night.

If you are interested in sponsoring me you can go here: http://main.acsevents.org/goto/marshamlow

Please help me raise more money than Jeff!

Busy, Busy Me

Mandy had her prom last Saturday. What a day. She had taken the day off from work but was asked to come in from 8am until noon to help in the flower department. So many people were getting bouteniers and corsages and they needed Mandy. So she got up early, her least favorite thing in the world and went in to work. I often worry that she is not helping around the house and therefore has entitlement issues and I have raised one of those people. It turns out she puts others first, except at home. I can live with that.

I put her hair up in rollers. I love fixing hair. I am not great at it but she was happy with the results. I did her make up once a few years ago and she hated it. Mandy almost never wears makeup so she had her friend come over to help.

I tried to get my work done, which is up to about six hours a day now, in the morning. Lily had some sort of virus and was throwing up. I spent the entire morning cleaning up puke and tending to Lily. I then planned on doing my work after Mandy left for the prom. However, Mandy's friend's mom came to the house along with her daughter and decided she couldn't figure out how to drive home and back again and invited herself to stay at our house until the girls came home from the Prom. I ended up not being able to do my work until Sunday. Which I usually have off. I emailed my boss and asked permission but she ended up not getting the email and gave me hell about it.

Mandy's date decided to come and pick up the girls first and then the other boy. Mandy's friend's mom was not going to be able to get a picture of her daughter's date. So I offered to drive behind the kids to the next house, where we took even more pictures. After the kids left we got the other mom and the three of us went to Wal-Mart where we printed out and shared all the pictures we had just taken. We got frames for our favorites and the girls came home to an album and framed pictures of thier night.

We moms then went out to have some coffee and visit. When they closed down the coffee house we went back to my house and watched what turned out to be everyone's favorite movie - Ever After! A very fun night, worth getting trouble for blowing off work. I really tried to get it done.

This entire week is going to be so busy too. Saturday is the Relay for Life. I am a team captain for the first time this year. It turns out that Mandy's senior trip is also this week so she will not be able to help out. My team is having a bake sale. This week I am baking and getting the sign ready etc. Wish me luck!

Thanks to everyone who has sponsored me. I will take lots of pictures and tell lots of stories. If you would like to help me raise money for the American Cancer Society by sponsoring me to walk all night long click here!

Jeff's Daughter

Lily is out in the backyard. She is wearing her nightgown and rubber boots. She is watering her flowers with the hose. Her flowers are leaves she has picked off of various trees and planted in the sand patches in your yard. She is also watering the dog occasionally. Did I mention that she brushed her own hair today?

The two of them, Jeff and Lily - today is my day off, went to the movies today. She was dress, bright turquois outfit with her turquis rubber boots - decorated with large white polka dots. But, she changed back into a spongebob nightgown as soon as she walked back through the door. That girl has always had a great love of boots.

Crazy Daisy has Cancer

I have just come home from the vet and it is a big ass cancer tumor growing in her head. There is a finger like piece in the back of her mouth growing out of her tongue. You can feel it on the outside along her neck. It is pushing against the back of her eye. Her head isn't that big but this mass is big enough that it is already made her lose her vision and is causing her to have discomfort when she eats.

I just don't know what to do.

I feel bad saying this but, we spent $200 now in trial and error to figure out what was wrong. Turns out no one kicked her. Which is good in a way, because now I don't have to go buy a shot gun or anything. But, this is worst case scenerio.

They tell me for $300 I can have a biopsy and find out what type of cancer and how long she has to live. This thing is in a place that there is no way they can remove it.

They tell me I can spend $500 and have the finger like thing sticking out of her throat/tongue cut out and a biopsy to know what it is. Still wont save her forever but could make her more comfortable until it grows back. Then she could have some steriods to slow down the growth.

Is it just me or does that sound a little like torture the poor thing while prolonging the inevitable. A part of me doesn't even want to put those damn drops in her eye anymore because she hates it so much.

I did let her go back outside. She has been so sad not to be able to go out and sit in the sun. I was afaid of some evil person kicking her, but I guess that is not a fear anymore.

How long do you wait to put them out of their misery. I mean do you do it while they are still feeling alright so they never have to suffer too much or wait until they can barely move?

I feel so bad for being mad at her for peeing all over the house. I can't help but wonder if this was caused by all those damn flea drops.

I put some baking soda in her water because I read on the internet one time that baking soda is the cure for cancer.

The Cat

A couple of weeks ago I noticed my cat was not eating. My cat never misses a meal. She follows us around crying until we feed her. But, on this day she had spent the entire day in the closet and then didn't ask for dinner or breakfast the next morning. I then went into the closet to investigate.

I noticed that her eye was swollen and weepy so I called the vet and scheduled and appointment. I thought perhaps she had an allergy or a cold. I really wasn't all that concerned. I packed Daisy up in her cage and we were off to the vet.

When the vet pried her eye open we noticed that the eye was full of blood. The inside of the eyeball was swollen and completely filled with blood, you couldn't even see the color of her eye. The vet told me it was an injury. Like a kick to the head. The impact was one of great force, but it couldn't be from a car because there wasn't any other injuries. She checked Daisy for broken teeth, broken bones in her face, shoulder etc. The whole time I was feeling sick to my stomach. It was such a shock I wasn't prepared to hear this.

When the vet took Daisy to the operating room so that the other vet could take a look I called Jeff on the phone and explained what was happening. Saying the words out loud made me start to cry. I couldn't stop either, I was crying for the rest of the appointment and while scheduling the follow up appointment. The thought of one of my neighbors kicking my cat in the head feels like such a violation. The thought of Daisy enduring such trauma is also incomprehensible to me.

The second vet had to see Daisy because the first vet would not be in the office on the day of the follow up appointment. The second vet said she thought the eye looked like a tumor and not trauma to her. Which would mean Daisy didn't get kicked but was going to die. Which is worse?

On the second visit her eye had improved quite a bit and it was then determined by the second vet that she indeed was kicked in the head. Today we are going for another follow up.

I have had to put drops in her eyes. I think they burn too because Daisy freaks out. She has lost vision in the eye. She might have to have her eye removed. Last week there was still so much blood that we couldn't tell what was going on.

Our cat has another problem. She pees all over the house. She always has. The vet from about 9 years ago when we first rescued her from the mean streets of Italy told us, that is the way she is and she was at that time too old to be retrained. Either live with it or put her to sleep. We have lived with it for 9 years now. She only pees on tile floors and bathtubs. I think if it was carpet it might be harder to clean. Our dog pees on our bed every once in awhile which is worse. But, waking up and stepping in cat pee while your eyes have not yet opened all the way is a pain. She never does it in the same spot either so I am always having to search for where she peed.

A day or two before she got kicked in the head she had peed right in front of the closet in the entry way of our house. I was in bare feet and trying to find an umbrella for Mandy. It was before six in the morning and I was not all together awake. Stepped in cat pee, in bare feet and slipped and fell and hit my head and hip. I was not happy. When I told Jeff how upset I was, he said maybe it is time we put her to sleep. We were so smug in our condemnation of the kitty. A few days later I am sobbing at the vet. Perhaps this was karma? For saying such mean things. There has always been a part of me that does not like Jeff's cat. He is the one who rescued her before we were even married. I guess now we have bonded because I am the one taking her to the vet, crying, giving her drops four times per day etc.

I am scared to let her go outside. She is scoping out the doors. Hiding behind things and trying to make a break for freedom every time we open a door. The other day Lily's teacher called on the phone and while I was talking to her Lily opened the door and let the cat outside. I have no idea why. I was still listening to the teacher and I went outside to try and catch the cat who promptly found a loose fence board and scurried to the empty lot (forest) next to our house. I walked back to the house and Lily had locked the door. I have no idea what was going through her head, she did finally let me in. I am afraid her teacher must think I am retarded after that conversation, I don't think I was really all there. Later I went outside and called Daisy and she came back through the fence and ran in the back door. What a relief I was really worried.

I don't understand why she would want to go outside if that was where she was assaulted. Is she dumb? The peeing all over the house instead of her litter box seems to suggest that she is dumb. She does pee in her litter box sometimes, we keep in clean, scooping immediately if it is dirty. There doesn't seem to be any reason that I can think of why sometimes she just uses the floor instead. I wonder how long the vet is going to milk this trauma. Making me come back for check ups etc? So far we are up to about $150.