Friday Shuffle

Dixie, Sari, Katya have all been doing the Friday Shuffle for years. I don't actually have an ipod but I listen to Pandora. Here is the first 10 songs Pandora picked for me to listen to today. I hope you all have a great weekend.

1. Welcome To Wherever You Are by: Bon Jovi


2. Cracklin' Rose by: Neil Diamond


3. Don't Stand So Close To Me by: The Police


4. I Just Want To Be Your Everything by: Andy Gibb


5. Alone Again by: Gilbert O'Sullivan


6. All Right Now by: Queen + Paul Rodgers


7. Truly Madly Deeply by: Savage Garden


8. Live and Let Die by: Guns N' Roses


9. Give A Little Bit by: The Goo Goo Dolls


10. Don't Stop Believin' by: Journey

Merry Christmas

Jeff and the girls have been off this week and it has been non-stop fun. This morning we woke up with a sick little girl and a thrown out back momma. Guess we will slow it down a bit. I am also trying to keep up with my job and Christmas. Sounds stressful but it really isn't. Plenty of hours in the day, it is all good.

Driving down the road to Mobile on Monday we got a phone call. We were on our way to tour the USS Alabama. The call was from Jeff's work. Remember how I told you that if a woman he works with gets pregnant he will be deployed? Well she got pregnant. However, the person on the phone said Jeff has to volunteer to go or they will send someone else. One person said Jeff is going whether he wants to or not, another says Jeff has to volunteer. Currently we are under the impression that he will not be going.

It is my understanding that speaking of troop movements, telling exactly when and where military members are going is frowned upon. The when is soon. The where is far away, use your imagination.

I pretty much had a panic attack in the car. And then it was over and he is not going. I am having trouble knowing what to feel. Jeff says that his time is currently scheduled to be this time next year. He also says that if he goes this time he will have to go next time too. I guess that makes up for sixteen years in the military with no deployments. I don't understand any of it at all.

I was a single mother for 10 years before I married Jeff. I know I am able to handle the family on my own for six months. This time I would also be financially secure as well. The problem is my mental well being. I am a different person with a husband. Jeff gives me the ability to let go of the stress and drama of life and just be. I am not sure I can do that without him. Somehow his presence keeps me even. Is life good or bad. If you look at all the crap in your life you feel like you life is all bad all the time and you never get a break. If you focus on all the good in your life all the time you feel like you have it pretty good. I don't naturally have the ability to see the good and ignore and not focus on the bad. I do better with a little redirection. See I am freaking out about the fact that Jeff might have had to go, but is most likely not going instead of thinking of Christmas. I need some chocolate.

Lily Monster

At Lily's school the way kindergartners are disciplined is with colored tickets. Everyday they start on green if you have a behavior problem your ticket is pulled and you are on blue, then yellow, then orange, then RED. At red you go visit the principal.

Lily had her ticket pulled one time on August 15th. She remembers the date and talks about it all the time. Until last week that is, last week Lily had her ticket pulled three days in a row. She came home on blue: Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Last Friday there was a special treat for Kindergartners, they were allowed to come to school in Pajamas and watch the movie Polar Express after the movie the kids had hot chocolate with marshmallows and cookies. Everyone could go to the party except kid's whose ticket was pulled MORE than three times in that week. Lily thought the teacher had said if your ticket is pulled three times you cannot go, I thought that too. So she went to school on Friday thinking she was going to have to stay behind while all the kids went to the movie, except her and two boys who have their tickets pulled everyday.

You would think that Lily would be absolutely devastated by this punishment. She seemed to be more bring it on than upset. Everyday that week she would come home and ask me questions about having her ticket pulled. What happens if I come home on blue? What happens if I come home on yellow? What happens if I come home on orange? What happens if I come home on red? She would repeat the questions over and over again in the same sitting or in an hour later. I am not sure but I think this is a part of her receptive language delay, Lily asks the same question 5 million times in a row. Used to drive me crazy, now that I understand that processing the answer to the question takes her a bit longer I no longer mind repeating. Sometimes I just keep repeating until she gets it. Sometimes I get creative and try alternative ways of getting the information into her pretty little head. Lots of physical gestures and rephrasing. Although I have to be careful with the rephrasing, because sometimes that makes it worse, instead of having one sentence of information trying to get in her head now she has two different sentences trying to get in and this causes a lot of frustration.

I had a choice while Lily asked all those questions. A choice between making a super big deal out of having her ticket pulled of reinforcing the teacher or not. I chose to let the punishment stand and not make a huge deal out of the ticket pulling. I am not entirely sure I made the right choice but there it is, my choice. Every time Lily asked me about having her ticket pulled, What will happen if...? My reply was a simple, I will say, "I hope you come home on green tomorrow." Lily thought and thought about this and asked me and asked me. I know she was thinking, so what is the big deal anyways, nothing bad is going to happen. I am choosing to allow the ticket pulling itself be the punishment. She has to walk to the front of the room in front of the entire class and pull her ticket. That is really hard for little miss I hate to be criticised. And she has to pull her ticket without throwing a fit, without telling the teacher to shut her big fat mouth, like she tells me when I have her go stand in the corner or I take away her favorite toys for the day. So that is the punishment and at home I simply say to Lily, I hope you come home on green tomorrow. I thought very long and hard about this decision and like I said, I am not entirely sure that it is the right one, we shall see.

One side effect of all the ticket pulling has been that Lily has come out of her shell. The entire school year she has insisted that she have the exact same lunch everyday. She brings her lunch box and eats all the exact same foods, put in the box in the exact same way everyday. All of a sudden she no longer wants to bring her lunch she wants to buy her lunch. Yesterday she bought her lunch for the first time and she loved it. Now she wants to buy everyday. She went from having to have everything just so to wanting to try new things. She also informs me that she no longer wishes for me to walk her to and from the bus stop. I didn't let her have her way on that one.

I am wondering if this is all just a growing spurt. Perhaps the social part of her brain is growing and I am seeing a bunch of changes all at once. Or is this a result of living through having her ticket pulled three times. Her biggest fear come to life and now she is no longer afraid of what might happen if... One thing is for sure, the Lily I know at home is beginning to surface at school. Strong, loud, defiant and fun Lily has started kindergarten. The quiet obedient little girl who was sitting in Lily's seat these past four months seems to be out to lunch. It makes me happy that she is feeling more confident at school. Relaxing enough to make mistakes. I think it will help her in her development immensely. I am not sure her teachers will agree.

My Arrogance

I am still a huge Survivor fan. I don't get to see all the episodes anymore, even though you can watch them for free on CBS.com the next day I still don't always make the time to see. But, I try to catch the majority of the show.

This season one of the characters was a guy named ACE. He was very arrogant during the show. At the end of the season reunion where people explain themselves, apologize or whatever; Ace was a complete ass.

He said something to the effect that he is a world traveler and it was hard for him to have to associate with people who have never left their neighborhood let alone their country or continent.

I think of myself as a world traveler. What I have learned is that everywhere you go most of the people you meet are not well traveled. The effect of having traveled is to make a person more tolerant. Ace was being intolerant, not a very good representative of world travelers.

Everywhere I have ever gone the point for me is to learn about a different culture. It is not about me telling other how they should be. It is about me seeing life from a different perspective. When I go somewhere all the people in that place are mostly not interested in my culture. Just like the other contestants on Survivor that Ace was having a hard time dealing with.

I don't know why this is bothering me so much.

Mandy refuses to tell anyone that she has traveled. Once I heard a conversation between two of her co-workers while we were at the grocery store where Mandy works together. They were discussing Egypt. One thought that Egypt and the Nile river were in Europe the other in Africa. Mandy has actually been to Egypt and cruised down the Nile river. What an opportunity to tell of her adventure. She said nothing, didn't even weigh in on her opinion of where Egypt is located. After we left the store I asked why she didn't mention her travels and she told me that she doesn't like to talk about it because it makes her seem arrogant.

Until now I thought that perception of people who have traveled as being arrogant is all jealousy and in the head of those whom perceive travelers to be arrogant. After hearing Ace I wonder.

The Giving Tree

by Shel Silverstein is mine and Lily's favorite book.

We hadn't read it in awhile. Her reading has advanced to the point where she was able to read much of the book to me this time. Having a book that we take from the shelf and each time we read it together she is able to read more and more of it herself is magical.

The first time we read the book she was mesmerized by the repetition of words and seeing those words on the page she noticed that apple and happy both contain app. She fell in love with learning the spellings of words and she memorized dozens of words. Now she is reading in school and skims over the apple and happy not even noticing the app in both.

This time she is hearing the story. She is asking me questions, who is not really happy? Why aren't they happy? Read this page again mommy. Tell me again why is the tree not happy. Why did the boy take her apples, branches and trunk. Tell me again mommy.

We talked about the story, the meaning, for a couple of days and then it was gone. We moved on to another book, another story, another thought. The Giving Tree sits beside me on my desk, ready to be reshelved for another day. I wonder what magic this book will bring to us the next time we pull it from the shelf.

-do you have a favorite book that you share with your child?

Each of my children have different books they love. At this age for Mandy it was Dr. Suess's ABC's. She made me read that book to her every night for more than a year. Lily gets consumed by a book and talks of nothing else and then we move on, consumed by another book only to return and reacquaint ourselves with a book again on another day.

Nutcracker

It is that time of year again. Mandy and I are off to see the Nutcracker tonight. She had to work today from 8 a.m. until 3 p.m. the show is at 7:30 p.m. We have to drive to another city about an hour and a half away. A very full day for both of us. I have to work and take Lily to a birthday party.

Last night I got up around 2 a.m. or 3 a.m. because my belly was giving me a lot of trouble. I thought perhaps a bit of tums might help me get back to sleep. I noticed that the light in Mandy's room was still on.

I have the feeling that Mandy is going to be grumpy and not a lot of fun tonight. Working all day after having been up all night. We will be in the car together driving on the freeway in the dark for a total of three hours. I hate driving by the way.

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother. Seems to me that we are not going to be having a whole lot of fun on this trip. Why bother. So we can say we did? This is what I hate about Christmas, you do a bunch of crap you don't really feel like doing in order to say that you did those things. Are you supposed to pretend that it was all worth the trouble?

When Amanda was little, going to the Nutcracker was so magical and fun. We would get all dressed up and we would have so much fun. We would always buy a cookie at intermission and we would talk for hours about the costumes, the music and the performances. Sometimes our favorite ballerina would be someone with a very small part. We would compare all the performances we have ever seen and discuss which production we enjoyed the most.

I am imagining that we are going to drive there in silence. Watch in silence. Drive home in silence. Perhaps Mandy will sleep. When I try to talk she will tell me she is not in the mood to talk right now. I will worry that she is depressed or having some sort of troubles I don't even know about. But, now I know that the reason for her being a pain today is going to be because she stayed up all night reading and she is tired. Perhaps I will ask her when she gets off from work if she really wants to go today or not.

One good thing about kids who go away to college is that I don't have to deal with all the bad choices and I don't have to suffer from the consequences of bad choices. With her in the house I am so wrapped in her stuff that I suffer with all the late to works and the didn't study for a tests and I stayed up all night reading a book and now I am being an ass.

Too bad she has no desire to leave home. No desire to listen to me or be responsible either it would seem.

Thanksgiving

Cooking is one of my favorite things. I love to try new recipes. I love eating out and then coming home and trying to recreate what I have eaten. I love traveling the world and learning all the different ingredients and techniques used in different places. This is one of the most ardent passions of my life, the creation of good food.

However, I dislike cooking the Thanksgiving feast. I hate spending the entire day in the kitchen all alone and then sitting all stiff together at the table, eating, and then spending another hour or so cleaning up all alone again. I love the discovery part of learning to create all my favorite Thanksgiving dishes. I love adding, subtracting and finding the perfect combination of foods for my table. But, I get lonely.

This year it was just the four of us for Thanksgiving. I have accepted that we are never going to spend the day with either of our families and we have not lived here long enough to be close enough with anyone to share such an intimate holiday - so it is just us.

This year I decided to make my family help me cook the feast. At first I was hesitant because with the exception of Lily none of my family like to go in the kitchen for more than a drink out of the refrigerator. You should hear them complain about having to boil water to make instant Ramen noodles or to get one of them to wash dishes or even to rinse a plate is to have to endure the most unimaginable amount of complaining you can imagine. I am weak and usually just let them off the hook. But, this year I devised a plan.

I set up work stations for each person on the kitchen table. I gave them each a job. I gave them all the ingredients, tools and recipe necessary. There was a little bit of complaining, but eventually they started having fun. We started in the morning with the desserts. Jeff made the pumpkin pie. Mandy and Lily made the banana pudding. I stuffed the turkey. We were all together and working it was a lot of fun. I let them all leave while I cleaned the dishes and cleaned up the whirl win of work.

Next was the side dishes. A few hours later I had created work stations for the side dishes. I gave them each a job and we got all the side dishes ready to be cooked in less than an hour. I again had to clean everything up. Then I just had to do the finishing touches on the side dishes and dinner was served.

Lily and I had decorated the table together sometime during the intermission between the first work session and second work session. We even used a table cloth this year. I got it at a garage sale. We even ironed it. Lily and Jeff had picked oranges and lemons in our yard the day before and I used them to make a cute center piece. One of our trees was confused by a warm spell and had sprouted some pretty purple flowers, Lily and I picked a few and added that to the bowl of fruit. It felt really nice to have a bowl of pretty things from our yard in the middle of the table.

We have a small kitchen table and no dinning room or big fancy table. This year instead of having all the food on the table and passing it around as is tradition, we did a buffet in the kitchen and then brought our plate to the table. I enjoyed having the extra room at the table more than I enjoy the passing the food around. The family was very relaxed and the conversation was lively. I made sure to compliment everyone on the dishes they had created. They were all so proud. I think that the food turned out better this year than ever before. I think that it is easier for me to delegate than to keep track of all those details all by myself. This year was a mixture of tradition and new. I hope we can keep the whole family in the kitchen as a part of our Thanksgiving tradition because that was a lot of fun for me.

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving.

Pink

Lily is having some belly issues as a result of her current antibiotic. She has had an ear infection and sinus infection forever and therefore her doctor is advising we keep her on the medicine. Poor Lily is not always able to make it to the bathroom in time due to these issues.

One of the casualties of not making it to the bathroom on time was her favorite pair of underwear. I was not aware that this was her favorite pair of underwear. She has a thousand pairs of underwear. After a particular pair did not get completely clean in the washing machine I tossed it in the garbage. Lily happened to be there and was distraught. She cried for ever about her pink panties.

It turns out this is her only pair of pink panties. All the others have patterns on them. Lily feels that these panties are her most precious of all her belongings, after I threw them away, and she was grief stricken.

I offered to drive to the store and buy her a new pair right away. Jeff said, put it on your Christmas list and maybe Santa will bring you a pair of pink panties.

The next day Lily and I were at the store picking up a few items. Santa happened to be there. No one was in line to sit on his lap. We walked right by and he invited Lily to come and tell him what she wants for Christmas.

Lily told Santa she wants pink panties for Christmas. He looked puzzled and asked her again. She repeated very loud and very clear,

I want a pair of pink panties for Christmas.

The Bookstore

When I called to wish my parents a happy Thanksgiving yesterday I was informed I had not updated my blog in ages. Feels like just yesterday. Time has been slipping by so quickly I hardly know where in time I exist. The other day I saw a sign telling me to vote no on something on November 4th. I told Jeff, are we voting about something again on November 4th. He looked at me and informed me that I already voted on November 4th it is now the end of November. I looked at him a little puzzled for a moment before I remembered that it is actually the end of November in 2008. Wow, seems like it just turned 2000. Remember when I'm gonna party like it is 1999 was about a long time in the future instead of about a time in the distant past.

Life here in Mississippi is going well. Lily is still sick. She is on her second course of antibiotics, this one seems to be working. Mandy is still deciding about college, a local friend of mine went to the college Mandy is thinking of attending and gave me about a thousand reasons Mandy should go away to college. We were volunteering at the school and all the moms who had gone away to college and one mom who had a child away at college now piped in. I was able to take all this information home to Mandy and I think I have convinced her to try it for at least a semester. While the college is only an hour to an hour and a half away she is worried about things like her braces. How will she go the orthodontist? I reminded her that due to her weird under bite we had to pick an orthodontist that is almost an hour from our house and we make it there every month. Come to think of it she might be closer at the college. She didn't seem reassured. I will lose the only baby sitter Lily has ever had.

Jeff retires from the military in four years. He has during his time in the service earned an associates degree, a bachelor's degree and a masters degree. Seems that he would be prepared for the transition to a civilian life. However, it is hard to find a job. He searches and searches for jobs relating to his degree in this area and so far has been disappointed. We are trying to come up with a plan for the future, to begin to plan for his retirement. How will be pay our mortgage? Will we stay here in Mississippi or move elsewhere for a job? Do we want to be near family or do we wish to stay here? Even the question of do we wish to try and get another overseas assignment, just one more before Jeff retires. All these questions swirl in our minds. We are gypsies after all and the thought of staying in one place forever is a little bit daunting. Even thought we love it here, we love it everywhere - is the adventure really over?

We have been toying with the idea of opening a bookstore. Here where we live there isn't a bookstore. We all drive about 45 minutes or order online. We live in a well educated spot and we feel like a bookstore would do well here. We are also possibly eligible for a small business loan through the VA. We are just thinking about it and trying to do the research to see if it would be profitable. How many books we would have to sell per day to pay the bills etc. But, I have to tell you I really have my hopes up about this. We shall see.

PS. To Kim, it has been so warm here today our house got up to 77 and we considered turning on the a/c due to the humidity. Haven't frozen yet.

I am about to freeze to death

I got up at four this morning to drive Jeff to the airport. Upon arriving home I found that my mouse was no longer working. I got Lily off to school. She was in a mood. She did not want to eat, or take her medicine, or wear her jacket, and she cried all the way to the bus stop because we left the house four minutes later than she likes to leave. All the morning crying combined with her sinusitus caused a lot of coughing. For Lily coughing often leads to throwing up. However she has been at school for an hour now and no phone call to come get the sick kid. She is also upset that I am coming at lunch time to give her a dose of medicine. Not about the medicine but about me disturbing her during her lunch. I am planning on staying and eating with her, won't she be thrilled. My conclusion is that Lily is feeling better and she now has enough energy for the demons to come out and play. Only kidding, but I have noticed that she is meaner and onrier when she is less sick. Heaven help me if she fully recovers from this illness.

My job is going to be a nightmare today with a laptop and no mouse. Oh well I guess life goes on.

The temperature here went from nearly 80 to the low 30's and it is annoying. I keep having to change my thermastat from a/c to heat and back again. Last week I was wearing shorts and flip flops this week I am bundled up and cold. I miss the warmth. We are having a few leaves on the trees change colors. I saw a couple of red and a couple of yellow leaves. I guess that counts as fall colors.

I am thinking of buying myself a new computer while Jeff is out of town. Don't tell him. I don't think he has internet access at his hotel. I always give him a hard time when he goes away for "classes". This one just happens to be near his family. I call it a vacation.

In January Jeff might have to be deployed. He won't know for sure until closer to the date. He was supposed to go sometime between June and January but he was not chosen. Now he is supposed to not be eligible again to go for 12 months. However his boss decided to make him eligible again in January. It all hinges on whether or not one of his co-workers manages to get pregnant between now and then. She is trying but can't be removed from the list unless she is. If she is he goes, if she isn't she goes. Jeff volunteered for the June to January bucket so that he would be home in time for Mandy's graduation. He didn't get sent, but looks like now he will be sent and have to miss her graduation. Wow January thru July with no husband fun times. I think I might need more than a new car.

A friend of mine here in Mississippi attended the college of Mandy's choice. If she decides to go to a University that is. My friend gave me a very hard time for allowing Mandy to even consider going to community college. She took me through a day in the life of going to the university and living in the dorms. I mentioned all this to Mandy. I told her that she should probably try the University for at least one semester and see. The next day and ever since she has been in a very good mood. Coincidence? I wonder. Sometimes I think she just tells me what she thinks I want to hear. I am going to a parent night at the school tonight to learn all about planning on how to pay for college.

Wednesday, I am spending the whole day going around with my friend begging for donations to our Relay for Life team. We are trying to put together a gift basket that we will be auctioning off. Anyways, I wonder if I can say - and do you have any spare change for my daughter's college fund. Do you think Obama will make college free by summer? Or pray that the Air Force will let Jeff trasfer his GI bill to Mandy. I think because he used a portion of it on himself it is not going to be eligible for transfer, but we will see.

Ponders of a Muddled Housewife

Lily and Jeff are currently at the ER having Lily's ear checked for an infection. She has been complaining of an ear ache off and on for about a week. Yesterday she came home from school and went to straight to sleep. She didn't wake up until 11:30PM and that was only long enough for some more Tylenol and drops in the ear. She doesn't have a fever though. Military doctors are so dissmissive toward me, or that is my impression, so I sent Jeff. He seems to get better results from the doctors. She hasn't ever been on an antibiotic, not because she hasn't been sick more because the military is stingy with allowing us to get appointments and giving out medicine. Or so is my impression of the whole being insured by the military situation.

Did I tell you that I am a team captain for the Relay for Life this year? I asked everyone I know to be on my team. They all said yes, but at the first team meeting only two came. So we will see how successful I am as a team captain. I did coerse Jeff and Mandy to be on my team too. We are planning some fund raisers for December right now. Next week I am going around town begging for gift certificates and or small items for a gift basket. We are planning to raffle the gift basket at a Christmas market on Dec. 6th.

But first we have to come up with a team name. This has proven to be most difficult. This is the 25th year of Relay for Life and our town is using the 80's as the theme for the event. The colors of the Relay are purple and white. We have been thinking of names like: Purple Rain, Purple People Eaters, Like Totally Cured!, Friends for a Cure... Any suggestions from you creative people?

My job has doubled in work load this last week. On top of everything else that has been a major pain. But, the money is nice. Speaking of money, my anniversary was on Thursday. Jeff and I have now been married 8 years. We decided to forgo presents and instead we went out to dinner at a fancy restaurant we have been wanting to try for the past year and a half. The cheapest meal at this place was $25 per plate, plus drinks, etc. At first I was going to get whatever was least expensive, water and nothing else. Jeff convinced me we, this is our anniversary and we should enjoy whatever we really want. So I did. I even got a glass of wine. We had appitizers and I had the most expensive thing on the menu. I have never eaten anything like this in my life. It was the most amazing meal. I had so much fun. I can still taste the food. I wish I could cook like that. If you ever come to visit me we have to go there.

Speaking of visits. Our friends from Japan. Our Japanese National friends are thinking of coming here for a visit next year. I am so excited. They were so kind to us during our four years in Japan. Enhancing our experience so much by taking us under their wing and showing us the Japan that most Americans never see. Camping, festivals, local spots - I can't wait to do the same for them. I keep filing away all the things I want to show them. Jeff and I both do, we keep a list. And the food, wow. Do you think it would be rude if someone flies half way around the world to visit you, and you ask them to cook for you. My friend Ristico can cook like you cannot believe. Even over a campfire in the middle of nowhere the food she would whip up was amazing. I guess she should be allowed to relax on her vacation while I pamper her. But, I miss her cooking so much. I wonder if she could make do with the American ingredients? What do you think? Is it rude to ask your guest to cook for you?

*update to add: Jeff just called, my poor baby has sinusitus? She got three perscriptions, however the on base pharmacy is not open and we have to go figure out how to aquire and pay for the prescription at an off base pharmacy. I was looking for our insurance information and found a hand written note on an old receipt from years ago in Japan. On this note one of my Japanese friends was teaching me how to cuss at my husband in Japanese. She wrote it all down for me and I have kept it in my wallet ever since. Omae no Kasan Kussotare (you mother fu**er). In case you ever need to cuss in Japanese.

The Thoughts Dripping From My Busy Brain

Decisions that effect the rest of your life are always the decisions of the young. My decisions only effect dinner.

Mandy is still debating her decision between community college and university. She is leaning toward community college. She is also trying to decide her major. She has it narrowed down to becoming a nurse and joining the peace corp or becoming a marine biologist and trying to get a job at sea world training the dolphins. Coincidentally we stumbled upon an intern opportunity this summer studying wild dolphins. I think she is leaning toward the dolphins.

I believe Mandy got her spirit for adventure from her father. Maybe all those trips we drug her on while stationed in Europe and Asia have effected her. It is very nice that she has finally getting excited about becoming an adult and actually thinking of options. I love seeing the sparkle in her eye.

Little Lily is still doing well in Kindergarten. As all my wise friends advised me, while she is a rebel at home, she is a darling in class. I have just returned home from helping at the school. I usually help on Wed, Thurs, and Fridays. We had a Kindergarten Hoe Down today. It was so much fun. I am so tired. I am not accustomed to so much physical work. I worked about 4 hours today. I was sweaty and sore, but it was a lot of fun. If you have never volunteered at an elementary you should give it a try. Kids are fun. Even if you don't have kids, our school asks for volunteers to read with kids. I do that on Thursdays. That way kids get the undivided private attention of an adult to listen while they read. It helps because they all have the attention span of gnats. They totally need an adult to keep them on task.

The Voting Line

Every time I vote it reminds me of my grandma. She used to go and work at the polls every election. I always miss my grandma on election day.

Today I had to stand in line for about an hour in order to cast my vote. Where I had to stand in line, I bet some people would pay for that view. We were right along a bayou with beautiful birds coming to drink. I saw heron, storks, and lord knows what else. I even saw a fish jump. Didn't see any alligator today, but I know he is out there - somewhere.

As I stood in line the election officials were calling out, N-Z anyone with the last name starting with N-Z - they all got to move to the front of the line. At one point a different elderly gentleman with an election official sticker on his shirt came outside and called M-Z. Many of the folks with a last name beginning with M had been turned away from the N-Z line previously. They were hesitant to move forward and try again, they asked the gentleman calling M-Z - M as in Monkey or N as in Night? He assured them M as in monkey. About 25 people moved to the front of the N-Z line, all of them having a last name that begins with M.

When they arrived at the front of the N-Z line they were again turned away - they were told no, this is the N-Z line. Poor M's. I had been standing in line for about 40 minutes at this point. All these M folks had been there less than 10 minutes. Still they became irate and unruly. Especially one guy with slicked back hair and a Jersey accent. Damn Yankees (I say this tongue in cheek as I am a Yankee myself - can one be a former Yankee? Or is being southern like royalty something you are born with? Is being from Seattle/Sacramento Yankeeish?).

On a side note, last night at a Relay for Life committee meeting one nice lady was talking about a city that raised a lot of money. She said she couldn't remember the name of the city. Somewhere in the North. We all shook our heads, we understand, the North - like it is another country. Then she remember the name of the city, it was Jackson, Tennessee. I thought that was funny. Tennessee is about 500 miles north of here. It is all perspective.

Back to the guy who might have stepped off the set of Sapranos, he was a fish out of water standing in line to vote in Mississippi. He threw a fit you would not believe. He got up in a little old man's face and started yelling. You need to walk over there and talk to the lady at the door. She says N-Z and you told me M-Z. I even asked you N or M and you said M as in Monkey. The poor little old man then got in his car and attempted to leave. He was so upset that his car kept stalling. I am thinking it had a clutch. With the car pointed directly toward many of the M's from the line and others he was alternatively gunning the engine and stalling the engine trying to turn the car around and get out of the parking lot. He finally made it out. Poor guy.

Five minutes later, the lady at the door changed her mind and started letting M's in the previously N-Z line. When she called for the M's no one moved. Finally she was able to convince the M folks to come up and vote. Even Mr. Ass Wipe came up to the front of the line, voted and left. I continued to wait in line with my fellow A-L people for another 10 or 15 minutes. It took me an hour tops. I didn't get to go in the short line. I wonder if when Jeff voted tonight after work if they will have a more efficient system in place? One of the election officials said, he hadn't seen this many people stand in line since the day after Thanksgiving at Wal-Mart. Another said, or waiting in line for water after Katrina.

Any of you have fun in line today?

Univ. Dorms or Community College

That is the question which is currently plaguing Mandy's life.

Turns out we did our best but we were only able to save enough money for about one semester of tuition for Mandy at a University. Which means if she goes away to college it will be with loans. I actually applied for financial aide in order that I could finish my degree this year and I was denied. We make even more money this year and I am pretty certain we will not be able to get any grants. Mandy will apply for some scholarships but we are doubtful in that area as well. She got good enough grades to get into the college of her choice but beyond that scholarships are not likely.

Mandy could save $24,0000 dollars if she went the community college route instead of the living in the dorms at the university route. I crunched the numbers and living at home all four years, going to the local community college the first two years and then going to her university of choice from home via a satellite campus just down the road would give her the opportunity to receive the exact same degree at a savings of $24,0000. That is a lot of money in our family.

I haven't even gotten one degree yet. I think of college as something I wanted to give my daughter more than anything. I am so upset that over the last eighteen years I did not save more and I am not able to give her this free and clear. Feeling like a failure. I know that my decision to be a stay at home mom for the last seven years is the major reason we do not have the money saved to send her away free and clear. I am feeling pretty low. I have to admit here that my decision to be a stay at home mom was mostly for me. I love this job. These years have been the best of my life. I feel like staying home with my kids is the one thing in this world that I was born to do. It is my favorite thing, my passion.

I know that my being home has been beneficial to Amanda. Mandy was in daycare from four until eleven, before and after school. I couldn't afford world class care and so she got the other kind of care. She hated it. Mandy's personality is the type that she likes coming home and being with mom. I have also been able to drive her to work everyday. Drive her to volleyball everyday. She was able to do a lot of things that she wouldn't have been able to do because I was always able to drop everything and give her what she needed. But, for the most part being a stay at home mom has made my job as mom easier and given me the chance to do the mom thing without the added stress of a job. I am not the type of person who does stress well. I like this laid back life. I gave up having extra stuff so that I could really enjoy the years my kids are young. But, I also gave up the ability for the rest of the family to have a lot of cool stuff that extra cash can give. They all agree that my being home adds to the quality of their lives in non-monetary ways. But, I still feel bad that my decision has cost Amanda the chance to go away to college free and clear of any financial concerns.

If Mandy chooses to go away to school. We have told her that we are prepared to take on as much of the financial burden as possible to limit the amount of money borrowed. We will help her pay back whatever money she does end up having to borrow. We have above 800 credit scores and will be able to get her the best interest available. She can live at home after college while she is getting her loan paid off and working her way up the corporate ladder. But, at the end of the day she will be responsible for paying off a large portion of her college tuition.

Currently Mandy has no idea what she wants to pick as her major, what she wants to do for a living etc. Which means she most likely will end up on the five year college plan. Which will add even more debt to her student loan if she chooses the university route. Mandy is also worried about being around a bunch of people whose morality is not like her own. She is very much against drinking, drugs and sex. She didn't get those ideals from me but that is how she feels and she is worried that living in the dorms she will be a fish out of water.

I put this forth because I know that most of my readers are products of the college dorm and have university degrees. So enlighten me folks. What am I missing. Why should I encourage my reluctant to go away to college daughter to actually go away to college. After taking into consideration the money and lack of direction, what are the advantages of going away to college? Also take into consideration the fact that Mandy has traveled the world: Europe, Africa, Asia. The choice is hers, we often discuss the pros and cons of each side and the pros for going away to college I don't have anything to add to that list. I say something like: experience of a lifetime and she says something like, quit saying that mom. So give me some reasons for going away to college or tell me that community college and living at home are not the worst thing in the world.

Entitlement Anyone - Who Me?

A few days ago Jeff was off from work on a school day. We had the opportunity to have the house to ourselves. Which is not something that happens very often. We decided to get some lunch to go from one of our favorite spots and then watch a movie at home. Jeff called in the order while I drove the 20 minutes to pick it up. This spot is a bit of a drive from our house and it is a little more expensive than our normal fare.

I ended up getting bad service and the food ended up being edible but not as spectacular as usual. We are currently having to tighten the belt with our finances quite a bit. I was extremely disappointed that I had spent so much money and time to get this special lunch and then it was not a pleasant experience. I told Jeff that I was over that restaurant and I had no plans to ever go back. He agreed.

Later I was driving Mandy to work and told her about the experience. When I got to the part about never wanting to go back, she got very upset with me. For the record there isn't a single thing Mandy would eat at the restaurant, but still it is the principle of the thing. She told me that customers where she works (cashier at a grocery store) are always acting like that (like me?). She tells me that sometimes people have bad days, no one is perfect, that I need to lighten up. It got me to thinking that perhaps I am being a tad judgmental. Especially since I have received excellent service and food at that restaurant on at least a dozen occasions.

I have always been under the mistaken impression that Mandy has some entitlement issues. Perhaps that particular issue is more mine than hers.

Recptive and Expressive Language Delay

Many of you have been urging me to speak to Lily's teacher. I have been putting it off. I am a wuss when it comes to confrontations. To recap, Lily's teacher tested her ability to read and recognize letters etc - Lily did poorly on the test. This came as a shock to me because she if very good at doing these types of things at home.

We had another incident. The kids started coming home with books to read. They are cute little books containing three letter words the kids can sound out based on the letters they have learned so far this year. Lily read the book and had so much fun she has read it to me more than 100 times. The first time you read a book on your own its a little magical. Once the child could read the book we are supposed to send it back in so they can be tested. Lily did not do well on the test.

Another book comes home. This one I am supposed to read to Lily because it is supposedly beyond her reading level. She read it to me no problem. I was a little amazed. Seems she understands how to sound out words. She read the book to me several times. We talked about the story over and over. I was absolutely certain that she understood how to read each word in the book and also understood what the teachers call fluency (meaning she knows what the words mean). I signed the paper and sent the book back to school and Lily came home with a note saying her score was 0% and that I need to make sure she understands the book before I sign the paper.

I didn't know what to do. I was very upset. Jeff happened to be home from work that day and told me to write an email to the teacher. I didn't want to. I didn't know what to say. So Jeff wrote the email. The teacher called us back immediately and I got the phone. I was hoping he would.

I talked to the teacher for almost an hour. Turns out that she knows Lily is an excellent reader. She knows that Lily is very bright. She knows that I work with her and she appreciates all I do. She says Lily is very well behaved too. But... She believes that Lily is having a problem with her ability to understand and communicate language. The fancy words are expressive and receptive language. while Lily is doing well in class even better than most, it takes her a long time to understand directions etc.

This conversation was like a light bulb moment for me. The teacher had literally explained my child to me. I have always known that she is not exactly the same as everyone else. I mean she is very smart, so it is hard to explain what is different. She has an excellent vocabulary and speaks well, but her ability to have a conversation is limited. Meaning she often doesn't answer questions. I will be talking about one thing and she will be talking about something else. Getting a connection with Lily is a challenge. I often times have to repeat things or demonstrate things in a demonstrative manner before she knows what I mean. I guess I have been doing this intuitively. I love Lily's teacher. I can't believe how many times I have taken her to the doctor or written on my blog about something and not been able to figure it out.

Right now we are in the process of going through paperwork and talking to the speech teacher and head teacher to see if we need to come up with a program. We will at some point have a meeting all together. I don't know that there is any intervention needed because she is doing quite well in school. It is just nice that the teacher and I both understand that she isn't always able to understand directions right off the bat. It isn't that she isn't listening or paying attention, she isn't being bad. It may be something she will just grow out of and catch up with her peers or it may just be the way she is.

I read that all children with Autism have this problem too. The thing is that Lily's isn't that severe. I think the biggest problem is that she is ahead of her peers cognitively and behind in her language skills. It must be hard to not have the language ability to express all that goes on in her head. It is not for a lack of trying because she talks pretty much every waking moment. I guess she is working on things.

That is what is up with the Lily bug, she learned how to read - she is reading whole actual books it makes me want to sing and dance. And her teacher figured out what it is about Lily that is just a little bit different than other kids. She has a little bit of trouble processing language.

My Independent Kids are Annoying Me

I thought that tarot card thing in the last post was freakishly correct. That sums me up with a tidy little bow. I am always falling in love with something or someone. Could be anything but I get all excited like a new love. Oh well, I may be a dork but I am LOVING life.

Lily woke up this morning around 5AM. Her usual time is 6AM. Last night she fell asleep around 5PM. I couldn't wake her up. She missed dinner and her bath. She really didn't eat as much this morning as I expected having missed dinner.

We normally spend 40 minutes getting ready. There is actually only about 10 or 15 minutes of getting ready and the rest of the time is spent meandering. Lily is not a rushing type of person. She gets crazy if we have to hurry. So, I get her up probably earlier than most parents and we have a silly time together in the morning.

Today we added an hour to our morning ritual that is already stretched out pretty far for what we have to accomplish. We ate two breakfasts. We read a book. We cut the box tops and glued them to a sheet. It was weird to have all that time together in the morning. Weird but nice.

I have to admit that I miss the girls during the day so much. It is still feeling like someone ripped off my left arm. A hole in my heart. I am such a baby. I love, having a job and doing volunteer work. I love how I spend my day. I enjoy the fact that our time together is spent in a routine and we don't fight or have very many discipline problems anymore.

It must be some instinctual Mama Bear thing. Because I love the way our life is set up right now. Lily is thriving in her school environment and we still have tons of time for just us. I now have more time for me and to make friends and accomplish things outside of cooking, cleaning, discipling, etc. But, that tug is sometimes painful still.

The funny thing is that while I volunteer at the school a lot, Lily doesn't like me to visit her. So I stay away from her class. I help in other classes and I help in ways that don't put me in contact with Lily. All of Lily's life she has been a not so very affectionate person. As a baby she wanted to be put down so she could see the world and figure out how to climb on top of my dinning room table etc. All her life hugs and kisses have been quick and cuddling has been rare. Now, she comes home from school and she lets me love her just a little bit more. I think she must miss me a bit too. She will willingly climb into my lap and just be. I have always been more affectionate than my children can stand. I think it is a good thing when they are the ones to say enough already mom.

Today the kindergarten is having the first field trip. I always went on all of Mandy's field trips. Lily doesn't want me to come, so I am not going to be there. Somehow that really hurts my feelings. I usually don't have my feelings hurt at all when she says, enough already mom. Even though I want to go, I am staying home. I am not even going to go and volunteer doing my normal Wednesday stuff at the school. I guess I am pouting. Maybe she will see all the other moms there and next time she will want to include me. Or maybe not. I think that for Lily school is something that is all hers and she likes it that way.

However, I am very lucky that Mandy is getting out of school early today and we are spending the morning together. She will most likely want to go to her room and nap. Hopefully she will want to eat lunch with me and go shopping. Kids!

The Lover

You are The Lovers

Motive, power, and action, arising from Inspiration and Impulse.

The Lovers represents intuition and inspiration. Very often a choice needs to be made.

Originally, this card was called just LOVE. And that's actually more apt than "Lovers." Love follows in this sequence of growth and maturity. And, coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can't understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. And that is what this card is all about. Finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. This card indicates that the you have or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing that you will fall in love with. You will know instinctively that you must have this, even if it means diverging from your chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it you will never be complete.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Stolen from Jennifer

The $50 Book

Last week I got a letter from the library telling me that we had two overdue books. They were both books I had checked out for Lily. I searched the house and didn't find them. I felt sure that I must have returned the books and the library must have made a mistake.

Sunday, Lily woke up with three large bites on her legs. This has been happening a lot lately. It has really been driving me crazy because here in Mississippi, in my county, we have cases of West Nile and malaria. Every bite concerns me to no end. I check the animals for bites and fleas daily. I had the yard professional sprayed, etc. Lily is the only one in the family who gets bites. I keep the house clean, I keep the porch etc swept, there is no standing water. I just don't know why she keeps getting bites. I decided there must be something in her room.

I spent the entire day Sunday cleaning her room. We, Lily and I, took every item out of her room including her bed, mattress, and headboard. This is when I discovered that she had been sliding things like her library book between the mattress and her headboard into a secret little cave behind her headboard. I only found one of the overdue library books. We threw away three large bags of old toys, we gave some of the nicer things away, we sorted the rest and put it all away nicely. It was a miracle since Lily and I have trouble working together, each of us is bossy and likes her own way. I went into tell Jeff how frustrated I was about 20 times. Then, I discovered that actually talking to Lily and explaining why I wanted to do this or that worked really well. She is really enjoying her very organized room. We even got new curtains. We did not however find the missing library book or any bugs at all.

Today I went to the library to return the overdue book and pay for the lost book. They asked me if I was really sure it was lost. They told me it would cost me, $25 transaction fee, plus the $12.95 replacement fee, and the $2.70 late fee. They told me this was non-refundable. The nice lady asked me again if I wanted to wait a little while and see if the book turned up. I told her I was sure I wanted to pay for it now. She asked me to wait a minute while she checked the shelf just to be sure. I waited, she did not find the book. I paid, a total of $43.95 when you add on the other $2.70 for the other late book. OK, that totally might be off it was near to $50 and I don't have mad adding skills.

I went to the store and picked up a few things. I came home and while unloading the car I walked past the bookcase in the garage. I walk past this book case several times per day. Anyways this is when I remember I put the missing library book there when I was in a hurry one day. I told myself at the time, this is a bad idea, you are going to forget it is there. I told myself to remember, to make a mental note. Guess I forgot. Now I have a beat up $50 kids book that Lily never even liked in the first place.

Don't Vote

Three Posts in One

I am having trouble adjusting to this new work at home lifestyle. I went from having too much time on my hands to having not enough. Where is the happy medium. I never realized how busy I am being a wife and mother until I lost all the contemplation time I had. I love contemplation time. You might call it watching TV, reading, blogging, gardening, staring out into space thinking of things.

I have been so busy today that here and now at 10:30PM I am drinking wine and writing a blog post instead of going to bed. I have to get up at 10 til 6AM tomorrow and I usually like to have a good bit of sleep. Today I am feeling like I need a good bit of contemplation instead.

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Lily's school thing seems to be working itself out. She loves school. Her teacher works harder than most 20 teachers put together. Lily comes home and works hard on her homework, wanting very much to get it right. Who am I to throw a wrench in the mix. I may have taught Lily to read, but. I taught her the memorization method and at school she is learning phonics. The vocabulary that her teacher uses and uses to test Lily is unfamiliar to Lily. She therefore tested poorly. Everyday she is catching on to this vocabulary and phonics stuff. Knowing how to read most of the words she is sounding out is an advantage. She still has to sound out some words and she understands this concept. I am so excited she is learning at school. I think that the entire school uses this phonics system and so learning it the teacher's way is going to be advantages throughout her elementary education.

I guess I have decided to not talk to the teacher about the difference between my impression of Lily's abilities and the results of her test. Her teacher is very A personality. Like Lily, they should be best friends. The teacher works so hard and everything in the class is just so. They have so much structure and the pace is so fast. It is just right for Lily. It took her awhile to adjust.

Every day Lily comes home and tells me or her stuffed animals about how much she wants to yell at her teacher. Whenever a kid gets in trouble it makes Lily so mad. The teacher has a system of colored tickets, you start on green and if you have to pull a ticket you go down to blue, then yellow, then orange, the red. Red means you have to go to the principal. Lily came home on blue one time. She was blowing in other kid's faces and would not stop when asked. She thought it was funny. Lily had to pull her ticket. Every other day of the entire year she has come home on green. but, that one day, oh boy.

Whenever another child has to pull a ticket I think it reminds Lily of how it felt. She wants to yell at the teacher. Or hit the teacher. Sometimes she tells her stuffed animals about how all the kids should scream at the teacher, you are mean, we don't want to pull our tickets. It hurts our feelings, etc. She will go on and on about this. Daily. I love her never say die attitude. I want to join her on the no pulling tickets picket line. But, I tell her that the teacher is trying to help the kids to remember their manners. I tell Lily how much her teacher likes her and how great it is at school and how she is so lucky to have such a great teacher. She looks at me like I have two heads. I wonder if my propaganda will ever work? I can't believe I am sticking up for the man (teacher is actually a woman) against my own little rebel. On the inside I am with her.

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Lily and I are on the mend. She has been back in school since Monday. I am able to sleep through the night. Jeff came home from work today sick. He is distraught as this is the 3rd time he has been sick in a year. Previously not having been sick three times in his entire life. He says there must be nasty awful bugs and viruses here in Mississippi, I said, you have a young daughter dude. She picks it up and passes it all to us. He said, oh. I thought I would have built up an immunity with all the sickness from Mandy's younger years. Appears not. Joy. Poor Lily has had one thing after another since school began. She handles it well and fights it off, but I don't think she has been completely well in a very long time.

Weird trivia, Lily has never had an antibiotic - military is stingy. Mandy has only had them a couple of times long ago. Weird, huh.

Blue Skies and Sunshine

Lily came home early from school on Tuesday for throwing up and has been home with me ever since.

She has been battling a fever.

I have been battling a cough.

My cough is keeping me up at night.

The combination of worry for her and lack of sleep has left me in a fog.

Today is better.

Lily's has been fever free since 1PM yesterday. I did keep her home again from school today just to be sure and she is doing very well.

I slept last night too.

The sun is out and the sky is blue. Do you think it would be bad for us to enjoy the weather when she is home sick from school?

I am so very grateful that I have the opportunity to be able to drop everything and be here for her until she is completely well.

Lily just got herself a glass of water while I was typing this out. I love five!

Lost My Voice

I cannot seem to shake this cold I have. Which is annoying because the rest of the family got it and got over it just fine. I must be the weak one.

I lost my voice over the weekend. After awhile the family gave up talking to me and I went into Lily's room and took a nap. All by myself for about 3 hours. Every morning Lily asks if I have my voice back or not. She doesn't want to have anything to do with a whispering mom. Trying to talk makes me cough. I think my sign language and funny faces are hillarious. Lily not so much.

People keep calling me on the phone asking for me to volunteer. I have been staying away from the school while I am sick. They normally nag, but with the voice I currently barely have they just tell me to get well.

I have to work at the office today. Hoping I don't cough all over the boss. Better stop for cough drops on the way.

I hate being sick.

At the Bus Stop

Neighbor Lady: Just to let y'all know I am having a party this Saturday.

Me: What time should I be there?

Neighbor Lady: ..... {blink.blink}

Neighbor Lady: You can come if you want to.

*****************

My first invitation, aren't my southern neighbors lovely?

Kindergarten Testing

Lily's school has thus far given her two standardized tests. One was administered by the school counsilor and Lily scored very high, way above average on her ability to read for a kindergartener. The other test was adminstered by her teacher and on that test Lily scored about average or even below average on her ability to read. The teacher wrote in the note that the kids were sat at a computer and had to listen to the computer asked questions and then respond.

The school says that these tests are given in order to establish where the children are when they enter the school in order to monitor if they are improving. I guess to assess if the teacher is actually teaching the kids.

In the first test there isn't a lot of room for improvement as she maxed out on the test. They were not testing if she could write her name, because she definetly could use some improvement on that. This was a test to see if she could read and she can read apparently very far above her grade level.

The second test was controlled by the teacher. I think that a) the teacher's impression of Lily is that she is not all that bright. Because she doesn't listen and she can't write. But this was a test to see if she could read. The categories on the test are things like can she recoginize her letters, match the capital and the lower case - she scored very low there - which is an obvious testing error becuase she could do this very well since she was two year old. Lily has a fondness for letters and numbers and flashcards are one of her favorite toys. She lines them up in ABC order first capital and then lower case - for years. If the tests says that she cannot identify which capital letter goes with which lower case letter the test is flawed. Or is it the test taker? B) This teacher's assessment of her job is based on Lily's improvement - is it really in her best interest to say that Lily has maxed out on everything at the beginning of the year. Doesn't really make her look all that good.

I guess that makes me sound like I don't trust or like the teacher. I do trust her and like her very much. I just feel that this test is not a reflection of Lily's abilities and that the other test backs me up. At least there is the other test.

I don't know if I should say anything to the teacher. Like, your test is completely wrong. I don't think that this test is reflective of anything other than the teacher's opinion and my telling her she is wrong is not going to change her mind. Perhaps I will say something at the parent teacher conference. I have not as of yet told the teacher that Lily reads at home.

Lily's hand writting is improving by leaps and bounds. We still get what I call nasty grams on her school work, things like:

practice your handwritting

practice writting your name

color in the lines

or my favorite

don't scribble

We have had one "good job". I saved it. I don't read the mean ones to Lily. We do practice handwritting every day. She loves to practice handwritting and we sit at the table and she is the teacher and tells me what to do and how to do it. At first I was correcting her and very worried about teaching her to make it perfect. But, that isn't how I taught her to read or count and that method has never worked with Lily, especially when I tried to potty train her. {shudders}

So I am taking a back seat, I am encouraging her to learn to write on her own. I give her the resources, like examples. But, I give encouragment for her efforts in order that the effort is fun and she will continue to practice. A part of me feels that I am not being hard enough on her and she needs to be told she is doing it wrong, when appropriate, but experience tells me that method doesn't work well when it is one on one her and me.

When I was helping Mandy with her homework as a elementary school student (she is now a senior) I would grab the pencil out of her hand, take the paper and show her how it was done. I was very smug and she always felt like I was saying she was stupid. So I sit on my hands, I have grabbed the paper from Lily, but I try, and I am working on listening and encouraging.

I guess I just took a major detour from the subject of kindergarten testing. I am a little frustrated that this one test did not accurately reflect Lily's ability to read. It did accurately reflect her ability to listen and follow directions. I guess I feel those are two entirely different things. But, I am asking you, does it matter?

One possible scenereo is that by the end of the school year Lily's teacher's test will show that she is now way above average and attribute Lily's success to her great teaching abilities. Another scenerio is that at the end of the year the teacher will still beleive Lily is on the slow side of average. I don't know that it actually matters what this one woman believes. As long as Lily does progress in the areas she needs help like writting and listening, abilities that are not tested. perhaps that is not entirely true as a person who is not able to listen well does not do well on reading tests where there are complex directions which must be followed in order to establish you understand the that B and b are both the same letter in different forms.

Procrastination is the Cornerstone of Productivity

This morning I could not tell if Lily was too sick to go to school or too well to stay home from school. She ended up going.

In other news I am getting a bit burned out on all this work, work, work. Adding 4-5 hours of work to my schedule 7 days a week is starting to get on my nerves.

My bosses are very nice though. They are appreciative of how hard I work, they have amazing work ethic. I get my first pay check tomorrow maybe that will perk me up.

Yesterday, the Kindergarten at Lily's school had a picnic to celebrate the letter p. We brought foods that begin with the letter p for our picnic. Parents were invited. One of my new friends whose daughter is in Lily's class and they also live around the corner, her husband has been deployed to Iraq and came home yesterday in time for the picnic. I cried. I cry just talking about it. The kids didn't know he would be there. What a moment. The dad is a critical care nurse. I always find it amazing how strong some people are at their core. I am horrid in any type of emergency. I have trouble watching a dad and daughter be reunited - imagine I would fall apart if I had to administer to the wounds of a fellow solider - every day for six months. Yikes.

Guess I better get to work. Been procrastinating for about 3 1/2 hours... Maybe one more cup of coffee first. Anyone want to go out for some sushi?

Hurricane Ike

A gallery of photos cataloging the destruction left in Ike's wake, taken by Austin American Statesman can be seen here.

The Red Cross:

• Has 25 mobile kitchens moving into the ike affected areas, ready to serve up to 500,000 meals.
  
  
• Are ready with 1 million ready to eat meals for those impacted by Ike.
  
  
• Have 2, 000 disaster relief workers on the ground. 1,400 more on their way to help those affected by Ike.
  

Here in Mississippi on Thursday Morning the Gulf of Mexico rose up about a block from where it normally gently laps the shore. Roads, bridges and homes were flooded. During high tide it was impossible to get in or out of my neighborhood. This flooding continued through Friday until Ike made landfall in Texas several hundred miles away. We did not get any rain that I know of the flooding was the entire Gulf of Mexico being pushed inland. The storm was so big it lifted the Gulf up and pushed that enormous body of water about a block inland. It was unbelievable to see.

It has been my experience here on the Gulf that the Red Cross does excellent work. If you are inspired to help, donating to the Red Cross is one option that I can tell you will make a difference here today and in future tragedies.

Feeling Needed

Just a quick note about my new job.

I love it.

Now I am off to shower and voluteer at the school. Someone has to cut out all the letters for the kindergarten teachers and coalate all the construction paper for the first grade teachers. I am pretty sure I am going to be asked to continue to count the fund raisier monies. I guess I like all that too. Is it posible to be more boring than me?

I went to the home of my new employers yesterday. They work out of their home. I got to hear their Katrina story which is that they stayed, their home and cars were destroyed, they found themselves with a shopping cart full of things that were salvagable from their home and covered in dirt and scratches, with no where to go and no way to get there. What a story. What a run-on sentence!

They got a new home after Katrina, one that needed a lot of work. They are so busy with the new business that the new home is still under construction. It is also their office.

I was there for about three and a half hours. The pace was incredible. They are both incredibly smart and juggling a million things at once. Happy and loving their life but the pace was staggering. It was amazing that I was able to keep up. I think I was a bit impressive, my mind still works.

I was up after midnight last night getting things in order and working. Up at 5:30 to get the girls off to school. I couldn't help but notice the mommy pace is very peaceful and slow. My darling kids do not do well with rushing. We get up with plenty of time to get ready and we end up doing a lot of waiting and goofing around in the morning. I think I was missing the pushing my brain to the limit.

I was feeling like I had nothing to offer the fast paced working world. Here I am feeling like I am a valuable part of a team. I never thought it was posible to walk my kid to the bus in the morning, be there in the afternoon when she gets off the bus and still be a vibrant part of a team. I love the internet and the fact that it has working outside of an office possible.

I guess that was more than a quick note.

Please say a prayer for my friend Angel. I believe in prayer and if you do too, she could use some love.

Good at School Bad at Home

The Friday before Gustav, whenever that was, Lily came home with a note from the teacher saying she had been chosen as Star Student of the week for doing a great job. You could have blown me over with a feather. Her teacher and assistant teacher describe my Lily as being sweet and bright.

This same girl gets off the bus everyday with a smile. She gets on the bus with a smile. However, on the short walk from the bus stop to our home she has almost always begun to cry about something. This crying usually continues off and on until she goes to bed.

She seems to be able to behave beautifully at school, but she saves it all up for me. How sweet of her. I do realize this is entirely my fault and the child needs more discipline. I am slowly holding her more and more accountable at home. I cannot tell you how happy I am that she is doing well at school.


Today Lily started asking me questions like, "what would happen if ...."

.... If I run in school?

.... If I yell in school?

.... If I hit the teacher?

I wonder if she is contemplating trying some of her less than favorable behaviors at school. I have no doubt she already has plans to take over the world.

So Ends the Summer

I never got the chance to tell you the story of how swim lessons ended. To recap: Lily took three - two week sessions of swim lessons over the summer. That is a total of six weeks of swim lessons four times per week or 24 lessons. Lily had a blast and loved every minute of it.

At the pool there is a big slide. Lily had wanted to go down the big slide since our adventures in swim lessons last summer. The slide was closed due to damage it sustained in Katrina. However, this summer on the last day of our first session of swim lessons the slide was re-opened and all the kids got to go down the slide. All the kids except the little ones in the mommy and me swim class. Lily was so upset because everyday she had been asking me if she could go down this slide for over a year and now others were going down, but not her.

The second session of swim lessons Lily was now in the level one class and eligible to go down the slide. It is all we talked about for the entire week. One of the mothers told me that the kids would be taken down the slide every Friday. I told Lily and it turns out that was misinformation. The plan was to take the kids down the slide every other Friday, on the last day of a session. So dumb. Lily was again devastated, but her very sweet and cool instructors took her down the slide on that day. Lily was on that day the only child who was given the opportunity to go down the slide. She got a pretty good dunking after flying threw the air and I wasn't sure how much she enjoyed the slide.

The following week was the end of the second session of swim lessons, Lily was in a class eligible for going down the slide, all things were a go. Again she was extremely excited. And everything went well and Lily had a blast. Lily was the only child in level one who went down the slide unassisted. The other children went down on an instructors lap and had their precious head held up above the water so as not to be dunked. Lily asked if she could go down alone and she did. She had a blast even with the dunking and she went down the slide several times.

The next Friday there was no slide and Lily understood. But, the final Friday of swim lessons the weirdest thing occurred. Lily was excited and talked of nothing but the slide. However, when the time came for her to go down the slide, another child was crying. He did not want to go down the slide even on the instructors lap. He was hysterical and he was Lily's friend. His mother said he did not have to go down the slide and he sat over with the moms to watch the kids go down the slide.

The instructors had Lily go first because the other kids were all afraid of the slide. They love Lily because she is always so excited about everything that it sometimes rubs off on the other kids. However, this time it worked the other way. At the top of the slide Lily refused to go down. She even refused to go down on an instructors lap. She said she was afraid. What is that some sort of peer pressure?

They had Lily climb down the ladder and in doing so she somehow managed to rip the toe nail off of one of her toes. It was completely crushed and blood was everywhere. Lily was crying and it took me awhile to figure out what was wrong. I carried her over to the lifeguard office to get a band aide. The lifeguard was more worried about putting on rubber gloves then in handing me a band aide. Once she got her rubber gloves and put them on she opened the most awful and dirty looking first aide kit I had ever seen. Everything was wet, rusty and gross. I scooped up Lily and took her to the car. I was not going to let anything from that first aide kit touch my precious baby.

The swimming pool is only a block from Jeff's work and as luck would have it he works at a hospital. I called and told him we were on the way. I had to park very far away. I couldn't put a shoe on Lily so I had to carry her. It was about 100 degrees and with 90 percent humidity and I was carrying my kid in a steaming parking lot for what felt like miles. We arrived at the hospital and of course there is so much construction I had to walk all the way around the the other side of the hospital and then back through all the halls to find Jeff. We arrived and Jeff had an enormous amount of gauze for Lily's tiny little toe. He did not have a band aide. He also had tweezers that did not look clean for me to remove the hanging bits of toe nail. I decided to just use my fingers and then made him go and get me a regular band aide.

After putting on the band aide I put on her she and she was able to walk. We bought cookies from some fund raiser and then went back to the car. Luckily she is brave enough to walk all that way or I would have passed out from heat exhaustion. As we exited the parking lot we had to drive back by the swim lessons and I decided to stop in to say goodbye to her instructors. Even though it ended badly Lily loved her teachers and they treated her so very well. All the other kids and parents were gone by then but we went and gave hugs and said our goodbyes. And so ended our summer swim lesson fun.

I got the job

I had my interview this morning. Last night I HAD to go out and get a new outfit for the interview. I am already in the whole. But, I got the job. I start Tuesday. I am still going to be able to do volunteer work and most of my new job will be from home.

I am not going to be taking photos of cars. I am going to be doing data entry from home and some secretary work at their home office a few hours per week. Works out perfect for me and I am glad I will be able to contribute to the family.

We have always had an emergency stash of savings. This summer we seem to be having one emergency after another. The house needed to be painted and we had dry roted decaying boards, our car died,and then there was the hurricane evacuation. Our emergency money has all disappeared so this job seems to have landed at just the right time.

It is weird because I decided to look for a job and this was the first job that popped up on my screen, my new boss needed someone like me (a jack of all trades willing to work as an independant contractor without a guaranteed weekly salary). She turned on her computer and mine was the first application she saw out of more than 20 and I was called within 10 minutes. If it works out it is like the universe aligned for both of us in that moment. If it turns out to be a disaster ...

There really aren't any other jobs available during the hours I can work. Especially not at this rate of pay. So life is good today. Next week it looks like we are going to have to evacuate for another hurricane. I just want to go on the record saying that there is a difference between a tropical storm and a cat 3 hurricane. Also I would like to point out to the people working at the weather channel that Mississippi is located between Louisiana and Alabama. They chose to ignore our existence all together during both Katrina and Gustav. I hate the weather channel.

Job Interview

I haven't had a job in about 7 years I think. I mean a paying gig. I work all the time, all day, all night, work, work, work.

I am going crazy being home alone during the day. I have things to do. But, I have totally lost my mind. I think I am grieving the ending of Lily's baby years. She is after all my last baby. The walls are closing in on me and I am so depressed I am having to force myself to eat, shower, etc.

I have been volunteering a lot. That is nice and all. But, it is not enough. I was talking to Jeff about it and I told him I really want to get a job. I think if I had a purpose, someone counting on me, during those long hours I might not feel the walls closing in on me. I am disappointed in myself for not being more productive. But, I hit the wall of funk and I went splat.

Jeff tells me that financially we are hurting. This summer killed us. He said any money I earn would be tremendously helpful. So I looked online and I found the coolest job. It is a contract position, paid by the job, no set hours. Much of the job is done at home on the computer. Other parts can be done around my schedule.

So I applied. They called me up 10 minutes later and I have an interview tomorrow. They said that they were looking for someone just like me. That they are a home based company, an Internet start up and that they are so small that they need someone who can do a lot of things. They said that my background as a secretary and computer information science major are great. They need a little bit of secretary stuff, a little bit of data entry stuff and a little bit of in the field stuff. This company takes picture and posts information about cars that are for sale on lots. They also enter this info onto craigslist. I would have to go to dealerships and take pictures and gather info about the cars on the lots and then upload all that to the Internet.

They ask if I know how to upload photos from a camera to the Internet. Ha. I explained about the hours I am available due to wanting to be home for Lily in the morning and in the afternoon and they are willing to work around my mommy duties. They also said that they are rapidly expanding and that there is opportunities for growth within the company.

It all seems to be falling into place so smoothly like it is meant to be. Or is it too good to be true. Very excited. Next thing you know I might have an actual paycheck.

We're Home

We made it home safe and sound. Our home is fine no damage. More later.

12 to 24 hours to go

Lily is finally asleep. She is having a very hard time. She is at that age where change and uncertainty are very difficult. I am not really sure what to tell her. She fell asleep on the way to dinner, so we got some kfc drive thru and came back to the hotel.

Our hotel is very nice. We had the pool to ourselves this afternoon. Lily and I had a blast. The entire pool is around three feet deep and Lily had plenty of room to swim without me as a spotter. She is nearly able to swim across a pool without help. I thought for sure that would tire her out. She only got about six hours of sleep last night and was really dragging today. Even after all that she didn't fall asleep until we were on our way to dinner.

Jeff has boarded up our house and has evacuated to the base. He will ride the storm out there. All indications and predicitions are that our home will be fine. I am having a hard time. If I think about it I cry. So much stress. Soon it will be over, yet Hanna is on a path similar to Katrina. Next week might be the same as this week. Fun.

Thanks for all your kind words. That means so much.

Huntsville, Alabama

We have arrived in Huntsville. Instead of driving all the way to Virginia and back again we have decided to stay here. I couldn't extend my stay at this hotel so I will be moving down the road tomorrow. Jeff is home all alone, poor guy. Our day in the car was loud. Lily is out of sorts. I guess getting uprooted without notice is hard on a five year old. At least I am only one days drive from home. We are 400 miles north of the gulf of Mexico so I think we are good. My prayers for everyone still on the gulf. Don't know if I will have internet access tomorrow. Thanks for all the kind words.

Evacuation

I made the executive decision to evacuate now. We are leaving in about a half an hour. Jeff is staying for work. We found a kennel for the pets. The girls and I are going to stay with Jeff's family in Virginia. We are stopping tonight about half way. Hoping this means light traffic and smooth sailing. I decided I would rather leave and have the storm miss us and waste a bunch of time and money rather than get stuck here and freaking out. So we get to go see the family. I am praying for safety for all.

Gustav, Katrina Musings

I have spent the last couple of days preparing for Gustav and having panic attacks. I really have no idea what I am doing.

I really don't want to be here during a hurricane and I really don't want to sit in my car with my girls and my pets for hours on end in non moving traffic off to parts unknown. I checked the hotels for 600 miles and none are available. The closest hotels I could find were in Tennessee. Some of my friends are leaving tonight to miss the traffic and they already have hotel reservations. I could make a reservation and go hang out in Tennessee until the storm hits. I could stay here and wait to see where the storm is going to hit. They are now saying it will hit in Western Louisiana and we wont get wind over 50 MPH here. In that case it seems prudent to stay home. If I chose to stay home, to wait and see and only evacuate if we get the order to evacuate then I will have to evacuate with the masses. Another friend told me that during an evacuation it takes her 22 hours to get to the 200 miles north point. She and I have the same evacuation route. That would still be several hours from any available hotels. You see what I mean, a part of me thinks I should just grab the girls and the pets and take off tonight. We could go to Dollywoood.

I am not really sure what evacuation route to take either. The route I am supposed to take according to the hurricane plan based on where I live is a crappy route. It is back roads with no gas stations for 200 miles. That is all well and good except that the roads become a parking lot and you run out of gas. Then you are stranded in your car with no gas in a hurricane. With you is everything you own and all your important papers. Probably my house wouldn't even get wet. I could take the main roads instead, break the rules. Maybe if everyone takes the main roads in fear of running out of gas I would have smooth sailing on the back roads??

My gas tank is full. I have cash money. I have enough food and water to last for a good month. Three days is what we are told, but better to be safe. Just in case I stay and they predictions are wrong and I survive the storm and we are stranded with no power for days.

I also had to plan for Jeff. He has to evacuate to the base and weather the storm there. I had to prepare him with a box of supplies and food for his hurricane shelter. If I evacuate it will be me, the kids and the pets without Jeff.

I also have to chose between family photos and family pets. I guess I have chosen the pets. They sure do take up a lot of room in our evacuation vehicle. Room that could be used for photos and mementos. Plus the hotels that take people with pets are not always nice and are sometimes,usually in my experience in crappy neighborhoods. Whose idea was it to get pets any how?

So as you can see my brain is no longer functioning. I have bought everything I can think of in every store. Wal Mart is out of tp, canned fruit and flashlights. Our gas prices have gone fro $3.35 per gallon to $3.75 per gallon in the last two days. People here are not panicked. Everyone but me has a plan and feels good about their plan. The media, TV, weather, newspaper, even the governor are bat shit crazy.

Today is the 3rd anniversary of Katrina and I wanted to say one more time what an amazing experience it has been moving here so close to the eye of that storm. Right in the middle of the devastation. While the news really concentrates on New Orleans we lost a lot here too. Everyone has a story to tell. Most are full of see the good in a really horrid situation. Still today people from all over our country come here and build houses. They raise money and the come and swing the hammers.

I have always thought that we need the government to protect us and help the poor and needy. I have always thought that if it weren't for the government the poor and the sick would starve in the street. Here however, the government helps the rich, those smart enough to work the system. Smart enough to fill out all the paperwork. Connected enough to get the billions of dollars of government money funneled into our area. While the churches are helping everyone else. People volunteer to come here and help those that cannot read to fill out paper work. Or they come here and raise the money themselves and just build someone a house.

While Insurance companies top the Forbes list of richest companies. So many folks here are still fighting to get the money they are owed from their insurance company. The government is no help, they seem to be more in league with the insurance companies. The people of this country have come together to try and help.

When a dozen old and mentally handicapped women were being evicted from their FEMA trailers last month. Evicted because the trailers are emitting toxic fumes. These ladies had no where to go. None of them could read or write. It was church and not government that helped these women.

I have never belonged to a church but my perception of government and church have been forever altered. I don't even go to church but it seems to me that when the chips are down and people need help it comes from people especially organized within a church and not from government.

Peace, be safe, hug someone you love today.

Gustav

All the predictions I am hearing and reading are saying Gustav is going to hit pretty much right at my front door. Monday at noon is what they are saying. Anyone willing to take in me, my two kids, our dog and our cat?

A Call to All Women - Please Vote

I am having such a hard time deciding who to vote for in the upcoming presidential election. Is anyone else having trouble deciding? Seems like most other people have made up their minds. Must be nice. Trying to keep up with it all is giving me a headache.

We are having a local vote here next month. I am voting to increase my property tax by about $20 per month. It is for the schools. I believe it is important to put money in schools and I am being given the opportunity to do so. I am grateful to live in a community where others feel the same way. I hope it passes.

I like that the local politics is something I can understand. I know exactly what I am voting for. A simple question: am I willing to pay out $20 per month more than I currently pay in order to build a new high school and revamp the other schools in our district.

In national politics I have no idea how voting for McCain or Obama is going to impact me, my city, my state, or my country. I am spending as much time as I can afford researching the two candidates. Yet, I am at an impass. Another part of me feels like just not voting. I don't feel strongly about either candidate so what does it matter.

Today happens to be the 88th anniversary of women getting the right to vote in this country. I am so very grateful to all those who worked so hard and sacrificed so much for me. Did you know that by enlarge the women in America do not vote? Many people theorize that politicians do not feel that issues which affect women and the causes women hold most dear - are properly addressed by government because we do not vote. By not voting we are not holding our politicians accountable to us and our causes. Perhaps the candidates we are being offered this election are nothing to get excited about. At least that is how I feel. However, if we vote, either way, we will send a message that our voices need to be heard. If the majority of women vote our issues and our voices will become important in the minds of those wanting to be elected. I hope you will make the decision to register and to vote this year. Even if you don't feel passionately about the issues, follow your gut if that is what you need to do. Just vote.

Funniest Blog Post I have ever read

While I have nothing useful to contribute to the world of blogging today, I would like to direct you to the funniest post I have ever read. You are welcome.

I am off to have lunch with a new friend. Hope your day is going to be fun too.

Do I tell the teacher that my child is brillant?

I am just home between volunteering at Lily's school and driving Mandy to the orthodontist. My schedule seems to have gone from having nothing to do to having more to do than ever. I am having a great time.

I am trying to not over volunteer at the school. I am trying to not volunteer to do anything that would put me in direct contact with Lily. I do have lunch with her sometimes. OK, more than sometimes. I find that I go there to the school for one reason or another nearly everyday.

Yesterday I had to buy myself a new dress, a dress to wear to a wedding. I had such a great time. I was in no hurry. Later I had to go to the school for Kindergarten Curriculum night. The teacher explained in detail all that will happen in Kindergarten. Of course this is the same information we got the day before school started when we went to meet the teacher. It is also the same information which is sent home with Lily. It is a little frustration to get all this information so many times.

At the Kindergarten curriculum night I discovered that they are learning to identify their letters and numbers. That they are learning to count to 10. I am wondering if I should mention to the teacher that Lily knows how to count to 100. She can literally count to 100 forwards and backwards. She can also identify all of those numbers out of sequence and in sequence. She also knows how to spell and read several words that start with each letter of the alphabet.

There are a ton of things that the teacher is teaching that Lily does not know. But, I wonder if it would be useful for her teacher to know that Lily is so far advanced in these things. If I should send her an email. The teacher has not asked, should I offer her this information or is that bragging?

Lily is having trouble following directions. She is having trouble writing her name and coloring in the lines. I work with Lily on the things she needs to learn at home. It is slow going, but now she is at least interested in these things. Before she was not receptive to leaning to write. What do you think, should I write the teacher an email about how advanced Lily is? Or should I let her figure it out for herself? Currently I think she is under the impression that Lily is a little on the slow side. Due to the fact that Lily is not very good at interacting with the teacher or listening to the teacher. What do y'all think?