Over Thinking is My Asset

Long time readers will remember all my stories about how my five year old Lily has been obsessed with various things over the years. Starting with blocks, puzzles, letters, time, streets, running, dancing, etc. Recently she was loving reading. When she would barely read at all we would spend hours reading together. I would read to her or she would read to me. Her reading to me involved asking me various words and going over the story until she had the book memorized word for word. I don't know about you but sitting with her and reading a children's book for two hours is not really my idea of a good time. Maybe the first dozen or so times is fun and a bonding experience but after awhile my brain starts to ooze out my ear.

School has taught Lily phonics and now she sounds out words. She comes home with books to read for school and she has no interest in reading those books. She actually has no interest in reading her Junie B books anymore either. We used to spend hours reading and now she would rather do almost anything else, I have to force her to do her homework. The funny thing is that she read well now, we could sit down and read a book in maybe five minutes. The same is true for all the other obsessions Lily has had over the years, we used to spend all day doing puzzles and now she almost never wants to take the time to sort the pieces and find the edges etc. Her current obsession is telling me stories and planning parties for her babies. She also wants to know everything there is to know about outer space and how she can get a rocket ship, a space suit and go there. She also needs to know the exact age and year she will be old enough to venture into space, you have to plan ahead you know.

I was pointing out to Jeff the other day how fickle our Lily's passions seem to be. I told him my theory of why this is true. Based on my experience of taking a few child development classes, reading a few child development books, and being a day care provider and a mother I have drawn the following conclusion. I believe that whatever developmental stage Lily is going through determines her passions. For instance: if she is going through a cognitive developmental stage she is hungry for knowledge and wants to figure out how things works. If she is going through a gross motor developmental stage she is obsessed with running, jumping, climbing, kicking, being the fastest etc. I feel that her obsessions are just a result of her developmental process and not a reflection of her personality or the things that will be her true interests and passions when she is done cooking, fully developed, or grown.

Jeff thinks that everyone goes through stages. We like something for awhile and then move on to something else. He often tells me I over think things. Ya think?

Tonight Lily has her kindergarten play, we are so excited.

Life Sucks

I have tried to write this post a bunch of times but I always end up deleting it. Basically I am sick and can't seem to get well. I have had a bad cough for more than six weeks now. Doctor said it would eventually go away on its own. But, the coughing kept me up all night every night. Imagine not being able to sleep for six weeks. I also cough so bad I throw up in public etc. It is humiliating and extremely exhausting. Yesterday, I noticed white stuff growing in the back of my throat. I arranged for a neighbor to get Lily from the bus stop and went back to the doctor. I spent two hours waiting for them to tell me that my throat culture came back negative. I asked politely if I could please see the doctor. I tried to explain it all to him, finally I said, can you just look at my throat please. After one look he wrote me a prescription. By then I was really feeling bad, strep throat bad if you know what I mean. I still had to wait an hour for the pharmacy to fill my prescription and drive home, drive Mandy to work, drive back home, fix dinner, help Lily with homework, give Lily a bath...

During this time of sickness, Lily has had four ear infections since Thanksgiving. Her doctor is the antithesis of mine and gives her really strong antibiotics every time we go there. It gives her really bad diarrhea it is horrible. This time I asked if we could just wait and see. The doctor said that would be a great idea. So Lily will go back again next week to see if it has cleared up. The very next day Lily seemed to be better. Hope she doesn't get my step.

While I was dealing with all this sickness my biological father passed away. I don't really know him but it was still difficult for me. I have a lot of unresolved anger at my biological family. I feel a lot of guilt for not reaching out to my biological mother who is alone in the world and going through a difficult time. Have you ever had a really bad crying jag mixed with really bad cough? Lot of puking. Not fun.

My computer broke and I wasn't even able to buy a new one. I had Jeff do it even though he doesn't know the difference between a ram and a rom. He did a great job. My brain doesn't seem to be functioning. I have so much anger right now I hate pretty much everyone and everything. I am also trying very hard to manage all my volunteering but I am hating the others involved a lot. Not sure if this is deserved or do to my altered state of reality from lack of sleep and emotional overload. I am trying to just lay low until I feel myself again. This isn't sitting well with people who "depend" on me and all the volunteer work I do.

Life goes on.

Jeff told me the other day that I am really loved. He is right. I may have been a throw a way child but I've come a long way. I sat back and took stock and noticed how much my family loves me. I really am the center of my family and they all go out of their way to seek me out and be with me. I also have some really great friends here even in the short time I have been in Mississippi. And of course my dear blogging friends who I love and adore. And my far away friends who keep up with me even though I move away.

Basically I am big baby. I am feeling sorry for myself and not really fit for conversation lately. I am afraid I will accidentally let some of my hateful thoughts out and alienate the entire planet. I am pretty sure Jeff can barely stand me anymore. Lily and Mandy gave me about one day of being not myself and then they teamed up and took me down. Don't mess with the girls in this house is all I have to say. Hopefully the antibiotics will kick in soon and I will return to my normal lovely self. Hope you are all well.