Ramblings from the Hole in the Ground

The process of getting Mandy a driver's license has been a long one. She finally got her license on Monday, yeah. Up until then I was going mad. Driving her to school in the morning (20 minutes) driving home (20 minutes). Driving to her school to pick her up in the afternoon (20 minutes) driving home (20 minutes). Driving her to work (20 minutes in the other direction) driving home. Driving to her work to pick her up late at night (20 minutes) and driving home (20 minutes). I was so excited that she got her license, I thought at the very least I could give her my keys and while I wouldn't have my car at least I could get some work done.

But, Mandy isn't ready to drive on her own. She isn't ready to even drive with me in the car as practice going to and from school and work. Everyday she says tomorrow. So hopefully today she will do some actual driving. I have a lot of empathy, perhaps too much because I really don't like driving either. Funny thing is that all this driving Mandy around, and this has been going on for years, has increased my ease behind the wheel. Perhaps once she starts to do the chore her skills and confidence will improve too. It was really hard for me when we moved here after living in Japan for four years. I hadn't really driven more than a couple of times per month and there we drove on the other side of the road, and the Japanese are much better drivers, there wasn't any tailgating or people drifting into my lane while talking on the cell phone like here. Well you probably remember all my complaining when we got here, right.

In the mean time I have been working very hard trying to get a car for Mandy. The girl has been working since she was 12. Doing her paper route, summer jobs, and for the last two years she has been working at a grocery store as a cashier. She has saved enough to buy a car. I have been taking her car shopping everyday. Even though she would rather be taking a nap. I am dragging her into this buying a car and driving yourself around thing. I feel guilty, like she will get hurt in an accident and it will be all my fault because she never wanted to drive in the first place. But, not really, she is an adult and needs to start driving herself around. And she really needs to not get in any accidents ever!

The first car she fell in love with was a Silver VW Bug with a stick. She had to have that car, and she promised to learn to drive a stick. I could just see another two and a half years of trying to teach her to drive a stick, meanwhile me spending all day everyday driving her around. I took her to more car places. I would spend the entire day looking for cars for her and then taking her to show them to her. I know I am a terrible mother and should be making her do all this on her own. But, I am tired of the driving her around and the dragging her feet on getting a license and driving and I deal with frustration best by either yelling or working hard.

Yesterday I found another VW bug that was also silver, had less miles and was an automatic. So I took her to see the car. On the way there I told her this car did not have a cd player, she told me to just turn around and go home, there was no way she was buying a car without a cd player. She would just learn to drive a stick. yeah right. I almost pulled over and beat her on the side of the road. So we went to look at the Bug and the dealer said it wasn't there, that one of his guys uses it to run errands and wont be back with it until later. That they love the car and we will love it too. We left our name and number and by the way he never called us. Anyways, I said do you have any other cars in our price range as long as we are here and he said that he specializes in our price range and every car on the lot would be in our price range. I think I heard angels singing.

So I drug Amanda around the lot. And that is when she fell in love with a little red Mustang Coupe, automatic with leather interior. I thought we should take it for a test drive, she said no she wants to do that with her dad. She feels like we are leaving him out of the process and that he should be the one to test drive it with her, take it to the mechanic and negotiate the price. I was seriously trying not to strangle her, but ok dad can do the rest. I asked how late they are open and the guy told me 6 or 6:30pm. What is that? Don't people usually have an actual time they close? OK so we are in Mississippi, things are more leisurely and not ridged with like opening and closing times or having the cars you are trying to sell on the lot.

Jeff meanwhile was trying to pass a gun shooting test. He was out in the firing range and unreachable. I knew that he wouldn't be done until 6pm. I left him messages on his work phone, which I didn't know if he would check before coming home and his cell phone, which I imagined was turned off and he would miss his missed calls and text messages. So Mandy and I drove home.

Jeff called me before leaving work, he passed his gun shooting test. Which by the way gives me enormous knots in my stomach the thought that he has to be able to shoot and clean and load all kinds of big guns as part of his training to be deployed. Not to mention the anthrax and small pox vaccinations and later this month he has to go live in the woods for a week for survival training. This all upsets me. It is only a week or two until he goes off to survival training and then a week or so after that he leaves for the senior NCO academy for six weeks and then it is the big deployment for six months. I seriously cannot write the stuff on the calendar because it upsets me too much. Like if I don't write it down or actually know the dates it wont really happen. So he calls me and I ask him to meet us at the dealer on his way home from work. It is less than a 1/2 mile from his work.

Jeff feels that isn't a good idea and we should WAIT until Friday when he is off from work for him and Mandy to go and test drive one or both of these cars etc. I try to explain to Jeff, why I am determined to get this done. He thinks that he wouldn't be able to get the car inspected at 6 in the evening. He asks me if I know how late the mechanic is open. He doesn't want to have to go there and then go back again later. Just wants to get it all done at once. Mandy agrees with her dad. There is a lot of back and forth, like ok I will go - no you don't have to if you don't want to - no I'll go - whatever you think is best. And it ended up that he didn't go. But, he called me back to tell me that he appreciates how hard I have been working and he and Mandy will get a car on Friday, I don't have to worry about it anymore. Except, I am still missing out on a bunch of stuff I wanted to do today because I am spending the day driving Mandy around and then I have to go with Jeff to an award or induction ceremony tonight so I need to somehow manage to get my work done, dinner, homework, etc all by 6pm. We could have had a car last night.

Meanwhile, Lily is having a nervous breakdown. She was speaking to me while I was talking on the phone trying to convince Jeff to drive .5 miles after work and look at a damn car and Lily lost it. She spent the next two hours screaming at the top of her lungs. She has been reverting to her fit throwing self since school started. Change is hard on the girl. Plus, I think she needs a tad more sleep. I had promised a neighbor that Lily could come out and play but I had to call and cancel, her little boy was disappointed, I felt bad. I told Lily she had to stay in her room until she stopped crying. That took awhile. My nerves were shot. She finally cried herself to sleep and slept for about an hour and a half before I woke her up. Then she ate dinner, did homework, took a bath and went back to bed. All without crying. Boy was she mad at me. This morning she was very sweet too.

Basically yesterday as I sat at the dinner table looking around at my sweet family I was thinking about how all three of them needed to be smacked. And then as I stayed up until after midnight doing my job, while my dear family all slumbered peacefully. No doubt thinking of ways to spend the money I am was earning.

I feel like I have dug myself into a hole and can't find the way out. So how are you all doing? I apologize for not editing this post, I have to leave to drive Mandy to school now.

Credit Crunch: Credit score is over 800 still I was denied $300 credit

What? Here is the story.

My 18 year old daughter and I spent the day at the community college she plans to attend in the fall, because we are good with money and know we cannot afford a four year college. This is why my FICO score and my husband's FICO score are both above 800. Our only debt is our house and our new car. Nothing else, no student loans, no medical bills, no credit cards, etc. We do have several credit cards in our wallets with nice limits, but we pay them off every month. We like to use them as much as possible and collect points for free stuff. We are currently saving points for airline tickets to Lake Tahoe in 2011.

Mandy and I stopped by the bank on our way home from the college day. Her bank where she has several thousand dollars saved and where I also have an account and have several thousand dollars saved, they do not allow kids under the age of 18 to have a debit card or checking account. Now that she has turned 18 I wanted her to get a checking account, a debit card and a credit card. I want her to start to build credit and learn to pay bills. It is hard to figure out money and no matter how many things people tell you, the skills come from handling money.

I was planning to co-sign for Mandy's credit card. We asked what was the smallest limit they offered and it was $300. We filled out all of Mandy's information, she earns more than a thousand dollars per month at her job and has a savings account with several thousand dollars, a history with this bank but no credit. We filled out my information, I make a little under a thousand dollars per month at my part time job. They looked us up and said that I cannot co-sign a loan for Mandy because my house payment plus my car payment each month add up to more than what I earn each month. Even though both of those items the house and car are in both my husband and my name, they will not let me co-sign for a $300 credit card for my daughter because I don't personally earn enough money, my husband has to sign for the credit card. So if he were deployed right now we would not be able to borrow any money. They cannot look and see how much my husband makes even though we are both liable for the payments.

Does that make sense?

I just wanted to point out to the universe how the credit crisis is effecting women. All women who have chosen to be the primary care giver of the family, if you chose to put your family first and career second, you are no longer able to borrow money based on yours and your husband's finances you have to have his permission to borrow money. No matter if you have been with a bank for year and paid every bill on time for years, no matter if you have a credit card in your purse from that bank allowing you to borrow thousands of dollars. Two of my friends with older kids who do not work said that they were able to co-sign for their kids credit cards w/o their husband's signature last year or in years previously. Another one of my friends who does not work told me that last year she borrowed money and bought her husband a car as a birthday present w/o his signature. Now, I was not allowed to co-sign for $300.

It feels so scary. What if I wanted to divorce my husband? What if he didn't want to help me? Would I be able to get an apartment? Would I be able to get utilities in my name? It is very scary. I was so proud of my credit score too.

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I am trying to raise money for the American Cancer Society by walking in the Relay for Life on April 24th. Our team will walk for 12 hours in a relay, if you would like to sponsor me Click Here. They money goes to fund research, pays for cancer prevention education, and helps people who have been diagnosed with cancer in programs that help with things like reimbursing gas money or buying wigs etc. Hope you can help!

Road Rage

Is it just me or is everyone on the road today a meth addict? I had to spent 2 1/2 hours driving today.

According to Lynanne today is delurking day. If you are reading this post you must reveal yourself by leaving a comment. Inquiring minds want to know who you are.

Merry Christmas

Jeff and the girls have been off this week and it has been non-stop fun. This morning we woke up with a sick little girl and a thrown out back momma. Guess we will slow it down a bit. I am also trying to keep up with my job and Christmas. Sounds stressful but it really isn't. Plenty of hours in the day, it is all good.

Driving down the road to Mobile on Monday we got a phone call. We were on our way to tour the USS Alabama. The call was from Jeff's work. Remember how I told you that if a woman he works with gets pregnant he will be deployed? Well she got pregnant. However, the person on the phone said Jeff has to volunteer to go or they will send someone else. One person said Jeff is going whether he wants to or not, another says Jeff has to volunteer. Currently we are under the impression that he will not be going.

It is my understanding that speaking of troop movements, telling exactly when and where military members are going is frowned upon. The when is soon. The where is far away, use your imagination.

I pretty much had a panic attack in the car. And then it was over and he is not going. I am having trouble knowing what to feel. Jeff says that his time is currently scheduled to be this time next year. He also says that if he goes this time he will have to go next time too. I guess that makes up for sixteen years in the military with no deployments. I don't understand any of it at all.

I was a single mother for 10 years before I married Jeff. I know I am able to handle the family on my own for six months. This time I would also be financially secure as well. The problem is my mental well being. I am a different person with a husband. Jeff gives me the ability to let go of the stress and drama of life and just be. I am not sure I can do that without him. Somehow his presence keeps me even. Is life good or bad. If you look at all the crap in your life you feel like you life is all bad all the time and you never get a break. If you focus on all the good in your life all the time you feel like you have it pretty good. I don't naturally have the ability to see the good and ignore and not focus on the bad. I do better with a little redirection. See I am freaking out about the fact that Jeff might have had to go, but is most likely not going instead of thinking of Christmas. I need some chocolate.

The Voting Line

Every time I vote it reminds me of my grandma. She used to go and work at the polls every election. I always miss my grandma on election day.

Today I had to stand in line for about an hour in order to cast my vote. Where I had to stand in line, I bet some people would pay for that view. We were right along a bayou with beautiful birds coming to drink. I saw heron, storks, and lord knows what else. I even saw a fish jump. Didn't see any alligator today, but I know he is out there - somewhere.

As I stood in line the election officials were calling out, N-Z anyone with the last name starting with N-Z - they all got to move to the front of the line. At one point a different elderly gentleman with an election official sticker on his shirt came outside and called M-Z. Many of the folks with a last name beginning with M had been turned away from the N-Z line previously. They were hesitant to move forward and try again, they asked the gentleman calling M-Z - M as in Monkey or N as in Night? He assured them M as in monkey. About 25 people moved to the front of the N-Z line, all of them having a last name that begins with M.

When they arrived at the front of the N-Z line they were again turned away - they were told no, this is the N-Z line. Poor M's. I had been standing in line for about 40 minutes at this point. All these M folks had been there less than 10 minutes. Still they became irate and unruly. Especially one guy with slicked back hair and a Jersey accent. Damn Yankees (I say this tongue in cheek as I am a Yankee myself - can one be a former Yankee? Or is being southern like royalty something you are born with? Is being from Seattle/Sacramento Yankeeish?).

On a side note, last night at a Relay for Life committee meeting one nice lady was talking about a city that raised a lot of money. She said she couldn't remember the name of the city. Somewhere in the North. We all shook our heads, we understand, the North - like it is another country. Then she remember the name of the city, it was Jackson, Tennessee. I thought that was funny. Tennessee is about 500 miles north of here. It is all perspective.

Back to the guy who might have stepped off the set of Sapranos, he was a fish out of water standing in line to vote in Mississippi. He threw a fit you would not believe. He got up in a little old man's face and started yelling. You need to walk over there and talk to the lady at the door. She says N-Z and you told me M-Z. I even asked you N or M and you said M as in Monkey. The poor little old man then got in his car and attempted to leave. He was so upset that his car kept stalling. I am thinking it had a clutch. With the car pointed directly toward many of the M's from the line and others he was alternatively gunning the engine and stalling the engine trying to turn the car around and get out of the parking lot. He finally made it out. Poor guy.

Five minutes later, the lady at the door changed her mind and started letting M's in the previously N-Z line. When she called for the M's no one moved. Finally she was able to convince the M folks to come up and vote. Even Mr. Ass Wipe came up to the front of the line, voted and left. I continued to wait in line with my fellow A-L people for another 10 or 15 minutes. It took me an hour tops. I didn't get to go in the short line. I wonder if when Jeff voted tonight after work if they will have a more efficient system in place? One of the election officials said, he hadn't seen this many people stand in line since the day after Thanksgiving at Wal-Mart. Another said, or waiting in line for water after Katrina.

Any of you have fun in line today?

Shut It Already

Many years ago in another life it seems I worked at a television station in order to support myself and my Mandy. I started as a secretary and advanced to Traffic Manager before getting married and moving to Italy to be with my dear not Italian husband (not that there is anything wrong with that). He is in the service.

I was initially hired because the person who had this position prior to me had been promoted. She was able to spend a week training me. This was my first office job. Prior to this job I had been a dish washer at a pizza joint, a dish washer at Wendy's, a cashier at Payless, a cashier at Pay'N Save and an at home day care provider. I was so excited to be working as a secretary. I was being paid more than double minimum wage, I had health insurance and vacation. I felt like I had really arrived. During my training I discovered that my job was to sit around and gossip all day and answer the phone or type something up if the need arose. I was also to act very put out and grumble a lot when the need did arrise.

My trainer, we will call her Connie, then went on to do her new very important job and left me to my secretary job. Over time I discovered that Connie never really worked at all and I think they hired me in order to actual have the secretary things accomplished. Connie continued to gossip all day long. She was a bit of a mean, bully type of gossip too. Even if she liked you and had lunch with you, invited you over to her house etc. She would only be being nice to you in order to get your dirt and then tell it to everyone. Too bad for Connie I like to tell people my dirt, this is why I have a blog after all, not really a secret keeper. No one better to gossip about than me.

It was funny that over the course of the five years I worked at the company Connie had many people sit next to her. Every time someone new would be sat next to
Connie she would talk, talk, talk. People would come stand by her desk and talk, talk, talk. Soon the person sitting next to Connie would complain. There would be a memo to the whole office about talking too much. We would all try to stop talking, except Connie. Next the supervisor to the person sitting next to Connie would complain and then that person would get a new desk somewhere else. And some hapless victim, usually the stations latest employee would get sat next to Connie.

There was an office near Connie that was available. But, the boss didn't want to reward Connie and give her the office. I kept telling him that we would all love it if she were islolated, since he can't give us all offices why not just make sure no one has to sit next to Connie. My boss refused. He would call me into his office and make me listen to him talk for hours about who we could sit next to Connie. He finally settled on this one guy who was in his 70's and refused to retire. He kinda annoyed a lot of people as well because he refused to talk and was a little secretive. My boss thought they would be a match made in heaven. I felt bad for Jim. I got married and moved away before this switch had a chance to occur. I would have loved to have seen that, poor Jim.

I am writting this because my dear friend Lorelei is going through a similar situation at her work. I wonder if any of you have ever worked with a Connie and a boss who couldn't tell her to shut up? Or fire her?

Will You Paint My House

Our home is mostly brick, but the painted bits appear to not have been painted since the house was built. We need to paint our house. First we had to decide if we were going to do it ourselves or if we are planning to hire someone to paint for us. We called every painter in the phone book to get estimates. Only one came out to our house. He is the only one who answered the phone. We left messages for the others and none returned our calls. The one who came out to our house gave us an estimate of $2650 which is about double what we thought. Crap.

We tried to call all the other painters again and after two weeks of no one returning our calls we decided to go with the first guy, the one who actually came out to our house and did an estimate. I called him two weeks ago to give him the good news, dude you got the job. He said, I don't know when I will be able to do your house, let me call you back in a day or two to let you know. That is the last I heard from him.

I think this is a sign we should do it ourselves. The problem is that we have some rot in some of the wood. We have some mold. We have some areas that need to be caulked. We really don't know how to do any of that stuff. Plus the areas that need to be painted are very high up, our ladder doesn't reach. I told Jeff we could rent some scaffolding and rent a power sprayer and paint it all ourselves. We would also have to replace the rotted wood. It is just a couple of pieces.

Jeff's friend Chad who has been living in our garage off and on since November has repeatedly offered to do something for us as a Thank you for our kindness. Jeff doesn't want to ask him to help us. He is picking up the last of his things today. Have any of you guys here painted your own house? Is it normal for people to not return calls? Seems like a sign that they wouldn't be very reliable. Any Advice?

Someone Smack That Bully

Yesterday at work, a customer was very rude to Mandy. Mandy is seventeen and works as a cashier at a local grocery store. She was working away and between customers she turned to ask her manager a question. Her manager was in the middle of something so Mandy paused for the merest of moments to try and get her manager's attention and the next customer in line became irate.

He started to scream at her. He leaned over the counter and got into her face to tell her how rude she is. As she checked him out he became louder and meaner, telling her what an awful rude person she is. He paid and told her he was going to find her manager and tell everyone how rude she is. He walked screamed to everyone in the store how rude Mandy is. And then he left. The entire time the floor manager never came over to help Mandy or the customer. I hate this grocery store.

Mandy was in shock at first but after two more customers she started to cry and had to ask her manager to allow her to go to the bathroom and compose herself. I guess the manager finally showed up two customers later. Mandy has been contemplating quitting for some time. I wonder if this will seal the deal.

Whenever these things happen I tell her about the difference between jobs you get with a college education and jobs you get without one. I feel that when you are working class you are easily replaced and the employer doesn't go to extra lengths to allow you to enjoy your job. When you have a specialized skill you are needed and therefore the employer goes out of their way to make sure your treated well. Luckily Mandy also had the opportunity to work in a hospital admin position one summer and was able to see how she was treated in that position as opposed to being a cashier at at a grocery store.

I often get frustrated with cashiers who are slow or don't say hello etc. I am sure glad I have kept that frustration to myself. Cashiers are people too. They work long hours and if they are robotically fast for you, hopefully next time you will think of Mandy and offer a smile and some kind words instead of being a big fat bully toward a young girl.

What is Wrong with Foster Care in America

My biological mother is mentally handicapped and it was determined that she not able to provide for herself and therefore received/ receives social security checks. Her parents were planning to keep her at home with them throughout her life. But, she got pregnant with my older brother.

My grandparents chose to buy her and her now husband a home, furnish the home etc, so they could raise their baby. The baby was born into the toilet because my mother did not know she was in labor. So begun her journey into motherhood. Three and a half years later I was born, in a bed, she still didn’t get the concept of going to the hospital but at least this time she stayed in the bed.

My brother was taken away from my parents when he was five after a few weeks of kindergarten the neglect was so apparent that the state intervened. They left the baby, me, because there wasn’t proof of neglect.

My parents chose to sell the house and move into a two bedroom apartment. They rented out my bedroom and I shared that room with two men, both of whom had recently returned from Vietnam. One of the men, John, started paying a lot of attention to me. This was the first person in my entire life that had paid attention to me and I loved the attention. So what if he would ask me to take off all my clothes when we talked or that he would touch me in weird places. I adored his attention

Later my father took all the money from the sale of the house, he took the car too and he left me and my mom. She promptly married John and we all lived off the welfare and social security that came from having a kid and not being mentally fit enough to hold a job. Eventually John made a mistake and turned his attention toward a neighbor kid and he went to jail. My mother was so distraught. She said she didn’t know what he had been doing to me; I reminded her that he had forced me to watch the two of them having sex, but I never told on her for that. The social worker still didn’t have enough of a reason to take me away from my mother so they let John out of jail and the fact that my mother picked him up and drove him back to our home was enough to take me away from her finally. I was five.

I was placed in foster care. My foster parents raised me and adopted my older brother and myself and we all lived happily ever after, but not really.

My social worker took me to the doctor for an examination. I remember every minute of that examination as if it were yesterday. I was told to take off all my clothes. I had to get on the table and have my privates inspected. There were five adults in the room, none of whom I knew. They were all asking me questions, grilling me, did he touch you here – and the doctor would touch me there… I refused to speak to these people. The social worker was furious and told me that I had to tell the truth now or … I forget what she threatened me with. That was a moment that changed my life forever. From that moment on I decided to never tell the truth again. I was about thirty before I finally got over that. I just never allowed anyone to know me. I would lie about my favorite food, or if I like a TV show, or anything, I just never wanted to let anyone see me after what that room full of strangers did to me.

From that came my family, not having to be raised in extreme poverty, being severely neglected, and sexually abused. At the time I would have rather gone back to my family. I now realize that I am better off, I am able to be a great mom, a fabulous wife, I am able to communicate my thoughts to you here and now due to the fact that I was taken away and raised by such a good family. Yet, it seems that it could have been done better, that it really wasn’t necessary to be so cruel to me in the process. I still don’t trust doctors or teachers, foster parents or social workers, police or really anyone in a position of power.

I am telling you this now, because I wonder if all you lovely people who have never been abused or neglected, never been taken from your parents and stripped naked in front of a room full of people having your privates examined and being questioned about what you have been doing with those privates, I wonder if you understand what it is that is happening to all those children who were removed from the Yearning for Zion ranch in Eldorado, Texas.

I also worry that not all foster care families are wonderful like mine. Hi dad. The foster care system today is so overwhelmed and under funded that there is not enough social workers to oversee the foster families and many children in the foster care program are abused and neglected by the foster families. How many of those children are being fed dinner tonight, and how many are being locked in the closet? How many are being hit or molested by the foster care system? Did we rescue those kids or are we torturing them? Did we wait too long, how many years have we as a country known about this and other polygamist sects? How long have we waited for enough proof before rescuing these children? This issue along with all the children in America who are abused and neglected is complex, very complex.

This is really the main reason I want Hillary Clinton to be our next president. She has devoted her life to advocating and improving the system to help abused and neglected children. No matter her job, no matter if she joined a committee, formed a committee, and gave abused children legal council, worked to improve the foster care program, worked with head start, worked with PBS. She has been embroiled in this fight for her entire adult life and understands the complexities. I have faith that she will continue to fight for these children as president because she always has, now matter what life throws at her, she always has found a way to improve the conditions for kids. One at a time or a nation at a time Hillary Clinton always finds a way. I think she gets it and to me helping the abused and neglected children of our country is priority number one, to me kids come first.

The Pink Dress

How would you feel if you called a reputable plumber and the person who showed up to fix the pipes under your sink was a female in a pink spring halter dress. Imagine your discomfort as she tries to get herself under the sink, all the while her breast are popping out as she bends, her bottom as she squats and scoots. How much respect would you have for her ability to perform the job at hand? How much respect for her profession is she showing by trying to do a job that requires getting on the floor in a cute little pink sundress?

This is exactly how I feel about all the moms who come to the library story time in their cute little pink dresses or their skin tight jeans. Ladies, you have to sit on the floor, you have to crawl around on your hands and knees to coral your 1 1/2 year old. Have some respect for the job, have some respect for the fact that you are a mom and your job requires you to get down and dirty. Screw Oprah, put your kids needs above looking cute. Cause honey, you look anything but cute crawling around on the floor with your t and a hanging out in the middle of the library story time.

HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS (HPV)

We recently got a letter in the mail from our health provider saying that they recommend Mandy get the new HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS (HPV) shot. HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS (HPV)causes 70% of cervical cancer and 90% of genital warts. The new vaccine prevents a person from getting HPV. Only this shot is only being given to girls. Why not boys too? Both sexes get this virus, but having the virus does not cause any harm to a boy, no cervix no cervical cancer. But if everyone were vaccinated wouldn't it help to prevent the spread of this disease more than if only young women are vaccinated. Does this bother anyone else?

Passive Agressive

I just checked our credit scores, mine is 6 points ahead of Jeff. I don't earn any money, haven't in years. Credit scores are curious. But, we both scored excellent with higher scores than 98.2% of the country. See you should listen to my money advise.

I just finished the federal taxes, not fun. My head is spinning. I still have to do state. Yucky. I keep telling Jeff we should pay someone to do this. Does anyone else do their own taxes?

The other day, Jeff and a co-worker were discussing having strong willed children.

The co-worker asked which parent Lily's willfulness comes from Jeff or me.

Jeff said both of us are very strong willed and Lily must have gotten a double dose.

The co-worker remarked that Jeff and I must have some knock down drag out fights, being that we are both strong willed.

Jeff responded, not really. We don't really fight.

I thought that was curious, Jeff and I really don't fight. Even though we are both incredibly stubborn. I think we are stubborn but not controlling. For the most part I think we accept one another for who we are and that is that. We don't really agree on a whole lot. We don't like the same tv shows, movies, or books. We don't want to go on vacation to the same location. He got his way, we are going to Disney World. We certainly don't agree on politics. He is dumb and votes based on the media induced perception he has on a candidate, oh no, I forgot, he doesn't vote. He is willing to die for his country but not willing to vote. They are all corrupt and it doesn't make any difference he says. Drives me crazy, but we don't fight about it.

We are however having a huge fight. It has been quietly going on for months. You see Jeff invited his best friend to stay with us and said friend drives me crazy. Jeff believes I should tell said friend why I am upset, I believe this is Jeff's responsibility. So no one tells friend he is a disrespectful jerk of a house guest and I am furious every moment he is in our home. I take it out on Jeff by criticizing everything he says and does. Jeff says nothing because he, "feels bad that I am upset". This is how I have spent every weekend for months. I have a knot in my stomach and I am so very mean to my entire family. But, never to the friend.

This weekend I just hid in my room and tried to avoid contact. The friend noticed and asked Jeff if I was upset with him for some reason. Jeff said, "I don't know." So the friend cut his weekend visit short and I am supposed to decide what to do.

I guess I could give him a list of my grievances and explain that if he wants to be a guest in my home he needs to be more respectful. But, then I would still spend every weekend for the next few months being upset in my own home. The only time I get to spend with my husband I have a knot in my stomach and just want to punch someone. I don't know that I am a big enough person to just let it all drop, forgive and move on. Have you ever just hated someone? And not wanted to make amends?

I could tell Jeff that he is no longer welcome here. But, the guilt. I don't think I have cried this much since I was in high school I just don't know how to get over it. But, I don't want to tell my husband's best friend he is no longer welcome at our house. I am not allowed to write about this on my blog, because Jeff reads it and gives it out to all his friends and family. But, oh well, he is already mad at me, even though he says he isn't. If that makes any sense at all.

Who Am I?

I recently decided that it might be a good idea for me to begin working again sooner rather than later. I took stock of the jobs I am qualified to perform and this really depressed me. Not having worked in a very long time and not having finished my degree, there really isn't a lot job options available to me. I am also the primary care giver of Lily and Mandy and any job I find I will have to find care for Lily and transportation for Mandy. I did apply for a few freelance jobs and a few local jobs. Then no one wanted me, not even for the peon jobs that I applied for.

Jeff talks non-stop about the fact that as soon as Lily starts school, I am going back to work and we will have more money. He is counting the days. I feel like such a failure, because, other than lunch lady (Jeff's suggestion) or Wal-Mart Associate what can I do? I would have to be available for Lily before and after school, so a full time job is not an option.

That lunch lady job really hurt my feelings. Someone is going to have to break it to Jeff who has taken the time to get his bachelors and now he is one class away from his masters, someone is going to have to break it to him that I am not going back to work until I finish my degree. And he is going to have to pay for my degree. I have been having a major pity party lately. Feeling like a big failure.

The weather here is quite lovely and we have been going for some great morning walks. Today I put Lily in the stroller and even brought the dog along. We walked for about an hour. We stopped at the beach and made a castle. We spotted a woodpecker, several squirrels, and a flock of those white long necked birds you see near the water? We got home, and Lily said, "oh, I am so tired". I guess being pushed in a stroller is exhausting.

I continuously struggle to figure out what is in the best interest of me versus what is in the best interest of the family. I have to tell you that I don't even know who I am or what I want anymore.

Buying a New Minivan

Jeff and I decided to go ahead and buy a new mini-van. A big purchase to be sure, but we figure that he has four years until retirement, and we could have it paid off by then. We figured we travel a lot and this would make traveling more comfortable. So why not? We did a lot of shuffling but we thought to find the money we would take a bit from here and there, various savings plans, and tighten up our extra spending.

I did a great deal of Internet research about which is the best minivan and how much they cost. We decided that Saturday we would look at our top ten choices, see what they have on the lots and narrow down our options to maybe one or two. OK, so you all see the humor there right.

I have never bought a new car before. Jeff has. He kept telling me that we don't want to get out of our vehicle that we should just drive by slowly and see what they have and hope we can see the sticker price from our car. I was thinking, why not just ask someone? So we got to the first dealer, Lily in tow. We get out of the car and tell the gentleman who was on top of us before we even shut our doors that we were interested in a minivan. We specifically asked if they had the make, model, year we were wanting in stock. He took us in his office and started asking us questions. A half an hour later, we still didn't know what was in stock, he went to talk to his manager. He comes back and tells us he has a van to show us that he will go and get the keys. Finally he comes around and shows us a van. It is a 2007 model with 36,000 miles on it.

He kept asking us how much we wanted to spend per month on the vehicle. We would have to calculate in our heads, how much the Manufacturer's suggested price for the vehicle was, minus our down payment, minus what we wanted for trading in our little car, divided by how many months we wanted the loan to be... Then he would do the same calculations with his calculator to determine how much we wanted to spend on a car. I was getting confused. Wish I had brought a calculator or that they guy could have spoke to us in English, this is how much the car costs...And the 0% interest, I asked how much would it be if we got the money from our bank and paid him cash. I mean obviously a bank wont give you money for no interest so the interest had to be put into the price of the car, so why not give me that discount and I would see if I got a better deal based on the interest rate the bank quoted me. No they wouldn't tell us anything.

We test drive this car and he wont tell us the price. We notice a lot of stains and dings in the vehicle, but ever the bargain hunter we think, I wonder how much of a discount for this dinged up vehicle. He offers us a bumper to bumper lifetime warranty and 0% interest, but will not tell us a price. He takes Jeff back to the office to discuss price. Lily and I wonder around the lot. I notice quite a few minivans, they are cute. Not like the one he showed us. I am getting pretty upset by now. I go into the office where he and Jeff are discussing price. The guy is typing numbers in the calculator. I ask what the price is?? They inform me that they are still working on that.

Jeff gives me the keys to our car. I take Lily and we go to the car. We wait and wait. Jeff comes out to the car, and asks me what I think. I tell him there is no way I am paying a new car price for that piece of crap we test drove. That I didn't really like it very much and having a monthly car payment for a car I don't really like, doesn't seem like a good idea. By the way, what is the price? Still no clue, we have been at the place for over an hour being dicked around with no clue what they have or how much it costs. So we leave. I don't think we have the proper car buying skills, are you supposed to yell at them or punch them in the face?

Jeff and I decide that we are too exhausted to look at other minivans today. We go to lunch. We have a long chat and we decide that we would rather not buy a new car. Dealing with the salesman is too much. I don't really like to parted from my money and having somebody be so rude and then giving them a commission? Makes my blood boil. Besides it is nice to have the extra money for fun and being safe. So life will continue with our 10 year old vehicles at least for now.

Sunshine Does Not Fix Cars

Went to our play group today at the Lynn Meadows Discovery Center. It is about a 45 minute drive from my house but worth it. We had our play group. I am a bit of a regular now so we know people and have bits of conversations. Not like having friends but a step in the right direction. We sing, we dance, we play, we hear a story, we do a craft. Then we played indoors for awhile and then outdoors. As we were playing outdoors, it was a beautiful 65 degree sunny day. There are tree houses, trains, just the most beautiful play area you can imagine, and you can see the Gulf of Mexico just beyond the centuries old oak trees. I was thinking to myself, Lily has the most amazing childhood. She is a lucky little girl.

Our plan was to stop and grab some lunch at McDonald's, return some books to the library, pick up a few things at the commissary and then head home. This McDonald's had an outside playground and Lily asked to play for just a minute. Just a minute I say, as we have a lot to do today. I don't remember the last time it rained, but she somehow managed to get soaked on the slide. Her pants were wet threw to the underwear, her shoes and socks too. All in just a minute. So I revised our plan and decided we would just go home and run the rest of our errands tomorrow.

I decided to take the freeway home. We normally drive along the beach. It is much shorter along the beach, but a lot of traffic, a lot of construction etc, makes it slow going. However, it takes me about the same amount of time either way. Sometimes it just feels like I am getting home faster if I drive 70 on the freeway as opposed to 35 stopping and going along the beach highway. My watch tells me it takes the same amount of time. Some days I just love to drive along the beach. I love to see every week how more and more homes and businesses are being fixed (damaged in Katrina). I love to see the Gulf, the oak trees, the palm trees...

I got off the freeway and was driving down a pretty busy street. My car just stopped working. When I pushed down the gas peddle it would chug, chug, chug, chug and not accelerate. I put on my hazards and coasted down the road. I knew that just two blocks away was an auto mechanic who had fixed my muffler. As I stopped at a light the car died. I got the car to restart, I had to make a turn onto another major road. One of those left turns where two lanes get to turn.

I made it threw the turn. I could see the shop where I wanted to take the car. I had to go past the shop and make a u-turn and go back a bit. I stopped in the turn lane to make the u-turn. The car started smoking and rattling and smoke started billowing out of the vents into the car and out of the hood. I was so scared I was shaking. I just wanted to get me and Lily out of this traffic. The car died again. I got her started again. I made the u-turn and pulled into the parking lot. Safe at last.

Turns out this place only fixes mufflers. Not cars billowing smoke, chugging, and dying. They listened to my woes and they offered to check out the car and see if they could figure out what was wrong. We had to wait an hour to let the car cool down before they could take a look under the hood. They let us watch cartoons and relax. Then they opened the hood and discovered that the lid to the radiator had not been screwed on properly. All the water had splashed out and the car had overheated. Because I had kept going when the engine was seizing up etc. Because I didn't notice the little gauge was up to hot. I might have permanently broken the engine. Or it might be fine. They filled her up with water. The car started and ran ok. I drove directly home. Seemed ok going home. I am transferring the car seat to Jeff's car and never driving that car again. Just so you know. They didn't even charge me any money. They were really busy at the garage too.

The other garage, the one that made me wait six hours to fix my brakes. First they left the oil cap off last time they changed our oil. Oil went everywhere and when we took it back they did a crappy job of cleaning it up. Now the radiator cap. Jeff insisted that they are nice people and we should give them another chance after the oil cap. Now this is chance number two. No more chances, never going back, even though our tires and brakes are under warranty with these fools we are not allowing them to ever again look at our car. Or at least not my new little red car (formerly known as Jeff's car) What he does with the black car is his business.

Man that was so scary. All my "live for today" friends please feel free to tell me that if I bought a new car and made monthly car payments like all other red blooded Americans I would not have all these car problems. Please feel free. In fact can I send you Jeff's email address to tell his this information too. I am thinking of asking Jeff to buy me a brand new mini-van. I think I need one with the TV's in the backseat and what about that thing you see on TV "Play Artist Tiffany". As I type this I notice Lily, who fell asleep in the car on the way home from the most lovely muffler mechanics on the planet, is still wearing her wet pants.

The beautiful sunshiny day can kiss my ass. Oh sorry gotta go outside and play with the kids.

Please Send Sage

Friday, we spent the day at a garage having our brakes fixed. They guy who works behind the desk was feverish and appeared to be dying from the flu. We tried to steer clear of his germs but not so sure.

Saturday, we spent the day outside in the freezing cold wearing light weight sweatshirts and freezing our asses off. At the Mardi Gras parade which was a blast but we should have checked the temperature. Who knew Mississippi could get cold?

Sunday, Lily started to get a sore throat and cough. I blame the sick mechanic, Jeff blames us for allowing her to get so cold. Maybe it was both.

Monday, I was entertaining Lily and she sneezed in my face. Full frontal snot attack, my face was soaked it went up my nose, in my eyes, in my mouth. I immediately felt a scratchy throat and headache. Probably psychosomatic.

Tuesday, we skipped playgroup and instead I put Lily in the stroller and took her for a walk. My energizer bunny was not up to walking. Lily is such an active child it breaks my heart to see her in the slow motion sick girl mode. She is still delightfully happy and chatty. I thought some sunshine would help improve how she is feeling. We walked and talked for 45 minutes, had a lovely time. I turned around to go home and saw the darkest blackest thunderstorm filled sky over my house - a 45 minute walk away. I guess it had rolled in behind me as I walked in a single direction away from my house for 45 minutes. It took me 15 minutes to get home. I about died from a heart attack. We were praying the skies wouldn't open up and soak us on our way home. We made it to our street before the drops began to fall. We made it two houses away from our house before the sheets of rain started to fall. Perhaps I should have checked the weather report? Who knew that a rain storm could appear out of no where in such a short time. It was 67 degrees by the way.

Wednesday(today), I woke up at 4AM I have a scratchy throat and that sick feeling is seeping into my head and chest.

To recap: I took my sweet four year old to a garage filled with terribly sick people and stayed there for six hours. I then took her out into 30 degree weather improperly dressed and allowed her to get very cold. Then when she was good and sick I took her out in the rain and got her soaked. Are you thinking what I am thinking? Mother of the year?

I need to burn some sage or have a exorcist stop by, my luck this year is on the crappy side.

The Dentist

I forgot to tell y'all about our visit to the dentist. We had to go and pick up Mandy from school because someone (Jeff) thinks we should schedule all our appointments at the same time. The process of getting your kid out of high school is excruciation. That took us a half an hour. But, still we managed to make it to our new dentist's office about 10 minutes before our appointment. I had a mountain of paper work to fill out twice, once for each of the girls. Before I was even done, they called Mandy back to begin her exam.

Jeff had purposely scheduled Lily's appointment before Mandy's, but they called Mandy first. So back she goes and we do not see her again for over an hour. She finally comes back to the waiting room, she has not had the chance to see the dentist. Someone cleaned her teeth and took xrays but no dentist. Another lady who came in 45 minutes after us was called back. Lily still hadn't been seen. After another 10 minutes I went up to the counter and told them I had to go. I rescheduled Lily for next week.

Lily was bouncing off the walls and there was no way she would have done well after all that waiting. She was already having a really hard morning, plus the waiting, I didn't think this I could handle it. The receptionist was clearly not happy with my decision to leave. The funny thing is that they made me sign a form stating that I understand their policy that if I arrive late to an appointment or don't cancel at least 24 hours in advance they are going to charge me for the inconvenience, I wish I could have charged them for the inconvenience.

The thing is that Mandy knocked out her two front teeth when she was nine. She has had to wear a retainer with fake teeth in it since then. Now that her mouth is finally mature she can start having the work done to get implants. The implants plus the braces she will need is going to cost us more than 10 grand. Our insurance doesn't cover very much of that. Having to spend all that money and be at the office a lot over the next couple of years I really think they should treat me a little better than to make me wait with no explanation in the waiting room for hours on end.

Perhaps I am overreacting because I was with a grouchy kid? The think about America is that there is always another dentist just down the street. I hope they are willing to forward Mandy's xrays so she doesn't have to do it all again.

Lily was furious at e for leaving. She had been promised a dentist was going to look at her teeth and by golly she wanted to sit in a big chair and have someone look at her teeth. She was not about to leave until her teeth had been counted. So I promised her candy right there in the dentist office (just kidding, I promised McDonald's). Mother of the year material here.

An Afternoon Walk from Hell

I have been feeling like crap lately. It is a physical, emotional, spiritual, bla. Don't know why. I thought I would do something to try and feel better. The first thing that came to mind was fresh air and exercise. On that note, one day last week I decided to take Lily for a walk down to the beach. Our dog really wanted to come along and I thought why not.

First I coated us with sunscreen, then mosquito repellent (while I hate doing that we have fair skins and a number of west Nile virus cases have occur ed in the local area). As we were heading out the front door Lily requested the opportunity to ride her big wheel instead of walking. Thanks, to her dad who let her ride her big wheel down to the water over the weekend.

We gathered her big wheel and proceeded to open the door. The dog shot out the door like a rocket and broke her retractable leash. Instead of just putting her back in the house, I coerced her to come back in the house with me by promising cheese. Gave cheese to the dog and to Lily. Got the other non-retractable leash and we were off.

Lily decided she did not want to peddle and was dragging her feet along the pavement to propel herself forward. I noticed she had chosen to wear her new shoes and thought we should probably change into the shoes she has already worn holes in, rather than ruining another pair of shoes. Back in the house, change shoes, back to the walk.

Lily's rides her bike without pedaling at this excruciating slow pace. The dog is pulling my arm out of the socket. It is hotter than hades. The sweat is starting to wet our hair a bit around the collar, even though we are barely moving. I start to get a bit more snippy than normal at the dog and at Lily. Lily tells me to be nice to Pixie, that she doesn't like it when I am mad. I am beginning to think that I am more grumpy now than I was before I started this remedy to feel better. No wonder I don't get out much.

From my front yard you can see the water, but there happens to be an alligator infested swampy area between my house and the actual beach. There is actually a couple of blocks between me and the alligators so no worries about alligators coming in my house and eating me in my sleep. (Even though I do have this nightmare). To get to the beach we have to walk down a block, over three blocks and down another block. Five blocks. Lily is a fast walker, but for some reason whenever we walk to the beach she becomes the world's slowest person. About two blocks into our walk Lily decides she no longer wants to shuffle her bike along and requests that I carry her bike while she walks. Which I do in hopes that we will go a bit faster. I am pretty sure it has taken at least four hours to walk these two blocks.

I am carrying the big wheel, holding the dog, and walking slower than a snail. Some how we manage to make it to the beach. We throw a couple of rocks into the water, we walk to the end of the pier, we see some pretty larks, we turn around and go home. Lily tells me she is so tired she cannot walk anymore. She begs me to carry her. She begins to that cry whine which lasts the next five hours it takes us to go home.

At one point, I shift the big wheel that I am still carrying to another position and the handle bars falls off. When I bend down to pick up the handle bars the back wheels fall off. Now I am trying to carry three pieces of the big wheel, hold the dog and I attempt to pick up Lily figuring that if I carry her this nightmare will eventually end.

A block into our walk home I ditch the three pieces of the big wheel on the side of the road, hoping that a lighter load will enable me to get home faster. I put Lily on my back and I walk as fast as I can the four remaining blocks home. By the time we get in the front door I am ready to die. Love is giving fresh cold water to the kid and the dog before yourself. We sip our water, watch the last five minutes of Teletubbies and jump in the car to retrieve the big wheel. On the way home I am thinking that cooking lunch doesn't really sound like fun, so I head the car toward McDonald's.

I notice that the conversation that Lily and I have on the way to McDonald's is silly and fun. We are giggling and laughing about all kinds of things. We come home and eat, I shower, she has a bath. By then it is time to go and get Mandy, etc. So the rest of the afternoon and evening I notice that my mood is indeed much better. But, was it worth it? Let's just say I haven't gone for another walk and I am back to feeling funky. This walk took over an hour, I am counting it as a walking day even though it was slow, carrying a kid has to count for something.

Are you prepared to file an insurance claim?

I don't really know all that much about insurance. Except how to pay the bill. I have never in my life had to file an insurance claim. We pay out more per month in insurance than we do to the bank for our house. Sucks. Watching all the coverage of the anniversary of Katrina here in the Gulf Coast of Mississippi, I learned a couple things about insurance that I thought I would share with you.

The Big Mistake

When you sign up for your insurance policy, for home owners or renters. The insurance company will ask you to estimate the value of your belongings. How much would is cost to replace your belongings? You estimate and the rate you pay is based on this estimation. I was under the impression that if all my stuff is destroyed, this is the amount my insurance company would give to me and I would go replace my things at my discretion. Not the case, according to the people here who are still battling the insurance companies for their money.

You Need Proof

If your things are destroyed that amount that you estimated is the very most your insurance company will give you for the replacement of your belongings. The insurance company will require you to provide for them some sort of proof of the things you owned and proof of the value of those items. If you don't have proof, you don't get any money. If you don't have proof you might as well stop paying for your insurance because they aren't going to get any money from them.

Making A List

Create a list of all your belongings. Make sure you have a picture of each item on the list, not a separate picture of each item you can do a lot of items in each picture. Make sure you include: brand name, model number, the year you bought it, the price you paid, etc. Keep a file that has this list along with a picture of each item along with a scanned copy of the receipt. Now you have a digital record of all your stuff. Anything not on this list will not be replaced. Add up the value on this list, that is all the money you will get, so don't pay for 100 thousand dollars worth of insurance for your belongings when your list only ads up to 10 thousand like mine.

Secure Your List

Now if your house is destroyed by fire, flood, or meteor; you have to make sure your list is somewhere safe that will not be destroyed as well. Some suggestions are: a memory stick on your key chain with an encrypted password, online storage-password protected, your grandma's attic. Having the info on your computer is not going to be helpful if your home is destroyed.

Have you any insurance company experience? I believe that better regulation of the insurance industry is the single most important factor in this upcoming election. The health insurance, home owners insurance, auto insurance, etc. If you take a look at the Forbes list of most profitable companies these all top the lists, they are raping us and then not doing the job they are designed to do. People who get sick, people who lose their homes, they are not being helped. They have so much money and so much power that their is no regulation. The majority of the people harmed the most are the poor. It is shameful. I think it is time for an alternative, in the meantime make a list of all your stuff. You would think if they wanted verification of what you owned they would seek that verification before they entered into a contract with you to insure you for said amount, before they take your money which seems to me to be a contract of good faith that they will insure you for the replacement value of your belongings. Of course as you can see I am not a lawyer and have absolutely no knowledge of how insurance works.

Playground Justice

The other day at the playground, Lily was playing with a little girl who looked to be about a year older than Lily, that would make her around five. Lily and the little girl were the only kids at the playground and they were laughing and having a great time. The two girls decided to play hide-n-seek.

At first they decided to count to 20. The other little girl changed her mind and wanted to count to 100. I am sure that it was her idea and not Lily.(counting is one of Lily's favorite things). Instead of hiding Lily was listening to her count. Every time this girl missed a number Lily would point it out to her. They would both laugh and the counting would continue. When the girl was supposed to say 80, she said 90 instead. Lily corrected her. The little girl's dad called the little girl over to him.

The dad then told her to stop counting to 100. It takes too long. To count to 20 instead. That counting to 100 takes too long. The little girl walked back over to Lily, the dad is in the background continuing to tell her to only count to 20. Loudly he is telling her this. The girls starts counting again at 1, Lily tells her, no you were at 80, say 80. The dad is shouting, no count to 20. The girl says 80. The dad says, if you count to 100 again we are going home. It takes too long.

The girl quit counting and climbed to the top of the slide. Lily continued to try to coerce her to say 80. Another child arrived at the playground and they got to playing with him and all counting ceased. We stayed there for at least another hour. The little girl and her father and mother were still there when we left. The father continued to poke his nose into the children's games, giving his daughter directions of which slide to play on, who to talk to, etc. When he wasn't directing her play, he was being very arrogant and condescending toward his wife. Saying all kinds of annoying things. I had meant to remember the words exactly but, I forgot them. Sorry.

When Mandy was little I remember stepping into the children's games and conversations. I remember being a referee of fairness within their play. For the most part, if no one is bleeding I let the kids work it out now. I am not sure if my change in attitude comes from wisdom. The knowledge that my daughter's have to learn how to stand up for themselves. That they will learn more from an unpleasant day at the playground with a bunch of brats than they will if I force all the kids to be nice to them. Or maybe I am just old and tired and if it doesn't kill her it will make her stronger. Or maybe I react differently because Lily is a strong willed won't take shit from anyone kind of girl, and Mandy is sweet and quiet.

I thought this dad at the playground was such an ass. Telling the kids how to play hide-n-seek. How is it his business what they count to, was anyone bleeding? But, I know that twelve years ago when Mandy was on the playground I was just as obnoxious.

What about you. Do you feel it is important to step in when you see the children playing in an unfair way. Not that this counting thing was unfair. But, if the kids are not sharing, do you tell them to share, or let them work it out on their own? If one of the kids is really bossy, do you step in and tell them to back off and help the quiet ones get a word in? Is it the parents responsibility to ensure that everyone is having fun and to impose a grown up standard of fair play into the children's games?