Do you borrow trouble?
I have noticed lately that I get very upset over other people's troubles. When I see a child missing I am as upset as if it were mine. Even fictional characters and their fictional troubles can cause me to become overwrought with panic and basic upsetidness. Today is made up word day, didn't you know?
While I do believe that my ability to empathies is one of my best qualities, I also believe that it is not doing me any good to borrow the troubles of others. I am in the process of trying to learn how to separate your problems from my problems. Just saying that makes me feel bad, like I am being selfish not feeling badly enough for you and your problems.
Seems I have a bit of work left to do. I have no idea what the reason for this crazy borrowing trouble comes from. A) I suppose it could be that I am familiar with this feeling of panic and while I don't have it in my daily life anymore, there is a sense of home in that feeling and I am drawn to it. or B) My self esteem is so bad I feel like I don't deserve to be happy if someone else is not.
I don't think it matters the why? Just the knowledge that it is not a good idea and trying to let it go. This is my pre-new years resolution to try to only get upset over actual real life problems that effect me and to learn how to empathies without taking on the sorrows of others.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Borrowing Trouble
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12/06/2006 04:57:00 PM
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Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Home
Approx. 115 days until we leave. That is just over 16 weeks. Leaving me ample time to stress, so why am I stressing so much right now? I need to focus on my two new classes. We are on week 5 and I haven't really sunk my teeth in yet. I am falling farther and farther behind. Every time I try to concentrate my mind wanders to all the things I have to do for the move and for Christmas etc.
I got my scores for the two classes I just completed. In the Internet: A practical guide class which is basically an introduction to html I got 99.8 as my final score, pretty good. For my other class, Java programming II, I got an A. The teacher only graded 3 out of the 5 programs I completed for the class, I got 100, 95, and 100 on those assignments and a 95 on the final. However, I am upset that two of my programs he never bothered to even grade. I did get an A in the course, but that isn't the point, I would have appreciated some feedback on my work. Am I on the right track? Is there a different way of approaching the subject? It is all very frustrating.
Lily seems to be coming down with a cold. She is fussy and has a bit of a stuffy nose. I am going to buckle down and get some homework done today during Lily's nap. Try to quit dreaming of the lovely house I want to buy. I have been doing so much research, I found a fema map showing which homes were flooded by Katrina. I found several good school comparison websites. When I find a house we can afford in an area of a good school, I check to see if that house was flooded and then bookmark the house. So far out of about 2000 houses I have found 10 that meet my criteria. But, one of those houses is my dream! It is so perfect! But it is so long before I move and with there being so few homes for sale that were not flooded by Katrina I am afraid it will be scooped up. No sense getting my hopes up, whatever will happen will happen. I just cannot wrap my mind around the fact that we are going to be home owners. Back to homework!
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12/05/2006 09:21:00 PM
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Monday, December 04, 2006
Ugly Christmas Lights
I found a link to this site over at Busy Mom.
www.uglychristmaslights.com
It is very funny!
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12/04/2006 10:11:00 PM
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Reading
I had to take a standardized test for my college last week. I haven't taken one of those in quite some time. Instead of being the parent reading the scores of my child, here I was taking the test and having my intelligence judged, it was an eye opening experience for me. I haven't gotten the scores yet, so I cannot qualify this post by telling you exactly how smart this test has determined that I am or am not.
I noticed as I took this test that it was terribly boring. It was very difficult to focus in on the content because it was not at all interesting. The wording was not the type of wording that one can skim, it was complex sentence after complex sentence. While I can normally read, blogs, news, books, college text books at a pretty good pace and come away from the experience remembering most of what I have read, I had a very difficult time doing it on the test. I could feel the strain on my brain, a physical sensation of a strain on my actual brain, I did it and got threw it, but the effort was more difficult than the actual work. Basically the questions were easy but the sitting threw the test and reading the material was excruciatingly hard. Kind of like reading this post.
My point is learning to read and being a good reader is something that is hard to qualify with a test. This test I took was more a measure of my ability to have self discipline than my ability to read. I notice this with my girls as well. Mandy reads volumes of books every week. I estimate that she reads about 2000 pages per week in the form of several short books or a couple long books. When I take the time to read on of her books and we discuss, I find that she remembers every detail, even a year later. She is also quite good at inferring the overall meaning of the text, why the author said this or that and what the character would do in another situation. However, Mandy on performs average on those standardized tests. Sometimes less than average. I think it is an attention thing, and not a comprehension or ability thing.
The same is true with math. I have been tutoring on and off in math for more than 20 years. I have always been extremely successful at helping people. These people always come to me saying that they are horrible at math and they just can't do it, and by the time I get through with them, they get an A in their class. What is the secret? The secret is that different people learn in different ways, they understand the information and come to their conclusions in unique ways. Tutoring is more about listening than about talking. Listening to how they interpret the information and getting into their language and their system and pointing out a step here and there to help them connect the dots. Some people have a natural ability and for some people it takes some mental strain to connect the dots but most people can do math, even you.
I think the same can be said about reading. There is an element of intelligence, and element of the methods of teaching, and an element of is the material interesting. Basically what I am saying is that it is easier to learn to read when you care how the book turns out, than it is when you are repeating sounds on flash cards, or some other monotonously boring learning to read technique. Instead of presenting information that is at the reading level of the kid, I think kids do better when they are presented with reading material that is at their intelligence level. Mandy didn't learn to read no matter how hard I tried and how much we practiced until she was 8 and we read Harry Potter. We went from Courdory to Harry Potter. While she couldn't read Courdory she was quite able to read Harry Potter. Once she got up her confidence she was able to read anything. But, to this day she struggles with the ability to read things she finds boring like a standardized test.
Reading things that are boring and uninteresting is an important skill to have to be successful in life. School does an excellent job of teaching kids that self discipline that is necessary for this skill. Moms do a good job of helping kids get over the hump when they are having trouble with learning at school. So many people are arguing the merits of home schooling vs public schools. For me I think there has to be a combination of both. I am great at catering to my girls and finding ways of making the material interesting and explaining things in a way they understand. I know them better than anyone and I learn in very similar ways to each of them. However, I have not been successful all by myself in teaching them how to adapt themselves to the environment and read and succeed in ways that are hard. Life has a lot of layers, solutions are a little of this and a little of that.
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Marshamlow
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12/04/2006 04:38:00 PM
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Sunday, December 03, 2006
Christmas Meme
I stole this from Capello
1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
We do both. Jeff loves the egg nog, I make hot coccoa from scratch so Lily can enjoy it with us. Her corn allergy keeps her from enjoying the pre-made stuff.
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
Santa does not wrap the presents he leaves at our house.
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
We have a white Christmas fake tree. Jeff went out and bought a fake tree the first year we were married. Mandy and I are allergic to the real ones. He came home with the cheapest tree the store sold. The picture on the front of the box showed a great big green Christmas tree. However, upon opening the box we found a 4 foot white Christmas tree. Jeff loves this tree, which we still use six years later. He believes it is our family tradition and therefore we cannot buy a green one.
All this to say that we have always had a green strand of colored lights on this all white tree, very tacky! This year I found a strand of white lights with a white cord. With some gold garland and lots of colorful ornaments I think the tree looks good for the first time. However, I prefer colored lights, maybe someday I will find a strand of colored lights with a white cord? But, for now, white lights.
4. Do you hang mistletoe?
No. But, I do kiss everyone a lot.
5. When do you put your decorations up?
Ours went up this year on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. It is different every year depending on what is going on in our lives.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
Ham and sweet potatoes.
7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child:
Every Christmas was wonderful in my childhood memories, it is hard to find a single one.
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I don't remember. For the most part I still believe in Santa.
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
We open one present on Christmas eve. We try to put out the presents early. And we all have weeks and weeks to shake the presents and try to determine which present we will be opening on Christmas eve. We try to fool each other by wrapping small things in big boxes, or burrying the cool presents way in the back underneath the socks which are wrapped in an enormous box. But, Santa always brings the best presents.
10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
I collect ornaments from our adventures and from the girls school projects.
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
Dread it! The rest of the family loves it, I have been living in Misawa way too long to get excited about snow!
12. Can you ice skate?
Barely. Mandy and I used to ice skate when we lived in Fort Wayne, we would desperately hang on to one another and wobble around the ring. Does that count?
13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
Merlin. It was this computer game, it looked like a red phone. It had 9 games, like tick tack toe, and memory, etc. Hours of fun.
14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
The girls, giving them good memories.
15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
Banana pudding.
17. What tops your tree?
A Santa Claus we bought in Italy, very European.
18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
Giving.
19. What is your favorite Christmas Song (s)?
Jingle Bells.
20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?
Yuck.
Posted by
Marshamlow
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12/03/2006 05:16:00 PM
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Blogging,
Meme
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Thursday, November 30, 2006
Trips
Oh good, blogger is back to English.
Jeff wants to take Mandy to see a Sumo match in January. This match is in Tokyo and would include staying a couple of nights in a hotel. Which would mean me and Lily home alone for a few days while the big kids get to go on an adventure. We are debating going as a whole family or just those two going. Most probably it will be just those two. Sucks for me. Lily and I always get left behind.
However, in February I am going all by myself to America to see to do the leg work of finding our new home. I get to ride a train, fly on two planes, stay in a hotel, rent a car and drive around AMERICA all by myself for a week, and then go home. Jeff is going to take the week off from work and take care of the girls. Sure hope he learns how to cook something gluten-free for Lily. I think she might get tired of peanut butter on bananas and hamburgers with cheese. But you never know. I cannot tell you how excited I am. I haven't been all by myself for a whole week in... Well by that time it will be 16 years! I wonder if my head will explode or if I will cut the meat of innocent bystanders? I wonder what it will be like to fly on an airplane without a kid? Scary? Lonely? Boring?
I feel a little bad for Jeff, but not really. I wonder who will be more frazzled when I return Jeff or Lily? Or Mandy? When Jeff takes care of Lily the two of them butt heads a bit. Lily and I have worked out the details of who is boss, but she is still not convinced that her dad is Alpha, so she fights him on everything all the time. Drives him crazy. His approach is to be a hard ass all the time, a hard ass who gives in a lot. My approach is to give her what she wants most of the time, but when I say NO I NEVER change my mind. Don't care if you head pops off and rolls down the street I will never give. He thinks I need to be firm more often I think he needs to be firm less often. Somewhere in the middle is probably best. But, Lily and Jeff at the end of a few hours together, they are usually both ready for a break. He, he, hee!
Jeff's future work mates in Mississippi are so nice and helpful. I am excited to meet them.
Posted by
Marshamlow
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11/30/2006 08:30:00 PM
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Adventures,
Family
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Let it Snow
Today Blogger, has decided to display in Japanese for me, thanks blogger so kind of you to see that I am in Japan and translate everything into Japanese for me.
It has been abismally misserable here lately. Rain, rain, all the time rain. It has been cold too, in the 30's and 40's. Then on Wedesday, in the middle of the morning the sky cleared and I saw sunshine. It was so lovely. I quickly bundled up myself, Lily and our dog Pixie and the three of us went for a walk.
It was incredibly lovely to go on that walk. Having finals, and computer trouble mixed in with a bit of Christmas stress was making me a crabby mommy. It felt so lovely to feel the sun on my face. We laughed, skipped, and sang.
The playground was still wet and icky. After our walk we went to the indoor play area, and found tons of Lily sized girls to play with. Often we find no one to play with, so this was an added bonus. As we were leaving I noticed that the gray skies and icky weather had returned. There was only about an hour tops of sunshine, just a brief little respit from the gray.
I heard on the radio as we were driving home that Americans typically call in sick 3 times per year on days they are not sick, the radio guy dubbed this "Mental Health Days". I was thinking to myself, this is what I love about my job, the stay at home mommy gig, that I don't have to call in sick for a mental health day, I can take all the breaks I need whenever I need them. It is lovely. Laughing with the sunshine on my face, what a simple thing, but it is the stuff that makes me love this choice I have made.
Jeff and Mandy came home from their days, indoors at work and school. Neither of them had even seen the sun. They were in gray moods, while Lily and I were giggly and happy all evening. This morning we awoke to a bit of snow on the ground, hopefully this means the rainy season is coming to an end. Hopefully my computer problems are coming to an end as well. I hope you get a bit of sunshine on your face today!
Posted by
Marshamlow
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11/30/2006 04:30:00 PM
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Family
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Tuesday, November 28, 2006
computer crap
My computer crashed badly. It took me a couple of days to fix. Now it is doing well. I deleted the whole thing and re-installed. Never knew my computer could be this quick.
All this during finals week. One final down. One to go, in five hours!
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11/28/2006 05:39:00 PM
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Saturday, November 25, 2006
Spike's Pickleball Paddles
I have been busy making a website for my dad. I know I did this all before, but this time I coded the site on my own. It was a project for school, no web authoring tools. So, check it out and tell me what you think. I still have a day before I turn it in so I can make changes.
Spike' s Pickleball Paddles
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11/25/2006 03:54:00 PM
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Spike's Pickleball Paddles
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Monday, November 20, 2006
Homework
Swamped in homework. Only two more weeks of class for two of my classes. Working on final projects, papers and studying for the final. We have decided to spend Turkey day out at a Japanese restaraunt and then finishing up our Christmas shopping. Otherwise Jeff is going to be pretty much in charge of the girls while I try to get all my homework and studying done. It has been fun to have so many deadlines and so much stress, not. I have been having nightmares. All about when I was working. I dream about situations which occured at the workplace that caused me a lot of stress and feel as if I am there and the tension is real. I wake up and spend the day all mad as if it is a current situation instead of something which happened years ago. Weird. I try to tell myself to put it out of my mind, but it is there. I guess feeling pressure is bringing back memories of the last time I was under stress and in an impossible situation.
The funny part is that I have nearly 100% of all the points possible in all four of my classes. I am stressing out over little things. Like learning every detail. It is crazy. I have to learn how to let some things go. My theory is that college is supposed to teach you how to prioritize, to learn how to handle impossible situations and find out what you are made of, but also to find out how to let some things go. But, when I know it is possible to get 100 I just cannot allow myself to submit something less. I am working on it. I also feel that this computer stuff is important because I want to find a job working with computers. So if I learn the stuff now, really well it will help me in the next class, and eventually in a job. But, still I am over stressing myself, to the point of craziness.
In other news. In just a few very short hours I will be taking Lily to gymnastics. She will be going in her "big girl panties" for the first time. I am so scared. She has been without pull-ups for a week. For two weeks before that she only wore pull-ups outside of the house. I know she is ready, yet, I am still freaking out, freaking out. I guess it wont be the end of the world if I have to scrub down the mats at gymnastics. Or will it?
Posted by
Marshamlow
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11/20/2006 04:35:00 PM
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Family
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Thursday, November 16, 2006
Tokyo Disney Sea
We went to Tokyo over the summer and went to Disney Sea. I mislaid one of the rolls of film, and found it yesterday. So here are some fun pictures from our last summer in Japan.
















Posted by
Marshamlow
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11/16/2006 05:27:00 PM
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Adventures
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Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Tsunami
Last night about 5 minutes before I was going to go upstairs to bed we had a Tsunami warning crawl across the bottom of the screen. Freaked me out, so I stayed up for hours watching the progress of the Tsunami. Nothing really came of it, a wave 20 cm high hit in the city just south of us. I am so tired. Thousands of people were evacuated from the coast. You can read all about it here. I guess there wont be any earthquakes, volcanos, or tsunamis in Mississippi.
Posted by
Marshamlow
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11/15/2006 07:09:00 PM
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