Much Ado About Money

Jeff and I have already spent our tax money. We haven't filed or received our refund but the money is spent. We have decided to make extra house payments. I took the amount of money we pay each month to the bank, multiplied it by 12 (months) multiplied it by 30 (years) and found that we are going to pay the bank more than two times the amount we borrowed over the course of our 30 year loan.
That interest is payed up front, meaning in the first few years of your home loan the majority of your monthly payment goes toward the interest and very little goes toward the principle. This is only true if you only pay your mortgage payment and no more. Any extra you pay goes toward the principle.
The less you owe in principle the less you pay in interest. Every dollar I pay extra in principle the first few years of my mortgage is going to save me $1.40 in interest. If I pay $5000 from my tax refund toward my principle it will save me $7000 in Interest. That is $7000 I will not have to pay to my bank, that I will get to keep in my pocket, free money.

A friend of ours is much more experienced in owning homes. She has owned homes for more than 25 years. She currently owns three. She was very distraught at our plan, because don't we know that we can DEDUCT the interest we pay on our house from our income taxes. If we pay off our house no more deduction...

This bothered me a lot because my friend is in essence saying she would rather her hard earned money go to the bank in the form of interest than to the government in the form of taxes. I think this, I don't want the tax man to get my money is a common theme in America. Did you know that banks are incredibly profitable. Look at the Forbes list of the 2000 most profitable companies on the globe, number one and number two are US banks - Citigroup and Bank of America. The interest you pay on your home loan, your credit cards, your car that money goes into the pockets of the richest people on the planet. When you pay out in interest and deduct it from your taxes you are reducing the amount of money paid into the tax pool. Tax money goes to fix roads, fix the roof on the school, clean my drinking water, hire more cops and fireman. Interest you pay to your bank goes to what? Mansions? Lobbyists? Certainly not anything which helps improve the quality of your community.

Reducing the amount of interest you pay via extra house payments, credit card payments or car payments - pay off the principle to reduce your interest is the best bang for your buck. You will generate much more money in your retirement fund, or mad money account by paying less interest than you will by investing.

Mardi Gras

We went to our first Mardi Gras parade. It was much colder than we realized and we were not dressed appropriately. The wind was fierce too. You can see in the pictures that Jeff is trying to wrap his jacket around Lily for added warmth. Mardi Gras is a traditional celebration carried on since the middle ages. Many communities around the world, including Italy (they call it carnivale) New Orleans, and here. Have a huge party with a masked ball, parades, etc to celebrate Fat Tuesday, the day before lent begins. This year Mardi Gras is on February 5.

During the parade, each float has beads, and other treats which they will only throw to you if you are yelling and waving. Being the loudest family in Mississippi we got our fair share of booty. Now we have so many beads we have no idea what to do with them all and we still have of weeks of parades left to attend. I am afraid I didn't get a picture of us with all the beads at the end, I only remembered to take pictures at the beginning. I also got hit in the face with beads because I am horrible at catching things. It was so much fun the best parade I have ever attended. Lily was getting pretty cold and she and I spent the second half of the parade in the toasty warm car. I am sorry I didn't get more pictures.

One of our friends, takes the Christmas ornaments off his tree and turns it into a Mardi Gras tree decorating it with beads etc. Even if you are not living here in the south I hope you find time to have a toast to Mardi Gras.

Another Bummer of a Day

Yesterday was even worse than the day before... Six hours at the car repair place with Lily...Finally came home and dog had diarrhea all over the house. I cried. Felt better... Life goes on.

I couldn't help but think of my friend Laura and her real problems. I told Mandy all about my day while I was driving her to work. We had a good laugh and that was that. So my day sucked but the car is fixed and life goes on.

Lily and I feeling claustrophobic, bored, tired, hungry... at the site of the never ending brake job, we bonded. It was us against the world and we helped each other through it. I was so upset, they had told me an hour and a half and then just never finished, kept coming up with excuses. I am there with Lily with no way out, no way to leave, at their mercy...My head about exploded with anger, helplessness and frustration. Lily was feeling similarly upset. We were at first picking at each other but in the end we came together and got through the experience with some humor. Lily is hilarious. The old man also waiting for his car with us the entire time, never uttered a word to us, just looked pissed the whole time. That added magic to the moment.

Today we are supposed to go to our first Mardi Gras parade... It is raining cats and dogs, thunder and lightning. I hope it clears up.

No Good Day Goes Unpunished

Yesterday Lily (4) and I had such a lovely day at her library story time and then at the playground afterwards. You will remember I wrote about the fact that she has a problem with hitting. I wanted to point out that she does not have a problem with hitting other children. Even at the playground when she was hit and pushed by other children she handled it by telling them politely not to hit or push her. She has the mommy voice down pat. Her withering look and, "Honey, please do not push me. I do not like to be pushed. Pushing is not nice. OK? No more pushing." Made a little girl cry. But, they were soon friends again. I was so proud. She still hits me or herself whenever I say, "the wrong thing". But, she seems to be on the right track with her friends. Even though at home I pretend to be a monster attacking her and she pushes me down, I fall to the ground do a couple of somersaults and lay still beaten by the big strong and powerful, King Lily as she calls herself. I tried to explain Queen she wouldn't listen. Sometimes after pushing me down ( all with exaggerated slow motion falling) she will run across the room and do a belly slam. Ahh good times. She always asks politely before pushing me or belly slamming me. But, she still hits me when she is mad. But, I do believe that all the little ones whose mommy's do not play rough that they hit too, at least all the ones we play with hit.

On the way home from the lovely time at the playground, my very favorite song of all time came on the radio. As a little girl I had a record player and several records that people had bought for me, one of those records was my very favorite Andy Gibb. I would listen to that album over and over. My favorite song being, I just want to be your Everything. I turned up the volume and sand along. What are the chances of hearing that song on the radio? Haven't heard it in so many years. Next thing I know my brakes went out.

A couple of weeks ago: Jeff and Chad "fixed" my brakes. They spent many hours in the driveway with the car in pieces afterwards assuring me that all was fine. While they replaced the shoes and drums, it was the rotors that are out now. I have no idea what any of that means except that I don't believe in coincidence... Anyways, I have to go in and get my brakes fixed this morning. $375.

We are on a budget this year after paying for Mandy's braces. All paid for but not on her teeth yet. We received a discount for paying cash up front to the tune of $500. Now whenever the insurance company decides to give us a little something-something we get a reimbursement from the orthodontist. The first insurance payment was $375. But now the brakes... Since our new years resolution budget we are not supposed to go out to dinner, movies, sports, etc for one year. Last night we were so distraught about the brakes we went out to dinner. And the restaurant sucked too. My first bad restaurant in Mississippi. What a day.

To recap, haven't saved any money yet...

A Katrina Update

Long time readers will remember my husband, Jeff's best friend Chad. Chad has come down from Virginia to the Gulf Coast in order to volunteer his time and skills as a contractor to help rebuild homes destroyed by Katrina. He is also staying in our garage off and on. Mostly off, as he stays in Pearlington, MS where he does the majority of his work.

Can you believe there are still people whose homes have not yet been fixed? Can you believe that there are still hundreds of people coming down here to help strangers. It totally amazes me.

For many families the problem is that they are stuck in a no win situation. Crippled with house payments and insurance premiums on the home which was destroyed. Unable to stop making those payments or lose the hope of ever rebuilding or recouping their losses. So these people live in FEMA trailers that have some weird toxic gas that is making them all sick. When you are sick it is hard to move forward and get a lot done.

The volunteers come here and they have no money they are just here to work. Someone has to buy the supplies to fix these houses. Many charities like the Salvation Army etc. are offering grants to people in order to buy the materials to fix there homes. Some people get the materials and fix their homes themselves and do such a poor job that the house needs to be re-fixed.

Many of the folks in these situations of overwhelming despair are not reacting well to the more than two years of hell they have endured. Many are trying to cheat the system by applying for grants at more than one place. Many are getting free supplies donated to them and selling those supplies to someone else. Many people are using their grant money at the casinos or for drugs. When the volunteers come down they see that many of the people who they have come all this way to help are less than honest people. Or so the story goes, Chad says that he has only heard these stories of thievery and dishonesty but never actually seen it with his own eyes. Many volunteers get frustrated and don't want to help those who are less than honest or are not willing to help themselves. Many people who come all this way to make a difference in the world, when they arrive are very upset to find that the people they have come to help are poor.

Mental health is also a very real part of this dynamic. Whether a persons mental health has deteriorated due to the trauma of Katrina and the resulting two years of hell or if they were struggling with it before hand, many if not most of the people who have yet to recover from Katrina are in poor mental health. They have given up or can't see past where they are today.

My thoughts run to the upcoming election, what do the fine candidates have planned for our country for our poor?

Rude Texting

Not long ago I offered to drive a young lady and her two small children around town in order to buy a new car. She worked in Jeff's office (Air Force). Jeff was busy that day, I can't remember what he was doing. Her sponsor, a person assigned to help you out when you are reasigned to a new base, was also busy. I drove her around for more than two hours. The entire time she did not speak to me except to answer direct questions. Otherwise she was texting.

I felt rather unapreciated. I believe in Karma and in the military we move a lot and depend on the kindness of others. It was my turn to be kind. Many have been kind to me. But, she didn't even have a polite conversation with me. I wonder what her mom would say. My husband is her boss's boss so perhaps she just didn't know what to say. Two hours sitting next to me in a car going from one used car lot to the next and she did not have a thing to say to me. She was very young, closer to Mandy's age (16) than mine (38). Have you ever experienced this phenomenia? Busy Mom's post, Teen Texting Time inspired this post.

I wonder if Mandy is ever this rude. She also has unlimited text messaging. She doesn't tend to talk to me while we are driving in the car. She does tend to text her friends while I am driving her to work, or to the movies. I wonder why this never struck me as rude. Maybe we need to have a conversation.

Camping

Jeff and Lily are sleeping in a tent in the backyard. I have just come inside from the campfire portion of the camping trip.

The firewood I bought from the grocery store was wet. It took us several hours to get it really burning and by that time we were ready for bed. We were able to burn some marshmallows and make smores.

I was a little leery of having a camp fire in the backyard. Instead of dirt we have sand underneath our grass. We live two blocks from the Gulf of Mexico. The previous owners of this house had an above ground pool. It was blown down by Katrina and grass has not been planted where the pool used to be. Therefore, we have a patch of sand smack dab in the middle of our backyard. Perfect for campfires.

I really love camping in the backyard. Especially when we eat dinner in the house, and I get to sleep in my bed. Best camping trip ever!

A Happy 3rd Anniversary Was Had By All

Yesterday was the third anniversary of the my very first post on this blog. I think I have had just about as many template changes as I have posts. I am almost done with this one, but still have some more ideas, I want to try and figure out.

I started this blog with a post called, Quality of Life where I tried to write about my thoughts having traveled all over the world. I am still trying to find a way to write about my thoughts. I think I have gained more wisdom than I have imparted to others.

It was through the multiple attempts to make this blog pretty and unique that I discovered my love of web design/development. I tend to have more fun changing the colors than coming up with words. While I started with a lot to say, I still have tons more to say, the journey took me on a new path in my life.

I was on a path to become a high school math teacher three years ago. I had a lovely little one year old Lily at home, a lovely thirteen year old Mandy who I was still taller than, and I was taking classes face to face at the University of Maryland campus located on the base in Misawa, Japan where we lived. I would be up all night at school and up early in the morning with the little one.

So much has changed yet it all remains the same. I was in a good place when I started this blog and I am still in a good place. I still have a lot to do, a lot to accomplish, many bad habits to break...

I spent the day yesterday hoping to finish my blog redesign and then write a fabulously interesting blog post reminiscing about the past three years. Instead I ended up taking Lily to play with her friends at McDonald's and then we ended up outside playing with other friends. I won a 9 year old in a foot race. I tried to teach Lily to pedal her new bike. But, working on the blog, did not really happen much.

GIRLS RULE boys drool

My husband listens to a stupid radio show every morning on his way to work. There are a bunch of rednecks who discuss current events and spew their hateful bigoted opinions onto the public. This is how my husband finds out about current events and forms opinions about politics. I cannot believe I am married to someone who is so different from me. He gets a kick out of repeating this crap to me at the dinner table and we end up having a fun little debate and I end up using a lot of bad language. He then reminds me not to use bad language in front of the kids. Better to hear some bad language than to hear the evil that comes out of his mouth.

An example: Yesterday's topic was Jamie Lynn Spears, the 16 year old sister of Britney Spears who is pregnant. The boys on the radio reported that she was fired from her TV show due to her pregnancy, but after the show went up in ratings due to her pregnancy Nickelodeon decided to renew her contract and do another season of her show. The boys on the radio were outraged at the corporate greed allowing this sinner to work.

Can you really fire someone for being pregnant? How is she supposed to buy diapers? When I was in school girls who got pregnant were expelled, is that still going on? I think I should call my daughter's school and find out.

I personally don't feel that being pregnant is morally wrong. I don't feel that it will cause young girls to follow along and get pregnant themselves. My 16 year old daughter doesn't decide her morality based on the girls on TV, does yours?

The boys on the radio went on to say that any girl in Louisiana (where the Spears girls hail) who is not pregnant by 16 is thought to have something wrong with her. They then went on to say that the only reason that Jamie Lynn got pregnant was to hold on to her boyfriend who was losing interest. They wanted to impart to her the message that she is so cute she could have her pick on penises, that boys would be throwing their penises at her like Zorro swords. It only got worse from there. Maybe the humor has been lost in translation but my husband was laughing at this point in the telling of the tale. I was using bad language and talking over him so I may have missed the punch line.

People wonder why women vote for Clinton. The male reporters who refer to every political candidate from the beginning of time by that person's last name, and all call Hillary by her first name. They all speculated about the NH victory say that the only reason anyone voted for Clinton is because she cried. She didn't cry by the way that is the grossest exaggeration I have ever heard. I believe the female bashing is only going to get worse. My friend Lorelei believes I am overreacting and that my perception of how the reporters are discussing HILLARY is way off. My husband totally agrees with Lorelei.

Does rough housing cause hitting?

I am trying to decide if we should eliminate rough housing from our daily diet until Lily gets over her current hitting phase. Looking for some input...

We rough house quite a bit at our house. We always have. Perhaps it is our way of showing affection. Lily knows the proper way to wrestle and fight, the way where you don't really hurt anyone, you pretend. We pretend to beat each other to a pulp. No one is hurt during the beat down. Except that one time my arms were pinned to my side and I was pushed off the bed onto the ceramic tile floor and I sustained a really bad head ache. But, that was Jeff not Lily. And an accident or so I am told.

The problem is that Lily is hitting while not wrestling. She has chosen this method of venting her anger and frustration at life in general. Lily gets frustrated a lot. Especially with me. For instance I tend to say, "shoes and socks". As in, "please put on your shoes and socks." Lily feels that since one puts on her socks first, the phrase ought to be, "socks and shoes." I am supposed to remember that and when I forget she has a melt down. Melt downs include hitting of either herself or me. Good thing she hits nicely like we do in wrestling or we would be quite bruised.

Lily has always been difficult to convince to change her behavior. We have found ways to convince her but it takes time. We use a combination of punishment and reward to change bad behaviors. She has a history of taking an extraordinarily long time to change a bad behavior. But, she does eventually relent and then she doesn't regress. It took me 3 months before she could even walk to get her to stop climbing on top of the tables. It took me 6 months of walking to the playground everyday to teach her not to run into the street. All kinds of examples, eating at the table, using silverware, potty training, picking up her toys, so many battles. It all used to make me so mad. I used to lose my temper with Lily a lot. The last couple of months I have been getting better. Losing my temper doesn't help any. She is a good kid, I adore her just the way she is.

So we are working on not hitting when she is frustrated. It is not going so well. That is to be expected, she is Lily. Still I wonder if we completely eliminate all hitting and rough housing from our day to day life if that might help her to get over her inappropriate hitting sooner. Or if the rough housing is separate and a good way for her to have a great time interacting with her Mom, Dad and sister. What do you all think? Do you rough house? Do your kids hit?

Some of my other posts about my difficulties raising Lily:

• Playground Justice


• By the light of the nightlight


• Bed.Bed.Bed.Bed

Is this about money?

I have decided to take at least one semester off from school perhaps more. This has been a difficult decision. Getting a degree has been a life long desire and goal. Putting that on the back burner yet again is done with a bit of frustration. But, you can't always get what you want, or so the song goes.

This last year we spent way too much money. This upcoming year we are trying to re-coop some of what went out last year. While I don't feel like we are the victims of the economy, it certainly isn't helping. Being a stay at home mom is very important to me for a variety of reasons. I have decided that being home for the family is more important to me than finishing my degree in a timely manner. I could just get a job. I could just get a student loan. But, that is not the course I have chosen. So here I am.

It is my dream to become a web developer. This is the person who writes the code to make the beautifully designed websites come together and work. I have been reading job boards advertising for these types of jobs for a couple of years now. I want to make sure that I am prepared when I do go back to work. Many of these jobs require a degree in computer science, but many do not. All of the jobs require experience in things like PHP, Java Script, Flash, Ajax, Word Press, etc. My school doesn't offer any courses in these things. So even if I got a degree I still wouldn't know how to do the job I want to do. So I am going to teach myself how to do that stuff. I have found a ton of free information and tutorials on the Internet. So in essence I feel like I am still working toward my goal, but I wont be spending any money for the time being.

Hopefully I will be able to share with you some fun things as I learn them.

That is the plan for the next 7 months, until Lily starts school. I am hoping to teach myself to be a web developer in 7 months. Of course I am already proficient in many programming languages so this wont be as hard as it sounds. I hope.

kick 'em to the curb

Last night I was very tired and wanted to go to bed as early as possible. Jeff felt the same. Lily chose to be extremely difficult to get into bed and I was even more exhausted by the time I finally got her down. I was just walking around the house doing those last minute before bed things...

Mandy came out of her room crying, her friend had just been kicked out of her house by her mother and needed us to rush over and pick her up and bring her to our home. After a discussion with Jeff and Mandy we decided that we could only pick her up to spend the night at our house if I spoke to her mom and her mom said it was ok. I have only ever met this girl once and have never met her mom. Mandy says that, according to the friend, the mom is terribly mean, calling the friend all kinds of names and that they have been not getting along for a very long time.

Back and forth went the phone calls, just when Mandy was about to hand me the telephone so I could speak to the mom, the friend tells Mandy that the mom has decided that she is calling social services to get rid of her daughter. Can you do that? What is the number? Kidding. Seriously can one call social services and have someone come pick up your kid after 9PM?

The whole thing sounded a bit fishy to me. But, really I don't know these people. I guess it is possible that a mother would kick her 16 year old daughter out of the house when it is 30 degrees outside at 9PM, with no car, and no where to go. And the child could possibly be completely innocent, right? This child was a bit on the mouthy side the one time I met her, but Mandy says she has had a hard life.

I had a hard life, or so I felt at 16. I can tell you that the truth was not a place I lived with a whole lot of regularity. The friend did seem to be conversing with the mom while she was on the phone with Mandy. Not really sure the definition of being kicked out. Was friend ever actually outside of her home or was it a metaphoric type of being kicked out. Was she kicked out as soon as she got herself a ride out of there? I just had no idea what was going on and I have trouble deciphering teen speak at times. It always seems to involve a lot of trust me and don't you trust me kind of examples. Mandy was so upset after her friend hung up the phone. I stayed up for hours with her, just in case. Mandy actually hugged me without it being my birthday. Never heard back. Don't know what happened. Terribly tired today.

When I was trying to explain to Mandy that perhaps her friend being quite distraught unintentionally exaggerated the situation a bit. I reminded Mandy of some of our disagreements. I asked her if she had ever been so mad she just wanted to storm out of the house? She said, yes, but not in a couple of years. That made me smile. Reflectively it is terribly nice that our relationship is now on an even keel. We have had our ups and downs, she still doesn't do her chores without being reminded, she still sleeps all day and stays up all night unless I drag her kicking and screaming out of bed, she still talks back and acts like we are killing her if we force her to eat dinner with us at the table... But, we are able to articulate our disdain for one another without getting "that mad". At least for now. Can everyone please knock on some wood.

Mandy says her friend got kicked out for not doing chores and talking back. Guess who "forgot" to wash dishes and take out trash last night? We had just had a family meeting about not doing chores and the consequences the day before. Perhaps my style of trying to get a teen to take out the trash and wash a dish once in awhile is not they style that actually works. Maybe a night in the cold... Would you have rushed over to pick up a one of your kid's friends? Is that even legal? I am feeling terribly guilty.