Who Am I?

I recently decided that it might be a good idea for me to begin working again sooner rather than later. I took stock of the jobs I am qualified to perform and this really depressed me. Not having worked in a very long time and not having finished my degree, there really isn't a lot job options available to me. I am also the primary care giver of Lily and Mandy and any job I find I will have to find care for Lily and transportation for Mandy. I did apply for a few freelance jobs and a few local jobs. Then no one wanted me, not even for the peon jobs that I applied for.

Jeff talks non-stop about the fact that as soon as Lily starts school, I am going back to work and we will have more money. He is counting the days. I feel like such a failure, because, other than lunch lady (Jeff's suggestion) or Wal-Mart Associate what can I do? I would have to be available for Lily before and after school, so a full time job is not an option.

That lunch lady job really hurt my feelings. Someone is going to have to break it to Jeff who has taken the time to get his bachelors and now he is one class away from his masters, someone is going to have to break it to him that I am not going back to work until I finish my degree. And he is going to have to pay for my degree. I have been having a major pity party lately. Feeling like a big failure.

The weather here is quite lovely and we have been going for some great morning walks. Today I put Lily in the stroller and even brought the dog along. We walked for about an hour. We stopped at the beach and made a castle. We spotted a woodpecker, several squirrels, and a flock of those white long necked birds you see near the water? We got home, and Lily said, "oh, I am so tired". I guess being pushed in a stroller is exhausting.

I continuously struggle to figure out what is in the best interest of me versus what is in the best interest of the family. I have to tell you that I don't even know who I am or what I want anymore.

Golden Corral

Some of you may remember the story of Jeff's warm and buttery buns. If not and you want a good laugh at my husband's expense go and read it now. I'll wait...

This seems to be pick on Jeff week. Of course you all realize he was kidding about the streaking through the neighborhood, right? Sometimes you don't know how sarcasm plays via the written word.

I have just received my first BlogHer paycheck, $30. I have had the ads on the blog since August 28, 2007. Which for me is pretty good. I had google ads on my blog for 2 years and never earned more than a nickel. Which I am still waiting to be sent. As soon as I received the check Jeff started getting ideas of how to spend the money.

He was able to find a Golden Corral - his all time favorite restaurant only an hour and a half from our house. So guess where we are going to dinner tonight? For those of you not familar with the GC (Jeff speak for Golden Corral) it is an all you can eat buffet with all the free hot and buttery buns you can eat. In my opinion the food is similar to a TV dinner but to Jeff it is great. He likes my cooking, hmm, I wonder if that means anything.

The funny thing is that here close to our house we have some of the best restaurant in the world. Emeril Lagasse just opened a new restaurant here, etc. It is because of the casinos that we have these fine establishments. But, we are not going to a world renowned local restaurant to spend the $30 I earned on my blog, no we are going an hour and a half away to eat at the GC. Don't tell anyone but I am a little excited too. We happen to have a family of four and we are driving 3 hours round trip, do you think my $30 is going to cover it?

Super Fat Tuesday

I was up all night with a sick kid, Mandy throwing up until 3AM. So tired.

We don't get to vote today, our vote isn't until March 28th, talk about being snubbed.

Mandy, called in sick to work and they told her she had to have a doctor's note because it is Mardi Gras and they are busy. Jerks. Trying to intimidate a sick kid into coming into work. That is how I see it, too bad Jeff works at the hospital and knows people who know people. We were luckily able to get a doctor's note with a phone consult.

I am so tired and would feel bad leaving Mandy who still hasn't kept anything down, so we are having a private home Mardi Gras, with cartoons and cookies. At least we got to go to our local parade. I was looking forward to going to the downtown Biloxi parades this afternoon. I guess it wasn't meant to be.

So, how is your Super Fat Tuesday?

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In other news...

I was trying to convince Mandy and Jeff that we should make homemade gifts for Valentine's Day this year instead of buying each other store bought things. I told them for example that Lily was planning on making them heart shaped cookies. I thought that would be a fun project for Lily and I. I still don't know what I am going to do for anyone. As we were brainstorming ideas, Jeff said he would take off all his clothes, streak through the neighborhood, yelling at the top of his lungs, I LOVE MARSHA. Gotta love that guy. Don't know what he is getting the girls.

Saturday Night Fun

Thanks for all your advice about buying a new car. If we ever change our mind and decide to try it again I will be sure to follow all of your sage advice. On Saturday evening after the minivan saga and then a good nap, we decided to go to Chuck E Cheese. A Saturday night at Chuck E Cheese, am I not the coolest person you know?

There happens to be a Barnes and Noble next to the Chuck E Cheese and Mandy still has quite a bit of Christmas Barnes and Noble gift certificate money. A quick stop was made at Barnes and Noble. Lily had not taken a nap and promptly fell to sleep on the 45 minute drive from our house to the Chuck E Cheese / Barnes and Noble. I don't know why we don't have anything closer to us, oh yeah we chose to live in the quiet neighborhood instead of the convenient one. I sat in the car with Lily, she slept I day dreamed. Jeff and Mandy did the book store and then it was off to Chuck E Cheese.

We just love going there. We are all so competitive that we just have a blast playing video games and shooting hoops. Lily loves the kids and the climbing and sliding things.

As we got closer to the Chuck E Cheese we noticed the very full parking lot. Then we noticed a line out the door. I could not believe that there was so many people standing in line waiting to get into Chuck E Cheese. Guess I am not the only Chuck E Cheese fan town. Lily was still asleep and we drove home. She woke up on the road going toward our house and told her dad he was going the wrong way.

Luckily the day before I had bought $475 worth of frozen meat from a door to door salesman. We have plenty to eat. While I may be so far gone into the Mommy thing that I believe Chuck E Cheese is a fun way to spend a Saturday night, I am not so far gone as to be willing to stand in that long of a line for Chuck E Cheese. I keep telling Jeff if we open a book store, movie theater, or Chuck E Cheese here locally we will be millionaires. I guess that would mean an end to our quiet neighborhood. Anyone want to lend me some start up cash?

Mandy gets her braces today. Luckily it is Mardi Gras tomorrow and the kids have today thru Wednesday off from school.

Buying a New Minivan

Jeff and I decided to go ahead and buy a new mini-van. A big purchase to be sure, but we figure that he has four years until retirement, and we could have it paid off by then. We figured we travel a lot and this would make traveling more comfortable. So why not? We did a lot of shuffling but we thought to find the money we would take a bit from here and there, various savings plans, and tighten up our extra spending.

I did a great deal of Internet research about which is the best minivan and how much they cost. We decided that Saturday we would look at our top ten choices, see what they have on the lots and narrow down our options to maybe one or two. OK, so you all see the humor there right.

I have never bought a new car before. Jeff has. He kept telling me that we don't want to get out of our vehicle that we should just drive by slowly and see what they have and hope we can see the sticker price from our car. I was thinking, why not just ask someone? So we got to the first dealer, Lily in tow. We get out of the car and tell the gentleman who was on top of us before we even shut our doors that we were interested in a minivan. We specifically asked if they had the make, model, year we were wanting in stock. He took us in his office and started asking us questions. A half an hour later, we still didn't know what was in stock, he went to talk to his manager. He comes back and tells us he has a van to show us that he will go and get the keys. Finally he comes around and shows us a van. It is a 2007 model with 36,000 miles on it.

He kept asking us how much we wanted to spend per month on the vehicle. We would have to calculate in our heads, how much the Manufacturer's suggested price for the vehicle was, minus our down payment, minus what we wanted for trading in our little car, divided by how many months we wanted the loan to be... Then he would do the same calculations with his calculator to determine how much we wanted to spend on a car. I was getting confused. Wish I had brought a calculator or that they guy could have spoke to us in English, this is how much the car costs...And the 0% interest, I asked how much would it be if we got the money from our bank and paid him cash. I mean obviously a bank wont give you money for no interest so the interest had to be put into the price of the car, so why not give me that discount and I would see if I got a better deal based on the interest rate the bank quoted me. No they wouldn't tell us anything.

We test drive this car and he wont tell us the price. We notice a lot of stains and dings in the vehicle, but ever the bargain hunter we think, I wonder how much of a discount for this dinged up vehicle. He offers us a bumper to bumper lifetime warranty and 0% interest, but will not tell us a price. He takes Jeff back to the office to discuss price. Lily and I wonder around the lot. I notice quite a few minivans, they are cute. Not like the one he showed us. I am getting pretty upset by now. I go into the office where he and Jeff are discussing price. The guy is typing numbers in the calculator. I ask what the price is?? They inform me that they are still working on that.

Jeff gives me the keys to our car. I take Lily and we go to the car. We wait and wait. Jeff comes out to the car, and asks me what I think. I tell him there is no way I am paying a new car price for that piece of crap we test drove. That I didn't really like it very much and having a monthly car payment for a car I don't really like, doesn't seem like a good idea. By the way, what is the price? Still no clue, we have been at the place for over an hour being dicked around with no clue what they have or how much it costs. So we leave. I don't think we have the proper car buying skills, are you supposed to yell at them or punch them in the face?

Jeff and I decide that we are too exhausted to look at other minivans today. We go to lunch. We have a long chat and we decide that we would rather not buy a new car. Dealing with the salesman is too much. I don't really like to parted from my money and having somebody be so rude and then giving them a commission? Makes my blood boil. Besides it is nice to have the extra money for fun and being safe. So life will continue with our 10 year old vehicles at least for now.

Sunshine Does Not Fix Cars

Went to our play group today at the Lynn Meadows Discovery Center. It is about a 45 minute drive from my house but worth it. We had our play group. I am a bit of a regular now so we know people and have bits of conversations. Not like having friends but a step in the right direction. We sing, we dance, we play, we hear a story, we do a craft. Then we played indoors for awhile and then outdoors. As we were playing outdoors, it was a beautiful 65 degree sunny day. There are tree houses, trains, just the most beautiful play area you can imagine, and you can see the Gulf of Mexico just beyond the centuries old oak trees. I was thinking to myself, Lily has the most amazing childhood. She is a lucky little girl.

Our plan was to stop and grab some lunch at McDonald's, return some books to the library, pick up a few things at the commissary and then head home. This McDonald's had an outside playground and Lily asked to play for just a minute. Just a minute I say, as we have a lot to do today. I don't remember the last time it rained, but she somehow managed to get soaked on the slide. Her pants were wet threw to the underwear, her shoes and socks too. All in just a minute. So I revised our plan and decided we would just go home and run the rest of our errands tomorrow.

I decided to take the freeway home. We normally drive along the beach. It is much shorter along the beach, but a lot of traffic, a lot of construction etc, makes it slow going. However, it takes me about the same amount of time either way. Sometimes it just feels like I am getting home faster if I drive 70 on the freeway as opposed to 35 stopping and going along the beach highway. My watch tells me it takes the same amount of time. Some days I just love to drive along the beach. I love to see every week how more and more homes and businesses are being fixed (damaged in Katrina). I love to see the Gulf, the oak trees, the palm trees...

I got off the freeway and was driving down a pretty busy street. My car just stopped working. When I pushed down the gas peddle it would chug, chug, chug, chug and not accelerate. I put on my hazards and coasted down the road. I knew that just two blocks away was an auto mechanic who had fixed my muffler. As I stopped at a light the car died. I got the car to restart, I had to make a turn onto another major road. One of those left turns where two lanes get to turn.

I made it threw the turn. I could see the shop where I wanted to take the car. I had to go past the shop and make a u-turn and go back a bit. I stopped in the turn lane to make the u-turn. The car started smoking and rattling and smoke started billowing out of the vents into the car and out of the hood. I was so scared I was shaking. I just wanted to get me and Lily out of this traffic. The car died again. I got her started again. I made the u-turn and pulled into the parking lot. Safe at last.

Turns out this place only fixes mufflers. Not cars billowing smoke, chugging, and dying. They listened to my woes and they offered to check out the car and see if they could figure out what was wrong. We had to wait an hour to let the car cool down before they could take a look under the hood. They let us watch cartoons and relax. Then they opened the hood and discovered that the lid to the radiator had not been screwed on properly. All the water had splashed out and the car had overheated. Because I had kept going when the engine was seizing up etc. Because I didn't notice the little gauge was up to hot. I might have permanently broken the engine. Or it might be fine. They filled her up with water. The car started and ran ok. I drove directly home. Seemed ok going home. I am transferring the car seat to Jeff's car and never driving that car again. Just so you know. They didn't even charge me any money. They were really busy at the garage too.

The other garage, the one that made me wait six hours to fix my brakes. First they left the oil cap off last time they changed our oil. Oil went everywhere and when we took it back they did a crappy job of cleaning it up. Now the radiator cap. Jeff insisted that they are nice people and we should give them another chance after the oil cap. Now this is chance number two. No more chances, never going back, even though our tires and brakes are under warranty with these fools we are not allowing them to ever again look at our car. Or at least not my new little red car (formerly known as Jeff's car) What he does with the black car is his business.

Man that was so scary. All my "live for today" friends please feel free to tell me that if I bought a new car and made monthly car payments like all other red blooded Americans I would not have all these car problems. Please feel free. In fact can I send you Jeff's email address to tell his this information too. I am thinking of asking Jeff to buy me a brand new mini-van. I think I need one with the TV's in the backseat and what about that thing you see on TV "Play Artist Tiffany". As I type this I notice Lily, who fell asleep in the car on the way home from the most lovely muffler mechanics on the planet, is still wearing her wet pants.

The beautiful sunshiny day can kiss my ass. Oh sorry gotta go outside and play with the kids.

Sunshine to Chase Away the Funk

Yesterday was such a nice day. We spent the morning at the playground and the afternoon playing in the neighborhood with the kids. My street is filled with kids who play outside after school. We met a new neighbor, she just moved in and has a four year old boy. I am sure once school starts meeting people will be a little easier. I met a few nice ladies at the playground too.

There is something so nice about having adult conversations mixed with playing in the sunshine. I think I even got a bit of a sunburn on my nose and cheeks. I think sunshine is the new drug. Even if the adult conversations were with strangers, I am working on making friends. Been almost a year and still no friends. Weird that I love it here so much but have no friends. The lady at the playground was a military spouse and moved here about the same time as me. She hates it here because she has no friends. I was thinking to myself, I don't have any friends here either I wonder why that doesn't bother me? Is there something wrong with me?

In a way it is a vacation of sorts having Jeff out of town. Not that I don't miss him terribly but he is only gone for a couple of days. I get to spend the day concentrating on Lily and I don't have to worry so much about the house and dinner. Mandy had to work directly after school until 9PM. Poor girl left the house before 6AM and didn't get home until almost 10PM.

Lily really needs some serious concentration too. Last week we did not go to any of her play groups. Lily is four, she is not in pre-school. Her behavior is notoriously bad and A LOT of playing, fresh air, sunshine, and kids - seems to either help her or wear her out enough that I can deal with her. She spent the whole week in the house with me. Both of us were sick. She got better in a matter of about four days but then I was sick. By the weekend she was being so bad. I thought I had lost my mind. I am not entirely sure that she is acting better or if the sunshine is helping me to deal with her better but whatever, life is better.

Blog Village Carnival: Much Ado About Money

Welcome to the January 28, 2008 edition of a blog village carnival. Without any further Ado, here are the submissions.


Marshamlow presents Much Ado About Money posted at Family Adventures. In this post I write about our family's decision to use the money we will be getting back from our taxes toward our home mortgage loan in order to reduce the amount of interest we will be paying over the life of our loan. We had a lively discussion within the comments about whether or not it is important to live for today or save for tomorrow.

alicia presents "Peace, be still." posted at Get to Know Alicia: Christian Artist, Poet and Full-Time Mom Alicia writes a post about how she finds peace during the troubling financial times we are facing in our country. I found this to be a very moving post. It is sometimes necessary to look past the here and now and see the big picture.

Hueina Su presents My Young Living Story and Exciting News posted at Intensive Care for the Nurturer's SoulEver since a health scare last summer, I've found the tools to help me regain my physical & emotional health. My husband and I are amazed at the turnaround I've made since last winter. Here's my healing journey and an amazing business I'm building as a result.

Chris Thomas presents .:EQUUS:. » Blog Archive » Acquiring Funds/Passive Income posted at .:EQUUS:. Chris writes an informative post about the importance of a passive income. Wish I had one.

NAOMI presents Diary From England: BANK OF ENGLAND LAUNCHES NEW-STYLE £20 NOTE posted at Diary From England. Naomi writes a post about a change in the 20 pound note and what happened when some 10 pound notes accidentally entered circulation with only one side printed.

GP presents New Year, New Business? posted at Innside Montana-Your Home at the RangeWhen you start a business, you have to watch your costs like a madman or madwoman.. Pretty obvious wouldn’t you say? Well, it’s easier said than done. Sure you could go out and purchase a bag-o-books from the bookstore by so-called experts that are telling as opposed to teaching. Borrowing from our Steve Covey…seven habits for business success.. or at least a roadmap.

CyberCelt presents Things Always Happen on the Weekend posted at CoolAdzine for Marketers. CyberCelt writes about how to get a payday loan without leaving the comfort of your home, if the need should arise.

CyberCelt presents Stay in Touch . . . posted at Advertising For Success. CyberCelt gives advice on how to save money on overseas calls.

CyberCelt presents Acts of Kindness posted at Endangered Spaces. CyberCelt gives tips on some great charities one can donate to over the Internet.

CyberCelt presents Stop Discrimination Against Moms posted at Losing Proposition. A post about maternal profiling.

GP presents Unlocking the Keys to Innkeeping posted at Innside Montana-Your Home at the RangeAs 2007 ends, reflecting on our innkeeping business; things that went well, things that could have been let’s say handled differently to make a better new year for our guests upcoming.

Anthony McCune presents The Cost of Poverty posted at The Lives and Times... of Anthony McCune. A quick and insightful quote about the cost of poverty.

Kilroy_60 presents Making The United States of America's National Debt A Long Forgotten Memory posted at Fear And Loathing - The Gonzo Papers. A creative solution to the US national debt problem.

Janey Loree presents Handmade Thanksgiving Cards... posted at PJ's Gift Shoppe Diary

Janey Loree presents Vote for Your Favorite Fall Paper Doll Outfits... posted at PJ's Paper Doll Cut Outs

Jackie Ford presents What to do with the Pumpkin Seeds? posted at The Vegan Diet


That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of a blog village carnival using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

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On the List

Drove husband to airport. Along the way we notice several police cars pulled to the side of the road, lights flashing, officers with machine guns. We then noticed a helicopter circling. As we drove past the prison we notice a news crew filming the prison.

Using our incredibly nimble brains we deduced that there must have been a recent prison break. Which I later confirmed via the good ole Internet.So on the way to the airport we drove through a gantlet of machine guns.

As I was driving home. I made it back threw the gauntlet, no escaped convicts tried to jump in my car while I was going 70 on the highway. It really should be illegal to drive after taking cold medicine. Phone rang, Jeff- come back to pick me up flight delayed 7 hours.

Exit, enter the other way, back threw the gantlet of machine guns. Back to the airport. Jeff comes out to the car and informs me that he and his fellow travelers are going to drive instead of fly. Turns out driving the 10 hours to San Antonio takes less time than flying, even without a delay. Get back on freeway and drive back threw the gantlet of machine guns. I am beginning to worry that they might be writing down my license plate number and putting me on a watch list.

My Day Off

Long time readers will remember or not, that Saturday is my day off. Jeff works hard all week at his job and I work hard at mine. Saturday is my day off from taking care of Lily, cooking, cleaning, driving people around. I do what I want, no responsibility to the family. Sunday is Jeff's day off, on that day he can watch football or go hiking, do whatever he wants with no guilt. We started this when Lily was very small. She was such a difficult little one.

Today, I woke up around 9AM. The entire family was gone. I didn't get to say good morning. I am lost. I have the hardest time disconnecting and finding my bliss on my day off. Instead of enjoying my day off I usually end up feeling left out and lonely. What a dork I am. What would you do if you had a day off from the family all to yourself.

Cold Medicine and Kids

I have heard many a news report about cold medicine not being safe for children. Even the cold medicine specifically made for their age, the FDA has issued a warning that it is potentially unsafe for children to take these medicines. This is nothing new, when Mandy was suffering from her first cold more than 16 years ago, her pediatrician warned me not to give her over the counter medications for her cold. More than 10 years ago a friend of mine was in medical school studying to be a pediatrician and during a conversation told me that children's bodies react very differently too medications than adult bodies do. That children are not small adults, their systems and bodies are completely different than ours.

But, I feel so guilty. I take cold medicine and it makes me feel better. My snuffling sneezing coughing aching stuffy head fever are reduced by my little pill. Every time Lily sneezes, coughs, needs her nose wiped, wakes up from coughing, I feel bad. I try to go without the medicine, to be one with her. But, I really want to take that tylenol cold. I even think about giving her some medicine. It is right there in the walmart, at the winn dixie, at the commissary, at the bx. Good ole children's cold medicine, guaranteed to knock her out cold if nothing else.

Do you give your kids cold medicine? Do you feel bad for taking it when they can't?

Please Send Sage

Friday, we spent the day at a garage having our brakes fixed. They guy who works behind the desk was feverish and appeared to be dying from the flu. We tried to steer clear of his germs but not so sure.

Saturday, we spent the day outside in the freezing cold wearing light weight sweatshirts and freezing our asses off. At the Mardi Gras parade which was a blast but we should have checked the temperature. Who knew Mississippi could get cold?

Sunday, Lily started to get a sore throat and cough. I blame the sick mechanic, Jeff blames us for allowing her to get so cold. Maybe it was both.

Monday, I was entertaining Lily and she sneezed in my face. Full frontal snot attack, my face was soaked it went up my nose, in my eyes, in my mouth. I immediately felt a scratchy throat and headache. Probably psychosomatic.

Tuesday, we skipped playgroup and instead I put Lily in the stroller and took her for a walk. My energizer bunny was not up to walking. Lily is such an active child it breaks my heart to see her in the slow motion sick girl mode. She is still delightfully happy and chatty. I thought some sunshine would help improve how she is feeling. We walked and talked for 45 minutes, had a lovely time. I turned around to go home and saw the darkest blackest thunderstorm filled sky over my house - a 45 minute walk away. I guess it had rolled in behind me as I walked in a single direction away from my house for 45 minutes. It took me 15 minutes to get home. I about died from a heart attack. We were praying the skies wouldn't open up and soak us on our way home. We made it to our street before the drops began to fall. We made it two houses away from our house before the sheets of rain started to fall. Perhaps I should have checked the weather report? Who knew that a rain storm could appear out of no where in such a short time. It was 67 degrees by the way.

Wednesday(today), I woke up at 4AM I have a scratchy throat and that sick feeling is seeping into my head and chest.

To recap: I took my sweet four year old to a garage filled with terribly sick people and stayed there for six hours. I then took her out into 30 degree weather improperly dressed and allowed her to get very cold. Then when she was good and sick I took her out in the rain and got her soaked. Are you thinking what I am thinking? Mother of the year?

I need to burn some sage or have a exorcist stop by, my luck this year is on the crappy side.