Giving Blood

Yesterday, Mandy gave blood for the first time. She did it at school and was able to get some free junk food and get out of second period. After giving blood, she started to feel poorly. It got worse after lunch. Finally she called her work and told them that due to the fact that she gave blood and was feeling woozy, dizzy, nauseas...she wouldn't be able to work. They told her to get a dr.'s note. This really upsets me.

It is rather difficult to get a dr.'s note at one in the afternoon. It is also a waste of a dr.'s time for us to come in for a note when Mandy is not in need of medical assistance. Luckily we have free health care and luckily Jeff works at the hospital. Otherwise we would have to go to an emergency care place and wait for hours to see a dr and get a note. Paying a lot more out of our pocket than Mandy would earn in a day of work. I cannot believe that they do this to minimum wage employees. They certainly aren't paying Mandy health care.

I wonder if they do this to all their employees? Is it some sort of don't call in sick or we will fire you policy? Mandy doesn't get paid for her sick time. They are just short that night or have to call someone in. I wonder if the store manager knows this is happening or if the Winn Dixie corporate offices know about this or if it is something they all do to intimidate the employees. I wonder if this is only something they do to teens?

The momma bear in me wants to go down there and give these people a piece of my mind. I don't think that would be helpful for Mandy and her job. Maybe I should encourage her to find something else. I guess I should let it go, chalk it up to a learning experience. Teaching Mandy that working for $7 an hour in retail is not a way a person can earn a living in our country today. I feel so bad for the people working there that do so full time and depend on this job to pay rent.

Hopefully Mandy was able to save a life today. I did make her a dr.'s appointment for later int he week to test for anemia, since it runs in the family and donating blood was so hard on her. Glad I have medical insurance.

The Diet

Jeff's PT test is coming up in about two and a half weeks. He has been trying to lose about 10 lbs for months and months. The same three pounds keep coming and going. For those of you not familiar with the military he has to take a physical training test annually to ascertain whether or not he is "fit to fight". The test includes running, sit-ups, push-ups, measuring the waist, etc. Each component of the test has points and you have to have a certain number of points to stay in the military (you get more than one chance). Each branch of the service has different standards and different tests, Jeff is Air Force. Anyways, he is in great physical shape. He did a marathon this past year, etc. But, keeping the waist within regulation is difficult for Jeff. Usually he is able to drop 10 lbs very easily and very quickly but this year he has struggled for months with no results.

He was about to give up. While he would pass his test with a good score, he is on a quest for an excellent score. I offered to help him out with the losing of those 10 lbs, even though we are only two and a half weeks before the test. While I have not been able to lose weight effectively myself, I feel that all the books I have read on the subject make me a bit of an expert. I devised a plan for him, and me while I was doing all this work. I am making all his meals. Counting all his calories, hoping he will be able to lose those pesky 10 lbs. He thinks that now that he is 33 he is too old to lose weight. I am 38 and a female so I was a bit upset by this declaration.

Yesterday, was the first day of the diet. I made all his meals. Packed them up in a bag. He forgot to bring it with him to work in the morning. He called, I drove it to him. It took me an hour to get there due to traffic and a half and hour to get home. He ate his breakfast and then went out to lunch due to an office function. He had a big slice of ham and tons of buttery corn, a big bowl of fruit and a salad. He did not know that a plate sized piece of ham was not such a good idea. Or so he says. He forgot to eat his snack and did not drink his water. He gained 3/10's of a pound.

I followed the diet and lost 1/10th of a pound. I forgot to exercise. We shall see how today goes. I wonder if he will eat the actual food I packed for him. I found a website that is free and figures out calories, Calorie Count.com. Basically we are avoiding simple sugars, eating fruits, veggies, whole grains, meat, dairy... trying to keep our calories down and to only eat foods that are fuel. It is only two and a half weeks so it is easier to wrap my mind around than if it was for six months. I'll let you know how we do. I am hoping to beat Jeff. Wish me luck.

Grandma Dorothy

During our last move the boxes carrying all our loose pictures was destroyed. The movers were able to save the pictures but they are no longer separated into separate little boxes and envelopes. Instead every loose picture we own is in an enormous pile in a giant box. I should probably organize this mess...

I wanted to find a picture of my grandma and I knew the picture was in this box. I had to sort through thousands of pictures one at a time to find the exact picture I was looking for. It was a little surreal to look at a picture of me as a kid, then one of Mandy as a baby, Lily as a baby, Jeff as a kid; in no particular order. I eventually found the photo. It was a picture of my grandma, my mom, me, and Mandy. The photo was taken shortly after grandma and my dad had gone sky diving. Grandma was around 70 I believe and decided that she wanted to go sky diving for her birthday. My dad and grandma tried to talk me into doing it too. They thought if they had three generations jumping out of the plane all at once we might get a mention in the paper. I declined.

My grandma was a lot of fun. I say was because she passed away on Friday. It really hasn't hit me yet. I spent the weekend being extra nice to my girls and husband. Grandma was incredibly nice to me my entire life. I used to spend time with her at her house, just the two of us, and we would crochet, sew, knit, garden, cook. It was fun and peaceful. I wish that life hadn't taken me so far away and the I had gotten to know her better as an adult. Instead of just as Grandma.

HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS (HPV)

We recently got a letter in the mail from our health provider saying that they recommend Mandy get the new HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS (HPV) shot. HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS (HPV)causes 70% of cervical cancer and 90% of genital warts. The new vaccine prevents a person from getting HPV. Only this shot is only being given to girls. Why not boys too? Both sexes get this virus, but having the virus does not cause any harm to a boy, no cervix no cervical cancer. But if everyone were vaccinated wouldn't it help to prevent the spread of this disease more than if only young women are vaccinated. Does this bother anyone else?

The Birthday Party

My mom passed down a birthday tradition to me that I continue in our family. On your birthday you get to pick your dinner and we as a family sit down and eat your favorite meal together. Mandy picked pasta carbinara this year, with warm and buttery buns, she wanted a white cake, with vanilla ice cream & chocolate sauce, and sprite. Lily and I decorated the house with black and white balloons and crept paper. It was a nice dinner, cake and presents.

Later, Mandy got the remote control and we all watched American Idol. Haven't seen it in many years. We had a blast. Loved the 70's theme. We all sang along and then between performances we somehow started singing other songs that get stuck in our head. We are all awful singers so it is funny for us to belt it all out. I had a really great time.

Mandy works most evenings, so all of us spending an evening together is rare. The last young man to sing was singing John Lennon's Imagine and it brought a tear to my eye. What in the world happened to Simon, is he not mean anymore? I kept waiting for a smarmy comments. I think that American Idol is like Survivor, a show that is so bad if you watch it alone, but so good if you watch it with fun people. They are shows that need smarmy comments and laughter. Now I am really looking forward to our summer trips. Too bad we didn't buy a mini van and we are going to all be crammed into our little Nissan Sentra. At least we will get good gas millage.

Happy Birthday Mandy

Today my oldest daughter turns 17. What a journey we have had. She was born when I was 21 years old and probably about 14 in maturity. Having a baby changed me forever. Everyone told me I should have an abortion or give her up for adoption because I was unmarried and extremely poor. Having been adopted I knew that was not the right path for Amanda and I. The nay sayers got up my dander and I worked very hard to be the best mom I could be.

During Mandy's early years most people would tell me that she and I were too close. It is funny how perfect strangers and acquaintances, family and friends feel the need to advise a young mother on exactly how close she should be with her daughter. I wish that I could gather them all up in a room, introduce them to my 17 year old daughter and stick out my tongue at each and every person whose personal commentary about my ability to be a mother and my ability to make decisions hurt me deeply over the years. Perhaps I should be satisfied to know that none of their children turned out half as good.

Over the years I have discovered that Mandy is Mandy, not because of my parenting choices but because of her choices. I hope that I have given her the opportunity to feel loved. To build up her confidence when she was feeling low. To redirect her when she got of course. But, it wasn't really me and my choices it was her. She is successful and happy because she has worked hard in school, said no to bad ideas, and been good to herself. But, being too close with her all these years has thus far not harmed her. (still wanting to stick out my tongue).

I have also learned over the years that it is only in America that mothers are berated for their choices. It is our culture to spew hate toward mothers. Even in China and Japan mothers are not blamed or hated berated or criticized for their every choice. Here I swear every person you encounter feels it is important to point out the potential pitfalls in the choices a mother makes regarding her children. I think it is the fact that we have so many choices, or it seems we have choices, but really if you think about it we have fewer choices. In other countries of one religion and one parenting philosophy no one feels the need to pick apart mothers and bully them into raising kids the way they feel the mother should. Because everyone does it basically the same, the need to bully moms does not exist. Because mothers have choices here the need to force mothers into making the choices you feel are important in raising kids becomes the national pastime. Or is it just me, do you all get commentary from family and friends, strangers and acquaintances about your parenting choices?

Back to Mandy, over the last few months we have become close again. Our time in Japan Mandy was 12-16 and Lily was born. While we lived in the same house we were not always a real part of each others lives. A new baby, teenage angst, there were reasons but for the first time Mandy and I were not close. Now I can say that our closeness has returned finally. I feel like jumping for joy. Anyone who has a preteen or early teen take heart. Perhaps it is a momentary lapse in her disdain for me, but I will take what I can get. Mandy has been incredibly sweet and supportive of me of late. She goes out of her way to be thoughtful to all of us. I do not know where she finds the time.

I actually named her Mandy because of the Barry Manillow song. I was vacuuming and listening to my Barry Manillow greatest hits cassette tape and thought, hey that is a great name. At the time I did not know anyone else named Amanda. Imagine my surprise her first day of kindergarten when half of the class was name Amanda. I never actually called her Mandy until we moved to Italy and she requested that we start calling her Mandy. That was a difficult thing for me to wrap my head around. I took Amanda to her first concert when she was 9 years old, Barry Manillow of course. We had a blast. I felt bad subjecting her to my dorkiness and promptly took her to a Ricky Martin concert to make up for getting her so excited about Barry. It was at the height of the Ricky Martin phenomena and boy was that a blast. Now I am not sure which concert was more dorky?

Happy Birthday Amanda, I hope we are always this close.

Passive Agressive

I just checked our credit scores, mine is 6 points ahead of Jeff. I don't earn any money, haven't in years. Credit scores are curious. But, we both scored excellent with higher scores than 98.2% of the country. See you should listen to my money advise.

I just finished the federal taxes, not fun. My head is spinning. I still have to do state. Yucky. I keep telling Jeff we should pay someone to do this. Does anyone else do their own taxes?

The other day, Jeff and a co-worker were discussing having strong willed children.

The co-worker asked which parent Lily's willfulness comes from Jeff or me.

Jeff said both of us are very strong willed and Lily must have gotten a double dose.

The co-worker remarked that Jeff and I must have some knock down drag out fights, being that we are both strong willed.

Jeff responded, not really. We don't really fight.

I thought that was curious, Jeff and I really don't fight. Even though we are both incredibly stubborn. I think we are stubborn but not controlling. For the most part I think we accept one another for who we are and that is that. We don't really agree on a whole lot. We don't like the same tv shows, movies, or books. We don't want to go on vacation to the same location. He got his way, we are going to Disney World. We certainly don't agree on politics. He is dumb and votes based on the media induced perception he has on a candidate, oh no, I forgot, he doesn't vote. He is willing to die for his country but not willing to vote. They are all corrupt and it doesn't make any difference he says. Drives me crazy, but we don't fight about it.

We are however having a huge fight. It has been quietly going on for months. You see Jeff invited his best friend to stay with us and said friend drives me crazy. Jeff believes I should tell said friend why I am upset, I believe this is Jeff's responsibility. So no one tells friend he is a disrespectful jerk of a house guest and I am furious every moment he is in our home. I take it out on Jeff by criticizing everything he says and does. Jeff says nothing because he, "feels bad that I am upset". This is how I have spent every weekend for months. I have a knot in my stomach and I am so very mean to my entire family. But, never to the friend.

This weekend I just hid in my room and tried to avoid contact. The friend noticed and asked Jeff if I was upset with him for some reason. Jeff said, "I don't know." So the friend cut his weekend visit short and I am supposed to decide what to do.

I guess I could give him a list of my grievances and explain that if he wants to be a guest in my home he needs to be more respectful. But, then I would still spend every weekend for the next few months being upset in my own home. The only time I get to spend with my husband I have a knot in my stomach and just want to punch someone. I don't know that I am a big enough person to just let it all drop, forgive and move on. Have you ever just hated someone? And not wanted to make amends?

I could tell Jeff that he is no longer welcome here. But, the guilt. I don't think I have cried this much since I was in high school I just don't know how to get over it. But, I don't want to tell my husband's best friend he is no longer welcome at our house. I am not allowed to write about this on my blog, because Jeff reads it and gives it out to all his friends and family. But, oh well, he is already mad at me, even though he says he isn't. If that makes any sense at all.

How far would you drive for Target?

Jeff had the day off from work yesterday, Mandy had to go to school. We never seem to have time together as a family anymore. Mandy works weekends, she will be seventeen at the end of this month. Gasp.

Jeff, Lily and I went over to Mobile yesterday to the Target. Jeff was embarrassed that we would drive an hour to go to Target. He did not understand that there is a difference between Target and Walmart. It was fun. The Target we visited was in a Mall, much larger than the malls we have over here. We all had a great time. Would you drive an hour for Target?

We are still discussing vacation ideas. I am more of an explorer. I want to go and see some of the pre-civil war mansions and some of the battle sites from the civil war. Or I would like to go and see the Mississippi river, maybe take a cruise. Jeff wants to go to Disney, or Jackson to see our capital, or to the Smokey Mountains for hiking and Dollywood. I am thinking we should take separate vacations. Just kidding, I am going to have to amp up my powers of persuasion. I cannot believe that no one in my family wants to look at old mansions with me. We went to endless castles in Europe, many of which were built around the same time as these mansions wouldn't it be fun to compare. I guess my family feels if it ain't overseas it is just a house.

I am having very little success with Lily and her behavior modification. She is slowly coming around. I would say that she is still hitting as a habit but she is not losing her temper quite as much or for as long. I feel that being able to put a lid on a temper tantrum is a big step and I am proud of her. Now we just have to break the bad habit of hitting me or herself when she is frustrated. I am starting this week with some hope for improvement. Hope is good.

Adventures

I am really itching to go on an adventure. We haven't been on a trip in a very long time. Last year, we moved from Japan to Mississippi and we went to Virginia to visit Jeff's family. That was it. In previous years we did things like go to China, Egypt, Kenya, Alaska, Hawaii, France, Italy, Germany, Austria, Switzerland ...

I mentioned this to Jeff, he suggested we go to Disney World.

Frozen

If You Don't Have Something Nice To Say

I have been in a bit of a funk lately. Well, whatever...

I started this blog when I was in a bit of a funk, my intention was to write something nice and good about my life everyday in order to feel a bit better. Lately I haven't really been writing about anything but what is bothering me. Something nice to say about my life . . . do you hear the crickets.

Just kidding. I have a great life. I have been in pursuit of a photo of a great sunset over the Gulf. Several months ago, Jeff and I went for an evening walk. We arrived down at the pier by our house right at sunset. It was the most amazing sunset of my life. I wished I had my camera. I thought that a photo of that sunset would make the most beautiful blog header in the world. all those lovely horizontal layers. The sky, the water, the grass, the sand. I have been trying to re-capture that sunset every night since that night and it has never occurred again.

We really don't live on the Gulf of Mexico, we live on the Mississippi Sound. It is my understanding that there is a chain of island right in front of us, the water here in the Mississippi sound is very shallow and it is a fertile ground for shrimp and crabs. All the shrimping in the shallow water makes it all very muddy. When you go swimming or just look out on the water it is muddy brown and not blue. But, on that one day the way the sun hit the water it appeared very blue, Caribbean blue, it was amazing.

During that sunset the sky was also the most amazing orange, contrasting perfectly with the blue water. I have never seen the sky that exact color of orange before or again. It was orange all the way across the horizon, not just around the setting sun. Every time I have looked at it since it has been just a small snippet of orange around the sun, not the whole horizon turning bright orange. I think it was due to the fact that there was not a single bit of cloud or haze in the sky over the water and it was fall.

Last evening I went down to the pier with my camera to try yet again and there were dozens of people there with their cameras. I thought it was only a mediocre sunset but they all seemed to think it was something special. I guess it all depends on whether or not you saw the best sunset or not?

My camera has a sunset setting, but it made the photos really orange. When I correct the color I don't like it that way either. It is like when you see the world's most perfect dress and decide to think about it. Then every time you go shopping all you want is that dress and no matter how nice the others are they just aren't the dress you want. Not very uplifting am I? Here are some of my sunset shots...

A Battle of Wills

Shouldn't have waited until the last day to try and find heart shaped cookie cutters. Might have to just cut them out freestyle. Lily and I are making heart cookies for dad and Mandy today. We got the idea from a magazine my parents got for Lily. We have been talking about this for weeks and she is so excited. Counting the days to Valentine's day. Too bad I didn't think to get all the stuff until the last moment.

Lily and I have been having a battle of wills. Pretty much since she was born. Now she has gained the ability to manipulate me. It is no longer just that she refuses to do things she doesn't want to do. Now she pushes my buttons just to watch me squirm. She can make me go from happy to crazy insane mad in less than 30 seconds. She is very good at manipulating me.

I have always tried to be very protective of the girls' feelings. I want them to grow up feeling that they are worthy of being treated well. I may go a bit overboard, but my husband constantly reminds me to enforce boundaries etc. Yesterday was the last straw for me. Lily just pushed me too far too many days in a row. I decided to start a new discipline technique since none of the ones I have been using have worked. I tried taking things away from her.

First I took away cartoons. Jeff had a function and Mandy worked. So Lily got me all to herself with no cartoons last night. Not that she watches cartoons at night but we missed our afternoon spongebob, she was not impressed.

Next I took away her babies. She loves her babies. She sleeps with her babies. She has tea parties with her babies. She tells them stories. They go with us everywhere we go. I felt very bad taking away her babies, but she needs to stop hitting me and herself. She hits 100 times a day and it is just so frustrating. She never hits other kids or even her sister. Mostly just me and herself, she knows that irks me more than anything. She doesn't hit hard. She isn't mean, she just gets frustrated by everything I say and do, or she just wants to control everything I say and do. So she hits.

The babies worked for a little while. We had to go and pick up Mandy from school. Lily hit me while we were getting ready to leave the house and I told her we would have to put her babies in my closet when we got home. We had to leave the house immediately or I would have done it right away. Lily was so very nice the whole time we picked up Mandy from school, waited while she changed into her work clothes, drove Mandy to get some food, and drove her to work, and drove home. Lily is usually not an angel in the car. I was very proud of my awesome parenting skills.

We got home and I was still feeling bad about the babies. I told Lily she was so good in the car that I would give her another chance and not take away the babies. Lily said, no that the babies needed to go into my closet, and so they did. The hitting resumed again and this time I took away her baseball bat, we always hit a few balls in the afternoon. She got pretty mad. Next, I told her I would be taking away her favorite pajamas.

I bought them a size too big and they have lasted two winterer's. She loves her pajamas so very much. They are in tatters. She has dozens of newer non tattered pajamas, but these are the pajamas she loves. We were hit free for the rest of the night. We even went to pick up Mandy from work. She was a half and hour late getting off from work. A couple of times when I said something Lily did not approve of she would raise her hand and I would remind her of her pajamas.

This morning she gets back all her stuff and we start over. I hope this will help her to break this horrid habit. But, I am afraid she will just find another way to upset me.

One time when we were using the star chart reward system to break the hitting habit. She did a great job of going to the playground. Usually when I say it is time to go she hits me or herself and screams. We talked about it first. We set a time we would be leaving. She checked the time the whole time we were there. When it was time to go she did a great job. No fits no hitting. When we got to the car, I told her what a great job she did, how very proud I was of her,... She looked me right in my eyes and hit my leg and told me I don't want a star. So no star. Usually the star chart works with her, but not enough to give up hitting her mom.