Momma Mia

I read Marian's blog Kirala this morning as I do most mornings. Today Marian wrote about that article, written by a British woman, Helen Kirwan-Taylor who is speaking out about how boring it is to be a mother. Later I went to the playground with Lily.

Today Lily learned how to climb the hardest part of the jungle gym at our favorite playground. We have been frequenting this playground since Lily was crawling. Each stage of her development has opened up new and exciting parts of the jungle gym to her. Today it was the final one. The twelve foot high rope ladder. She was so proud. So proud we had to stay and play there for two solid hours. I was relegated to the bench because Lily doesn't like her Mommy to play with her anymore at the playground, just her friends.

Lily said, "Mommy, go sit down"

So I sit there most days for an hour, today for two. Sometimes I bring some stationary and write letters to my friends and family who are e-mail impaired. Sometimes I will bring my school books. Sometimes I will sit quietly and think about my homework, or just daydream. Sometimes there are other moms at the playground and I get to visit. Helen Kirwan-Taylor would have been bored to tears with my morning.

As I read the article I was actually thinking of Friday night. I went to a formal dinner with my husband. He wore his new Mess Dress, which is the Air Force Uniform equivalent of a tuxedo, and I wore a floor length formal gown. Sorry the pictures didn't turn out. I spent the day getting ready. I spent the week before helping Jeff organize the event. There we were for several hours, all dressed up, talking to adults, drinking lovely wine, eating fabulous food. And I was a bit bored. It was not really my cup of tea. I don't think I acted rudely showing my boredom. I tried to be a stimulating conversationalist. I tried to remember to sit up straight, to take small bites, to look comfortable in my high heels. But, my mind tended to wander to finger painting and felt boards.

Helen Kirwan-Taylor and I are different. Her mind wanders to what skirt and shoes she will wear as soon as she gets away from the kiddies and my mind wanders to what fun activities we will be doing tomorrow as soon as I get away from the adults. As Americans don't we embrace diversity? Isn't it ok that we are different. I feel very frustrated with attempts to say that all moms should be one way.

Jen says "it takes a village"

She didn't say, it takes a village in regards to this article, just in general. I love Jen's attitude toward necessity of community in raising children. I believe that it is a good thing that different women have different approaches to raising children. Not only different approaches but different likes and dislikes, different personalities in general.

Joy says, "that different Mothers are good at different portions of their child's life."

Some, like me, are good at the little kid stuff, some are good at the teenager stuff, and some are good at being a parent to an adult child. I think that my teenager would tell you I am not at all good at the teenage portion of being a mom. What she wouldn't give to have a mother like the British woman. Someone who knew the right place to get highlights, how to pluck eyebrows, how to dress right, be cool. That is not me at all. My teenager would love to have a sophisticated mother instead of a mother who like finger paints. I have to work harder at being a mom to my teenager, just like Helen has to work harder at being a mom to her younger children.

Rodney King says, "Why can't we all just get along".

Whenever I get up on my soapbox about everyone should just be nice and accepting of other people. There is a little piece of my brain that remembers Rodney King. And I remember that the, let's just get along philosophy is incredibly simplistic.

I'll tell you why we can't just all get along, Columbine. It does matter to me if you are a bad mom. My kid has to go to school with your kids. Even if I home school or send my kid to a private school at some point they will meet. We live in the same village and I can't abide by children who are not raised with discipline, self respect, morality. So I judge you at the playground with your horrid parenting. I fear what your kid is going to turn into. That fear has made me judgmental and isolated.

A big part of me doesn't like to be judged. I don't like other mothers to be judged. I don't believe that any one style of parenting is ideal. I believe that most styles of parenting, flaws and all, will turn out children who end up being fine citizens. I want to let others live their own lives and make their own choices. I certainly don't want to hear what everyone thinks of my style of parenting, but I fear what will happen if we just leave everyone to their own devices. Helen Kirwan-Taylor has a different approach to parenting than I do. I don't think her style is harmful to her children or society. Which makes me glad I read the article and learned another perspective.