Confusing

The more I think about this the more confused I become. -Luckzmom

Wow, that is deep. I couldn't have said it better myself. I sometimes have trouble expressing what I think, I know what I think, but explaining it, I cannot find the words. Sometimes when I discuss it with others I think, yes that is it, or no that isn't what I was thinking, but it helps me find my words.

If we made a scale from one to ten, private to intimate. One being the loneliest number and representing a person who does not enjoy sharing themselves with others, someone who is very private, someone who does not especially like to be around other people. Ten being a person who holds nothing back, will tell perfect strangers at the grocery store the most embarrassing and humiliating details of their lives. Most people fall somewhere in between those two extremes.

I know that when I was a child I was much closer to a one than I am now. I didn't trust anyone. In fact as a child, teen, even in my twenties, I tended to lie more than not. Not because I wanted to trick people for personal gain, but because I really didn't like to let people really see me at all. I dated a lot of guys who were pretty close to the one on this scale. Guys who didn't call when they said they would call, they wouldn't say for sure if they were coming over on a specific night, wouldn't say for sure if you were boyfriend/girlfriend or not. They kept themselves separate, I kept myself separate.

I feel that this keeping oneself separate is different than making sure to take some time out for oneself. Like having a job, friends, interests outside of the family - I don't think it is the same as keeping oneself separate. I am not sure if these things are just different numbers on the same scale or if these things are different scales all together.