Little Bits of Separation

When Lily was only a few months old I decided to go back and try to do this college thing again. Being a stay at home mom, this was my first time out of the house in months. I just loved the opportunity to be Marsha. Not Jeff's wife, not Mandy's mom, not Lily's mom - Marsha.

We read and discussed a lot of interesting material. My professor was the best professor ever, he knew how to get a good argument going. Turns out that most of the time I disagreed with everyone in the class (I know you are all shocked). Still I had a great time debating all kinds of things. One of the other students was a Japanese national, she was not married and nearly 40. This is very uncommon in in the rural northern part of Japan where we lived. Living near the military base gave her the opportunity to have a job, on the American military base, and support herself.

She asked me about marriage, she had noticed throughout the class that I am very outspoken and basically a hard core feminist. She was baffled about how I could be married. I am pretty sure all the small minded young soldiers in our class were thinking the same thing. She asked me some hard questions that I still think about sometimes. And I still do not know how to answer those questions. Having Chad, a single guy around has brought these thoughts to me again.

She wonders if I had to give up a part of myself to my husband. If it was hard to have to share my whole self with him. If I sometimes wished I could keep a part of me separate from husband and children and just be me. At first I say no. But, then I remember how much I enjoyed going to school away from the family and just having some people know me for me. But, I enjoy being married. That is the understatement of a lifetime. I am so much happier, so much more peaceful, so much more of myself, being married.

I notice that Chad doesn't tell us when he is coming or going. He doesn't tell us when to expect him for meals or what time he needs the shower or anything. There is no communication. If we ask questions his posture suggests we are encroaching on his privacy. Which totally cracks me up because Jeff and I discuss EVERYTHING. We are all on the same page here, there are no hurt feelings or misunderstandings. No one tries to mislead or get away with anything. I don't feel like this is giving up my privacy. Perhaps it is because I don't feel like anyone here is judging me. I lay it all out there and I know they are going to love me.

I wonder if this means that Jeff and I are the type of people that are made for marriage. And other people are just not the type of people who are made for marriage. Or does this mean that we are married so we have changed? I do need to get out into the world away from the family a bit more. I enjoy it when I do, but I fear it too.

Do you keep a bit of yourself, or do you wish you could keep a bit of yourself, separate from your husband/wife?