Parenting advice

I got this email from a friend and former boss of mine. Great parenting advice if you are wondering about appropriate behavior modification methods...

Tough Love vs. Spanking
(a psychological conundrum)

Most of America 's populace thinks it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of "those moments."
One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.
They usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together.
I've attached a photo of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

Sincerely,

Loving Dad/Grangdad

School is almost out

Just a couple of weeks until school is out for the summer, for Mandy. I go year round. I am so excited. We got an email saying that Mandy is receiving the presidential achievement award this year. The awards ceremony is a couple of weeks before school is out? Before finals? The ceremony is on a Tuesday afternoon, at 1:30. I couldn't think of a more inconvenient time if I tried. What to do with Lily. How will Jeff get out of work? Etc.

Last year's award ceremony left me so mad. Mandy received many awards, including highest honor roll, physical fitness, high achievement in a variety of subjects. Every time they passed out awards the parents were asked not to clap until the end, not for each student individually but to wait until all the students had their awards and clap for everyone together. Mandy was one of the first ones called and we obeyed the teachers and didn't clap. About half way through the alphabet parents started clapping for kids. So Mandy didn't get clapped for and I felt awful. It really made me mad because I had come there to celebrate her achievement, and they didn't feel there was time for me to clap for her individually?

The teachers had plenty of time to lecture the parents. They spent over an hour telling us how to parent our kids. How now that our kids are going into high school they are going to lie to us about homework and grades, and how it is our job to monitor their behavior. Never believe your children is what they kept telling us. Check to make sure they did their homework. Check to make sure they passed their tests. If we don't keep our eyes on our kids they aren't going to graduate high school and they will be forever ruined. This to an audience of parents whose children were receiving awards for high achievement. The teachers even did a skit about a girl who wouldn't be graduating because her mom never checked her homework. Plus, this is a very small school, we had time to clap for everyone.

The lecture and the clapping thing. I am still mad. Plus, they took the opportunity to speak about politics. One teacher actually said she was so glad to live on a military base where everyone is a republican and she doesn't have to interact with a bunch of liberals. Does that mean that when Clinton was in office the entire military was democrats? Just wondering lady.

Back when Mandy was in elementary school, when I was an insecure single mom, I took what the teachers had to say to heart. And they were saying the same crap back then about monitoring your kids, checking homework, etc. I would monitor Mandy and her homework. We had these awful homework sessions every night that almost always ended in tears. And she was a mediocre student at best. I checked her homework, made her fix her mistakes. I went over the assignment and re-explained it all to her. She felt like I was telling her she was an idiot.

When Lily was born I just didn't have the time or energy to check her homework anymore. I told her that she would have to be responsible for making sure it was done and if she had any questions she could just ask me. She started getting A's instead of C's. Turns out for Mandy trusting her to be responsible for her own work made all the difference. A difference in her confidence, a difference in her grades, a difference in our relationship. To be fair she was 12 at the time and that is a big step forward in maturity, there is no telling what would have happened if I had parented her differently in elemenatry school. Plus, I could have been more patient and found a better way to conduct our homework sessions. I am just saying that trust, responsiblity and taking a step back works better with Mandy's personality.

God bless teachers. I realize that it is an amazingly hard job and that so many parents drop the ball, making their job even harder. But, I think that parenting advice and politics at an awards ceremony is in poor taste. Of course I never complained, never wrote a terse letter to the teachers or principal, so I am sure this year I will have to sit through the same crap. They do a great job and teaching and sometimes it is best not to step on toes, or maybe I am just a coward.

I love having such a successful daughter. One that always gets awards and nice notes from teachers. I don't imagine that will be the case with Lily, but I will always have the memories of Mandy's awards. Now I know that these achievements are totally her and not really anything to do with what a great mom I am, because I am a really great mom to her sister too, the one who throws screaming fits in the store and everyone gives those looks of contempt. We all need a little balance in our lives. Yeah. Mandy!

Memorial Day

Thanks to Angel I have remembered why we celebrate Memorial Day. Here are some photos from a trip to the American graveyard and memorial in Normandy, France. It is the same memorial that is shown in the movie Saving Private Ryan. I have no words, the thought of all the men and women who have made the ultimate sacrifice humbles me.

Funny Post

Have you ever had an annoying houseguest? Read this..

Be sure to read the comments too.

Thanks for all the birthday wishes and the thoughtful responses to my CARE post. I love blogging and am so glad to have discovered y'all.

Jeff is home safe and sound from his week in San Antonio. I sure did whine a lot even though he was only gone a week.

CARE International

In the mail today I received another large envelope from CARE. Have you ever donated money to a non-profit group? About a year and a half ago when the Tsunami hit, the tragedy hit us hard. We are close enough that we felt the earthquake. Just barley, I was talking on the phone to my dad, it being Christmas there and the day after here. Then on the Australian TV channel that we get, they showed the news coverage, all day everyday. It was not tame like American news, they showed a lot of dead bodies, especially the children. I remember every morning we would check the death count. We had been saving for a trip to Australia and we sent that money to CARE International. I did some research and discovered that CARE is supposedly the charity which spends the least amount of my money on administrative costs and the most amount of my money on people in need. However, every month since then I have received in the mail a huge envelope stuffed with pleas for more money.

Typically we have a standard charity we give to through a monthly allotment payroll deduction, and they don’t bother us with junk mail. However, this one time I wanted to give to help with the Tsunami. I imagine if I lived in America CARE would be calling me on the phone every day as well. I look at these mailings, the beautiful graphic design, the paper, the postage, all that money wasted. I makes me so mad. I keep thinking that all the money I gave to CARE went into the pockets of people who are richer than I am. The salary of someone working for a non-profit is more than our salary, same is true for graphic designers, etc. It seems to me that giving money to a non-profit is giving money up the social ladder rather than down. Jeff chose the military as a career path to serve his country and make a difference in the world. Not sure if I personally believe that is the case currently, still over the course of his entire career, to protect and serve, to believe in our country and values. That decision along with my decision to put off college and to stay at home costs us the opportunity to have a lot of money. We have given up the opportunity to own a lot of really nice things like a digital camera, or a nice computer, or a nice TV, a house, a nice car…We gave up the money we saved to go and see Australia to help the victims of the Tsunami and to see that money being spent on junk mail is really difficult for me. It just doesn’t make sense to me, I feel like a poor person supporting the rich people. I am sure that CARE is a wonderful organization. It is just that I don’t think that non-profit organizations is the right decision for our family anymore. Especially when we travel to third world countries and we see starving people in real life, why not just give the money to them? Then 100% of my money goes to people less fortunate than me. And if someone is going to buy my coveted digital camera with this money at least it is someone who is poor and not someone who is richer than me.

I don’t control the money at my house. I am trying to convince Jeff to stop the payroll deductions and take that money and give it directly to poor people, no more buying digital cameras for the richie people working for non-profits, the graphic designers who design the lovely literature begging me for more money, the people who spend my vacation money on junk mail. Even if the poor person I give the money to blows the money on booze and drugs, at least they had a little fun, it has got to be more productive than spending it on junk mail. What do you all think about charity?

It's My Birthday

No need to cry though. Even with Jeff far, far away I had a smashing birthday, thanks to my girls. Mandy was able to surprise me with a cake, lit up with candles and presents. Lily sang Happy Birthday to me. And we had a really lovely day.

Now that I am 37, I feel better than ever. I haven't gotten old enough to feel old. Life just seems to keep getting better every year.

I was trying to explain that to Mandy. To somehow tell her that when I was her age (15) I was so uncomfortable in my own skin. Now - I am, by societies standards, old and fat - yet I feel really good about myself. Then - I was young and thin, by anyone's standards, and I felt so ugly and unimportant. Weird. After having that conversation Mandy pointed out how much self esteem our Lily has, yes - she loves herself best, my sweet Lily.

Poor Lily I am always picking on her. Secretly I am so jealous of her love of life and and her love of herself.

I spent the day with friends, at the playground. I was a dutiful friend holding the new baby, listening and chatting. After awhile, my inner child got out, and I played with the kiddies. It started innocently enough, pushing the little ones on the swings. Then, I got a little crazy and I was running around, yelling and even climbing through the tunnels and sliding down the slides. I love having a little one. I am glad that I have a little one and can therefore still play at the playground. Must have given the neighborhood a good laugh to see me playing like that, but they see it everyday so they should be used to it by now.

Now you know what a dork I am, but it is my birthday so you have to be nice! I apologize for all the commas, it is late and I can't sleep due to the lack of husband, but my brain is not working at 100%.

Spike's Pickleball Paddles

Which one is better? Number 1, number 2, or number 3? Any other advice?

(1)

(2)

(3)

Gabrielle

I was watching Desperate Housewives the other day, we are a few weeks behind y'all, this was the episode where Carlos and Gabrielle were debating the merits of having a nanny. Gabby said something like, "I will be a better mother if I have a good night sleep." I couldn't help but think, Amen.

This week Jeff has been out of town, so I haven't had much of a chance to be selfish. I have found that I am not as good at being a mom when he is away. It is the little things, like how much I smile, or how much patience I have.

With my sweet Lily, queen of defiance, we have developed a relationship of give and take. I have found ways to coerce her into behaving with my charm. I make doing what I want seem like it is way more fun than acting like a lunatic. But, not this week. I just want her to listen to me.

We were carrying the groceries from the car to the house. Lily wanted proceed up the path to our house, not by walking, but by hopping, not even by hopping regular, no she wanted us to hop backward. Arms full of groceries, Lily insisted we hop backwards. Of course, she wanted me to participate, she is the queen. When I refused, she threw herself to the ground and had an enormous melt down. When I walked away, she got up and ran away screaming.

This would never have happened if Jeff was home. See if Jeff was home, I would have smiled and agreed to hopping backward. I would have laughed and said, "I love hopping, good job Lily." It is not that he would have been there at that moment, he would have been off at work. But, everyday he spoils and pampers me just a little. It is so nice to be spoiled and pampered that I go through my day with a zest for life. No spoiling = no zest.

Gabrielle is my favorite Desperate Housewife. I think she may be my exact opposite, but I am working on being a bit more selfish and pampering myself a bit more. My grass does need cutting too.

Rice Planting

What do you think of when you think of Japan? Electronics, great cars, big cities, neon signs, buildings with tv screens on the side filled with advertisments? Would you believe that here in the land of technology they still plant their rice by hand? I don't know if everyone does it. I know that here in Misawa they do.

Today Mandy got to go on a field trip to plant rice. She went out in the muddy field and learned to plant the rice by hand. She had a blast. My daughter who washes her hands obsessively, was covered from head to toe in mud. And she loved it.

If I go to the Japanese grocery store, a 5lb bag of locally grown rice costs about $35. I guess when you hand plant, grow, and harvest your rice it is a bit more expensive.

Sweet

This morning Lily was doing something precious as she usually does, and I said,

“Lily, you are so sweet”

And Lily replied,

“sweet Jesus”

And I had a good laugh.

Every time I hear that particular expression it tickles my funny bone. I had never heard that expression before I married Jeff. I think he is the first Southern person I ever knew. If you have never met a Southerner, “Sweet Jesus” is how one expresses frustration with others or a situation. In Northern California we would say, “WTF” or “Good Lord” or “Oh my God”. Anyways, here is the story that tickles my funny bone.

About five years ago when Jeff and I were newly married, one of the first Family Adventures we undertook was a drive to Salzburg, Austria. It was about a five hour drive from where we were living in Pordenone, Italy. The drive is incredible. Through the mountains all the way. Straight up the middle of Austria, from the southern most portion to the northern most portion. The highway is dotted with castles and incredible mountains.



We arrived in Salzburg and it was raining. We had driven all that way, we were going to see the city. This being one of our first trips, we just showed up. Now I research a place before going, then we would just show up and see what we saw. So we found a place to park, we found a restaurant, we found some really expensive umbrellas. After lunch, the skies had cleared, no more rain, now we were forced to carry really expensive umbrellas all day. We saw a big enormous hill with a fortress/castle in the distance and we decided to walk that direction. We walked through the old section of Salzburg, and up the hill. We discovered it was quite expensive to go inside the castle/fortress so we just looked at it from the outside. We then started back down the hill. On our decent we noticed a beautiful church. We decided to go inside. There was a placard on the wall next to the door of the church. It basically said that the movie The Sound of Music was filmed at this church. However, this is still a real church. No large tour groups were allowed and anyone entering the church must be respectful of the fact that this is a place of worship. So we entered hesitantly. I was so excited.



The inside was very dim. My eyes had not adjusted to the dimness. I saw the pillars that the Von Trap family hid behind in the church and I went over to get a closer look. I didn’t notice that there was a step down, and I tripped. This being a big empty church the sound of my tripping was loud and it echoes. Mandy was started by this sound and dropped the wooden sword she bought as a souvenir at the fortress/castle. This made an even louder noise. Which cause Jeff to exclaim loudly,

“Sweet Jesus”.

We girls may have been loud but at least we didn’t take the lords name in vain in a church. I think that might actually be one of the ten commandments, but I am not really sure as I am a sinner. Unlike my husband who is typically a saint who never swears or gets frustrated. That made my day, that Jeff cussed us in a church. Ha, I love to make fun of him for it. Now his sweet baby girls is going around cussing like her dad. Hee, hee. Don’t tell him that I taught it(Sweet Jesus) to her just to drive him crazy.

Photoshop is hard

Who knew? Anyways, I thought I would show you some of my work. I am not getting the best grades in the class, mostly B's but I sure am having fun. Anyways here are some of the logos I have designed all by myself for my dad's pickleball paddle company. As soon as I finish the class I am going to design him a website, I just want to learn a bit more about design first. What do y'all think?









If you want a pickleball paddle email me and I will get you in touch with my dad.

Sunburn

Yesterday we spent the entire day outside. I pushed Lily in the stroller. We met up with a friend and went to a playground. We walked to get the car. All told we spent about 5 hours in the sun.

I have had incredibly fair skin my entire life. You would think I would have learned by now to put on sunscreen. For some reason every year I need to get a good sunburn before I remember the sunscreen. This year I got one myself and one for Lily. Seems like yesterday that the snow melted. I guess I better get some sunscreen, hats, and start working our outside time around the sunburn hours of 10-2.

Our walk was lovely, though. I love where I live. We walked past a lake, a golf course, a forest. The cherry blossoms are almost gone. We didn't make it to any cherry blossom festivals this year. We tried, but it kept raining on weekends. The cherry trees are now filled with green leaves. I know that you all had spring months ago, but it finally reached me up here in the arctic circle.

I have a ton of homework to do, so best that I stay out of the sun today. Still the playground is calling my name. Plus, Lily's naps are so sweet after the playground. I can't believe I let Lily get a sunburn. She is nearly three and I managed to keep her from burning all this time. I hate sunburns.