Eyes

When I was nine, I think it was nine, but let's face it I was nine so who knows if I was really nine or if I was say 8 or 10. I was practicing casting a fishing line in the backyard with my brother. We had a weight but no hook on the line. The weight got caught in the grass. While we were trying to get it out of the grass, a big tug caused it to fly through the air and smack me right in my eyeball. I have not been able to see out of that eye well since. First there was time in the hospital to get it to heel. Then, when a cataract formed, more time in the hospital to get it removed. At that time, eye surgery wasn't what it is today, that was almost 30 years ago, unless it was when I was 8 and then it really was 30 years ago. I tried wearing a contact lens in the eye to correct the vision. But over time, my brain turned off that eye and it went lazy. I can technically see out of the eye, just can't focus. If I think about it I can see the double vision, but usually I don't think about it.

Almost everyone makes really rude comments about my lazy eye. I put it out of my mind, but it seems like everyone has something to say. As I get older people have become less inclined to speak these things to my face. When I look at myself in the mirror or in a photo I don't see the bad eye, I guess my mind ignores the bad eye like it ignores that faint double vision. Over the years, since I have become an adult and eye surgery has made some incredible advancements I have always been to poor to even think about it. Then married to Jeff, we lived overseas and did not have access to those surgeries. Most of my eye doctors have told me that there really isn't anything that can be done anyways.

In Mississippi, if you need corrective lenses to drive, you have to bring a note from your eye doctor in order to get your driver's license. Because we are living in Mississippi because of the military we are not required to get a Mississippi driver's license or become official Mississippi residents. I have decided to get the license, and Mandy is getting one, and I think Jeff is too. So we went today to the eye doctor to get our certification to drive. Lily was an angel. I had to explain the whole thing to the doctor, bla, bla, bla. So I asked if I could get my eye straightened, if I could get it completely fixed, if there is anything that can be done to help a poor blind girl.

At first it was the same old song and dance, brain synapses no longer functioning, nothing can be done. But, after he examined me he said, hmmm, I can see pretty good out of the eye if I want to, maybe... So I got a referral to a specialist. I am so scared to even think about it. Probably I will get my hopes dashed again, but still I might be able to get it fixed. or at least straightened.